RationalWiki:Annotated Bible/Genesis

See the main article on this topic: Book of Genesis

The King James Version—accept no originals substitutes!

Introduction to the King James Version

Many people who subscribe to the King James Only crowd, including nuts like Jack Chick, think that it is the only true, unadulterated Word of God™. Yet, they seem (apparently) oblivious to the fact that the 1611 translators wrote a lengthy introduction, in which the 1611 translators themselves did not believe their translation was perfect and did not try and claim that other translations were unacceptable or wrong. While we encourage you to read the introduction for yourself, we will highlight a few bullet points here to show that the KJV translators themselves did not believe in KJV Only.

Intro text

RationalWiki translation

"Now to the later we answere; that wee doe not deny, nay wee affirme and avow, that the very meanest translation of the Bible in English, set foorth by men of our profession (for wee have seene none of theirs of the whole Bible as yet) containeth the word of God, nay, is the word of God."

Other translations are perfectly fine.

"There be many words in the Scriptures, which be never found there but once, (having neither brother nor neighbour, as the Hebrewes speake) so that we cannot be holpen by conference of places. Againe, there be many rare names of certaine birds, beastes and precious stones, &c. concerning which the Hebrewes themselves are so divided among themselves for judgement, that they may seeme to have defined this or that, rather because they would say something, the because they were sure of that which they said, as S. Jerome somewhere saith of the Septuagint. Now in such a case, doth not a margine do well to admonish the Reader to seeke further, and not to conclude or dogmatize upon this or that peremptorily?"

We had no idea how to translate some words, which is why we translated re'em as "unicorn," just like that heathen Catholic Vulgate, even though it was later proven to be the aurochs. Yet, some people believe unicorns exist, even though we're admitting here we just had no idea how to render the word.

"An other thing we thinke good to admonish thee of (gentle Reader) that wee have not tyed our selves to an uniformitie of phrasing, or to an identitie of words, as some peradventure would wish that we had done, because they observe, that some learned men some where, have beene as exact as they could that way."

We had to make some (very human) judgment calls on translation, like most translators do.

"But we desire that the Scripture may speake like it selfe, as in the language of Canaan, that it may bee understood even of the very vulgar."

We had to use our own human intuition to try and render completely foreign languages into English.

"Many other things we might give thee warning of (gentle Reader) if wee had not exceeded the measure of a Preface alreadie."

We had a bunch of of other issues, but this preface is getting too long [poorly implied: and we're confident no one a couple centuries later will think this is the last and final translation].

With that in mind, let's move on to the King James Version of the Holey Holy Bible.

Genesis Chapter 1 (God creates stuff)

Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God [Elohim] created the heaven and the earth.	Genesis 1:1 Notes Genesis 1:1 begins what is often called the Priestly account of creation, distinct from the story of Adam and Eve. Most modern scholars identify four distinct sources (writers or groups of writers) of the Pentateuch, each with their own style and a tendency to contradict each other: J, the Yahwist (writing in ~950 BCE), so called because it consistently refers to the deity by the Hebrew name Yahweh (יהוה, sometimes incorrectly transliterated as “Jehovah” and commonly rendered in English translation as “the Lord”); E, the Elohist (~850 BCE), which refers to the Big Guy as Elohim (“God”); D, the Deuteronomist (~600 BCE); and P, the Priestly source (~500 BCE). Additionally, Genesis has some very strong overlaps with older stories from Mesopotamia, Sumeria and Ancient Greece, such as the Eridu Genesis, the Enuma Elish, the Epic of Atrahasis and the Epic of Gilgamesh, suggesting at least one of the authors was the plagiarist. The Pentateuch is generally believed to have reached its final form with the additions by the Priestly source in or around the 500s BCE: fundamentalists tend to prefer to assume it was compiled by Moses in around 1,500 BCE from documentary sources written at the time of the events it describes. It is instructive to compare the first creation myth with the second biblical creation myth which begins at Genesis 2:4. Also, were this really the work of an omniscient deity, we'd at least see somewhere here clues of stuff such as the Big Bang, evolution both of galaxies and of the Universe's structure, the cosmic microwave background, formation and evolution of the Solar System, subatomic particles such as the Higgs boson, etc. and not what is just Bronze Age wisdom, so literalists would not have to cram in here modern scientific knowledge and failing so epically in the process. One can quibble about the translation: the Hebrew text does not specify "the" beginning, but rather “in a beginning.” This might raise the question: "which beginning?" or "beginning of what?" Some people, most notably the LDS from which it was plagiarized taken by others, have also claimed the verses between Revelation 12:7 and Revelation 12:9 describe Satan's rebellion with one third of the angels against God, their defeat, and them being thrown from Heaven to Earth with such event having happened before this verse. On a more technical level, if God creates the heavens and the earth in this verse then physical and chemical processes must have occurred. Light is given off by these chemical and physical reactions, since photons of light are emitted when electrons move between different orbital levels. Lots of light should have been emitted. Therefore, it would not be necessary to separately create light in the third verse. Also on a humorous level, when people say, "In the beginning God(s) created the heavens and the earth" try asking them, "What did he make it out of?" In more formal terms, this is the problem of Ex Nihilo creation. When you create things, you generally have a starting material. It is one thing to claim that God started with some base material and made new things out of it. It is quite a different category of claim to say that God grabbed a handful of nothing and made something out of it. Of course, Genesis is conveniently silent on this matter because it didn't even occur to its authors, even if some literalists out there not only accept the former instead of the latter but also claim that, mixing in other Biblical verses, that as noted for Genesis 1:2 God was rebuilding everything after having destroyed the world once Judgement had been imposed on it (instead of that referring to the interval between Genesis 1:1 and 1:2, as others defend)
Genesis 1:2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.	Genesis 1:2 Notes First off, why would God create a world that is "formless", without any dry land, when he could have just created it with dry land in some places and basins containing "seas" in others? Among other things, if the land had to emerge from the sea, this means the land would be soaked with sea water and would need to dry out before plants could grow or it could be inhabited by animals. Also, in this verse, it clearly says "...the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters". Therefore, some kind of vault of air and sky already existed, in which he could hover, even though God supposedly doesn't create such a vault until verse 6 and doesn't call it sky until verse 8. In the end, God dicks around until verse 10, unnecessarily gathering the waters together and supposedly separating some waters above the Earth from other waters below it, with a solid dome called the firmament that we know does not exist. Also, water doesn't need to be gathered in this way. In liquid form, it flows on its own due to gravity. The Earth did not start off with water either. This was accumulated later, once the Earth accreted out of the solar nebula and cooled sufficiently. The Genesis account is not even close to how the Earth actually formed, and sounds more like some pre-scientific ignorant neanderthal (most likely Bronze Age Middle Eastern shepherds) pulling wild theories out of his ass. Believers in gap creationism slip a few million, or even billion, years between these two verses, while others claim just a few thousand years passed between each verse of Genesis 1, those two included. Even if we allow a long period of time between these verses, there still remains a problem: the Hebrew word for water in this verse is "מָ֫יִם" ("mayim"), which is the same word used to describe springs, wells, floods, rain, seas and used when people bathe and drink. It is the same word used in this same chapter to describe the waters of the seas where the land is drawn from and where the fish originate. Water is made of two atoms, hydrogen and oxygen. According to modern cosmology, after the Big Bang, hydrogen was first atom formed through nucleosynthesis (next was helium and lithium). Within the vast cloud of hydrogen, the first stars take form due to gravity. Stars are fueled by nuclear fusion, turning hydrogen into heavier atoms and metals. This is where oxygen (and various other heavy atoms and metals from carbon to iron) are first formed in the Universe. Then when a massive star runs out of fuel, it explodes in a supernova and scatters the heavier atoms throughout the Universe, allowing hydrogen and oxygen to bond for the first time to create water. In summary, stars must exist first in order for compounds like water to exist, but as we read on in Genesis, it says water already existed before the stars (or even light itself) were created. The authors of Genesis got this backwards. It isn't particularly clear who created the darkness. This omission would later result in a series of comic books and two video games. It should also be noted that the phrase "spirit of god" (which for some means the Holy Spirit just because) and "moved upon the waters" is really referring to wind, because back then people thought air was of a spiritual, even divine quality, and so therefore anything conceivably atmospheric in nature could be used as an appropriate metaphor for the divine, in this case, the raging genocidal tyrant bumbling builder Yahweh. As noted above, some claim there's an interval of time between Genesis 1:1 and Genesis 1:2 even if in their case the former describes the Universe coming into existence, in a perfect way, and the latter the state of the world after God had judged and decided to destroy it presumably flooding it. The implications of this are left to the reader to ponder.
Genesis 1:3 And God [Elohim] said, Let there be light: and there was light.	Genesis 1:3 Notes (Read: And God said, "Well, 'bout time we lit this sumbitch up, yeah?") Speaking does not cause what one says to magically happen. For all we know it was a coincidence. I could say, "Let the traffic light change to green". If it changes, at that very second, it still does not show that my words are the cause of the change. Ancient people apparently believed that a powerful ruler could utter commands so forcefully that they would become real. There is no evidence that this is true, and no plausible mechanism for it to happen this way. In reality, the words only describe what a person wants to happen, but do not make it happen on their own. It is a special pleading to say that God alone has this mysterious power. In any event, God creates light before creating any light sources, such as the Sun or other stars. The Jehovah's Witnesses, who are old earth creationists, explain this away by saying that this verse refers to the early period in Earth's history when it was shrouded in dense clouds and some light reached the surface, but the Sun couldn't be seen clearly. However, this contradicts the Genesis account where the Sun is created on the fourth day. As with all apologetics, you can make up any excuses or conjectures you want when you don't have to show any textual evidence to justify your claim. Likewise, in an example of Biblical scientific foreknowledge, some apologists have claimed this basically predicts the Big Bang theory, conveniently ignoring Genesis 1:1 and that the Heavens and Earth existed before light (i.e., before the Universe came into existence). But there is far more to the so-called Big Bang theory than what is described in Genesis, and scientists now believe that there are even better theories than the Big Bang. Hilariously enough, making light this late in the game means that God created the heavens and Earth in the dark, two verses earlier. This perhaps explains why things were so badly designed, as in the case of him making the Earth formless and void and with no dry land in verse 2. Also, technically there are many forms of light, such as heat, which are not visible to our eyes. We now know that light is just electromagnetic waves, some of which are detectable to our eyes, and some of which are not. Unless things were at absolute zero then some heat would be emitted and some light would have existed already as a consequence of the creation process. Liquid water seems to be described in verse 2, for example, so that means temperatures were above absolute zero, and therefore emitting light on the infrared spectrum.
Genesis 1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.	Genesis 1:4 Notes This verse hints that the writers of the Bible considered darkness to be a substance in its own right, the opposite of light, rather than just its absence. Also, presumably darkness already existed before God created light in Genesis 1:3, as in verse 2 where is says darkness was upon the face of the deep. Since there was no light until verse 3, it was automatically separate from light according to the story. Thus, the moment light was created in verse three, that should have been the evening and morning of the first day. Instead, God divides darkness in this verse, apparently creating a new occurrence of darkness, names day and night and then days Day 1 occurs. Anyway, how would God "divide" darkness from light? With a razor blade, perhaps? There is no such thing as dividing darkness from light, nor is it clear what makes light "good".
Genesis 1:5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.	Genesis 1:5 Notes To recap: God created light, divided it from darkness, as if that even makes sense, and named the respective pieces Day and Night. This was all he managed on Day One — a fairly poor effort, particularly when compared to Day Four when he will create an estimated 300 sextillion stars just in the observable Universe. Anyway, we can only assume that God is just limbering up, because He's got a lot of work ahead of him if he's going to finish the universe before the weekend. Of course, He could take more time if He really wanted to, but previous Canaanite mythology used this same weeklong creation structure, so Hebrew scribes slavishly copied it. Note that there will be no sun until day four, so it's not clear what this "Day" actually constitutes from a time perspective, or how there even could be an "evening" (from the Hebrew ereb which literally means "sun-set" and may or may not be a cognate to the linguistic root of "Europe", the "sunset-land"). Evening — check. Morning — check. They're even in the appropriate order for the Biblical day, which traditionally begins around local sundown/sunset/nightfall. But there is no mention of the afternoon (unlike in Judges 19:8). Perhaps the afternoons are where all those billions of years fit in for stirring up the various galaxies and for piecing together RNA. The naming here is also questionable. Day is not synonymous with light. If that were true then lighting a candle at night would make it day time again. Nobody, including the ancient Hebrews, believed that the mere presence of light automatically made it day time. What made it day time was the presence of the Sun in the sky, which is not even created until Day 4. Night is similarly not synonymous with dark. It is another bad definition. If you walk into a dark cave that doesn’t make it night time, even if there is no light.
Genesis 1:6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.	Genesis 1:6 Notes Firmament, from the Latin firmamentum, "something which strengthens or supports". The firmament references obsolete astronomical models and was a solid structure on which the stars were mounted, which divided the sky from heaven. The Old Testament is consistent in referring to this ancient Babylonian model, where the Earth was a flat and motionless disc and rested on pillars that suspended it over nothing, and the Firmament was a dome above it with various doors and storehouses for rain and hail: this is alluded to in Job, and described in detail in the apocryphal 2 Enoch.
Genesis 1:7 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.	Genesis 1:7 Notes The "water above the firmament" is cited by some as the source of the water in the Biblical flood. However, this is problematic for a number of reasons. Such a layer of water would block sunlight. Another problem is related to the weight of the water. Water is heavy, and placing enough water above us to flood the entire planet would have resulted in Adam and Eve effectively living in a giant pressure cooker, or to be more precise, being dead and nicely broiled in a giant pressure cooker. When interpreting the story as a creation myth, it's obvious that the bit about the "water above" is intended to explain the source of rain. This would imply that the writers believed that rainwater comes from beyond the stars (since the stars are in the Firmament, which the water is behind). It also provides an answer to the eternal old question, “Why is the sky blue?” It’s because of all the water up there! Note also how all that water may be up there but until the Flood it did not rain and precipitation was dew-like, provided by mist coming from the soil, as described in Genesis 2:6. Considering what has been noted for Genesis 1:2, it seems this has been set up such way to drown everything and everyone if this new attempt goes bad too.
Genesis 1:8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.	Genesis 1:8 Notes It would have been nice if God had at least bothered to choose a name that conveyed what is actually the firmament. Supposedly the heavens were already created in verse 1 of this chapter, so it is strange that firmament, which separates heaven from Earth would not be created until many verses later. Calling the firmament Heaven is also simply not true. The firmament SEPARATES heaven and earth. That does not mean that it IS heaven. This is like confusing a book shelf with the books that it holds.
Genesis 1:9 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.	Genesis 1:9 Notes Some literalists out there say this refers to Pangaea. Or maybe it's simply the Bronze Age cosmological model of a flat Earth with a land mass surrounded by oceans, everything under the aforementioned dome-like sky — you decide. That creationists are always in tow of scientists, even if some of the former praise Genesis for describing the origin of everything so simplistically, and not vice-versa should give a hint about the credibility of the idea of the Bible being a scientific book.
Genesis 1:10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.	Genesis 1:10 Notes To a Bronze Age author, it probably seemed plausible that there was only one area of "dry land". But obviously, there are several continents which are not hinted at in this verse.
Genesis 1:11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.	Genesis 1:11 Notes The use of the vague term "kind" in this and subsequent verses is the justification for the pseudoscience of Baraminology. The Genesis writers seems to think that there were three types of plants that included, grass, herbs, and fruit trees. But in fact there are millions of different species of plants.
Genesis 1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.	Genesis 1:12 Notes It would have been nice if the all-knowing God who it's said to have inspired this work had at least mentioned in passing that plants need sunlight to make photosynthesis and thrive, as the Sun is still not shining (wait until Genesis 1:16 to have it). Some literalists have said that the light of God was replacing it until the Daystar was made, but of course even if this is related to the original Hebrew text, that claims Yahweh is the source of light for the Sun and the Moon further down in Genesis 1:16, this has problems of its own (ie, why the Sun was needed in such case?). Likewise, such people (often conveniently) ignore the background in which such texts were composed when taking them literally.
Genesis 1:13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.	Genesis 1:13 Notes i.e. that's it for that day (wait a minute, where did days come from?).
Genesis 1:14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:	Genesis 1:14 Notes One of the stated purposes for the stars is "for signs." However, interpreting these signs will be explicitly forbidden in Deuteronomy 18:10-14 — and if interpreting a sign is prohibited, then it's not much of a sign. The most common rebuttal to this is that it means navigational signs rather than astrological signs, but legitimate Bible scholars are fairly unanimous that this is not what is being talked about here and it means the astrological signs, some of which God will go on to name in Job. Note also that the model places these objects in the firmament, which would mean flood models that claim the firmament was destroyed during the flood to explain why we haven't found this structure (even though Ezekiel says it's still there) would require there no longer be any stars in the sky.
Genesis 1:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.	Genesis 1:15 Notes The Sun does not just give light to the Earth. The oceans of the Earth would freeze over without the heat from the Sun. The Sun drives our weather patterns and also incidentally holds us gravitationally bound so that we don't fly off into interstellar space. If the purpose of the stars, likewise, is to "give light upon the earth," then why are we only able to see a trivial number of them with the naked eye and most of them are so faint that they are hard to see even on clear, dark nights? Science has so far catalogued billions of stars, and some estimates suggest there are as many as 300 sextillion just in the observable Universe. However, only about 2000 are visible unaided, and they certainly don't provide much in the way of usable light (at least not to humans). And what about the lack of details on those bodies, such as some of them (planets) being much more than mere moving stars? Why that stars can be very different from the Sun, the existence of galaxies (even if a couple of them can be seen with the naked eye), or the true nature of the Milky Way are not even mentioned in passing? This stinks again of what Bronze Age authors knew (and, perhaps of greater relevance, what they didn’t know) Besides having said the beauty of Genesis is that it's so simple, some apologists have also claimed this book lacks so many details as some concepts as "billions of years" (refreshing at least to see they are not YECs) were far beyond the grasp of its writers so God prefered to leave things such way (even if that does not explain why, for example, God could have told them there are far more stars than those visible with the eyes or that the Moon is another world that is very far away by Bronze Age standards, and has mountains but He preferred to be silent even about that.)
Genesis 1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.	Genesis 1:16 Notes Let's recap the sequence of events: God creates light. God creates plants (which require sunlight). God creates stars (again!). God creates the Sun. Seems legit. Note that this verse confuses the issue of what was created first: the Sun or all other stars. There is a pretty simple reason for this, which is that at the time the sun was not thought of as a star, but that doesn't really fit the "Bible is science" mindset as not mentioning that the Sun is far more massive and much larger than Earth. God creates stars almost as an afterthought. Considering that the Bible is the word of God, why is the knowledge of the universe shown here limited to that which would have been available to a common person of the time? It is certainly not the knowledge indicative of an omniscient God, or at the very least one who held knowledge people of that epoch did not have. The Moon does not emit light, but merely reflects that of the Sun. Furthermore, the Moon spends half of its time moving across the daytime sky. See notes for Genesis 1:2 above concerning the stars. According to the other wiki, the use of "lights" instead of "Sun" and "Moon" is typically considered to have been intended against the widespread belief of these times of both being deities, so Yahweh would get all the worship instead. This idea is reinforced with the original text in Hebrew using a term that is equal to just one source of light for both, and suggests the Sun and the Moon shone because of Him providing light. It does not mean as some apologetics have claimed the writers of Genesis knew the Moon just reflects (sun)light, even if to be somewhat fair during Classical Greece times and presumably still earlier on it was already known lunar phases were caused by the disposition of the Sun, the Moon, and Earth (it can be guessed by moving something spherical around a light source).
Genesis 1:17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,	Genesis 1:17 Notes See notes for Genesis 1:15 above.
Genesis 1:18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.	Genesis 1:18 Notes The idea of dividing light from darkness, first introduced in Genesis 1:4, is repeated here. However, they have it totally wrong. On a spherical globe, it is the Earth itself that divides the Sun's light into day and night. This makes the day and night measurement scheme used in Genesis effectively meaningless beyond this point, because it is always day on some part of the Earth and always night somewhere else.
Genesis 1:19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.	Genesis 1:19 Notes Actually, the first evening: the sun was only created today, remember?
Genesis 1:20 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.	Genesis 1:20 Notes Let me get this straight. The Genesis authors seem to be seriously suggesting that birds were created out of water. Also the phrase "open firmament of heaven" makes no sense. They mean the air (i.e. sky) below the firmament that separates heaven from earth.
Genesis 1:21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.	Genesis 1:21 Notes God creates fish, birds, and marine mammals at once. We now know that amphibians, reptiles, and land mammals predate birds and marine mammals in the fossil record. It is funny that God takes special time to create great whales.
Genesis 1:22 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.	Genesis 1:22 Notes This verse implies that reproduction existed before The Fall. Many fundamentalists ignore it because they want sex to be a result of the introduction of sin into the world.
Genesis 1:23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.	Genesis 1:23 Notes God takes a whole day to create these sea creatures and birds, but why? What purpose does it serve in the Early creation to have whales swimming around in the middle of the ocean? And why do you need a bunch of them? They simply seem to be describing the animals they see in the world, but why were they necessary?
Genesis 1:24 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.	Genesis 1:24 Notes The cow is a domesticated animal bred by humans from the extinct aurochs (Bos primigenius), yet here the Bible says it was created before humans. Also the mention of "cattle" is a little awkward for Baraminology: "cattle" are specifically Bos taurus, and so here the Bible contradicts their own claims by having "kind" mean "species". If "kind" is upped to "family" with cattle (as it usually is), this provides some huge problems for the creationist non-acceptable of "macroevolution", since they have just admitted a gazelle (Gazella spp.) and a cow share a common ancestor.
Genesis 1:25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.	Genesis 1:25 Notes What makes it good to have cattle and a bunch of other land creatures, including predators? From a human perspective, this is decidedly not good.
Genesis 1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.	Genesis 1:26 Notes That's nice, but what the hell does it mean to have "dominion" over fish or birds? They certainly don't do what we say. Does it mean that we can eat them if we catch them? Other predators presumably already did that without God's special permission. The "us" used in this chapter is unique in Genesis for God referring to him/itself. Several theories exist: it is a reference to a pantheon of gods. Scholars know that the ancient Hebrews, like other Semitic people of the time, worshipped many gods, YHWH likely being the war-god of the pantheon. Evidence of this is found in the Hebrew script itself (the stuff you're reading, right now, translated to English). The word "god" in Semitic languages derives from the root word ʾEl, meaning a deity or god in the singular sense of a particular deity, also used by the Canaanites. The suffix -im denotes a masculine plural in Biblical Hebrew, i.e. more than one god. (Hebrew grammar allows the, quite probable, possibility that the speaker here is the "chief" deity over a pantheon of multiple gods. So, although there are multiple gods, the Elohim "speaker" here is the most high and powerful.) It was only centuries later, due to the work of men like Ezra and King Josiah, that the obvious grammar would be handwaved away, and YHWH would not just become the the supreme deity, but the only one. it is a royal we, a formal we. Just as many languages have a "tu" (informal and singular) and a "vous" (formal or plural), so too do many languages have a formal we (in English, nurses and kings are famous for using this person). This does raise the question of who God is supposed to be talking to, though. It is a reference to the Trinity, even though that concept would not be "revealed" (read: nicked from Hinduism by the early Catholic Church) for thousands of years and the Holy Spirit isn't usually thought of as humanoid. The same can be said of Genesis 1:1, where "Elohim" is interpreted by some as actually referring to the same concept. This idea has been carried further by some Fundies, who claim that Jesus and the Holy Spirit were together with God during all the events of the Old Testament, even if such idea certainly has issues. God is talking to the angels serving Him.
Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.	Genesis 1:27 Notes Christian apologetics diverges over the meaning of this verse when combined with the verses in Genesis 2 (which also cover the creation of humanity). Literalists regard this verse either as merely a foreshadowing of the events in Chapter 2, and thus believe that all humans descend directly from Adam and Eve (of course, this creates later problems due to Biblical references to various other people) or as mankind being created spiritually before everything else existed, in line with Jeremiah 1:5 and similar other examples, with the making of the physical bodies being described in Genesis 2:7. However, this idea is rejected by almost all Christian denominations, having been considered Anathema for almost 1,500 years. The so-called "liberal" Christian viewpoint sees this as a symbolic verse, as a generalized description of God's creation of humanity. This viewpoint thus avoids many of the textual contradictions inherent in the literalist perspective of this verse, which fundamentalist Christians base on, along with the next four verses', to express their transphobic views. A tradition of scholarship associates Genesis 1:27 with the Divine Creation of hermaphoditism and transsexualism. One can only imagine how the "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" mantra would ramify if the English translation of this verse had read "male or female created he them"… The mention here of "female" led some Rabbis to claim while the "male" is Adam, she is a different woman to Eve.
Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.	Genesis 1:28 Notes Genesis 1 probably had a different author to Genesis 2-3, or they may have been different variations of the creation myth which were later united. Indeed, this exact same covenant is actually made with Noah at the beginning of Genesis 9. In Genesis 2 and 3, man was created alone, and woman sometime later, and no "multiplying" took place (at least between the man and the woman) until after they were expelled from the Garden. This verse and those like it are used by some creationists such as Ray Comfort to justify that the Earth and nature was created just for mankind. They neglect to mention that nature is very capable of killing people and some environments like the ocean (as we soon find out in Noah's flood) are extremely hostile for people. That and some plants, animals, and other organisms are also quite capable of killing people. There are some parasites that cannot complete their lifecycle without infecting a human host, sometimes to the detriment of the host. This and Genesis 38:9-10 are the verses where anti-contraception comes from, by the way. Also, wait a minute! Genesis 3:15-24 shows God cursing man and woman as he throws them out of his Garden, saying they'll have it rough from here on out — not blessing them with bounty! So which is it, literalists?
Genesis 1:29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.	Genesis 1:29 Notes This presumably would include cannabis, tobacco, the coca leaf, and opium poppy. Exempt from this category would be pharmaceutical controlled substances and synthetic cannabis, commonly known as "spice". That and it presumably does not include plants or plant products that are highly toxic to humans.
Genesis 1:30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.	Genesis 1:30 Notes Tigers, lions, tyrannosaurs? They just ate really dangerous plants. That their teeth are profoundly unsuited for this just shows one of the mysterious ways in which God works.
Genesis 1:31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.	Genesis 1:31 Notes Good, until God decides to wreck the whole thing with the flood because of Man's sin… which he should've known about in the first place being you know, omniscient. Also, why did God need six days to do everything if he was so all powerful? Isn't this just wasting time? Some Fundies have claimed the days described here are outside human understanding, not literal days, citing 2 Peter 3:8. Of course why something similar cannot be said of other stories of Genesis, especially the Adam and Eve's one, is anyone's guess.

Genesis Chapter 2 (God creates Adam and Eve)

Genesis 2:1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.	Genesis 2:1 Notes The intelligent designers of the Tale of Genesis haven't told us much about hosts yet, but a spot of foreshadowing never hurt a literary work.
Genesis 2:2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.	Genesis 2:2 Notes This is stolen from the Sumerian Enuma Elish, the oldest known creation myth. In this myth, the world is not created in six days, but by six generations of gods. The sixth generation created man from their own blood ("adamah" meaning "red dirt") to continue the world of the gods, so that the seventh generation of gods could rest. Plagiarize much?
Genesis 2:3 And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.	Genesis 2:3 Notes William Blake's "God blessing the seventh day" (1805) Now if you believe in the "one day is x zillion years" like some Old Earth Creationsts espouse, does that mean god twiddled his thumbs for millennia? And if the "seventh day" is actually zillions of years, then what is the point of the Sabbath?
Genesis 2:4 These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD God [YHWH-Elohim] made the earth and the heavens,	Genesis 2:4 Notes This shift marks a second author in the text, note the use of the name "YHWH-Elohim" LordGod. This is also the beginning of a separate creation myth. See Creation Week. Here the word "Lord" (a later development, the most common word in Semitic languages for "lord" was the infamous "ba'al") came from editors who later thought that speaking the name of God aloud was blasphemy, and thereby substituted the Hebrew word 'adonay (אדוני, literally, "my lord") in the text. Saying "the Lord God" in English translations is simply a gloss to to show that the Lord, YHWH, is a god (i.e., divine).
Genesis 2:5 And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground.	Genesis 2:5 Notes This verse implies that the author believed that agriculture was practiced since the dawn of humanity. We now know that agriculture was invented around 9500 BCE, and for most of their history humans lived as hunter-gatherers. Another implication of this verse is that it never rained before, water presumably being supplied by the mist described in the next verse. Some literalists, in fact, have claimed this was the case and before the Flood rain was unknown.
Genesis 2:6 But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.	Genesis 2:6 Notes This verse as the previous one also suggests that rain is a product of the Fall (or rather the Flood as noted above), as before it precipitation was dew-like.
Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.	Genesis 2:7 Notes The "dust of the ground" is actually the decaying organic remains of previously living organisms, mixed with eroded particles of rocks and minerals. This should not yet exist, since nothing has died, nor had the time to be eroded. Maybe God just magically brought the first dirt into existence so that he could have the necessary potting soil for his garden and all. If that is the case, he could have also just magically brought mankind into existence too without needing to slap him together like a mud pie. However, the authors seem to want to explain the origin of the Hebrew word Adamah, which means dirt/ground. Also, older Sumerian myths had the first people being made out of clay, and the writers almost certainly were influenced by these stories. See How come there are still monkeys? if you don't want to answer "How come there is still dust of the ground?" As mentioned above, at Genesis 1:27, some literalists say this refers just to the physical body with the non-physical having been shaped by then.
Genesis 2:8 And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.	Genesis 2:8 Notes Eastward of what? The writer is probably thinking of where the Sun rises, which is in the east, and believes this is an absolute direction. Primitive people would not know that, on a spherical Earth, there is always something to your east, making this reference pretty useless.
Genesis 2:9 And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.	Genesis 2:9 Notes Most translations are worded similarly, in that there are two different trees. The tree of knowledge is the "bad" one, which God tells Adam not to eat. The tree of life will let Adam live forever, but eating from it is permitted until Adam eats from the tree of knowledge.
Genesis 2:10 And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.	Genesis 2:10 Notes Genesis 2:10-14, the abrupt interruption of the story of man to describe four rivers with pseudo-legalistic verbiage is generally accepted as evidence of the third author (the Priests) inserting "important" nonsense.
Genesis 2:11 The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;	Genesis 2:11 Notes The description of Havilah matches the Arabian side of the Persian Gulf. Pison (Pishon) most likely refers to a major river which once flowed through Wadi al-Rummah and Wadi al-Batin.
Genesis 2:12 And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone.	Genesis 2:12 Notes The relationship of the presence of bdellium (a gum exuded by trees, and so decidedly not metallic) to the quality of gold is rather unclear. Anyway, this is supposed to be a religious document, not a pirate's treasure map.
Genesis 2:13 And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia.	Genesis 2:13 Notes "Ethiopia" is a KJV translation of the Hebrew term "Kush" or "Gush". This is geographically nonsensical, since Ethiopia is in a different drainage basin than all other rivers mentioned here. The modern interpretation is that "Kush" refers to the homeland of Kassites, a tribe which invaded from the east and took control of Mesopotamia in 1531 BCE, and therefore Gihon refers to Karun, the largest river of Iran.
Genesis 2:14 And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates.	Genesis 2:14 Notes The information on rivers would place Eden under the waters of the Persian Gulf. The water level in the gulf rose considerably between 5000 and 4000 BCE, gradually submerging a heavily populated and fertile area, which is possibly also the origin of the flood myth.
Genesis 2:15 And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.	Genesis 2:15 Notes Why does God need a human laborer to take care of his Garden for him? If he didn't want to take care of it himself, maybe he shouldn't have planted it in the first place.
Genesis 2:16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:	Genesis 2:16 Notes The verse numbering here is very convenient. By stopping the verse here it makes it sound one way, but then God sneaks a restriction into the next verse. Recall that Genesis 1:29 said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food." He didn't mention any additional restrictions at that time. This new statement makes it sound like he is reiterating his prior statement in a less long-winded and nitpicky way. But you can tell that there may be a catch this time. The end punctuation is a further clue that a bait and switch is about to be sprung.
Genesis 2:17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.	Genesis 2:17 Notes "Adam and Eve" by William Blake (1808) So "Why is that friggin' tree even there in the first place?" Note the threat: "…thou shalt surely die." Adam goes on to eat the fruit and most certainly does not die. He surely does not die in a literal, 24 hour day, and since this is addressed to Adam, the apologetic that God really meant 1000 years, which is like a day for him, (as per creative interpretations of Psalms 90:4) also does not seem plausible. Also note that God says nothing about touching the fruit causing death, but later Eve claims this was part of the prohibition too in Genesis 3:3. Had God been truthful, this verse should have read as, "I will choose to make it so you and all your descendants die if you do that and I'll put that snake dude in charge of eternal torment for y'all, then after messing around for a while I'll kill most of you, mess up your language, kill more of you, then eventually come up with an extremely complicated set of rules for you to follow to come back, then, like, in a few thousand years I'll realise I kind of fucked up and that doesn't work, then, like, your descendants nail me to a cross and…" all while Adam looks on in utter bewilderment. The structure of the warning implies that the death will be a direct result of eating the fruit (occurring the same day, even), and not the result of God actively choosing to bar Adam and Eve from another tree that makes them live forever. The obvious problem here, of course, is it's a Catch-22: it's impossible to know that defying God is wrong without knowing right from wrong, and it's impossible to know right from wrong without defying God. Some interpretations of the scripture argue that man's fall was actually a necessary part of the Divine Plan (with one line of reasoning being that it was needed to get the serpent out of the Garden, though this leads to obvious questions of what it was doing there in the first place), handwaving how it is depicted as shameful. Overall the tale closely parallels the Greek myth of the Titan Prometheus' tussles with Zeus in defence of humanity; the ancient Israelites were more authoritarian, and so humans are the bad guys for disobeying God's arbitrary rules and seeking knowledge, rather than the serpent being the good guy for pointing out something that's true on all but the most technical of levels. Another difference is how in Prometheus' myth, Zeus ends up forgiving such Titan except in some retellings where Zeus forces Prometheus to wear an iron ring around his neck as reminder of his punishment. And how is Adam supposed to know what dying is or that it's bad, in a world where it has never happened to anyone or anything? God might as well have said he would "blorn" or "truddle."
Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.	Genesis 2:18 Notes If God is right that it is not good for man to be alone, then this suggests that He was the author of an imperfect creation. He should have known this from the start and made two dirt people, instead of engaging in trial and error. Anyway, why is it not good? God was alone.
Genesis 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.	Genesis 2:19 Notes This is a nice point to consider the contradictions between the first two chapters of Genesis. Spanning Genesis 1:21:26, you see the animals created first. Here, mankind is created before the beasts. Also, why does God need to "see" what Adam will call the animals? Surely he already knows, as if it makes any difference, what pattern of random noises Adam assigns for each animal name. Did God really think that a sloth or crow would be a good helper or mate for Adam, as if this was even possible?
Genesis 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.	Genesis 2:20 Notes So rather than just creating a mate of the same species for Adam as he had presumably already done for every other species, God has Adam run though and name about 1.5 million species and see if he wants to have sex with any of them, even though these could not result in offspring. Since God will later say bestiality is punishable by death for both participants, was this just another "test"? Are we to believe that God created all these animals for no other reason than just to be pets for Adam? It is doubtful that a grizzly bear, or a skunk, or a porcupine ever would have made a great pet. Also, who named the fish or assorted deep sea critters? Did they all swim up to shore and parade in front of Adam one by one?
Genesis 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;	Genesis 2:21 Notes This is probably pulled from another Sumerian myth where the god Enki trespassed on a sacred garden and tasted forbidden fruits, and was cursed by the goddess Ninhursag: later, she forgive him and bore seven daughters to heal his seven wounds. One, Ninti, was the "daughter born of the rib," because she was born to close the wound in his side. There're also rumors that "rib" is actually a mistranslation of "penis" -one just hopes Adam would have it growing back- or rather the baculum, a bone present in the penis of many mammals that humans lack with this explaining why is not present on them and with the perineal raphe, a ridge of tissue between the anus and the scrotum, being the resultant scar.
Genesis 2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.	Genesis 2:22 Notes William Blake's "The Creation of Eve: 'And She shall be called Woman'" (c. 1803-1805) Biblical literalists have no problem believing that a whole woman was made from a rib in a single step. But tell them that a long series of minor changes changed a monkey into a marginally more intelligent monkey and either it's just too outlandish to believe or they'll say it's a belief despite the overwhelming evidence supporting said theory much unlike this verse.
Genesis 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.	Genesis 2:23 Notes Presumably the original Hebrew word for woman means "of man," but the English word certainly doesn't, the construction is from Old English (wifman) where it meant something like "woman-human:" "wif" (root of "wife") was a word for women, but apparently not seen as adequate on its own, "man" was regarded as gender-neutral.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.	Genesis 2:24 Notes Isn't there a big question to be asked here? At this point in the story, what the hell is a father and/or mother? This verse lends support to the idea that Genesis is simply another creation myth written long after the purported events are supposed to have occured rather than divine revelation.
Genesis 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.	Genesis 2:25 Notes So what? If Michelangelo is at all reputable, then David didn't mind having his junk dangling in the wind either. As can also be seen here, the tradition of going skyclad has certainly been a long one. Also, the fact that they were not ashamed isn't really the issue. Either it is right to walk around naked or it is not. When they finally eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the only knowledge they seem to gain is that they are naked and they don't feel good about it. So if it is wrong for them to be naked, then why does God not tell them to cover their junk?

Genesis Chapter 3 (Adam and Eve screw it up, for everyone, for all time)

Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God (YHWH-Elohim) had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God (Elohim) said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?	Genesis 3:1 Notes William Blake's Eve Tempted by the Serpent" Why would the serpent be "more anything" than other creatures? Did God not make them all perfect. If not, why not? Christian tradition (as opposed to Judaism) identifies the Serpent with Satan, the Devil, due to similar temptation-related incidents elsewhere in the Bible, which explicitly involve Satan in the role of tempter. The Serpent also has sexual connotations, due to its phallic symbolism, and its luring of Eve and Adam to forbidden pleasures, which lead to shame and ruin, their awareness of nudity and sexual reproduction. If the serpent is Satan and Satan cannot tempt people without God's consent (as is set forth in later books such as Job), then this was one big setup for Eve and Adam. When one comes across a talking animal in a text, one might well assume one had stumbled on a children's story or on a traditional myth/legend/fable. At any rate, one might take the presence of a talking beast as a marker of fiction or of some sort of allegory or metaphor. But no need in the case of this verse, because Satandidit. Hence one can take a talking serpent literally, and read the Book of Genesis as sober history. As an aside, some evangelical pastors out there in the finest tradition of PIDOOMA mention that when Satan was cast out of Heaven he went to that place (this stuff takes place in Earth, just in case you thought Eden is a place out of space and time) because this is the only planet of the Universe with life (one guesses because the Bible does not mention other life-bearing planets). Compare this with the Catholic Church ideas of aliens, if they did exist, being free of original sin.
Genesis 3:2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:	Genesis 3:2 Notes An interesting point here is the cool way that Eve reacts. Most people would say something like: "Bloody hell! a talking snake! That's something you don't see every day!" Not Eve — she coolly goes ahead and has a conversation with the ranting reptile and even takes religious instruction from it. Perhaps all animals talked and were sentient before the fall? Perhaps she took it for granted because, being innocent, she didn't know any better… just like she wouldn't have known better than to not eat the forbidden fruit? Was the serpent even a snake, at this point? This was before he/it got all accursed of God and was transformed into crawling in the dirt on its belly. Maybe the serpent was even human in aspect(?) The Gnostic tradition has the whole creation being a botch job by an inept subcontractor, IHVH, with the more universal God, Sophia (Wisdom) entering the zoo to try to put things right and stop man being simply a childlike pet of a deluded despot and gain the potential to be a free-willed expression of the supporting Universe. The Gnostic tradition also says, "Hey, it's just a story."
Genesis 3:3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.	Genesis 3:3 Notes Of course, to Eve — at least at this point — the concept of death was as meaningless as the concepts of internal combustion, taxation, or flossing. She had no practical experience with death, and neither did God explain what death may mean. Hence, it was impossible for her to make a truly informed choice. Secondly, as per Genesis 2:9, there are two trees in the midst of the garden, not just one. According to Eve's answer it sounds like she thinks there is just one tree in the midst of the garden. So how could she even tell which tree was which, especially if there are two different trees? There could not have been a sign, because writing had not yet been invented, nor would Adam and Eve have learned to read. Also as can be seen in the text, the forbidden fruit is not identified. It has traditionally been identified with an apple, as in Latin "apple" and "evil" are written similarly (mālum and mălum respectively), however alternative ones as the pomegranate or the fig have also been suggested (see more here) Additionally, we were told in Genesis 2:15 that humans were created to be caretakers of the garden. So it seems strange that there is a tree that they are not supposed to even touch. Plus, how does touching a tree or eating a fruit confer knowledge? More magic, presumably?
Genesis 3:4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:	Genesis 3:4 Notes For the record, the Bible makes no mention of Eve's death, so she could well still be alive for all we know, and after Genesis ends she's not mentioned again in the Old Testament. (Spoiler alert: Adam's age at his death is specifically stated in Genesis 5:5)
Genesis 3:5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.	Genesis 3:5 Notes And, what do you know — Satan the serpent was telling the truth. God had wanted to keep this secret and had made an idle threat about "…in the day thou eatest thereof" etc. Excuses involving the serpent knowing what God would do have the minor issue, in a Christian interpretation, of meaning that God must act in a way predicted by Satan, which is not exactly in line with the claim of omnipotence.
Genesis 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.	Genesis 3:6 Notes Knowing what would bring that fruit, it had better be really tasty. Anyway, as seen here, this looks like something set up by God to get rid of both. Maybe those fundies who claim evolution is BS and this story is the Absolute and Unique Truth™ could explain how it feels to descend of two persons so naïve who were so easily deceived, not to mention to be a degenerate version of what were the first and (physically at least) most perfect man and woman until Jesus came around.
Genesis 3:7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.	Genesis 3:7 Notes You read it here first in the Bible — the concept of wearing nothing but an apron. It was first invented in this passage. Also, if it is immoral to be naked, why would a morally perfect God allow humans to remain unclothed up until this point? Clearly He could have made them clothes from the moment of creation, like He later does after the Fall in Genesis 3:21, or He could have instructed them to make and wear clothes.
Genesis 3:8 And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.	Genesis 3:8 Notes Yes, God was apparently trundling around the garden. The Bible does not make it clear if he was wearing a cardigan or not, but that would be pretty cool. But presumably he should have been fully clothed in some kind of outfit because God would know that being naked was wrong.
Genesis 3:9 And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?	Genesis 3:9 Notes It's interesting to note here that an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-seeing God has to play hide-and-seek with Adam and Eve in this verse. Marcion of Sinope took this as justification for his claim that the God presented in the Old Testament was in fact not omniscient or omnipresent — not cool at all.
Genesis 3:10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.	Genesis 3:10 Notes So Adam hides, and then promptly reveals himself simply because "the LORD God" asked nicely. Also, what happened to his apron?
Genesis 3:11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?	Genesis 3:11 Notes God's question here is an argument against his omniscience — why should he have to ask at all if they ate from the tree? The question is particularly odd given that no other source of knowledge in the garden is even mentioned to exist. Also, didn't God say back in Genesis 1:29, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food."?
Genesis 3:12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.	Genesis 3:12 Notes Adam's decision to blame anyone but himself sets the pattern for later Biblical patriarchs.
Genesis 3:13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.	Genesis 3:13 Notes If God is omniscient, he wouldn't have had to ask that question.
Genesis 3:14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:	Genesis 3:14 Notes Because of its role in the Fall, the Serpent and all later snakes have to crawl on the ground. God must have liked gilding the lily adding feet to snakes so that He can remove them later. So the snake crawls on its belly only after it's cursed! How did it move about before? Also, why are the cattle cursed too? For that matter, since in the Christian interpretation the Serpent is actually one of God's angels, why did God curse snakes at all? (Protip: it's because the Serpent and Satan are two different figures in the Old Testament). And "all the days of its life?" Satan isn't mortal… The ability of speech for all snakes is also lost, but is not explicitly mentioned. So God is to blame for starting the practice of the "fine print". Or that we all talk like snakes before the Tower of Babel. Snakes, generally speaking, enjoy a diet far more varied than dirt, and crawling along their "belly" in undergrowth makes them an even more effective predator than they would have been if they had legs. Good job God! But actually legless snakes, their fossil ancestors that had legs, and relictual legs on extant snakes is evidence for evolution. Also, argument against God's omniscience: an omniscient God would know about the impending flood (in case it is not obvious enough, He caused it), and as such the punishment can simply be an order for Noah not to bring any onto the ark. It is also interesting to note how besides the Serpent not being addressed as the Devil as noted above, it will not appear again in the rest of the Old Testament and only in the New one if you follow the usual identification of Satan with it.
Genesis 3:15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.	Genesis 3:15 Notes This verse has provoked fringe theories (serpent seed doctrine) since the days of the early Gnostic writings, with the main idea being that Cain was Eve's son by the Serpent rather than by Adam, a theory rejected as heresy by the early church fathers and all mainstream Christian denominations. The precise configuration of who is descended from the serpent has been used as a justification for racism, particularly in a modern white supremacist movement called Two-Seedline Christian Identity where the descendants of Eve and the Serpent are identified as the Jews. Interestingly the doctrine was also used by another group, The Shepherd's Chapel, to argue the exact opposite, that the Jews were the ones descended from Adam while a group called the Kenites were descended from Cain. It suffers from the very obvious issue that the early Bible would probably have identified Abel as Adam's seed rather than Eve's if it was just talking about one of her two sons, and is rather blatantly talking about humans and snakes not getting along. It also has the minor problem that Genesis 4:1 explicitly says that Cain is Adam's son, since she conceived after he "knew" her. Incidentally, the idea that the serpent was Satan is relatively new in Christianity: prior to this, the serpent was thought to be Lilith, Adam's first wife in Jewish tradition and another figure of the Epic of Gilgamesh. In Jewish tradition, Lilith was created as Adam's equal with her being the woman that appears in Genesis 1:27, refused to submit to him, and, knowing the secret name of God that enabled her to fly, escaped the Garden only to return in the guise of a serpent to tempt Eve. Depictions of the Serpent as a snake-woman can be found on Notre-Dame Cathedral and the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.	Genesis 3:16 Notes This rather interestingly implies that there was sorrow and pain in childbirth before, given that 0 multiplied by anything is still 0. This would also be a rather pointless thing to tell Eve, since at this point she (nor anyone else) has ever had children and so would have nothing to compare this to. Also important is that this is not as sometimes misquoted “pains in childbirth”, but “pains and childbirth”. From their nomadic past, the Hebrews may have been extrapolating from sheep and goats only having estrus and reproduction periodically, not constantly, which would definitely look more burdensome for female humans by comparison.
Genesis 3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;	Genesis 3:17 Notes The Bible's first clear statement on the nature of the relationship between Adam and Eve as husband and wife, and the message seems to be "don't listen to your wife".
Genesis 3:18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;	Genesis 3:18 Notes Repeats the theme from Genesis 2:5 that agriculture was practiced since the beginning of humankind, which is obviously not the case.
Genesis 3:19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.	Genesis 3:19 Notes This is the first mention of death, and suggests that mortality was created as a punishment for Adam and Eve's sin. It's not clear why human sin should cause all other animals to be given to die of natural causes. God: "Of course, you have no idea what bread is, but...I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out and then you'll be like 'ohhh, that's what God was talking about.' Also, make sure to call it 'bread' once you do." Note also there's no mention at all of an afterlife, be Heaven or Hell, this being in line with other Old Testament verses that suggest that either once one goes black everything ends or someone goes at best to an Underworld without distinctions of any kind, as other cultures of the area thought, nor humans are considered by God wicked, corrupt, and tainted creatures who deserve to be punished for all eternity just for existing as Fundagelicals love to claim. One could also argue that both Adam and Eve plus the Serpent got lucky with the punishment given some Fundies claim the entire creation, down to bacteria and viruses and presumably up to galaxies, got corrupted thanks to that screw-up. And also wonder why if that tree was so dangerous that having eaten its fruit corrupted everything was in the middle of the Garden, unprotected (and why there was no other way to fix up things than to send Jesus to die millennia later if you're a YEC, especially given God's claimed omni***)
Genesis 3:20 And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.	Genesis 3:20 Notes Yes, Adam forgot to give his wife a name when God created her. Maybe he was stricken at his first sight of a naked female, like any male virgin.
Genesis 3:21 Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them.	Genesis 3:21 Notes William Blake's "The Angel of the Divine Presence Clothing Adam and Eve with Coats of Skins" (1803) God gets in the first actual killing of the Bible, unless he literally just made the skins without animals attached to them. God's Killcount: 2 (for each person).
Genesis 3:22 And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:	Genesis 3:22 Notes The tree of life is an interesting artifact in Genesis, because there is some consensus that "mortality" was one of the effects of the Fall, and that Adam and Eve were immortal (for some, however, this verse is a proof of both being mortal instead) until they ate from the tree of knowledge and were cast out. If everything in existence was immortal until that point, what then is the purpose of having a tree whose fruit grants immortality? If that was the case, then it's as if God created the tree of life because he knew that he would take immortality away from man during the Fall, and needed a backdoor to immortality to justify throwing them out of Eden in the first place. There is also no explanation on the exact effects of the tree of life. Given that Adam and Eve weren't prohibited from eating from it, did the tree simply extend their lifespan as long as they consumed its fruit including to stop their aging or would one bite have the same type of effect as the tree of knowledge and instantly grant eternal life? And what would happen if they ate from the tree of life, only to later eat from the tree of knowledge? Note also the "one of us", which as "Elohim" above is very likely a leftover of the days when Judaism was polytheistic in nature even if as noted above one could argue it refers to the Trinity, the angels, or is simply a royal "we".
Genesis 3:23 Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken.	Genesis 3:23 Notes The theme from Genesis 2:5 is repeated for the third time. God has still not gotten around to creating copyeditors. Like the lack of an afterlife, especially the nasty one to which humans will from now onwards be condemned by default thanks to the original sin according to Christianity, it's also interesting to note how there's not even some foreshadowing of possible future redemption thanks to Jesus' sacrifice.
Genesis 3:24 So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubim, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.	Genesis 3:24 Notes Anachronism. While Omniscient God would have known what a sword was, by the logic of this story, Adam and Eve would not have known what a sword was. They are the only two people on earth, there has been no war yet, and they struggled to make their own clothes, let alone any advanced tools. The significance of the sword, both in its killing power and as a symbol of authority, would have been utterly lost on them. Another sign that this is a story written for later listeners rather than an accurate retelling of historical events. Note also that the fate of the snake is not mentioned, and as noted above it will be forgotten for the rest of the Old Testament except as Lilith if you feel imaginative, and in the New Testament as Satan, and the same can be said for the Old Testament at least of the Garden of Eden except for some later references but not in this context, both trees, and the fruit screw-up despite it being so important to Christianity, which also points at this to have been conceived at first as nothing but a "just-so" story.

Genesis Chapter 4 (Cain kills Abel)

Genesis 4:1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.	Genesis 4:1 Notes This is the first mention of sex between Adam and Eve, and it takes place after their banishment. This is often read as meaning that mortality, sexuality and reproduction (thus the existence of mankind, otherwise Adam and Eve would likely have spent all eternity together and alone in the Garden, Lilith aside) were all results of the Fall, though this does not gel with earlier verses telling various things to be fruitful and multiply. (Maybe Adam & Eve took the word "fruitful" literally and that's why they ate from the tree of knowledge?)
Genesis 4:2 And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.	Genesis 4:2 Notes If the story of Cain and Abel is interpreted non-literally, as a commentary on the conflicting ways of life of nomadic pastoralists and farmers, it gets a lot more interesting. The author considers pastoralism to be favored by God, and seemingly propagandizes by saying "farming is bad because it is for murderers with no innate understanding of what God wants". This hints that the Bible was written by pastoralists the modern day equivalent of conservatives. On a more literal level, Cain is the first farmer and Abel is the first shepherd. It seems improbable, however, to say the least, that these two boys just casually invented farming and animal domestication, two major technologies, out of nowhere. Farming requires a lot of knowledge of things like soil, how to plant, equipment like plows, and even infrastructure such as irrigation and storage. It is not something that Cain could have invented all out of thin air. Pastoralism is less complicated, but still requires a decent understanding of how to keep animals docile and healthy and protect them from predators.
Genesis 4:3 And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD.	Genesis 4:3 Notes Some have claimed that "And in the process of time" means Cain did not offer the first fruit of the ground, but his was an afterthought instead unlike Abel's one. See also Genesis 4:5 below.
Genesis 4:4 And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:	Genesis 4:4 Notes See 4:5 note below.
Genesis 4:5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.	Genesis 4:5 Notes No clear reason is given as to why Abel's offering (slaughtered baby animals) is good, other than immediately noting that he brought the firstlings—presumably the best, so suggesting absolute prioritization of respect of God over his needs—but Cain's offering ("fruit of the ground") is bad—although good luck picking out what a crop’s firstlings are—especially when God specifically told Adam he would eat the fruit of the ground. But the implication is that vegans are bad and carnies good!
Genesis 4:6 And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?	Genesis 4:6 Notes Maybe because, as the previous verse says, Cain received no respect for his offering? That would offend most people.
Genesis 4:7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.	Genesis 4:7 Notes Cain: "Um, that's great God, but, aside from the Forbidden Tree, you haven't told us what else you consider a 'sin' yet, so I have no idea what you're talking about. Actually, now that I think about it, you never asked for an offering in the first place, so why the hell did we just do that?" Why does God even need an "offering" of a handful of food, as the Creator of the heavens and Earth? Why should he expect displays of gratitude from mankind either, after he just cursed them and drove them from Eden? As far as his advice to Cain, it is vague, to say the least. Maybe he is not a fan of broccoli or whatever crop Cain grew. Without specific information, his feedback is pretty useless.
Genesis 4:8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.	Genesis 4:8 Notes First murder in the Bible. It should be noted that God has only given two commandments to humankind thus far: Be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28), and Do not eat from the Forbidden Tree (Genesis 2:17). He will not formally give a commandment forbidding murder until after the Flood (Genesis 9:6). So, Cain actually hasn't broken any rule set forth by God. The Apologetic answer might be something like "killing another obviously is the opposite of multiplying", but by using this logic, any behavior or act other than killing is perfectly all right at this point (theft, robbery, blasphemy, screaming in someone's ear, calling your mom a bitch and slapping her then pooping on her bed, etc. etc.) as long as you take a few minutes out of the day to either impregnate or get pregnant. Or, contrary to fundamentalist Christian doctrine, just maybe all morality doesn't originate from God and the Bible, and morals can exist on their own without some God or some book to dictate what is moral to us.
Genesis 4:9 And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?	Genesis 4:9 Notes Cain's "I know not: Am I my brother's keeper" question is quite odd. He's talking to God. Shouldn't his response question be: "Whadda ya asking me for? Don't you know where Abel is? Aren't you God?" Cain's comment seems to be sarcastic, because Abel was a keeper of animals, so he not only killed his brother but is mocking his lifestyle. In retrospect, it probably was not a great strategy to be a smart-ass to God's face. Of course, the point here is that Cain is deliberately lying to God, and this is a BAD THING. Oddly enough, God won't smite him like he does to most of the people who will lie to him in the future. Cain is forced to go wandering, with a strange protective facial tattoo, but he'll eventually find a wife and live to a ripe old age — not a bad outcome for a liar and unrepentant murderer. Compare this to poor old Achan in Joshua 7, who fails to donate some silver coins he found, which result in him (along with all his children) getting stoned to death and their corpses burned. Meanwhile, there is a midrash which implies that Cain is effectively asking God why HE wasn’t playing keeper to Abel (https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/filling-in-the-gaps/ ). While this parallels Adam trying to foist blame onto Eve and God alike, it’s also treated as an early, non-atheistic recognition of the Problem of Evil. Why, after all, would God not have intervened and protected his favored Abel against Cain in battle? He is depicted as intervening in many other conflicts, but it would have made a big difference if he had intervened in this one.
Genesis 4:10 And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground.	Genesis 4:10 Notes Please, please take this verse metaphorically! This verse can also be interpreted like Genesis 3:19 – as proof of either the lack of an afterlife, or as the same, gloomy one for everyone.
Genesis 4:11 And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand;	Genesis 4:11 Notes Again "cursed from the earth" sounds pretty bad, but as it turns out all that happened was he moved to the land of Nod. Sure, we don't know exactly where Nod was, but it seems that it was in the general area — it wasn't like Cain had to move to Argentina or something.
Genesis 4:12 When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth.	Genesis 4:12 Notes A fugitive from whom exactly? Are Adam and Eve coming after their first-born son? Where are Adam and Eve in all of this anyway? Don't they have an opinion on the matter?
Genesis 4:13 And Cain said unto the LORD, My punishment is greater than I can bear.	Genesis 4:13 Notes So he kills his brother and is told that he can't be a farmer anymore. How is that more than he can bear as a punishment? The nomadic hunter-gatherer life style worked pretty well for early humans and was only abandoned when populations grew too large to support it. Cain only has to support himself, and seems to be proficient at killing, so it shouldn't be much of a problem for him to kill animals.
Genesis 4:14 Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.	Genesis 4:14 Notes "Cain Fleeing from the Wrath of God" by William Blake Why is Cain worried about human retribution here? At this point, the entire human population is down to three people. (Okay, four, if you count whomever was to become his childbearer woman wife) Also see the notes to Genesis 4:11 above. "Driven… from the face of this earth" turns out to actually mean "forced to move to the next county".
Genesis 4:15 And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him.	Genesis 4:15 Notes There are many problems that arise from this verse. Who is going to find him? Aren't there only three people alive in the world at the moment? Furthermore, as Adam and Eve are probably perfectly capable of recognizing their own son, why the mark? If one assumes there actually are other people somewhere, how will any of them know what the mark means? Is random murder such a common problem that Cain needed to be officially excluded in this way? Also, what difference would it make to Cain to be avenged sevenfold if he is dead? Are there even seven other people upon which he can be avenged? And would they be killed or just made to wander like Cain with their own facial tattoos? The Mark of Cain has since been adopted by racists.
Genesis 4:16 And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.	Genesis 4:16 Notes What the hell? Suddenly, it seems we have a brand new land called Nod, possibly populated by people who got there by some secondary creation we know nothing about. Some biblical scholars believe that "Nod" is a metaphorical reference to being in a state of "wandering", not being a specific place. Yet, it is described as being to the East of Eden, whatever the interpretation. However, Cain doesn't seem to properly grasp what being a "fugitive and a vagabond" actually means, as he appears to settle down again fairly promptly.
Genesis 4:17 And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch.	Genesis 4:17 Notes Cain's wife: So here Cain gets a wife. But where did she come from? Either Nod was inhabited by people who already lived there (and were thus not the children of Adam and Eve, Jewish mysticism suggesting they could have been born from Adam and Lilith instead), or Cain hooked up with a daughter of Adam and Eve, meaning he married his full-blood sister (ew). The Mormons believe that Cain actually married one of his brother's daughters (i.e., a niece)… although that still doesn't explain who the niece's mother was. (At the time incest was best it seems). On the other hand, the other wiki claims that in Hebrew "Nod" is the root of the verb "to wander", meaning Cain became a vagabond, even if that does not explain from where all these people came. It appears that Genesis may only be a creation myth that explains the origins of Hebrew people and not all people. Basically, it is far from clear where all these other people originate from (Cain's wife, the people he is afraid of, etc.) and doesn't seem to make sense for them all to be brothers and sisters. The continuity between the story of Adam and Eve, and that of Cain and Abel, is rather tenuous, and this is one of the strongest indications that the early chapters of Genesis are just a collection of allegorical and moral tales, each with its own message, but not necessarily part of one great story. Anyway, we are supposed to believe that one guy, who is not even able to farm anymore, and is not supposed to be settling down anywhere, decides to found a city? Cities need agriculture, which is precisely what Cain can't do. City of Enoch: This verse gives us the very first city in human history, named after Cain's firstborn. This city, despite its incredible historical significance, never gets mentioned again anywhere in the entire Bible. Which is a shame, because it would have been nice to know who lived in this city apart from Cain, his wife, and his infant son. As a side note, this is the first Enoch, another one will get born later, and who is apparently still alive.
Genesis 4:18 And unto Enoch was born Irad: and Irad begat Mehujael: and Mehujael begat Methusael: and Methusael begat Lamech.	Genesis 4:18 Notes Either Enoch was a hermaphrodite with self-reproductive capabilities, or there are some more unidentified women lurking somewhere. Apparently, women are not important enough to be given explanations for their sudden existences.
Genesis 4:19 And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.	Genesis 4:19 Notes The first explicit mention of polygamy in the Bible. The wives actually have names this time, although (yet again) there is no explanation of where they came from.
Genesis 4:20 And Adah bare Jabal: he was the father of such as dwell in tents, and of such as have cattle.	Genesis 4:20 Notes In a manner eerily similar to other ancient mythology, Genesis names the progenitors of nomadic shepherds, musicians and metalworkers. Note that Cain's descendants are described as still living at the time of composition of this story, long after the Flood.
Genesis 4:21 And his brother's name was Jubal: he was the father of all such as handle the harp and organ.	Genesis 4:21 Notes See note to 4:20.
Genesis 4:22 And Zillah, she also bare Tubalcain, an instructor of every artificer in brass and iron: and the sister of Tubalcain was Naamah.	Genesis 4:22 Notes The reference to iron is yet another anachronism: smelted iron tools only became popular in Mesopotamia around 1500 BCE, or long after the Ussher date of the flood. Earlier iron artifacts were made from meteoritic iron. Naamah is the first female in the Bible whose birth is directly acknowledged.
Genesis 4:23 And Lamech said unto his wives, Adah and Zillah, Hear my voice; ye wives of Lamech, hearken unto my speech: for I have slain a man to my wounding, and a young man to my hurt.	Genesis 4:23 Notes Whoa! Lamech comes on home and tells his wives he just killed somebody. Wow, the punishment that is coming will be huge!
Genesis 4:24 If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy and sevenfold.	Genesis 4:24 Notes Or not. Lamech's punishment for murder is zilch — God doesn't even notice/care apparently. Meanwhile Lamech proudly announces that anyone who seeks vengeance on him will get it eleven times worse than anyone who tried to punish Cain. I seriously need to get the name of Lamech's lawyer. Also, God unintentionally inspires the name for a Huntington Beach metal band several thousand years later.
Genesis 4:25 And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son, and called his name Seth: For God, said she, hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, whom Cain slew.	Genesis 4:25 Notes The timeline is a bit fuzzy here, but the next chapter states that Adam was 130 years old when he knocked up Eve again. Go Adam!
Genesis 4:26 And to Seth, to him also there was born a son; and he called his name Enos: then began men to call upon the name of the LORD.	Genesis 4:26 Notes Yeah, yeah, Seth found another mystery woman for a wife. Meanwhile, this verse seems to be saying people had forgotten about God pretty intensely in the preceding 235 or so years. God didn't seem too fazed by that, which is kind of good, judging by how psychotic he becomes later at the slightest hint of disrespect.

Genesis Chapter 5 (Boring genealogies, Part 1)

Genesis 5:1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;	Genesis 5:1 Notes This starts the genealogy listed in the Bible, following the other religious figures. Note that the ages listed in the Bible imply that the individuals lives to around 800 years in a generation, compared to the modern life expectancies that aren't known to often exceed 120.
Genesis 5:2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.	Genesis 5:2 Notes Apparently they were all called Adam.
Genesis 5:3 And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:	Genesis 5:3 Notes Adam was 130 years old when Seth was born. And apparently Cain and Abel forgot to be born into this genealogy, despite featuring as recently as the previous chapter.
Genesis 5:4 And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:4 Notes Yay, finally some girls are born. We're still left with the vexing problem of who were the mothers of all the children born prior to now.
Genesis 5:5 And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.	Genesis 5:5 Notes And all that nine hundred and thirty years he never manages to pass down the essentials of enjoying such longevity (Maybe the global flood did destroy it). The general argument from apologists is that prior to the flood humanity had much longer life spans. The idea that before the Fall we had longer lifespans is plausible (in mythological context at least), and it is claimed some accumulated fallen-ness gradually decreased people's lifespans until they were in line with what we would expect of actual humans. Some have argued that there was a mistranslation of the Hebrew and this number actually represents 930 lunar months, which puts Adam's age at a far more plausible 75 or so. It is believed a similar system, along with a complex non-decimal numeric system, is responsible for the Sumerian kings before the flood in the original myth having a combined age of almost a quarter of a million years. While elsewhere there are references to other people siring children at the tender age of 35 (which in lunar month terms is only three years), but it is very well-known that the Pentateuch has at least four distinct authors, so it is entirely within reason that some would count the age in lunar months and then later writers come along and make additions in solar years, explaining the discrepancy. Also in case you forgot, Adam was supposed to die after eating from the tree of Good and Evil. Some apologists have argued that he did receive the assigned punishment, because he would have lived forever if he had not eaten the fruit and remained in the Garden of Eden. However if that is so, what was the tree of "Eternal Life" (the other tree mentioned in Genesis 2:9) for? One thing that Christianity dislikes addressing is where all of the early Biblical figures went after they died. Since it would be thousands of years until Jesus was born, the only real option is they went to Hell. It is worth noting that Dante Alighieri found this thought so odious that in Canto IV of the Inferno he specifically sent a mighty angel down there to go and get some of them.
Genesis 5:6 And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:	Genesis 5:6 Notes It took Seth this long to get his wife pregnant with his first son, Enosh. Suggested explanations: Seth receives really good abstinence education from God. Seth has really advanced contraceptive technologies but the global flood destroyed it. Seth is so unpopular with the ladies (which are probably his sisters or nieces anyway) that it takes him this long to get a woman to like him enough to have sex with him. Similar explanations apply for almost everyone in the lineage mentioned. But if you're keeping track, Adam is 235 years old at this point.
Genesis 5:7 And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:7 Notes This is pretty much how the rest of Chapter Five is going to go. Feel free to skip to the end, everyone else does.
Genesis 5:8 And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years: and he died.	Genesis 5:8 Notes
Genesis 5:9 And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Cainan:	Genesis 5:9 Notes
Genesis 5:10 And Enos lived after he begat Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:10 Notes
Genesis 5:11 And all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died.	Genesis 5:11 Notes
Genesis 5:12 And Cainan lived seventy years and begat Mahalaleel:	Genesis 5:12 Notes
Genesis 5:13 And Cainan lived after he begat Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:13 Notes
Genesis 5:14 And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years: and he died.	Genesis 5:14 Notes
Genesis 5:15 And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared:	Genesis 5:15 Notes
Genesis 5:16 And Mahalaleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:16 Notes
Genesis 5:17 And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died.	Genesis 5:17 Notes
Genesis 5:18 And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch:	Genesis 5:18 Notes This is the second Enoch.
Genesis 5:19 And Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:19 Notes
Genesis 5:20 And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died.	Genesis 5:20 Notes
Genesis 5:21 And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah:	Genesis 5:21 Notes
Genesis 5:22 And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:22 Notes
Genesis 5:23 And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:	Genesis 5:23 Notes Unlike other pre-flood individuals mentioned by name, Enoch lasted only 400 years compared to the parents (and thus, Jared must have watched his son die but at least have a grandson.)
Genesis 5:24 And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.	Genesis 5:24 Notes Enoch did not die. The Lord took him. This implies that Enoch is still alive in Heaven with God, making him the oldest living person named in the Bible.
Genesis 5:25 And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech.	Genesis 5:25 Notes For the record, Adam is still alive at the time Methuselah has his first son.
Genesis 5:26 And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:26 Notes
Genesis 5:27 And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died.	Genesis 5:27 Notes Methus(h)elah is, besides the possible exception of Enoch, the longest living human in the Bible, although it isn't explained why God was so ok with him living so long. The general idea is that he died either the year of the flood or a little while before. Of course, for all the attention Methuselah gets for his longevity, he wasn't really that special since he lived only marginally longer than other early Biblical figures like Adam.
Genesis 5:28 And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son:	Genesis 5:28 Notes
Genesis 5:29 And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed.	Genesis 5:29 Notes The curse is probably a reference to Genesis 3:17. Noah's name apparently means or shares a root with the word for rest. It seems to me that basically the parents are saying oh good a child let's put him to work so we don't have to work as hard. In an era before child labor laws, more kids meant more farm labor.
Genesis 5:30 And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters:	Genesis 5:30 Notes
Genesis 5:31 And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died.	Genesis 5:31 Notes At this point, 1057 years passed since the birth creation of Adam, or 127 years since his death. Combined with at least 600 years that Noah took before the great flood, it basically requires squeezing most of human history into the period following 2400 BCE if you take a simple guess that the Earth is only ~6000 years old (the current year + 4000). Also of note is the age of which Lamech died - 777 years. It is parallel with Genesis 4:24, where Lamech notes that Cain was avenged sevenfold, and Lamech seventy-sevenfold. Despite them being two different people, that name has an odd affinity for the number seven and indicates that age of death in multi-generational pre-history was purposely chosen by the author.
Genesis 5:32 And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.	Genesis 5:32 Notes Noah, one of the prophets, never manages to tell his followers (which should also be his offspring/wives given the global flood) how to live for five hundred years, or even half as long. The goat definitely ate the secret and whoever kept the goat patched up the scripture in Genesis 6:3. For those interested, the genealogy continues at Genesis 9:28.

Genesis Chapter 6 (Everyone must drown! Part 1)

Genesis 6:1 And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,	Genesis 6:1 Notes
Genesis 6:2 That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.	Genesis 6:2 Notes Who or what are "the Sons of God"? There are endless arguments over what this actually means, there's even an entire Wikipedia article. This also runs into trouble much later, in the New Testament, where the Gospel of John (specifically John 3:16) refers to Jesus as God's only begotten son. So let's see if we've got this right. Angels/heavenly beings, who probably have everything they could possibly want, were tempted to marry primitive human women who were likely no more than ignorant, goat-herding peasants dressed in rags. That doesn't sound particularly plausible.
Genesis 6:3 And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years.	Genesis 6:3 Notes The age limit is 120 years, but Genesis 11:10 and beyond still shows people lasting longer than that. A short life for humans, except when plot demands otherwise. Also, much more closely and much more probably, Jeanne Calment died after the age of 122.
Genesis 6:4 There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.	Genesis 6:4 Notes See PZ Myers Pharyngula threads re.: Giants and Dwarfs(sic) The Sons of God Saw the Daughters of Men That They Were Fair sculpture by Daniel Chester French. Wikimedia Translations other than the KJV have this differently. But based on the King James Only view that's what we're talking about here. ("Nephilim" is claimed by others to mean "fallen" — whatever that may mean in context — and is left untranslated in new English translations.) In 1 Enoch, the nephilim are meant to be giants as they had a height of 3000 ells which converts to 2.130682 miles (3.4290002926 km). The 1962 abomination, Eegah claims it is Genesis 4:32 after someone asked if the titular Eegah was real after he was killed at the end of the movie. There is no Genesis 4:32. In any event, the text says these offspring "became mighty men which were of old, men of renown". So naturally, the authors then completely drop the ball and don't tell us a single name or deed of any of these allegedly famous heros that they just brought up. How could they have forgotten to include any of those details?
Genesis 6:5 And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.	Genesis 6:5 Notes Could you be more vague? The nature of the wickedness is not explained. As the Mosaic law has not yet even begun to be passed down, there are no official rules getting broken, unless everyone is breaking into the Garden of Eden and eating from the Tree of Knowledge just to piss God off, which really says more of the incompetence of the cherubim and seraphim guarding Eden than anything else. I can see some people being "wicked", but why would it be the case that every single man, woman, and baby, other than Noah and his family, was continually conspiring to be evil. Surely there would be some who would naturally be inclined to be kind, honest, friendly, etc. Also, if everyone is so depraved and evil all the time, how does Noah and his family go about their daily lives, much less build a boat for 100 years and gather species of every animal in the world? You would think they would be constantly attacked, robbed, etc.
Genesis 6:6 And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.	Genesis 6:6 Notes This is Pentateuch God not being omniscient, since otherwise He would have known this would happen. It also contradicts assertions that God is perfect for Him to regret His actions (or to create fifteen thousand species of trilobites and then just kill all of them). By the way, this verse makes reference to God's "heart". How anthropomorphic of the Genesis writers. Are we honestly supposed to believe that an all-powerful, immortal being has a physical blood pump in his chest and perhaps a circulatory system?
Genesis 6:7 And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.	Genesis 6:7 Notes See Examples of God personally killing people In this verse, God didn't like the result of his own creations. This implies he is either not omniscient or that omniscience doesn't extend to the consequences of His own actions. Maybe he shouldn't have coddled murderers like Cain. Maybe he should have sent prophets, given laws through Noah, or provided any documented form of official moral instruction. Genesis shows no evidence that God tried any of this to prevent evil or fix it. Plus, even if humans are evil, through his apparent neglect, why punish animals? He has so many options for killing off humans without killing any animals in the process. The flood is simply not an effective or fair way to target the guilty without harming the innocent as well. Any being that does such a thing is an amoral bumbler, not a morally perfect God.
Genesis 6:8 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD.	Genesis 6:8 Notes Why? If the Bible was intended as a moral guide, some clarification as to what all the bad people were doing wrong and what was so damn nifty about Noah might be useful.
Genesis 6:9 These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God.	Genesis 6:9 Notes Noah didn't seem so just and perfect when he stripped naked and passed out drunk in front of his kids in Genesis 9:21.
Genesis 6:10 And Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.	Genesis 6:10 Notes If Noah was the only good guy on Earth then God should have been commanding him to make babies like crazy with as many wives as possible, not just have one wife and three sons. He should have made all the evil people unable to conceive children and simply let them die out. Problem solved. No flood required.
Genesis 6:11 The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence.	Genesis 6:11 Notes Here's a fun party game: How many other "families" can you name that believed they were also in the same situation?
Genesis 6:12 And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth.	Genesis 6:12 Notes Following the logic, the flesh had corrupted the Earth because of the tree that God himself made available to Adam way back when. Perhaps rather than blaming humanity, God might have thought "Hmmm, in hindsight, that tree was a bit of a cock-up". Also, what "way" did these people corrupt?
Genesis 6:13 And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.	Genesis 6:13 Notes God is bothered by the violence in the world, so he resorts to violence to end it. It should be noted that in every other version of this tale, the God that wants to destroy mankind and the one that gives the warning to the Noah figure are different people.
Genesis 6:14 Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.	Genesis 6:14 Notes This starts an interesting and totally coincidental theme where it seems God can make anything man can't make, but He can't make anything man can make, such as a boat, a temple or the Tabernacle, or fine garments for His priests. Just like it would be if God were completely imaginary, oddly enough. Fun fact: a quick google search for "gopher wood" reveals that no one is 100% sure what kind of wood is being referred to here. The Hebrew is just the consonants g-p-r, and it is somewhat unlikely that the ancient Israelites had a word for an animal which is from North America; the most likely translation is "cypress" based on the similar letters used. It is also good advice to pitch it with pitch; we guess God is just making sure Noah doesn't try to pitch it with peanut butter or something.
Genesis 6:15 And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits.	Genesis 6:15 Notes This would make it the largest wooden ship ever constructed by a considerable margin, and would be physically impossible without metal bracing, which is never mentioned. Where the hell he's going to find all this cypress wood when he lives in Iraq is also not mentioned: Iraq does have forests in the Northeastern mountains, but the main trees are oak and willow, not cypress.
Genesis 6:16 A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.	Genesis 6:16 Notes At this point, Noah must've said: "Do you think I wouldn't have a door, man? I'm not a fucking idiot, mate."
Genesis 6:17 And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and every thing that is in the earth shall die.	Genesis 6:17 Notes For more details see global flood. Did nobody else have a boat or raft to float on besides Noah? Not even fishermen? Why could they not survive the flood as well by drinking rain water and catching fish, for example?
Genesis 6:18 But with thee will I establish my covenant; and thou shalt come into the ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons' wives with thee.	Genesis 6:18 Notes According to the genealogy, Methuselah and Lamech are still alive, and will last 100 more years. However, since the flood occurred 1657 years after Adam's birth, and Methuselah died only 1656 years after Adam's birth (Lamech dying 5 years earlier), they don't need to enter the ark.
Genesis 6:19 And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.	Genesis 6:19 Notes Compare this to Genesis 7:2, which has different instructions for "clean" animals. One would also question where Noah was supposed to find a male New Mexico whiptail lizard. Note also God requests "two of every sort," not of every "kind," so your KJV-only baraminologists are screwed here. Also, why go through all this rigmarole when God could just create all the animals again? Is this perhaps from an older story where this wasn't the same God that created them in the first place? (spoilers: yes)
Genesis 6:20 Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive.	Genesis 6:20 Notes
Genesis 6:21 And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten, and thou shalt gather it to thee; and it shall be for food for thee, and for them.	Genesis 6:21 Notes
Genesis 6:22 Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he.	Genesis 6:22 Notes Yep, we did the whole thing of listing everything a character needs to do and then ending with "and so he did." No idea how this 600 year old uneducated man living in Mesopotamia found all this wood or caught all these animals or DIY'd a giant-ass boat, he just did.

Genesis Chapter 7 (Everyone must drown! Part 2)

Genesis 7:1 And the LORD said unto Noah, Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation.	Genesis 7:1 Notes
Genesis 7:2 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.	Genesis 7:2 Notes This may be a retrospective correction of Genesis 6:19. If you want to take a small sample of a species (or "kind") and be able to repopulate that species fairly rapidly later on, seven specimens would an absolute minimum but would still cause a population bottleneck. With only one pair, population renewal could only take place at the rate of the female's gestation, and there would be too high a risk of one of the animals dying before reproduction, or being infertile. But with, say, five females and two males, the rate of repopulation would be much quicker, and there would be a spare male in case of problems. Perhaps extinction risks were not such a concern with the "unclean" beasts. The surplus "clean" animals would become useful in Genesis 8:20. Of course, this rule greatly multiplies the problems Noah and his family would have feeding and taken care of all the millions of species on their boat. It's not actually clear here what distinguishes "clean" from "unclean" animals. It is usually presumed that the unclean animals are the ones not considered kosher (e.g. pigs, weasels). However, the food rules aren't laid out until much later, in the Torah books: Leviticus and Deuteronomy.
Genesis 7:3 Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.	Genesis 7:3 Notes
Genesis 7:4 For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.	Genesis 7:4 Notes Forty days? Forty fucking days? Really? If God is truly da one, why on earth does it take Him forty days to wipe out everything?
Genesis 7:5 And Noah did according unto all that the LORD commanded him.	Genesis 7:5 Notes
Genesis 7:6 And Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon the earth.	Genesis 7:6 Notes Yes, and I bet he never let his kids forget how hard things were in his day. Why when I was your age I had to build an Ark and save the world, and that was just what I did before breakfast. Thank you, grandpa Simpson.
Genesis 7:7 And Noah went in, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him, into the ark, because of the waters of the flood.	Genesis 7:7 Notes
Genesis 7:8 Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls, and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth,	Genesis 7:8 Notes
Genesis 7:9 There went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, the male and the female, as God had commanded Noah.	Genesis 7:9 Notes This verse contradicts Genesis 7:2-3, where there were seven of every clean animal and fowl. See Number of each "kind" on Noah's Ark.
Genesis 7:10 And it came to pass after seven days, that the waters of the flood were upon the earth.	Genesis 7:10 Notes The flood starts on day 8. Not Noah's ark. Thus begins the greatest act of animal cruelty and mass-murder of all time, putting Doctor Oz and Cruella de Ville to shame. Cruella de Yahweh drowned all those innocent animals purely as collateral damage in order to kill off some people he didn't like. Of course, this is often portrayed quite differently by Bible fanatics who depict the Hydro-holocaust as a happy, fun, family-friendly event that is suitable to be made into a plaything for infants. This is nothing short of propaganda directed at children. The Deluge by Gustave Doré (1865) The God of Genesis could have just sent a plague that killed humans and made Noah and his family immune. That would have been way more effective than indiscriminate drowning. Are we really to believe that newborn babies and young children were evil too and needed to die?
Genesis 7:11 In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.	Genesis 7:11 Notes Okay, Bible, you don't have to be so specific on what day of his life it happened. One way that liars try to cover up their lies is to give overly specific information in some areas where it doesn't matter. That way we ignore the other details, like the millions of species he had to cram on the Ark through that tiny door. It really doesn't matter the exact day that the flood supposedly happened, since it is a made up story that never happened anyway. But we get it, the verse tells us that Noah is old as all hell, and probably damn tired from building the Ark for the last 100 years too. God could have just snapped his fingers and had the Ark instantly appear with all the animals and food loaded. It's really the least he could do, considering that he is destroying the world for no good reason, and using the equivalent of a thermonuclear bomb to smite a mosquito. On a technical note, the "fountains of the deep" are sometimes used to justify the Hydroplate theory.
Genesis 7:12 And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.	Genesis 7:12 Notes Next starts day 48.
Genesis 7:13 In the selfsame day entered Noah, and Shem, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark;	Genesis 7:13 Notes
Genesis 7:14 They, and every beast after his kind, and all the cattle after their kind, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind, and every fowl after his kind, every bird of every sort.	Genesis 7:14 Notes
Genesis 7:15 And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life.	Genesis 7:15 Notes
Genesis 7:16 And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God had commanded him: and the LORD shut him in.	Genesis 7:16 Notes Note the two different names for god in one sentence, "Elohim" and "YHWH". Two different names, two different gods, clearly a sign that these are two distinct stories that have been intertwined by a single editor.
Genesis 7:17 And the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lift up above the earth.	Genesis 7:17 Notes
Genesis 7:18 And the waters prevailed, and were increased greatly upon the earth; and the ark went upon the face of the waters.	Genesis 7:18 Notes
Genesis 7:19 And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth; and all the high hills, that were under the whole heaven, were covered.	Genesis 7:19 Notes
Genesis 7:20 Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; and the mountains were covered.	Genesis 7:20 Notes A cubit is generally standardized as eighteen inches - fifteen cubits is less than 25 feet. Unless the verse is talking about the distance above the mountains the waters "prevailed," these are some very small mountains. In actuality this may have been a real flood that affected Shurupakk, Kish, and the surrounding areas: a flood of 25ft would be sufficient to do this.
Genesis 7:21 And all flesh died that moved upon the earth, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of beast, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, and every man:	Genesis 7:21 Notes God is all-benevolent. Sure...
Genesis 7:22 All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died.	Genesis 7:22 Notes The "breath of life" and verse Genesis 8:11 shows that the authors of Genesis did not consider plants to be alive in the same sense as animals. It's also rather questionable what happened to animals without nostrils. Also, what about ducks, which can, like, float on top of the water? And eat the plants that are still alive because they don't have nostrils?
Genesis 7:23 And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark.	Genesis 7:23 Notes What about people who had other boats? Are we supposed to believe that the Ark is the only boat in the world? Animals have also been known to survive on natural rafts. Even in terrible floods and ship wrecks today we often find survivors clinging to flotsam and jetsam.
Genesis 7:24 And the waters prevailed upon the earth an hundred and fifty days.	Genesis 7:24 Notes Next starts day 151. If you add 150 days to the counter, you'd end up with day 198, which conflicts with Genesis 8:4.

Genesis Chapter 8 (Everyone (except Noah) is now dead. Thanks God.)

Genesis 8:1 And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that was with him in the ark: and God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters asswaged;	Genesis 8:1 Notes "God remembered Noah" may also imply that God is not omniscient. Also, God must have really horrible memory to forget about the one thing that is still alive.
Genesis 8:2 The fountains also of the deep and the windows of heaven were stopped, and the rain from heaven was restrained;	Genesis 8:2 Notes That's nice, but there are no windows of heaven to close, nor are there fountains of the deep that could produce any significant amount of water. "Fountains also of the deep" lead some people to create a hydroplate theory. But if you're one of three people who still read The Bible literally, you might expect that the rains were stopped at this point instead of day 48.
Genesis 8:3 And the waters returned from off the earth continually: and after the end of the hundred and fifty days the waters were abated.	Genesis 8:3 Notes This described the same event as Genesis 7:23, and we're still on day 151.
Genesis 8:4 And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat.	Genesis 8:4 Notes Mountains of Ararat refers to a general region. In Syrian and Quranic tradition, the specific landing point is on Mount Judi, found in Turkey (but near Syria). To add a bit of confusion, Turkey also has a Mount Ararat as well, which is closer to Georgia (and was once part of Russia). Also, 5 months passed since Genesis 7:12.
Genesis 8:5 And the waters decreased continually until the tenth month: in the tenth month, on the first day of the month, were the tops of the mountains seen.	Genesis 8:5 Notes From the timing shown in Genesis 7:11, seven and a half months passed.
Genesis 8:6 And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made:	Genesis 8:6 Notes 8.5 months plus 40 days.
Genesis 8:7 And he sent forth a raven, which went forth to and fro, until the waters were dried up from off the earth.	Genesis 8:7 Notes
Genesis 8:8 Also he sent forth a dove from him, to see if the waters were abated from off the face of the ground;	Genesis 8:8 Notes
Genesis 8:9 But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him into the ark, for the waters were on the face of the whole earth: then he put forth his hand, and took her, and pulled her in unto him into the ark.	Genesis 8:9 Notes Genesis 8:5 said that tops of the mountains were already visible. Did the clock turn back to before 8.5 months?
Genesis 8:10 And he stayed yet other seven days; and again he sent forth the dove out of the ark;	Genesis 8:10 Notes
Genesis 8:11 And the dove came in to him in the evening; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off: so Noah knew that the waters were abated from off the earth.	Genesis 8:11 Notes Either trees aren't "living things" (Genesis 7:23) and hence didn't die along with everything else, or they somehow regrew at an astonishing speed. Olive trees do not grow fast at all.
Genesis 8:12 And he stayed yet other seven days; and sent forth the dove; which returned not again unto him any more.	Genesis 8:12 Notes
Genesis 8:13 And it came to pass in the six hundredth and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried up from off the earth: and Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked, and, behold, the face of the ground was dry.	Genesis 8:13 Notes Noah is 601 years old now.
Genesis 8:14 And in the second month, on the seven and twentieth day of the month, was the earth dried.	Genesis 8:14 Notes Net time of the flood was just over about 1 year, before everything returned to normal. To survive that long, you need to store or harvest 1 year's worth of food for 8 people, along with the millions of species aboard the Ark. Not taking into account the time spent after the flood. Crops aren't ready for harvest at this time, and all plants on land would be dead and decayed. And salted!
Genesis 8:15 And God spake unto Noah, saying,	Genesis 8:15 Notes
Genesis 8:16 Go forth of the ark, thou, and thy wife, and thy sons, and thy sons' wives with thee.	Genesis 8:16 Notes
Genesis 8:17 Bring forth with thee every living thing that is with thee, of all flesh, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; that they may breed abundantly in the earth, and be fruitful, and multiply upon the earth.	Genesis 8:17 Notes
Genesis 8:18 And Noah went forth, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him:	Genesis 8:18 Notes
Genesis 8:19 Every beast, every creeping thing, and every fowl, and whatsoever creepeth upon the earth, after their kinds, went forth out of the ark.	Genesis 8:19 Notes How did the kangaroos and platypi get to Australia?
Genesis 8:20 And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar.	Genesis 8:20 Notes If there's just two of each animal, such a sacrifice would nullify the purpose behind bringing them on the ark. This is not a problem with Genesis 7:2, where the seven animals were taken, and the 7th animal is a spare. Of course, we're down a dove and a raven at this point, as they never returned.
Genesis 8:21 And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.	Genesis 8:21 Notes This verse and Genesis 6:5 states that humans are generally evil. Since humans are evil per Genesis 6:5, God decides to destroy all living things, but in this verse, humans are evil so God decides not to destroy all living things. Even though God promised to never curse the ground again or destroy all living beings, there are still loopholes that permit destroying everything within a small area, or smiting creatures one at a time. Literalists like to argue that this is specifically saying He will not destroy mankind the same way as He did this time, to get around His hulking out and getting ready to kill everyone again in Exodus 32:10. Not to mention what's in store in the Book of Revelation, where prospects look quite bleak for living things.
Genesis 8:22 While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.	Genesis 8:22 Notes This verse states that there won't be any worldwide apocalypse any time soon - aside from just wiping out all humans and keeping everything else alive. There is a reference to 'seedtime and harvest', but no mention of Noah taking any grain to sow after the flood (which of course would be over and above an entire year's supply of foodstuffs for 8 humans and millions of animals).

Genesis Chapter 9 (God promises to stop being such a bastard. Noah gets drunk and naked.)

Genesis 9:1 And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.	Genesis 9:1 Notes Genesis 9:1-3 are essentially identical to Genesis 1:28, indicating either a renewal of the covenant, or that Genesis 1 covered everything up to Noah without saying so. Like 1:28, many Christians, including Roman Catholics, use this verse to justify their opposition to contraception.
Genesis 9:2 And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.	Genesis 9:2 Notes All animals will now be scared of people. Nice. Unfortunately, animals in remote areas like emperor penguins, kakapos, dodos, and others and big scary animals like polar bears, tigers, great white sharks haven't gotten the memo while cows and sheep just don't care.
Genesis 9:3 Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.	Genesis 9:3 Notes Apparently up until now everyone was a vegetarian. Don't ask us about the mammoths. This also discards the clean-unclean distinction God clearly made to Noah in explaining how to stock the Ark (though that distinction is itself suspect at this point, as noted earlier, since what makes an animal clean or unclean won't be explained until much later). But yes, it's another hint that this is a story invented for later people rather than a faithful retelling of literal history.
Genesis 9:4 But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat.	Genesis 9:4 Notes A reference to the Kosher practice of not eating meat that contains blood.
Genesis 9:5 And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I require the life of man.	Genesis 9:5 Notes
Genesis 9:6 Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.	Genesis 9:6 Notes Unless Cain or Lamech does the shedding. Or one of the many, many other people who will end up spilling blood on God's orders. Also, see note at Genesis 4:8 above.
Genesis 9:7 And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.	Genesis 9:7 Notes God seriously is worried about humanity going extinct, a problem he created at this point. Shouldn't everyone have got the point by now though?
Genesis 9:8 And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying,	Genesis 9:8 Notes
Genesis 9:9 And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you;	Genesis 9:9 Notes
Genesis 9:10 And with every living creature that is with you, of the fowl, of the cattle, and of every beast of the earth with you; from all that go out of the ark, to every beast of the earth.	Genesis 9:10 Notes
Genesis 9:11 And I will establish my covenant with you, neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth.	Genesis 9:11 Notes
Genesis 9:12 And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations:	Genesis 9:12 Notes
Genesis 9:13 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.	Genesis 9:13 Notes So, there were no rainbows before now? Either there was no rain or atmospheric water vapor in the previous centuries (most likely the former, as Genesis 2:5 and 6 claim God did not allow to rain and a mist from the ground watered everything respectively), or God always made sure the conditions needed for rainbows never occurred, or God somehow modified the refractive properties of light and/or water just to make a point. Or, maybe, this is a prescientific attempt to explain rainbows?
Genesis 9:14 And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud:	Genesis 9:14 Notes Except when it isn't, which is most of the time.
Genesis 9:15 And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.	Genesis 9:15 Notes This is read as meaning he isn't going to kill everyone with water again to get around the continued existence of floods, tsunamis, etc. Of course, this leaves open a loophole to allow for the use of other methods as we will see much later.
Genesis 9:16 And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.	Genesis 9:16 Notes Did God really just say he needs a rainbow to remind himself that he promised not to kill everyone again?
Genesis 9:17 And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.	Genesis 9:17 Notes
Genesis 9:18 And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, and Ham, and Japheth: and Ham is the father of Canaan.	Genesis 9:18 Notes Ham, the son of Noah, is the father of Canaan. Park that little fact in your memory for when you get to the Book of Joshua. Not to spoil the story, but it doesn't pan out very well for the Canaanites.
Genesis 9:19 These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread.	Genesis 9:19 Notes
Genesis 9:20 And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:	Genesis 9:20 Notes
Genesis 9:21 And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.	Genesis 9:21 Notes Note that it takes multiple years to get grapevines growing and then some time to ferment wine. So this could not have happened right away. Noah pioneered the tradition of God's chosen righteous men celebrating God's grace by getting drunk and going skyclad naked. The pattern continues later with Lot in Genesis 19:33.
Genesis 9:22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.	Genesis 9:22 Notes
Genesis 9:23 And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.	Genesis 9:23 Notes This verse highlights the Bible's obsession with nakedness. It makes it clear that the wrongful act of Ham was not that he went and told everyone that his father had exhibitionist tendencies while wasted, it was that he simply saw his father naked.
Genesis 9:24 And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.	Genesis 9:24 Notes So just so you understand, Ham accidentally saw his drunken father naked. This seemingly trivial action would eventually lead to the deaths of literally thousands of people.
Genesis 9:25 And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.	Genesis 9:25 Notes This is the passage that was used to justify beginning the African slave trade despite the earlier abolition of slavery in Europe. See Curse of Ham. By the end of this, there is yet another curse and the flood, as will become very evident within a few chapters, achieved absolutely nothing except inundating an entire planet. And just to compare to other local variants of this myth: Ziusudra, the Sumerian Noah, was taken to the dwelling place of the gods as soon as his ark landed. In the Epic of Gilgamesh, Utnapishtim, the Babylonian Noah, was rewarded with immortality, like the Gods. Noah got fuck-all and became a naked old drunk cursing his own kids. Of course Noah is not God and had no magic powers to curse people. Therefore his proclamation of a curse on Ham's son Canaan means as much as any other drunken oath. Diddly and squat.
Genesis 9:26 And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.	Genesis 9:26 Notes
Genesis 9:27 God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.	Genesis 9:27 Notes
Genesis 9:28 And Noah lived after the flood three hundred and fifty years.	Genesis 9:28 Notes
Genesis 9:29 And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years: and he died.	Genesis 9:29 Notes Remember Genesis 6:3? 120 years and all that?

Genesis Chapter 10 (Boring genealogies, Part 2)

Genesis 10:1 Now these are the generations of the sons of Noah, Shem, Ham, and Japheth: and unto them were sons born after the flood.	Genesis 10:1 Notes This entire chapter is genealogy. The next event is in Genesis 11:1.
Genesis 10:2 The sons of Japheth; Gomer, and Magog, and Madai, and Javan, and Tubal, and Meshech, and Tiras.	Genesis 10:2 Notes
Genesis 10:3 And the sons of Gomer; Ashkenaz, and Riphath, and Togarmah.	Genesis 10:3 Notes
Genesis 10:4 And the sons of Javan; Elishah, and Tarshish, Kittim, and Dodanim.	Genesis 10:4 Notes So we are told about the offspring of two of the seven sons of Japheth: Gomer and Javan. We get nothing about the sons of Magog, Madai, Tubal, Meshech, or Tiras. So are we to assume that none of them had any sons? It doesn't seem likely that not one of them would have a single male child. At the very least the authors could comment, "the other sons were childless" or "they had only daughters" or whatever.
Genesis 10:5 By these were the isles of the Gentiles divided in their lands; every one after his tongue, after their families, in their nations.	Genesis 10:5 Notes "after his tongue" suggests dialects, but in the Tower of Babel myth in the next chapter we are told that everyone on Earth spoke the same language.
Genesis 10:6 And the sons of Ham; Cush, and Mizraim, and Phut, and Canaan.	Genesis 10:6 Notes
Genesis 10:7 And the sons of Cush; Seba, and Havilah, and Sabtah, and Raamah, and Sabtechah: and the sons of Raamah; Sheba, and Dedan.	Genesis 10:7 Notes
Genesis 10:8 And Cush begat Nimrod: he began to be a mighty one in the earth.	Genesis 10:8 Notes Nimrod got quite a few legends attached to his name in subsequent history, but the Bible's account of him basically begins and ends here.
Genesis 10:9 He was a mighty hunter before the LORD: wherefore it is said, Even as Nimrod the mighty hunter before the LORD.	Genesis 10:9 Notes This is the origin of this word. The fact that Nimrod's name became an insult appears to have largely been based on Bugs Bunny mockingly referring to Elmer Fudd this way in 1940s cartoons.
Genesis 10:10 And the beginning of his kingdom was Babel, and Erech, and Accad, and Calneh, in the land of Shinar.	Genesis 10:10 Notes
Genesis 10:11 Out of that land went forth Asshur, and builded Nineveh, and the city Rehoboth, and Calah,	Genesis 10:11 Notes Nineveh was one of the greatest cities of antiquity, near modern-day Mosul in northern Iraq, and the site was settled around 6000 BCE and historically important by 2900 BCE. Nobody knows who founded it (there's a legend that someone called Ninus did but that seems to have been made up in the Hellenistic era around 400 BCE). There's no clue where Rehoboth is, and it may be a misinterpretation of a reference to a town square. Calah is modern Nimrud in northern Iraq. It's not clear where Resen (next verse) is either. Moral: don't use the Bible as a gazetteer or guide book.
Genesis 10:12 And Resen between Nineveh and Calah: the same is a great city.	Genesis 10:12 Notes
Genesis 10:13 And Mizraim begat Ludim, and Anamim, and Lehabim, and Naphtuhim,	Genesis 10:13 Notes
Genesis 10:14 And Pathrusim, and Casluhim, (out of whom came Philistim,) and Caphtorim.	Genesis 10:14 Notes
Genesis 10:15 And Canaan begat Sidon his first born, and Heth,	Genesis 10:15 Notes
Genesis 10:16 And the Jebusite, and the Amorite, and the Girgasite,	Genesis 10:16 Notes
Genesis 10:17 And the Hivite, and the Arkite, and the Sinite,	Genesis 10:17 Notes
Genesis 10:18 And the Arvadite, and the Zemarite, and the Hamathite: and afterward were the families of the Canaanites spread abroad.	Genesis 10:18 Notes
Genesis 10:19 And the border of the Canaanites was from Sidon, as thou comest to Gerar, unto Gaza; as thou goest, unto Sodom, and Gomorrah, and Admah, and Zeboim, even unto Lasha.	Genesis 10:19 Notes Sidon is still a major city in Lebanon, south of Beirut; Gaza is to the southwest of Israel; Sodom and Gomorrah, Admah and probably Zeboim were in the Jordan river plains. The location of Lasha is unclear but it was probably near the river Jordan or Dead Sea. Hence the Canaanites, descendants of Ham, get modern day Israel and Palestine and the bottom of Lebanon.
Genesis 10:20 These are the sons of Ham, after their families, after their tongues, in their countries, and in their nations.	Genesis 10:20 Notes They left out the children of Phut, the third son of Ham. Was he shooting blanks or not interested in women or too ugly or what? It is possible that he only had daughters, but it would be better if the authors accounted for this, since they bothered to name him.
Genesis 10:21 Unto Shem also, the father of all the children of Eber, the brother of Japheth the elder, even to him were children born.	Genesis 10:21 Notes
Genesis 10:22 The children of Shem; Elam, and Asshur, and Arphaxad, and Lud, and Aram.	Genesis 10:22 Notes
Genesis 10:23 And the children of Aram; Uz, and Hul, and Gether, and Mash.	Genesis 10:23 Notes
Genesis 10:24 And Arphaxad begat Salah; and Salah begat Eber.	Genesis 10:24 Notes
Genesis 10:25 And unto Eber were born two sons: the name of one was Peleg; for in his days was the earth divided; and his brother's name was Joktan.	Genesis 10:25 Notes As mentioned on the plate tectonics article, some creationists say that this refers to Pangaea breaking apart during the Flood (either that or they claim this happened when said supercontinent broke apart two hundred million years ago, in the Triassic). The amount of BS on these statements, especially the second one, is left for the reader to ponder.
Genesis 10:26 And Joktan begat Almodad, and Sheleph, and Hazarmaveth, and Jerah,	Genesis 10:26 Notes
Genesis 10:27 And Hadoram, and Uzal, and Diklah,	Genesis 10:27 Notes
Genesis 10:28 And Obal, and Abimael, and Sheba,	Genesis 10:28 Notes
Genesis 10:29 And Ophir, and Havilah, and Jobab: all these were the sons of Joktan.	Genesis 10:29 Notes
Genesis 10:30 And their dwelling was from Mesha, as thou goest unto Sephar a mount of the east.	Genesis 10:30 Notes
Genesis 10:31 These are the sons of Shem, after their families, after their tongues, in their lands, after their nations.	Genesis 10:31 Notes So again no children are listed at all for Shem's three sons Elam, Asshur, and Lud? If these are in birth order then Elam is first born and would likely want to have heirs. All told, 9 of the 16 grandsons of Noah are not described as having any children at all. So much for being fruitful and multiplying.
Genesis 10:32 These are the families of the sons of Noah, after their generations, in their nations: and by these were the nations divided in the earth after the flood.	Genesis 10:32 Notes

Genesis Chapter 11 (Communication is bad, mmkay? Plus Boring genealogies, Part 3)

Genesis 11:1 And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech.	Genesis 11:1 Notes See also Tower of Babel "The Tower of Babel" by Pieter Bruegel the Elder (1563) Interestingly, as we shall see in the verses to come, this is seen as a bad thing. This verse directly contradicts Genesis 10:5, Genesis 10:20, and even Genesis 10:31, which was only two verses earlier. The YEC date of the Flood means it also contradicts history, since we have records of at least six languages existing before it is supposed to have happened. In pre-literate societies, linguistic drift can spawn numerous tribal languages, even in short periods of time. We are told in Genesis 10:5, 10:20, and 10:31 that each of the sons of Noah sired offspring that spread out "after their tongues", suggesting regional dialects emerging almost immediately. The time between the Flood and the Tower of Babel is at least 100-200 years, depending upon construction time for the tower, so it is possible that dialects developed over this time. But honestly, how effective would it be to confuse languages to stop an ancient construction project, when all it basically consisted of is stacking bricks? The whole story reads like an older myth that was dropped in here for convenience because somebody liked the story and didn't want to leave it out: a version of the story is found in the Sumerian text Enmerkar and the Lord of Aratta dating c. 21st century BCE, long before Genesis was written, and with no mention of any of Noah's relatives. It has no obvious link to the genealogy of Noah's family found before and after the story.
Genesis 11:2 And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar; and they dwelt there.	Genesis 11:2 Notes Who is this "they" that are journeying from the east? Only Nimrod is described as starting a kingdom in Shinar in 10:9, so if these are his offspring, why not name them? In fact no specific offspring of Nimrod are named, only cities that he supposedly started, which is a strange thing for a hunter to do.
Genesis 11:3 And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone, and slime had they for morter.	Genesis 11:3 Notes Yes, slime. Apparently it is also the name of a type of clay mixed with pitch.
Genesis 11:4 And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make us a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth.	Genesis 11:4 Notes Today, their behavior is interpreted as "hubris", or false pride. This is probably because God is the jealous type, and he will only tolerate monuments that are in his honor. However, as far as making a name for themselves, building any city at all in a barren plain is sure to make a name for them. Building a super-high tower would not be necessary. It is not a small thing to build a city so why devote so much time, energy, and materials to building a tower — time, energy, and materials that could be better used building defensive walls and homes and granaries. It is therefore doubtful that the first thing an ancient people would devote their time to would be to a massive tower. Cities that built Ziggurats were already well established and thriving metropolises. …Then again, for all of the previously-mentioned reasons, building a miles-high tower in order to establish oneself as a Big Deal would qualify as an act of hubris in and of itself, regardless of whether or not any deities took offense to it.
Genesis 11:5 And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded.	Genesis 11:5 Notes Another case of the non-omniscient and non-omnipresent Pentateuch God, since He must go down in order to see something.
Genesis 11:6 And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.	Genesis 11:6 Notes Like in the Genesis story, God is shown as a figure like Zeus who fears that man will someday exceed Him. This shows a very different conception of God to the later Bible. However, it is worth noting that, if people truly had a common language since the creation of Man, then this has been the case for almost 2000 years at this point in the story. So why is it suddenly only an issue now?
Genesis 11:7 Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.	Genesis 11:7 Notes Presumably "us" refers to God and his angels, although it is also possible that this line is a vestigial remnant from when this story featured numerous gods instead of one. As noted above, "us" is also interpreted by some as referring to the Trinity. Despite this verse, there is much less resistance to claims that languages evolved over time. Namely, achievements have still been made in spite of current language barriers (countered by bilingualism), and we have constructed much larger towers since Babel.
Genesis 11:8 So the LORD scattered them abroad from thence upon the face of all the earth: and they left off to build the city.	Genesis 11:8 Notes So, let me get this straight: God doesn't want people to be united or work together communally? And we're supposed to worship this guy?
Genesis 11:9 Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.	Genesis 11:9 Notes One possible explanation for this tale is that the Marduk Ziggurat's construction begun under Hammurabi faltered as the Mesopotamian empire collapsed: with this, financial constraints not only stopped the construction of the Ziggurat, but also forced the closure of schools teaching the first known syllabic language, Cuneiform. Within a couple of generations, nobody knew how to read the old language.
Genesis 11:10 These are the generations of Shem: Shem was an hundred years old, and begat Arphaxad two years after the flood:	Genesis 11:10 Notes With a new genealogy starting, note the maximum age of these individuals begins to drop. They're still above 120 years, which is supposed to be a limit, according to Genesis 6:3. It is also notable that male sperm becomes less viable with age, so breeding at advanced ages for men and women is likely to introduce genetic defects. Even ancient people would have understood that it would be better to breed when one is younger and more virile/fertile. Also, the Hayflick limit makes the ages described impossible for humans.
Genesis 11:11 And Shem lived after he begat Arphaxad five hundred years, and begat sons and daughters.	Genesis 11:11 Notes Contradicts Genesis 6:3 as noted above.
Genesis 11:12 And Arphaxad lived five and thirty years, and begat Salah:	Genesis 11:12 Notes
Genesis 11:13 And Arphaxad lived after he begat Salah four hundred and three years, and begat sons and daughters.	Genesis 11:13 Notes Contradicts Genesis 6:3 as noted above. (This will start to get repetitive.)
Genesis 11:14 And Salah lived thirty years, and begat Eber:	Genesis 11:14 Notes
Genesis 11:15 And Salah lived after he begat Eber four hundred and three years, and begat sons and daughters.	Genesis 11:15 Notes You guessed it, contradicts Genesis 6:3.
Genesis 11:16 And Eber lived four and thirty years, and begat Peleg:	Genesis 11:16 Notes
Genesis 11:17 And Eber lived after he begat Peleg four hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters.	Genesis 11:17 Notes Doesn't contradict Genesis 6:3! Nah, just kidding, it does.
Genesis 11:18 And Peleg lived thirty years, and begat Reu:	Genesis 11:18 Notes
Genesis 11:19 And Peleg lived after he begat Reu two hundred and nine years, and begat sons and daughters.	Genesis 11:19 Notes La de dah. Fill in the blanks yourself.
Genesis 11:20 And Reu lived two and thirty years, and begat Serug:	Genesis 11:20 Notes
Genesis 11:21 And Reu lived after he begat Serug two hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters.	Genesis 11:21 Notes Hmmm... I'm getting this weird rash, I wonder what it is?
Genesis 11:22 And Serug lived thirty years, and begat Nahor:	Genesis 11:22 Notes
Genesis 11:23 And Serug lived after he begat Nahor two hundred years, and begat sons and daughters.	Genesis 11:23 Notes Only two to go!
Genesis 11:24 And Nahor lived nine and twenty years, and begat Terah:	Genesis 11:24 Notes
Genesis 11:25 And Nahor lived after he begat Terah an hundred and nineteen years, and begat sons and daughters.	Genesis 11:25 Notes The second last and the youngest of them all at only 148 years... but still longer than the maximum 120 years God decreed back in Genesis 6:3.
Genesis 11:26 And Terah lived seventy years, and begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran.	Genesis 11:26 Notes
Genesis 11:27 Now these are the generations of Terah: Terah begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran begat Lot.	Genesis 11:27 Notes
Genesis 11:28 And Haran died before his father Terah in the land of his nativity, in Ur of the Chaldees.	Genesis 11:28 Notes There have been many attempts to find the modern-day location of Ur of the Chaldees, which was also the supposed birthplace of the patriarch Abraham, but none are convincing. It is not to be confused with Ur in southern Iraq.
Genesis 11:29 And Abram and Nahor took them wives: the name of Abram's wife was Sarai; and the name of Nahor's wife, Milcah, the daughter of Haran, the father of Milcah, and the father of Iscah.	Genesis 11:29 Notes OK just a warning. For the next few chapters, we'll be hearing all about Abram and Sarai. Then in Chapter 17 God decides for some reason they need to be called Abraham and Sarah instead.
Genesis 11:30 But Sarai was barren; she had no child.	Genesis 11:30 Notes
Genesis 11:31 And Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran his son's son, and Sarai his daughter in law, his son Abram's wife; and they went forth with them from Ur of the Chaldees, to go into the land of Canaan; and they came unto Haran, and dwelt there.	Genesis 11:31 Notes
Genesis 11:32 And the days of Terah were two hundred and five years: and Terah died in Haran.	Genesis 11:32 Notes Given all the lineages above, the following people were still alive when Terah died: Shem (73 years left) Arphaxad (13 years left) Salah (43 years left) Eber (104 years left) It must be strange for these people to watch their descendants die of old age before them. Some good news, Terah is the last of the descendants of Noah who ignored God's decree about not living longer than 120 years.

Genesis Chapter 12 (Meet Abraham, a liar and a pimp)

Genesis 12:1 Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee:	Genesis 12:1 Notes Abram being the original name of Abraham. He is traditionally dated to the "patriarchal age" in the 2nd millennium BCE, but the consensus of most modern Biblical scholars is that it's impossible to relate Abraham to any historical context, and he and the other Biblical patriarchs are more or less mythical.
Genesis 12:2 And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:	Genesis 12:2 Notes
Genesis 12:3 And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.	Genesis 12:3 Notes Handy hint: Worship Abram/Abraham. God will fuck you up otherwise.
Genesis 12:4 So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran.	Genesis 12:4 Notes
Genesis 12:5 And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.	Genesis 12:5 Notes
Genesis 12:6 And Abram passed through the land unto the place of Sichem, unto the plain of Moreh. And the Canaanite was then in the land.	Genesis 12:6 Notes A recap: the Canaanites are descended from Ham, who is the son who accidentally saw his drunken, passed out father (Noah) naked. Obviously, this makes them BAD people. Now just remember that - Canaanites are BAD. Try to forget WHY they are bad, just remember they are BAD. It will make the Book of Joshua much easier to get through.
Genesis 12:7 And the LORD appeared unto Abram, and said, Unto thy seed will I give this land: and there builded he an altar unto the LORD, who appeared unto him.	Genesis 12:7 Notes "One of your great-great-uncles saw his daddy naked, so I'm giving your descendants all of this land".
Genesis 12:8 And he removed from thence unto a mountain on the east of Bethel, and pitched his tent, having Bethel on the west, and Hai on the east: and there he builded an altar unto the LORD, and called upon the name of the LORD.	Genesis 12:8 Notes
Genesis 12:9 And Abram journeyed, going on still toward the south.	Genesis 12:9 Notes
Genesis 12:10 And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to sojourn there; for the famine was grievous in the land.	Genesis 12:10 Notes "Fuck all these starving people, I'm going on vacation."
Genesis 12:11 And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon:	Genesis 12:11 Notes
Genesis 12:12 Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive.	Genesis 12:12 Notes Based on the ages given elsewhere, Sarai/Sarah was 70 years old at this point. But apparently still way too foxy for the Egyptians to handle.
Genesis 12:13 Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee.	Genesis 12:13 Notes Sarai is technically Abram's sister, as will be revealed later. Also note that it is clear that Abram/Abraham knows that Sarah is so smoking hot that Pharaoh will take her for his own wife. However, rather than explore viable alternatives like, say, not fucking going into Egypt in the first place, he tells her to lie and say she is his sister. This will not stop Pharaoh at all, but it will stop the Egyptians from killing Abraham so as to make Sarah a widow. Of course, when the nasty, murderous, evil Egyptians later learn the truth, they actually do nothing of the sort, and merely send Abraham on his way.
Genesis 12:14 And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair.	Genesis 12:14 Notes
Genesis 12:15 The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh's house.	Genesis 12:15 Notes We are really expected to believe that Pharaoh wants to marry a nobody like Sarai with no noble titles, no land, and no money, who is not even an Egyptian? Pharaoh has a bit of a GILF thing going on, apparently. However, that's not how royal marriages worked then.
Genesis 12:16 And he entreated Abram well for her sake: and he had sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels.	Genesis 12:16 Notes So Abraham is not only lying about it being his wife and not his sister with Pharaoh, but he is cashing in to boot. What a guy. In modern day language, this is known as "pimping".
Genesis 12:17 And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife.	Genesis 12:17 Notes This may be the Bible's only plague of plagues. How, exactly, is Pharaoh the bad guy in this scenario?
Genesis 12:18 And Pharaoh called Abram and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she was thy wife?	Genesis 12:18 Notes Pharaoh has a pretty solid argument here.
Genesis 12:19 Why saidst thou, She is my sister? so I might have taken her to me to wife: now therefore behold thy wife, take her, and go thy way.	Genesis 12:19 Notes So Pharaoh, having just been severely fucked over by both Abraham AND God, simply (and rather graciously) says, "just take your wife and leave". Fortunately, God will be back to fuck the evil Egyptians over plenty more, so don't fret.
Genesis 12:20 And Pharaoh commanded his men concerning him: and they sent him away, and his wife, and all that he had.	Genesis 12:20 Notes Which, given what just transpired, is more than fair.

Genesis Chapter 13 (Abram and Lot return filthy rich and God promises the human race to match Earth's dust in numbers. Also, tents.)

Genesis 13:1 And Abram went up out of Egypt, he, and his wife, and all that he had, and Lot with him, into the south.	Genesis 13:1 Notes Note that Lot is seen here traveling with Abram and Sarai. This may be where he got some of his ideas about keeping it in the family as seen following the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, once his wife was conveniently out of the way.
Genesis 13:2 And Abram was very rich in cattle, in silver, and in gold.	Genesis 13:2 Notes Given that Abram left "the land of famine" with not much, all this wealth must have come from his time in Egypt when he was pimping Sarai. But the gifts the Pharaoh gave are only described as, "sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels". So how did Abram end up with gold, and silver, and cattle? Alternatively, if he did have all these cattle when he was in the land of famine, this means he preferred to allow a whole bunch of people to starve to death rather than lose a few cows. Either way, there is really nothing to like about this guy.
Genesis 13:3 And he went on his journeys from the south even to Bethel, unto the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Hai;	Genesis 13:3 Notes
Genesis 13:4 Unto the place of the altar, which he had make there at the first: and there Abram called on the name of the LORD.	Genesis 13:4 Notes
Genesis 13:5 And Lot also, which went with Abram, had flocks, and herds, and tents.	Genesis 13:5 Notes
Genesis 13:6 And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together: for their substance was great, so that they could not dwell together.	Genesis 13:6 Notes
Genesis 13:7 And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram's cattle and the herdmen of Lot's cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land.	Genesis 13:7 Notes There is an anachronism here. The narrator's addition—that the Canaanites and Perizzites lived then in the land—suggests it was written at a time when the residence of those groups was considered history. Though many believers attribute the authorship of the Pentateuch to Moses, the Canaanites lived in the land for the entirety of his life—and even after his death.
Genesis 13:8 And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.	Genesis 13:8 Notes
Genesis 13:9 Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.	Genesis 13:9 Notes
Genesis 13:10 And Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered every where, before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar.	Genesis 13:10 Notes The Bible is not above putting in spoilers.
Genesis 13:11 Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and Lot journeyed east: and they separated themselves the one from the other.	Genesis 13:11 Notes
Genesis 13:12 Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom.	Genesis 13:12 Notes
Genesis 13:13 But the men of Sodom were wicked and sinners before the LORD exceedingly.	Genesis 13:13 Notes We'll hear a lot more about Sodom later, including this "wicked and sinners" thing, but except for one incident it's not really explained. Don't hold your breath. Anyway, if they are so evil, why is Lot living with them?
Genesis 13:14 And the LORD said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward:	Genesis 13:14 Notes
Genesis 13:15 For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever.	Genesis 13:15 Notes
Genesis 13:16 And I will make thy seed as the dust of the earth: so that if a man can number the dust of the earth, then shall thy seed also be numbered.	Genesis 13:16 Notes God expects Abram's seed to match the amount of dust we have on Earth.
Genesis 13:17 Arise, walk through the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for I will give it unto thee.	Genesis 13:17 Notes
Genesis 13:18 Then Abram removed his tent, and came and dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and built there an altar unto the LORD.	Genesis 13:18 Notes

Genesis Chapter 14 (A bunch of kings suddenly fight each other and Abram is still an asshole)

Notice that Abram is suddenly a warrior badass instead of a wimp who pretends his wife is single so that he won't get killed.

Genesis 14:1 And it came to pass in the days of Amraphel king of Shinar, Arioch king of Ellasar, Chedorlaomer king of Elam, and Tidal king of nations;	Genesis 14:1 Notes Suddenly, there are new nations the reader is forced to keep track of, making it even more of a sudden challenge to follow now. Most believing Bible scholars consider Amraphel to be a corruption of "Hammurabi," and most young-Earth chronologies rest on this assumption. Secular linguists, archaeologists, and Assyriologists universally give this one a resounding "NO."
Genesis 14:2 That these made war with Bera king of Sodom, and with Birsha king of Gomorrah, Shinab king of Admah, and Shemeber king of Zeboiim, and the king of Bela, which is Zoar.	Genesis 14:2 Notes
Genesis 14:3 All these were joined together in the vale of Siddim, which is the salt sea.	Genesis 14:3 Notes
Genesis 14:4 Twelve years they served Chedorlaomer, and in the thirteenth year they rebelled.	Genesis 14:4 Notes
Genesis 14:5 And in the fourteenth year came Chedorlaomer, and the kings that were with him, and smote the Rephaims in Ashteroth Karnaim, and the Zuzims in Ham, and the Emins in Shaveh Kiriathaim,	Genesis 14:5 Notes
Genesis 14:6 And the Horites in their mount Seir, unto Elparan, which is by the wilderness.	Genesis 14:6 Notes
Genesis 14:7 And they returned, and came to Enmishpat, which is Kadesh, and smote all the country of the Amalekites, and also the Amorites, that dwelt in Hazezontamar.	Genesis 14:7 Notes This Chedorlaomer guy and his friends just can't satisfy their bloodlust. Smiting the Amalekites here contradicts with Genesis 36:12, where Eliphaz Amalek is born after his descendants were smitten. To be fair, perhaps Amalekites was used in a general sense. "Amalekite" translates to "people who dwell in the valley" and was probably more of a descriptor than an actual proper name at this point.
Genesis 14:8 And there went out the king of Sodom, and the king of Gomorrah, and the king of Admah, and the king of Zeboiim, and the king of Bela (the same is Zoar;) and they joined battle with them in the vale of Siddim;	Genesis 14:8 Notes
Genesis 14:9 With Chedorlaomer the king of Elam, and with Tidal king of nations, and Amraphel king of Shinar, and Arioch king of Ellasar; four kings with five.	Genesis 14:9 Notes
Genesis 14:10 And the vale of Siddim was full of slimepits; and the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled, and fell there; and they that remained fled to the mountain.	Genesis 14:10 Notes
Genesis 14:11 And they took all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah, and all their victuals, and went their way.	Genesis 14:11 Notes
Genesis 14:12 And they took Lot, Abram's brother's son, who dwelt in Sodom, and his goods, and departed.	Genesis 14:12 Notes
Genesis 14:13 And there came one that had escaped, and told Abram the Hebrew; for he dwelt in the plain of Mamre the Amorite, brother of Eshcol, and brother of Aner: and these were confederate with Abram.	Genesis 14:13 Notes
Genesis 14:14 And when Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan.	Genesis 14:14 Notes Also, what Abram did here was assemble a lovely slave army of only 318 and expect them to fight entire nations of his opponents. Remember, this guy is endorsed by God, so it can be assumed God supports slavery and also supports smiting opponents.
Genesis 14:15 And he divided himself against them, he and his servants, by night, and smote them, and pursued them unto Hobah, which is on the left hand of Damascus.	Genesis 14:15 Notes
Genesis 14:16 And he brought back all the goods, and also brought again his brother Lot, and his goods, and the women also, and the people.	Genesis 14:16 Notes The way women is put after goods, with "also", and also separate from the people, is very curious, as if women are a special kind of good, but not enough to be "the people".
Genesis 14:17 And the king of Sodom went out to meet him after his return from the slaughter of Chedorlaomer, and of the kings that were with him, at the valley of Shaveh, which is the king's dale.	Genesis 14:17 Notes Wait, Genesis 14:10 just said "the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled, and fell" into tarpits in the vale of Siddim. So which king of Sodom is this? It sounded like he died, but he better at least be covered in tar!
Genesis 14:18 And Melchizedek king of Salem brought forth bread and wine: and he was the priest of the most high God.	Genesis 14:18 Notes
Genesis 14:19 And he blessed him, and said, Blessed be Abram of the most high God, possessor of heaven and earth:	Genesis 14:19 Notes The "Most High God" El Elyon, is thought to be a different God., the God of Salem. Note the offering of bread and wine and how Yahweh rejected Cain's offering of grain.
Genesis 14:20 And blessed be the most high God, which hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand. And he gave him tithes of all.	Genesis 14:20 Notes
Genesis 14:21 And the king of Sodom said unto Abram, Give me the persons, and take the goods to thyself.	Genesis 14:21 Notes
Genesis 14:22 And Abram said to the king of Sodom, I have lift up mine hand unto the LORD, the most high God, the possessor of heaven and earth,	Genesis 14:22 Notes
Genesis 14:23 That I will not take from a thread even to a shoelatchet, and that I will not take any thing that is thine, lest thou shouldest say, I have made Abram rich:	Genesis 14:23 Notes That's nice. Abram doesn't accept the spoils not because he's humble, but because he's too proud and doesn't want people to say, "I have made Abram rich", probably because Abram is already rich from pimping Sarah. Perhaps he has foresight in the apparent wickedness of Sodomites, but nothing is explained about exactly what is so bad about Sodomites at this point.
Genesis 14:24 Save only that which the young men have eaten, and the portion of the men which went with me, Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their portion.	Genesis 14:24 Notes Abram supposedly has the king of Sodom over a barrel here, yet he decides to do nothing. Earlier we heard that Sodom and Gomorroah was full of evil people. So why didn't Abram just kill this king and take over and change things with the help of his buddy Melchizedek? Instead he did all the fighting and gives virtually everything back to this king, for no particular reason, just because of ego?

Genesis Chapter 15 (God blesses Abram with rectum babies)

Genesis 15:1 After these things the word of the LORD came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.	Genesis 15:1 Notes There has been no explicit mention in the previous chapter of God's role in winning the battle, but maybe God helped with the astounding victory of a motley army of 318 slaves.
Genesis 15:2 And Abram said, LORD God, what wilt thou give me, seeing I go childless, and the steward of my house is this Eliezer of Damascus?	Genesis 15:2 Notes
Genesis 15:3 And Abram said, Behold, to me thou hast given no seed: and, lo, one born in my house is mine heir.	Genesis 15:3 Notes
Genesis 15:4 And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own bowels shall be thine heir.	Genesis 15:4 Notes If interpreted literally, this indisputably qualifies as a scientific error. An heir coming forth from a man's bowels is quite unknown to medical science. Unless you're willing to not take "bowels" literally, of course.
Genesis 15:5 And he brought him forth abroad, and said, Look now toward heaven, and tell the stars, if thou be able to number them: and he said unto him, So shall thy seed be.	Genesis 15:5 Notes First, it's the dust in the Earth and now it's the stars. Given that there are around 3,000 stars in the sky at any given time and a telescope is not mentioned, it's a much more feasible number than the dust in Earth. Still, this doesn't fare well for Abram's large intestines.
Genesis 15:6 And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness.	Genesis 15:6 Notes
Genesis 15:7 And he said unto him, I am the LORD that brought thee out of Ur of the Chaldees, to give thee this land to inherit it.	Genesis 15:7 Notes See Genesis 11:28-31 for more on Ur of the Chaldees.
Genesis 15:8 And he said, LORD God, whereby shall I know that I shall inherit it?	Genesis 15:8 Notes
Genesis 15:9 And he said unto him, Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.	Genesis 15:9 Notes
Genesis 15:10 And he took unto him all these, and divided them in the midst, and laid each piece one against another: but the birds divided he not.	Genesis 15:10 Notes God basically asks for yet another animal sacrifice and for some reason, the birds aren't divided.
Genesis 15:11 And when the fowls came down upon the carcases, Abram drove them away.	Genesis 15:11 Notes It's nice wondering what would've happened instead if those birds were successful in their raid. Would God smite the birds? Would God order just more? Or would God say, "Nah, forget it, it's good enough we have half a leg missing."
Genesis 15:12 And when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and, lo, an horror of great darkness fell upon him.	Genesis 15:12 Notes So he is asleep and in a "horror of great darkness". How is he aware of anything going on here and how are the authors aware of Abram's dream state and internal mental experiences?
Genesis 15:13 And he said unto Abram, Know of a surety that thy seed shall be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and shall serve them; and they shall afflict them four hundred years;	Genesis 15:13 Notes God knowingly afflicts his chosen people with slavery and ignorance of their descendants for four hundred years. Why does it have to be that way? Is it to test their faith? If so, why the arbitrary length of four hundred years? And if God can tell the future, why didn't he earlier warn Abram that Lot is going to be kidnapped in the previous chapter?
Genesis 15:14 And also that nation, whom they shall serve, will I judge: and afterward shall they come out with great substance.	Genesis 15:14 Notes Again, why the set-up for this "great substance"?
Genesis 15:15 And thou shalt go to thy fathers in peace; thou shalt be buried in a good old age.	Genesis 15:15 Notes If this "good old age" is past 120 and contradicts Genesis 6:3, tables shall be flipped.
Genesis 15:16 But in the fourth generation they shall come hither again: for the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet full.	Genesis 15:16 Notes The Amorites are described as wicked in Leviticus, which has not yet been written. How is this meaningful to Abram?
Genesis 15:17 And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace, and a burning lamp that passed between those pieces.	Genesis 15:17 Notes
Genesis 15:18 In the same day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, Unto thy seed have I given this land, from the river of Egypt unto the great river, the river Euphrates:	Genesis 15:18 Notes
Genesis 15:19 The Kenites, and the Kenizzites, and the Kadmonites,	Genesis 15:19 Notes
Genesis 15:20 And the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Rephaims,	Genesis 15:20 Notes
Genesis 15:21 And the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Girgashites, and the Jebusites.	Genesis 15:21 Notes

Genesis Chapter 16 (It's okay to rape your mistress if your wife can't have kids)

Genesis 16:1 Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.	Genesis 16:1 Notes ...whom Sarai would later nickname Hagar the Horrible. *rimshot*
Genesis 16:2 And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.	Genesis 16:2 Notes "Well, if you insist, my dear wife Sarai, I'll bang your exotic handmaid," said Abram.
Genesis 16:3 And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.	Genesis 16:3 Notes
Genesis 16:4 And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.	Genesis 16:4 Notes Religious sanctity of marriage = man + his wife, and it's already shirked by a likely unconsenting mistress.
Genesis 16:5 And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.	Genesis 16:5 Notes The mistress gloats that she got knocked up after a one-night stand she didn't ask for and the wife never got pregnant.
Genesis 16:6 But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.	Genesis 16:6 Notes Abram righteously allows Sarai to beat up a pregnant woman for getting sweaty with Abram as she told them both to do. Why is Sarai jealous only after Hagar is pregnant? She knew Hagar could conceive beforehand, which is why she asked Abram to sex her in the first place! Again, this Abram and Sarai are supposed to be God's blessed people.
Genesis 16:7 And the angel of the LORD found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur.	Genesis 16:7 Notes
Genesis 16:8 And he said, Hagar, Sarai's maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai.	Genesis 16:8 Notes
Genesis 16:9 And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands.	Genesis 16:9 Notes This is an instruction to return to the mistress who recently beat her. Of course it could be that Hagar is unprepared to survive in the wilderness, having no supplies for the escape, thus requiring her to turn back. Still, the angel orders Hagar to submit to her mistress, so it's not really "oh, you're unprepared to escape, go back".
Genesis 16:10 And the angel of the LORD said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.	Genesis 16:10 Notes Amplifying Hagar's fertility really seems like a punishment here, given the major investment of raising children and the reception it gets from Sarai when Hagar does conceive.
Genesis 16:11 And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Behold, thou art with child and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath heard thy affliction.	Genesis 16:11 Notes See also Ishmael.
Genesis 16:12 And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.	Genesis 16:12 Notes From this information alone, it seems like Hagar will be punished by having a rebellious and hated son.
Genesis 16:13 And she called the name of the LORD that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?	Genesis 16:13 Notes
Genesis 16:14 Wherefore the well was called Beerlahairoi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.	Genesis 16:14 Notes
Genesis 16:15 And Hagar bare Abram a son: and Abram called his son's name, which Hagar bare, Ishmael.	Genesis 16:15 Notes
Genesis 16:16 And Abram was fourscore and six years old, when Hagar bare Ishmael to Abram.	Genesis 16:16 Notes

Genesis Chapter 17 (God asks for a transaction of foreskins so Abram and his descendants can eventually be a minority group)

Genesis 17:1 And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the LORD appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect.	Genesis 17:1 Notes
Genesis 17:2 And I will make my covenant between me and thee, and will multiply thee exceedingly.	Genesis 17:2 Notes
Genesis 17:3 And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying,	Genesis 17:3 Notes It's not terribly surprising that the ninety-nine year old patriarch fell on his face. What's surprising is that he didn't break a hip in the process.
Genesis 17:4 As for me, behold, my covenant is with thee, and thou shalt be a father of many nations.	Genesis 17:4 Notes
Genesis 17:5 Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee.	Genesis 17:5 Notes
Genesis 17:6 And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee.	Genesis 17:6 Notes Ew!
Genesis 17:7 And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee.	Genesis 17:7 Notes
Genesis 17:8 And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land wherein thou art a stranger, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.	Genesis 17:8 Notes
Genesis 17:9 And God said unto Abraham, Thou shalt keep my covenant therefore, thou, and thy seed after thee in their generations.	Genesis 17:9 Notes
Genesis 17:10 This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.	Genesis 17:10 Notes God orders circumcision. In Galatians 5:6 God changed his mind, which is why Christians aren't required to practice circumcision.
Genesis 17:11 And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.	Genesis 17:11 Notes What is God ever going to do with those foreskins?
Genesis 17:12 And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed.	Genesis 17:12 Notes Chop, chop!
Genesis 17:13 He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.	Genesis 17:13 Notes
Genesis 17:14 And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant.	Genesis 17:14 Notes Break the skin or break the covenant!
Genesis 17:15 And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, thou shalt not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be.	Genesis 17:15 Notes
Genesis 17:16 And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.	Genesis 17:16 Notes
Genesis 17:17 Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?	Genesis 17:17 Notes Somehow, they find this idea ridiculous even though the Bible has a thing for really old people. Abraham even earlier was worried that the Egyptians were too attracted to the 70-year-old Sarah and even later pimped Sarah again with Abimelech.
Genesis 17:18 And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee!	Genesis 17:18 Notes Why should this be a concern? If anyone follows genealogies closely, there are quite a few ancestors who outlive their descendants. Eber, for instance!
Genesis 17:19 And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his seed after him.	Genesis 17:19 Notes
Genesis 17:20 And as for Ishmael, I have heard thee: Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation.	Genesis 17:20 Notes
Genesis 17:21 But my covenant will I establish with Isaac, which Sarah shall bear unto thee at this set time in the next year.	Genesis 17:21 Notes
Genesis 17:22 And he left off talking with him, and God went up from Abraham.	Genesis 17:22 Notes
Genesis 17:23 And Abraham took Ishmael his son, and all that were born in his house, and all that were bought with his money, every male among the men of Abraham's house; and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the selfsame day, as God had said unto him.	Genesis 17:23 Notes
Genesis 17:24 And Abraham was ninety years old and nine, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.	Genesis 17:24 Notes
Genesis 17:25 And Ishmael his son was thirteen years old, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.	Genesis 17:25 Notes
Genesis 17:26 In the selfsame day was Abraham circumcised, and Ishmael his son.	Genesis 17:26 Notes
Genesis 17:27 And all the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him.	Genesis 17:27 Notes

Genesis Chapter 18 (God scouts a city to decide to kill them or not even though he is omniscient and Abraham and Sarah laugh at him)

Genesis 18:1 And the LORD appeared unto him in the plains of Mamre: and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day;	Genesis 18:1 Notes So this chapter opens with a casual mention that the creator God of the universe incarnates to go visit the tent of the con-artist formerly known as Abram.
Genesis 18:2 And he lift up his eyes and looked, and, lo, three men stood by him: and when he saw them, he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself toward the ground,	Genesis 18:2 Notes
Genesis 18:3 And said, My LORD, if now I have found favour in thy sight, pass not away, I pray thee, from thy servant:	Genesis 18:3 Notes
Genesis 18:4 Let a little water, I pray you, be fetched, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree:	Genesis 18:4 Notes
Genesis 18:5 And I will fetch a morsel of bread, and comfort ye your hearts; after that ye shall pass on: for therefore are ye come to your servant. And they said, So do, as thou hast said.	Genesis 18:5 Notes
Genesis 18:6 And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth.	Genesis 18:6 Notes
Genesis 18:7 And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetcht a calf tender and good, and gave it unto a young man; and he hasted to dress it.	Genesis 18:7 Notes
Genesis 18:8 And he took butter, and milk, and the calf which he had dressed, and set it before them; and he stood by them under the tree, and they did eat.	Genesis 18:8 Notes I guess the LORD likes his meat rare.
Genesis 18:9 And they said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent.	Genesis 18:9 Notes
Genesis 18:10 And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.	Genesis 18:10 Notes
Genesis 18:11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.	Genesis 18:11 Notes
Genesis 18:12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?	Genesis 18:12 Notes
Genesis 18:13 And the LORD said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?	Genesis 18:13 Notes God lies!
Genesis 18:14 Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.	Genesis 18:14 Notes
Genesis 18:15 Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh.	Genesis 18:15 Notes Sarah was laughing on the inside. This counts as laughing.
Genesis 18:16 And the men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way.	Genesis 18:16 Notes
Genesis 18:17 And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do;	Genesis 18:17 Notes
Genesis 18:18 Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?	Genesis 18:18 Notes
Genesis 18:19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.	Genesis 18:19 Notes
Genesis 18:20 And the LORD said, Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous;	Genesis 18:20 Notes
Genesis 18:21 I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.	Genesis 18:21 Notes
Genesis 18:22 And the men turned their faces from thence, and went toward Sodom: but Abraham stood yet before the LORD.	Genesis 18:22 Notes
Genesis 18:23 And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?	Genesis 18:23 Notes
Genesis 18:24 Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?	Genesis 18:24 Notes
Genesis 18:25 That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?	Genesis 18:25 Notes
Genesis 18:26 And the LORD said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.	Genesis 18:26 Notes
Genesis 18:27 And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the LORD, which am but dust and ashes:	Genesis 18:27 Notes
Genesis 18:28 Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it.	Genesis 18:28 Notes Thus starts the haggling process to see if the city gets saved based on a number of righteous people. It will eventually get down to 10 through straight begging. It should be noted that if God is omniscient at this point, He is basically just dicking Abraham around since He already knows that Lot is the only righteous man in Sodom.
Genesis 18:29 And he spake unto him yet again, and said, Peradventure there shall be forty found there. And he said, I will not do it for forty's sake.	Genesis 18:29 Notes
Genesis 18:30 And he said unto him, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak: Peradventure there shall thirty be found there. And he said, I will not do it, if I find thirty there.	Genesis 18:30 Notes
Genesis 18:31 And he said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the LORD: Peradventure there shall be twenty found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for twenty's sake.	Genesis 18:31 Notes
Genesis 18:32 And he said, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake.	Genesis 18:32 Notes
Genesis 18:33 And the LORD went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place.	Genesis 18:33 Notes The Lord seemingly decides to delegate figuring out how many good people are in Sodom (which He, you know, probably should already know) to a pair of angels, which they decide to do by hanging out in some dude's house.

Genesis Chapter 19 (God destroys a city because everyone who lives there are sinners)

Genesis 19:1 And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground;	Genesis 19:1 Notes The story of Lot and his daughters at Sodom. This is sometimes cited as an example of God punishing homosexuality (but stated otherwise in Ezekiel 16:49-50, when it's more of an issue of the mob trying to rape angels, wanting to ruin sanctuary of guests, etc.) See also Judges 19:1, where similar events occur.
Genesis 19:2 And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night.	Genesis 19:2 Notes Apparently God's servants are lazy; or else, more interested in watching the town than testing anybody one-by-one. Like Diogenes, they came seeking a man (worthy of their respect), but couldn't recognize one when they saw one.
Genesis 19:3 And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.	Genesis 19:3 Notes In keeping with the Pentateuch theme of divine beings not necessarily being right, a human manages to persuade two of God's angels to change their minds about their "hanging around in the street not really doing anything" plan.
Genesis 19:4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:	Genesis 19:4 Notes
Genesis 19:5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.	Genesis 19:5 Notes Yes, this is "know" very much in the Biblical sense. As it were.
Genesis 19:6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,	Genesis 19:6 Notes
Genesis 19:7 And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.	Genesis 19:7 Notes
Genesis 19:8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.	Genesis 19:8 Notes That's right, Lot offers an angry mob his daughters to be gang-raped, and lies about their sexual status (they were both married) to make them more enticing to the mob. (Muslim commentators, when this story is mentioned in the Qur'an, distinguish these daughters from the married daughters, and say he had two virgin daughters left, which he offered to the crowd, and some more married daughters who didn't go with him when he fled, below.) And yet, strangely enough, God considers him to be worth saving. Neither his daughters nor Lot's guests seem to be in the slightest bit bothered by this. It also appears to be the case that God would have spared the Sodomites had they accepted Lot's offer. God certainly doesn't voice any criticism towards Lot's, ahem, indecent proposal.
Genesis 19:9 And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.	Genesis 19:9 Notes On the other hand, the residents were still bent on breaking the sanctuary offered to the two guests so they could get at those smokin' hot angels.
Genesis 19:10 But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door.	Genesis 19:10 Notes Maybe he should have just yelled through the door in the first place, instead of going outside.
Genesis 19:11 And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so that they wearied themselves to find the door.	Genesis 19:11 Notes The Bible notes the inability of the Sodomites to find Lot's house door. One would assume that they still would be able to find the door, as it was right in front of them; they were cursed with blindness, not amnesia. Perhaps the angels could have smote the men before Lot tries to offer his daughters to the rape mob.
Genesis 19:12 And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son in law, and thy sons, and thy daughters, and whatsoever thou hast in the city, bring them out of this place:	Genesis 19:12 Notes
Genesis 19:13 For we will destroy this place, because the cry of them is waxen great before the face of the LORD; and the LORD hath sent us to destroy it.	Genesis 19:13 Notes
Genesis 19:14 And Lot went out, and spake unto his sons in law, which married his daughters, and said, Up, get you out of this place; for the LORD will destroy this city. But he seemed as one that mocked unto his sons in law.	Genesis 19:14 Notes
Genesis 19:15 And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.	Genesis 19:15 Notes
Genesis 19:16 And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.	Genesis 19:16 Notes
Genesis 19:17 And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.	Genesis 19:17 Notes
Genesis 19:18 And Lot said unto them, Oh, not so, my LORD:	Genesis 19:18 Notes
Genesis 19:19 Behold now, thy servant hath found grace in thy sight, and thou hast magnified thy mercy, which thou hast shewed unto me in saving my life; and I cannot escape to the mountain, lest some evil take me, and I die:	Genesis 19:19 Notes
Genesis 19:20 Behold now, this city is near to flee unto, and it is a little one: Oh, let me escape thither, (is it not a little one?) and my soul shall live.	Genesis 19:20 Notes
Genesis 19:21 And he said unto him, See, I have accepted thee concerning this thing also, that I will not overthrow this city, for the which thou hast spoken.	Genesis 19:21 Notes
Genesis 19:22 Haste thee, escape thither; for I cannot do anything till thou be come thither. Therefore the name of the city was called Zoar.	Genesis 19:22 Notes
Genesis 19:23 The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar.	Genesis 19:23 Notes
Genesis 19:24 Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;	Genesis 19:24 Notes See Examples of God personally killing people See, it's not okay to be gay.
Genesis 19:25 And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.	Genesis 19:25 Notes
Genesis 19:26 But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.	Genesis 19:26 Notes See Examples of God personally killing people The "pillar of salt" and other descriptions of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah are often used in ridiculous claims that the story is an account of an ancient nuclear war (possibly involving Aliensdidit too, just to cover their bases) which created the entire Dead Sea, despite there being no signs of the detonation of nuclear weapons in the area. These accounts claim the salt actually relates to the formation of nuclear glass, which has the minor issue that weapons do not turn people into nuclear glass, and would certainly not turn one person to nuclear glass within line of sight of another who escaped without a scratch. The "pillar of salt" is actually related to structures that form on the shore of the Dead Sea, and the story of Lot's wife appears to be a folk myth explaining one of them that was folded into this story. A structure said to have been Lot's wife is found on Mount Sodom in Israel. There is a strong school of thought that these passages refer to real cities destroyed by natural disasters, with candidates including cities destroyed by everything from natural gas explosions to runaway ground subsidence causing them to literally slide into bodies of water, with sillier examples inevitably invoking asteroid or comet impacts. Presumably, the accounts were an attempt to explain what the people in those cities did wrong, so that the listeners could feel safe knowing that they weren't doing it too — which also suggests that the wickedness of the Sodomites has probably been greatly exaggerated.
Genesis 19:27 And Abraham gat up early in the morning to the place where he stood before the LORD:	Genesis 19:27 Notes
Genesis 19:28 And he looked toward Sodom and Gomorrah, and toward all the land of the plain, and beheld, and, lo, the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace.	Genesis 19:28 Notes
Genesis 19:29 And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when he overthrew the cities in the which Lot dwelt.	Genesis 19:29 Notes
Genesis 19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.	Genesis 19:30 Notes
Genesis 19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:	Genesis 19:31 Notes It is not particularly clear why Lot's daughters decided he was the only man on Earth, especially since it was just stated that they (or at least he) knew of the existence of Zoar. This story sounds awfully like a crazy old hermit's excuse for knocking up both his daughters, really.
Genesis 19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.	Genesis 19:32 Notes This is commonly taken as being about incest. Considering the KJV's use of sexual euphemisms, it's hard to argue against this one, particularly since it usually at least tries "lie at his feet."
Genesis 19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.	Genesis 19:33 Notes Bow chicka bow wow!
Genesis 19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.	Genesis 19:34 Notes This passage makes it sound like they're doing this out of some weird sense of duty.
Genesis 19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.	Genesis 19:35 Notes Apparently Lot was pretty drunk on wine, drunk enough that he passed out and didn't notice his daughters getting to "know" him better. But not too drunk to get an erection, because these Biblical patriarchs were real men!
Genesis 19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.	Genesis 19:36 Notes It probably doesn't need annotating, but this is quite clear. Good clean Biblical morality for you. At least, until you notice the names of their sons — the namesakes of two perennial enemy tribes of the Hebrews. Lot's daughters were being marked as lustful and deceitful, and the Moabites and Ammonites smeared as originated by icky icky incest and what would now be regarded as rape (though in the story it is probably instead supposed to show Lot as a drunkard and an idiot, since this is long before anyone considered a woman raping a man to actually be a thing). The fact that this is propaganda can be seen in God's unusual decision to not kill anyone for it.
Genesis 19:37 And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.	Genesis 19:37 Notes On the other hand, one later author marked one of the ancestors of David and Solomon as being a Moabite woman, so this part of the smear didn't have the desired effect uniformly. See the Book of Ruth for further details.
Genesis 19:38 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.	Genesis 19:38 Notes

Genesis Chapter 20 (Abraham pimps Sarah AGAIN)

Genesis 20:1 And Abraham journeyed from thence toward the south country, and dwelled between Kadesh and Shur, and sojourned in Gerar.	Genesis 20:1 Notes
Genesis 20:2 And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She is my sister: and Abimelech king of Gerar sent, and took Sarah.	Genesis 20:2 Notes Abraham repeats the sister ruse, previously done in Genesis 12.
Genesis 20:3 But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man's wife.	Genesis 20:3 Notes Yes, God can talk to people in their dreams. Why He doesn't just speak to Abimelech directly is, of course, beyond our feeble mortal minds.
Genesis 20:4 But Abimelech had not come near her: and he said, LORD, wilt thou slay also a righteous nation?	Genesis 20:4 Notes
Genesis 20:5 Said he not unto me, She is my sister? and she, even she herself said, He is my brother: in the integrity of my heart and innocency of my hands have I done this.	Genesis 20:5 Notes
Genesis 20:6 And God said unto him in a dream, Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her.	Genesis 20:6 Notes
Genesis 20:7 Now therefore restore the man his wife; for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore her not, know thou that thou shalt surely die, thou, and all that are thine.	Genesis 20:7 Notes
Genesis 20:8 Therefore Abimelech rose early in the morning, and called all his servants, and told all these things in their ears: and the men were sore afraid.	Genesis 20:8 Notes
Genesis 20:9 Then Abimelech called Abraham, and said unto him, What hast thou done unto us? and what have I offended thee, that thou hast brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? thou hast done deeds unto me that ought not to be done.	Genesis 20:9 Notes Like Pharaoh, he has a legitimate beef here. Where does Abraham get off treating people like that?
Genesis 20:10 And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What sawest thou, that thou hast done this thing?	Genesis 20:10 Notes
Genesis 20:11 And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will slay me for my wife's sake.	Genesis 20:11 Notes
Genesis 20:12 And yet indeed she is my sister; she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife.	Genesis 20:12 Notes This reveals an example of incest within the Bible, although Sarah is technically a half-sister instead of a full sister.
Genesis 20:13 And it came to pass, when God caused me to wander from my father's house, that I said unto her, This is thy kindness which thou shalt shew unto me; at every place whither we shall come, say of me, He is my brother.	Genesis 20:13 Notes
Genesis 20:14 And Abimelech took sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and womenservants, and gave them unto Abraham, and restored him Sarah his wife.	Genesis 20:14 Notes Despite Abimelech being (rightly) pissed off a few verses ago, he embarks on much generosity for these next few verses.
Genesis 20:15 And Abimelech said, Behold, my land is before thee: dwell where it pleaseth thee.	Genesis 20:15 Notes
Genesis 20:16 And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand pieces of silver: behold, he is to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that are with thee, and with all other: thus she was reproved.	Genesis 20:16 Notes
Genesis 20:17 So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare children.	Genesis 20:17 Notes
Genesis 20:18 For the LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife.	Genesis 20:18 Notes What wombs? Inquiring readers would like to know.

Genesis Chapter 21 (Isaac, the guy who God almost gets Abraham to sacrifice is born)

Genesis 21:1 And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did unto Sarah as he had spoken.	Genesis 21:1 Notes By breaking her pelvis.
Genesis 21:2 For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him.	Genesis 21:2 Notes With Abraham over 100 and Sarah over 90, this exemplifies the expression bumping uglies.
Genesis 21:3 And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac.	Genesis 21:3 Notes
Genesis 21:4 And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him.	Genesis 21:4 Notes
Genesis 21:5 And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.	Genesis 21:5 Notes
Genesis 21:6 And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me.	Genesis 21:6 Notes
Genesis 21:7 And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age.	Genesis 21:7 Notes
Genesis 21:8 And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the same day that Isaac was weaned.	Genesis 21:8 Notes
Genesis 21:9 And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.	Genesis 21:9 Notes
Genesis 21:10 Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.	Genesis 21:10 Notes This, even though the concubinage was her idea. This suggests two different versions of the legend, combined into one.
Genesis 21:11 And the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son.	Genesis 21:11 Notes
Genesis 21:12 And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.	Genesis 21:12 Notes
Genesis 21:13 And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed.	Genesis 21:13 Notes
Genesis 21:14 And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave it unto Hagar, putting it on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.	Genesis 21:14 Notes Hebrew slaves get a better severance package. But since Hagar and her son are Egyptian, they are only given a small amount of bread and water.
Genesis 21:15 And the water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs.	Genesis 21:15 Notes
Genesis 21:16 And she went, and sat her down over against him a good way off, as it were a bow shot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against him, and lift up her voice, and wept.	Genesis 21:16 Notes
Genesis 21:17 And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is.	Genesis 21:17 Notes
Genesis 21:18 Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation.	Genesis 21:18 Notes
Genesis 21:19 And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink.	Genesis 21:19 Notes
Genesis 21:20 And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.	Genesis 21:20 Notes
Genesis 21:21 And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt.	Genesis 21:21 Notes
Genesis 21:22 And it came to pass at that time, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God is with thee in all that thou doest:	Genesis 21:22 Notes
Genesis 21:23 Now therefore swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me, nor with my son, nor with my son's son: but according to the kindness that I have done unto thee, thou shalt do unto me, and to the land wherein thou hast sojourned.	Genesis 21:23 Notes
Genesis 21:24 And Abraham said, I will swear.	Genesis 21:24 Notes
Genesis 21:25 And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of a well of water, which Abimelech's servants had violently taken away.	Genesis 21:25 Notes
Genesis 21:26 And Abimelech said, I wot not who hath done this thing; neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I of it, but to day.	Genesis 21:26 Notes
Genesis 21:27 And Abraham took sheep and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and both of them made a covenant.	Genesis 21:27 Notes
Genesis 21:28 And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves.	Genesis 21:28 Notes
Genesis 21:29 And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What mean these seven ewe lambs which thou hast set by themselves?	Genesis 21:29 Notes
Genesis 21:30 And he said, For these seven ewe lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that they may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well.	Genesis 21:30 Notes
Genesis 21:31 Wherefore he called that place Beersheba; because there they sware both of them.	Genesis 21:31 Notes
Genesis 21:32 Thus they made a covenant at Beersheba: then Abimelech rose up, and Phichol the chief captain of his host, and they returned into the land of the Philistines.	Genesis 21:32 Notes The Philistines technically did not exist in Bronze Age Canaan which is when Abraham and the Patriarchs would have lived. However the biblical authors were almost certainly aware of this fact because in other places like in Amos 9:7 and in Deuteronomy 2:23 they describe the Philistines as being from a place called "Caphtor" which nowadays is usually identified with some place outside of Egypt usually Crete but also Cyprus or Cilicia for a variety of reasons discussed at the end. In any case in Deuteronomy it is asserted that the Caphtorites or Philistines usurped the land around Gaza from another people called the Avvites. Hence according to Rabbinic tradition as recorded in the Talmud, the Philistines of Abraham's day are actually Avvites rather than actual Philistines (which proves at least that at least in this case, the biblical were being lazy rather than just plain stupid). I mentioned above that Caphtor is usually identified with Crete which makes some historical sense to people who know this time period well. Nevertheless Jewish commentators in late antiquity and Medieval times usually identified it with the northeast corner of the Nile delta in the vicinity of the Hellenistic city of Pelusium which is near modern day Damietta. Extrabiblical sources tend to support the identification with Crete and several translations of the Bible such as the Septuagint, the Vulgate, and the Targum Onkelos translated Caphtor as Cappadocia a region that we know and that they knew wasn't in Egypt but is in general direction of the other places where Caphtor is alleged to have been like Cilicia. In addition though not always translated this way into English the original text of the Hebrew Bible, the Vulgate, and the Septuagint also refer to Caphtor/Cappadocia as being an island. The identification with Crete has the most support because other biblical passages like Ezekiel 25:6 and Zephaniah 2:5 which tend to identify the Philistines with another people called the Cherethites who are almost always identified as being either Cretans (as the Septuagint does) or Carians. The competing biblical accounts of where exactly the Philistines came from drove biblical scholars crazy for years but now given that we know the Philistines were kicked out of Egypt after they tried to invade and were expelled to the coast in the vicinity of Gaza the two traditions can be reconciled to some extant.
Genesis 21:33 And Abraham planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the name of the LORD, the everlasting God.	Genesis 21:33 Notes
Genesis 21:34 And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days.	Genesis 21:34 Notes

Genesis Chapter 22 (Godly Child Abuse of Isaac)

Genesis 22:1 And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.	Genesis 22:1 Notes This whole conventional notion of the episode as a test/proof of Abraham's supreme faith ignores the fact that child sacrifice was commonplace in certain neighboring cultures. The Old Testament repeatedly rails against the Canaanite practice of "passing children through the fire unto Moloch" (Leviticus 18:21, Leviticus 20:2-5; Deuteronomy 18:10; 2 Kings 16:3, 2 Kings 21:6, 2 Kings 23:10; Jeremiah 32:35; Ezekiel 20:26, Ezekiel 20:31, Ezekiel 23:37). The whole point of the story is to show that Yahweh spurns such offerings in favor of the (putatively) more humane sacrifice of a mere beast. Abraham deserves no more merit for his obedient acquiescence to the enormous demand than does his pagan neighbor for his pious willingness to offer his firstborn to the perceived will of his deity.
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.	Genesis 22:2 Notes Abraham was willing to haggle about the number of righteous people in Sodom, but didn't think of trying to offer one of the livestock instead. Also note that Isaac was considered to be the main descendant as promised by God.
Genesis 22:3 And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.	Genesis 22:3 Notes
Genesis 22:4 Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off.	Genesis 22:4 Notes
Genesis 22:5 And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.	Genesis 22:5 Notes
Genesis 22:6 And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.	Genesis 22:6 Notes
Genesis 22:7 And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?	Genesis 22:7 Notes Is Isaac a total idiot? At no point does he cue that something isn't right about this sacrifice and that he might be the offering. Instead he curiously wonders where the heck the sacrificial animal has gone. Apparently Muhammad didn't think much of this tale for this reason, so in Qur'an 37:102 Ibrahim tells his son Ishmael what he's planning to do and Ishmael is totally on board with the idea. Somehow that's supposed to make more sense.
Genesis 22:8 And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.	Genesis 22:8 Notes Abe is no genius, either. Here he ironically speaks the inadvertent truth, little suspecting that Yahweh will turn his dissembling reply to Isaac, “God will provide the lamb, my son,” into literal truth in the form of the ram caught in the thicket.
Genesis 22:9 And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.	Genesis 22:9 Notes
Genesis 22:10 And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.	Genesis 22:10 Notes Abraham about to slay his son, as depicted by Philippe de Champaigne The Hebrew Bible uses a variety of verbs meaning “to kill”—le-hamot (“cause to die”), le-harog (“slay”), le-hakot (“smite”), li-r’tzoakh (“murder”)—but the one chosen here is li-sh’khot, the word used specifically for slaughtering an animal. The text literally says he picked up the knife to butcher his son. There have been claims about this episode having been altered, and that in the original version Isaac was sacrificed to Yahweh in line with Exodus 13:2 and the Jephtath's daughter incident.
Genesis 22:11 And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.	Genesis 22:11 Notes
Genesis 22:12 And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.	Genesis 22:12 Notes Ishmael is officially disowned.
Genesis 22:13 And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.	Genesis 22:13 Notes Isaac's a pretty brave lad if he wasn't at all fazed by nearly having his throat cut by his father. One would expect him to be very unhappy at this point and very angry.
Genesis 22:14 And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovahjireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the LORD it shall be seen.	Genesis 22:14 Notes Some translations use Yahweh-Yireh - in any case, speaking the name of the mountain also requires using the name of God. This highlights that the later Jewish taboo on speaking the God's name was not in force at that time.
Genesis 22:15 And the angel of the LORD called unto Abraham out of heaven the second time,	Genesis 22:15 Notes
Genesis 22:16 And said, By myself have I sworn, saith the LORD, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:	Genesis 22:16 Notes God swears by...Himself? (What else would he swear by?)
Genesis 22:17 That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;	Genesis 22:17 Notes
Genesis 22:18 And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.	Genesis 22:18 Notes
Genesis 22:19 So Abraham returned unto his young men, and they rose up and went together to Beersheba; and Abraham dwelt at Beersheba.	Genesis 22:19 Notes
Genesis 22:20 And it came to pass after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, Behold, Milcah, she hath also born children unto thy brother Nahor;	Genesis 22:20 Notes
Genesis 22:21 Huz his firstborn, and Buz his brother, and Kemuel the father of Aram,	Genesis 22:21 Notes
Genesis 22:22 And Chesed, and Hazo, and Pildash, and Jidlaph, and Bethuel.	Genesis 22:22 Notes
Genesis 22:23 And Bethuel begat Rebekah: these eight Milcah did bear to Nahor, Abraham's brother.	Genesis 22:23 Notes
Genesis 22:24 And his concubine, whose name was Reumah, she bare also Tebah, and Gaham, and Thahash, and Maachah.	Genesis 22:24 Notes

Genesis Chapter 23 (Sarah lives to 127 and dies and is buried)

Genesis 23:1 And Sarah was an hundred and seven and twenty years old: these were the years of the life of Sarah.	Genesis 23:1 Notes
Genesis 23:2 And Sarah died in Kirjatharba; the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan: and Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her.	Genesis 23:2 Notes
Genesis 23:3 And Abraham stood up from before his dead, and spake unto the sons of Heth, saying,	Genesis 23:3 Notes
Genesis 23:4 I am a stranger and a sojourner with you: give me a possession of a buryingplace with you, that I may bury my dead out of my sight.	Genesis 23:4 Notes
Genesis 23:5 And the children of Heth answered Abraham, saying unto him,	Genesis 23:5 Notes
Genesis 23:6 Hear us, my lord: thou art a mighty prince among us: in the choice of our sepulchres bury thy dead; none of us shall withhold from thee his sepulchre, but that thou mayest bury thy dead.	Genesis 23:6 Notes
Genesis 23:7 And Abraham stood up, and bowed himself to the people of the land, even to the children of Heth.	Genesis 23:7 Notes
Genesis 23:8 And he communed with them, saying, If it be your mind that I should bury my dead out of my sight; hear me, and intreat for me to Ephron the son of Zohar,	Genesis 23:8 Notes
Genesis 23:9 That he may give me the cave of Machpelah, which he hath, which is in the end of his field; for as much money as it is worth he shall give it me for a possession of a buryingplace amongst you.	Genesis 23:9 Notes
Genesis 23:10 And Ephron dwelt among the children of Heth: and Ephron the Hittite answered Abraham in the audience of the children of Heth, even of all that went in at the gate of his city, saying,	Genesis 23:10 Notes
Genesis 23:11 Nay, my lord, hear me: the field give I thee, and the cave that is therein, I give it thee; in the presence of the sons of my people give I it thee: bury thy dead.	Genesis 23:11 Notes
Genesis 23:12 And Abraham bowed down himself before the people of the land.	Genesis 23:12 Notes
Genesis 23:13 And he spake unto Ephron in the audience of the people of the land, saying, But if thou wilt give it, I pray thee, hear me: I will give thee money for the field; take it of me, and I will bury my dead there.	Genesis 23:13 Notes
Genesis 23:14 And Ephron answered Abraham, saying unto him,	Genesis 23:14 Notes
Genesis 23:15 My lord, hearken unto me: the land is worth four hundred shekels of silver; what is that betwixt me and thee? bury therefore thy dead.	Genesis 23:15 Notes The King James translation doesn’t quite capture the ritualized courtesy of this Oriental-style haggling session. In the original Hebrew text, Ephron’s reply is more like “A plot of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that between me and thee?” thereby slyly naming his price while appearing to deprecate it and maintaining the pretense of open-handed generosity. Abraham of course understands the import and immediately pays the requested sum.
Genesis 23:16 And Abraham hearkened unto Ephron; and Abraham weighed to Ephron the silver, which he had named in the audience of the sons of Heth, four hundred shekels of silver, current money with the merchant.	Genesis 23:16 Notes
Genesis 23:17 And the field of Ephron which was in Machpelah, which was before Mamre, the field, and the cave which was therein, and all the trees that were in the field, that were in all the borders round about, were made sure	Genesis 23:17 Notes
Genesis 23:18 Unto Abraham for a possession in the presence of the children of Heth, before all that went in at the gate of his city.	Genesis 23:18 Notes I guess even back in the day of Abraham that closing on real estate was a pretty elaborate affair. Abraham pays exorbitantly when he easily could have found a natural cave in some remote location, or just dug a hole. It seems that the real motive of the passage is to assert that the later descendants of Abraham have a claim to territories around Hebron.
Genesis 23:19 And after this, Abraham buried Sarah his wife in the cave of the field of Machpelah before Mamre: the same is Hebron in the land of Canaan.	Genesis 23:19 Notes
Genesis 23:20 And the field, and the cave that is therein, were made sure unto Abraham for a possession of a buryingplace by the sons of Heth.	Genesis 23:20 Notes

Genesis Chapter 24 (You too can own your woman if you ask God for his love powers, but for a fair price)

Genesis 24:1 And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things.	Genesis 24:1 Notes
Genesis 24:2 And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:	Genesis 24:2 Notes Back in the day, holding genitals is a way of swearing.
Genesis 24:3 And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:	Genesis 24:3 Notes Remember, all Canaanites are bad because the father of some guy named Canaan in the distant past accidentally saw Noah naked.
Genesis 24:4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.	Genesis 24:4 Notes
Genesis 24:5 And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land: must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest?	Genesis 24:5 Notes That's a reasonable question. What kind of woman would want to meet up with a complete stranger?
Genesis 24:6 And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou that thou bring not my son thither again.	Genesis 24:6 Notes Abraham is desperate enough to make a threat if his servant fails this impossible task.
Genesis 24:7 The LORD God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence.	Genesis 24:7 Notes Oh, goody, God will force the woman to fall in love through an angel. This is wrong on many levels and it's still wrong when other plotlines involve making love potions and similar items.
Genesis 24:8 And if the woman will not be willing to follow thee, then thou shalt be clear from this my oath: only bring not my son thither again.	Genesis 24:8 Notes God is omnipotent, so his magic powers probably will succeed here.
Genesis 24:9 And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter.	Genesis 24:9 Notes
Genesis 24:10 And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.	Genesis 24:10 Notes
Genesis 24:11 And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.	Genesis 24:11 Notes
Genesis 24:12 And he said O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.	Genesis 24:12 Notes This is probably the servant starting to pray to God to cast the love spell.
Genesis 24:13 Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:	Genesis 24:13 Notes
Genesis 24:14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.	Genesis 24:14 Notes The servant makes up code words, as part of the love spell. If any women come by and respond properly by giving the camels a drink (who wouldn't give them a drink in the desert weather?), then God's love spell has surely worked.
Genesis 24:15 And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.	Genesis 24:15 Notes
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.	Genesis 24:16 Notes How can one tell if a woman is a virgin unless she's extremely young?
Genesis 24:17 And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.	Genesis 24:17 Notes
Genesis 24:18 And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.	Genesis 24:18 Notes
Genesis 24:19 And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.	Genesis 24:19 Notes She utters the code word, gives the camels a drink, and she now becomes the perfect bride for Isaac.
Genesis 24:20 And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.	Genesis 24:20 Notes
Genesis 24:21 And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.	Genesis 24:21 Notes
Genesis 24:22 And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;	Genesis 24:22 Notes
Genesis 24:23 And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father's house for us to lodge in?	Genesis 24:23 Notes
Genesis 24:24 And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor.	Genesis 24:24 Notes
Genesis 24:25 She said moreover unto him, We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.	Genesis 24:25 Notes
Genesis 24:26 And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the LORD.	Genesis 24:26 Notes
Genesis 24:27 And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the LORD led me to the house of my master's brethren.	Genesis 24:27 Notes
Genesis 24:28 And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother's house these things.	Genesis 24:28 Notes
Genesis 24:29 And Rebekah had a brother, and his name was Laban: and Laban ran out unto the man, unto the well.	Genesis 24:29 Notes
Genesis 24:30 And it came to pass, when he saw the earring and bracelets upon his sister's hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, Thus spake the man unto me; that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the well.	Genesis 24:30 Notes The brother is satisfied that the strange man who approached his sister at the well has enough money.
Genesis 24:31 And he said, Come in, thou blessed of the LORD; wherefore standest thou without? for I have prepared the house, and room for the camels.	Genesis 24:31 Notes
Genesis 24:32 And the man came into the house: and he ungirded his camels, and gave straw and provender for the camels, and water to wash his feet, and the men's feet that were with him.	Genesis 24:32 Notes
Genesis 24:33 And there was set meat before him to eat: but he said, I will not eat, until I have told mine errand. And he said, Speak on.	Genesis 24:33 Notes
Genesis 24:34 And he said, I am Abraham's servant.	Genesis 24:34 Notes The servant retells everything in complete detail and repeats the verses. This is a prime example of story padding and is also why this chapter is fairly long. What's worse is that the events being recalled happened just now.
Genesis 24:35 And the LORD hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses.	Genesis 24:35 Notes Sure, give credit to God even though you and Abraham scammed several kings with your "she's my sister" schtick.
Genesis 24:36 And Sarah my master's wife bare a son to my master when she was old: and unto him hath he given all that he hath.	Genesis 24:36 Notes
Genesis 24:37 And my master made me swear, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife to my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I dwell:	Genesis 24:37 Notes
Genesis 24:38 But thou shalt go unto my father's house, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son.	Genesis 24:38 Notes
Genesis 24:39 And I said unto my master, Peradventure the woman will not follow me.	Genesis 24:39 Notes
Genesis 24:40 And he said unto me, The LORD, before whom I walk, will send his angel with thee, and prosper thy way; and thou shalt take a wife for my son of my kindred, and of my father's house:	Genesis 24:40 Notes The angel isn't present whatsoever, but let's assume it's responsible for this.
Genesis 24:41 Then shalt thou be clear from this my oath, when thou comest to my kindred; and if they give not thee one, thou shalt be clear from my oath.	Genesis 24:41 Notes
Genesis 24:42 And I came this day unto the well, and said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, if now thou do prosper my way which I go:	Genesis 24:42 Notes
Genesis 24:43 Behold, I stand by the well of water; and it shall come to pass, that when the virgin cometh forth to draw water, and I say to her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water of thy pitcher to drink;	Genesis 24:43 Notes
Genesis 24:44 And she say to me, Both drink thou, and I will also draw for thy camels: let the same be the woman whom the LORD hath appointed out for my master's son.	Genesis 24:44 Notes
Genesis 24:45 And before I had done speaking in mine heart, behold, Rebekah came forth with her pitcher on her shoulder; and she went down unto the well, and drew water: and I said unto her, Let me drink, I pray thee.	Genesis 24:45 Notes
Genesis 24:46 And she made haste, and let down her pitcher from her shoulder, and said, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: so I drank, and she made the camels drink also.	Genesis 24:46 Notes
Genesis 24:47 And I asked her, and said, Whose daughter art thou? And she said, the daughter of Bethuel, Nahor's son, whom Milcah bare unto him: and I put the earring upon her face, and the bracelets upon her hands.	Genesis 24:47 Notes At least he didn't talk about the specific number of shekels that jewelry's worth.
Genesis 24:48 And I bowed down my head, and worshipped the LORD, and blessed the LORD God of my master Abraham, which had led me in the right way to take my master's brother's daughter unto his son.	Genesis 24:48 Notes Praise the lord for probably forcing this woman to fall in love.
Genesis 24:49 And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left.	Genesis 24:49 Notes
Genesis 24:50 Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.	Genesis 24:50 Notes
Genesis 24:51 Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master's son's wife, as the LORD hath spoken.	Genesis 24:51 Notes Rebekah has no say in this? And the conversation is with three men who barely know this servant? Man, women are such nice property to negotiate.
Genesis 24:52 And it came to pass, that, when Abraham's servant heard their words, he worshipped the LORD, bowing himself to the earth.	Genesis 24:52 Notes
Genesis 24:53 And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.	Genesis 24:53 Notes Rebekah also comes with a price tag!
Genesis 24:54 And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.	Genesis 24:54 Notes
Genesis 24:55 And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.	Genesis 24:55 Notes
Genesis 24:56 And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.	Genesis 24:56 Notes
Genesis 24:57 And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.	Genesis 24:57 Notes
Genesis 24:58 And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.	Genesis 24:58 Notes At least they were polite to ask her directly, even if she had no say in the previous deal. Weirdly, she agrees. Again, when this servant is under a very rich man and with riches comes power, and when two higher-ups made this transaction, maybe "I will not go" isn't an answer.
Genesis 24:59 And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men.	Genesis 24:59 Notes
Genesis 24:60 And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.	Genesis 24:60 Notes
Genesis 24:61 And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.	Genesis 24:61 Notes
Genesis 24:62 And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.	Genesis 24:62 Notes
Genesis 24:63 And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.	Genesis 24:63 Notes
Genesis 24:64 And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.	Genesis 24:64 Notes
Genesis 24:65 For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.	Genesis 24:65 Notes
Genesis 24:66 And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.	Genesis 24:66 Notes
Genesis 24:67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.	Genesis 24:67 Notes But does she really love him back? While she did say yes to going with the servant, the lack of apparent resistance of any sort from Rebekah (who is with several people she barely knows and is treated like a transaction) has some disturbing implications.

Genesis Chapter 25

Genesis 25:1 Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah.	Genesis 25:1 Notes What does the Bible say about polygamy again?
Genesis 25:2 And she bare him Zimran, and Jokshan, and Medan, and Midian, and Ishbak, and Shuah.	Genesis 25:2 Notes
Genesis 25:3 And Jokshan begat Sheba, and Dedan. And the sons of Dedan were Asshurim, and Letushim, and Leummim.	Genesis 25:3 Notes
Genesis 25:4 And the sons of Midian; Ephah, and Epher, and Hanoch, and Abidah, and Eldaah. All these were the children of Keturah.	Genesis 25:4 Notes
Genesis 25:5 And Abraham gave all that he had unto Isaac.	Genesis 25:5 Notes
Genesis 25:6 But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country.	Genesis 25:6 Notes Still better deals than Ishmael.
Genesis 25:7 And these are the days of the years of Abraham's life which he lived, an hundred threescore and fifteen years.	Genesis 25:7 Notes Given the lineages in Genesis 11:10-32, When Abraham dies the following people are still alive: Shem (33 years left) Salah (3 years left) Eber (64 years left)
Genesis 25:8 Then Abraham gave up the ghost, and died in a good old age, an old man, and full of years; and was gathered to his people.	Genesis 25:8 Notes
Genesis 25:9 And his sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, which is before Mamre;	Genesis 25:9 Notes
Genesis 25:10 The field which Abraham purchased of the sons of Heth: there was Abraham buried, and Sarah his wife.	Genesis 25:10 Notes
Genesis 25:11 And it came to pass after the death of Abraham, that God blessed his son Isaac; and Isaac dwelt by the well Lahairoi.	Genesis 25:11 Notes
Genesis 25:12 Now these are the generations of Ishmael, Abraham's son, whom Hagar the Egyptian, Sarah's handmaid, bare unto Abraham:	Genesis 25:12 Notes
Genesis 25:13 And these are the names of the sons of Ishmael, by their names, according to their generations: the firstborn of Ishmael, Nebajoth; and Kedar, and Adbeel, and Mibsam,	Genesis 25:13 Notes
Genesis 25:14 And Mishma, and Dumah, and Massa,	Genesis 25:14 Notes
Genesis 25:15 Hadar, and Tema, Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah:	Genesis 25:15 Notes
Genesis 25:16 These are the sons of Ishmael, and these are their names, by their towns, and by their castles; twelve princes according to their nations.	Genesis 25:16 Notes
Genesis 25:17 And these are the years of the life of Ishmael, an hundred and thirty and seven years: and he gave up the ghost and died; and was gathered unto his people.	Genesis 25:17 Notes
Genesis 25:18 And they dwelt from Havilah unto Shur, that is before Egypt, as thou goest toward Assyria: and he died in the presence of all his brethren.	Genesis 25:18 Notes
Genesis 25:19 And these are the generations of Isaac, Abraham's son: Abraham begat Isaac:	Genesis 25:19 Notes
Genesis 25:20 And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian.	Genesis 25:20 Notes
Genesis 25:21 And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.	Genesis 25:21 Notes
Genesis 25:22 And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the LORD.	Genesis 25:22 Notes
Genesis 25:23 And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.	Genesis 25:23 Notes
Genesis 25:24 And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb.	Genesis 25:24 Notes
Genesis 25:25 And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.	Genesis 25:25 Notes A racist fringe of Black Hebrew Israelites have claimed that Esau's red skin indicates that white people are descended from him.
Genesis 25:26 And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau's heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them.	Genesis 25:26 Notes If God wanted Jacob to be born first then he could have made it happen effortlessly. Instead, we are presented with the bizarre and pointless story that Jacob was born holding the feet of his brother Esau, the latter of whom is still considered the first born, and must later be cheated out of his birth right. This is unbelievable on a couple of levels, and sounds like it was written by a man who was familiar with the birth of livestock, where hooves do come out first. However, human babies almost always present crown first, with arms compressed against the sides of their bodies to pass through the cervical opening compactly. According to modern medical experts only dead, stillborn babies have ever been observed coming out arms first, since this would position the baby perpendicular to be birth canal to start, and results in the head getting trapped and the neck being broken. True believers can always assert that a miracle happened to allow this type of birth, without fatality, but in that case, the easier, non-miraculous solution would have simply been for God to enable Jacob to be born first.
Genesis 25:27 And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents.	Genesis 25:27 Notes
Genesis 25:28 And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob.	Genesis 25:28 Notes
Genesis 25:29 And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint:	Genesis 25:29 Notes
Genesis 25:30 And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom.	Genesis 25:30 Notes
Genesis 25:31 And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright.	Genesis 25:31 Notes
Genesis 25:32 And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me?	Genesis 25:32 Notes
Genesis 25:33 And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob.	Genesis 25:33 Notes
Genesis 25:34 Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright.	Genesis 25:34 Notes

Genesis Chapter 26

Genesis 26:1 And there was a famine in the land, beside the first famine that was in the days of Abraham. And Isaac went unto Abimelech king of the Philistines unto Gerar.	Genesis 26:1 Notes
Genesis 26:2 And the LORD appeared unto him, and said, Go not down into Egypt; dwell in the land which I shall tell thee of:	Genesis 26:2 Notes
Genesis 26:3 Sojourn in this land, and I will be with thee, and will bless thee; for unto thee, and unto thy seed, I will give all these countries, and I will perform the oath which I sware unto Abraham thy father;	Genesis 26:3 Notes
Genesis 26:4 And I will make thy seed to multiply as the stars of heaven, and will give unto thy seed all these countries; and in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed;	Genesis 26:4 Notes
Genesis 26:5 Because that Abraham obeyed my voice, and kept my charge, my commandments, my statutes, and my laws.	Genesis 26:5 Notes Uhhhh.....which statutes, and laws might those be, given that the 10 commandments and Torah were not written until much later? We know that Abraham did what God told him and those might count as commands, but statutes and laws tend to be more formal, written standards. Genesis was not written until much later and there is no convincing evidence that Abraham, Isaac, or Jacob wrote anything down or even could write. After all, writing was not a simple thing to do in those days because you would need papyrus or animal hides, ink, writing instruments, and special training which was usually only reserved for professional scribes.
Genesis 26:6 And Isaac dwelt in Gerar:	Genesis 26:6 Notes
Genesis 26:7 And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon.	Genesis 26:7 Notes
Genesis 26:8 And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife.	Genesis 26:8 Notes
Genesis 26:9 And Abimelech called Isaac, and said, Behold, of a surety she is thy wife; and how saidst thou, She is my sister? And Isaac said unto him, Because I said, Lest I die for her.	Genesis 26:9 Notes Isaac follows the footsteps of his father - use the same sister/wife trick.
Genesis 26:10 And Abimelech said, What is this thou hast done unto us? one of the people might lightly have lien with thy wife, and thou shouldest have brought guiltiness upon us.	Genesis 26:10 Notes
Genesis 26:11 And Abimelech charged all his people, saying, He that toucheth this man or his wife shall surely be put to death.	Genesis 26:11 Notes
Genesis 26:12 Then Isaac sowed in that land, and received in the same year an hundredfold: and the LORD blessed him.	Genesis 26:12 Notes
Genesis 26:13 And the man waxed great, and went forward, and grew until he became very great:	Genesis 26:13 Notes
Genesis 26:14 For he had possession of flocks, and possession of herds, and great store of servants: and the Philistines envied him.	Genesis 26:14 Notes
Genesis 26:15 For all the wells which his father's servants had digged in the days of Abraham his father, the Philistines had stopped them, and filled them with earth.	Genesis 26:15 Notes
Genesis 26:16 And Abimelech said unto Isaac, Go from us; for thou art much mightier than we.	Genesis 26:16 Notes
Genesis 26:17 And Isaac departed thence, and pitched his tent in the valley of Gerar, and dwelt there.	Genesis 26:17 Notes
Genesis 26:18 And Isaac digged again the wells of water, which they had digged in the days of Abraham his father; for the Philistines had stopped them after the death of Abraham: and he called their names after the names by which his father had called them.	Genesis 26:18 Notes
Genesis 26:19 And Isaac's servants digged in the valley, and found there a well of springing water.	Genesis 26:19 Notes
Genesis 26:20 And the herdmen of Gerar did strive with Isaac's herdmen, saying, The water is ours: and he called the name of the well Esek; because they strove with him.	Genesis 26:20 Notes
Genesis 26:21 And they digged another well, and strove for that also: and he called the name of it Sitnah.	Genesis 26:21 Notes
Genesis 26:22 And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the LORD hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.	Genesis 26:22 Notes
Genesis 26:23 And he went up from thence to Beersheba.	Genesis 26:23 Notes
Genesis 26:24 And the LORD appeared unto him the same night, and said, I am the God of Abraham thy father: fear not, for I am with thee, and will bless thee, and multiply thy seed for my servant Abraham's sake.	Genesis 26:24 Notes
Genesis 26:25 And he builded an altar there, and called upon the name of the LORD, and pitched his tent there: and there Isaac's servants digged a well.	Genesis 26:25 Notes
Genesis 26:26 Then Abimelech went to him from Gerar, and Ahuzzath one of his friends, and Phichol the chief captain of his army.	Genesis 26:26 Notes
Genesis 26:27 And Isaac said unto them, Wherefore come ye to me, seeing ye hate me, and have sent me away from you?	Genesis 26:27 Notes
Genesis 26:28 And they said, We saw certainly that the LORD was with thee: and we said, Let there be now an oath betwixt us, even betwixt us and thee, and let us make a covenant with thee;	Genesis 26:28 Notes
Genesis 26:29 That thou wilt do us no hurt, as we have not touched thee, and as we have done unto thee nothing but good, and have sent thee away in peace: thou art now the blessed of the LORD.	Genesis 26:29 Notes
Genesis 26:30 And he made them a feast, and they did eat and drink.	Genesis 26:30 Notes
Genesis 26:31 And they rose up betimes in the morning, and sware one to another: and Isaac sent them away, and they departed from him in peace.	Genesis 26:31 Notes
Genesis 26:32 And it came to pass the same day, that Isaac's servants came, and told him concerning the well which they had digged, and said unto him, We have found water.	Genesis 26:32 Notes
Genesis 26:33 And he called it Shebah: therefore the name of the city is Beersheba unto this day.	Genesis 26:33 Notes
Genesis 26:34 And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite:	Genesis 26:34 Notes
Genesis 26:35 Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah.	Genesis 26:35 Notes

Genesis Chapter 27 (how to cheat one's brother out of his inheritance)

Genesis 27:1 And it came to pass, that when Isaac was old, and his eyes were dim, so that he could not see, he called Esau his eldest son, and said unto him, My son: and he said unto him, Behold, here am I.	Genesis 27:1 Notes
Genesis 27:2 And he said, Behold now, I am old, I know not the day of my death:	Genesis 27:2 Notes
Genesis 27:3 Now therefore take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out to the field, and take me some venison;	Genesis 27:3 Notes
Genesis 27:4 And make me savoury meat, such as I love, and bring it to me, that I may eat; that my soul may bless thee before I die.	Genesis 27:4 Notes
Genesis 27:5 And Rebekah heard when Isaac spake to Esau his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt for venison, and to bring it.	Genesis 27:5 Notes
Genesis 27:6 And Rebekah spake unto Jacob her son, saying, Behold, I heard thy father speak unto Esau thy brother, saying,	Genesis 27:6 Notes
Genesis 27:7 Bring me venison, and make me savoury meat, that I may eat, and bless thee before the LORD before my death.	Genesis 27:7 Notes
Genesis 27:8 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to that which I command thee.	Genesis 27:8 Notes
Genesis 27:9 Go now to the flock, and fetch me from thence two good kids of the goats; and I will make them savoury meat for thy father, such as he loveth:	Genesis 27:9 Notes
Genesis 27:10 And thou shalt bring it to thy father, that he may eat, and that he may bless thee before his death.	Genesis 27:10 Notes
Genesis 27:11 And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man:	Genesis 27:11 Notes
Genesis 27:12 My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver; and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing.	Genesis 27:12 Notes
Genesis 27:13 And his mother said unto him, Upon me be thy curse, my son: only obey my voice, and go fetch me them.	Genesis 27:13 Notes
Genesis 27:14 And he went, and fetched, and brought them to his mother: and his mother made savoury meat, such as his father loved.	Genesis 27:14 Notes
Genesis 27:15 And Rebekah took goodly raiment of her eldest son Esau, which were with her in the house, and put them upon Jacob her younger son:	Genesis 27:15 Notes
Genesis 27:16 And she put the skins of the kids of the goats upon his hands, and upon the smooth of his neck:	Genesis 27:16 Notes
Genesis 27:17 And she gave the savoury meat and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob.	Genesis 27:17 Notes
Genesis 27:18 And he came unto his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I; who art thou, my son?	Genesis 27:18 Notes
Genesis 27:19 And Jacob said unto his father, I am Esau thy first born; I have done according as thou badest me: arise, I pray thee, sit and eat of my venison, that thy soul may bless me.	Genesis 27:19 Notes Even without purchasing first born status, the ruse performed here would have worked anyway. Always lovely that siblings try to claw their way up the family.
Genesis 27:20 And Isaac said unto his son, How is it that thou hast found it so quickly, my son? And he said, Because the LORD thy God brought it to me.	Genesis 27:20 Notes
Genesis 27:21 And Isaac said unto Jacob, Come near, I pray thee, that I may feel thee, my son, whether thou be my very son Esau or not.	Genesis 27:21 Notes
Genesis 27:22 And Jacob went near unto Isaac his father; and he felt him, and said, The voice is Jacob's voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.	Genesis 27:22 Notes
Genesis 27:23 And he discerned him not, because his hands were hairy, as his brother Esau's hands: so he blessed him.	Genesis 27:23 Notes
Genesis 27:24 And he said, Art thou my very son Esau? And he said, I am.	Genesis 27:24 Notes
Genesis 27:25 And he said, Bring it near to me, and I will eat of my son's venison, that my soul may bless thee. And he brought it near to him, and he did eat: and he brought him wine and he drank.	Genesis 27:25 Notes
Genesis 27:26 And his father Isaac said unto him, Come near now, and kiss me, my son.	Genesis 27:26 Notes
Genesis 27:27 And he came near, and kissed him: and he smelled the smell of his raiment, and blessed him, and said, See, the smell of my son is as the smell of a field which the LORD hath blessed:	Genesis 27:27 Notes
Genesis 27:28 Therefore God give thee of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth, and plenty of corn and wine:	Genesis 27:28 Notes Note that "corn" here does not refer to the maize that originated in Mexico. Corn is an old English word meaning grain, usually the locally common grain: so it refers to maize in the US, wheat in England, and oats in Scotland.
Genesis 27:29 Let people serve thee, and nations bow down to thee: be lord over thy brethren, and let thy mother's sons bow down to thee: cursed be every one that curseth thee, and blessed be he that blesseth thee.	Genesis 27:29 Notes
Genesis 27:30 And it came to pass, as soon as Isaac had made an end of blessing Jacob, and Jacob was yet scarce gone out from the presence of Isaac his father, that Esau his brother came in from his hunting.	Genesis 27:30 Notes
Genesis 27:31 And he also had made savoury meat, and brought it unto his father, and said unto his father, Let my father arise, and eat of his son's venison, that thy soul may bless me.	Genesis 27:31 Notes
Genesis 27:32 And Isaac his father said unto him, Who art thou? And he said, I am thy son, thy firstborn Esau.	Genesis 27:32 Notes
Genesis 27:33 And Isaac trembled very exceedingly, and said, Who? where is he that hath taken venison, and brought it me, and I have eaten of all before thou camest, and have blessed him? yea, and he shall be blessed.	Genesis 27:33 Notes
Genesis 27:34 And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, Bless me, even me also, O my father.	Genesis 27:34 Notes
Genesis 27:35 And he said, Thy brother came with subtilty, and hath taken away thy blessing.	Genesis 27:35 Notes
Genesis 27:36 And he said, Is not he rightly named Jacob? for he hath supplanted me these two times: he took away my birthright; and, behold, now he hath taken away my blessing. And he said, Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me?	Genesis 27:36 Notes
Genesis 27:37 And Isaac answered and said unto Esau, Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants; and with corn and wine have I sustained him: and what shall I do now unto thee, my son?	Genesis 27:37 Notes
Genesis 27:38 And Esau said unto his father, Hast thou but one blessing, my father? bless me, even me also, O my father. And Esau lifted up his voice, and wept.	Genesis 27:38 Notes
Genesis 27:39 And Isaac his father answered and said unto him, Behold, thy dwelling shall be the fatness of the earth, and of the dew of heaven from above;	Genesis 27:39 Notes
Genesis 27:40 And by thy sword shalt thou live, and shalt serve thy brother; and it shall come to pass when thou shalt have the dominion, that thou shalt break his yoke from off thy neck.	Genesis 27:40 Notes
Genesis 27:41 And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob.	Genesis 27:41 Notes
Genesis 27:42 And these words of Esau her elder son were told to Rebekah: and she sent and called Jacob her younger son, and said unto him, Behold, thy brother Esau, as touching thee, doth comfort himself, purposing to kill thee.	Genesis 27:42 Notes
Genesis 27:43 Now therefore, my son, obey my voice; arise, flee thou to Laban my brother to Haran;	Genesis 27:43 Notes
Genesis 27:44 And tarry with him a few days, until thy brother's fury turn away;	Genesis 27:44 Notes
Genesis 27:45 Until thy brother's anger turn away from thee, and he forget that which thou hast done to him: then I will send, and fetch thee from thence: why should I be deprived also of you both in one day?	Genesis 27:45 Notes
Genesis 27:46 And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth: if Jacob take a wife of the daughters of Heth, such as these which are of the daughters of the land, what good shall my life do me?	Genesis 27:46 Notes

Genesis Chapter 28

Genesis 28:1 And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.	Genesis 28:1 Notes
Genesis 28:2 Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughers of Laban thy mother's brother.	Genesis 28:2 Notes
Genesis 28:3 And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people;	Genesis 28:3 Notes
Genesis 28:4 And give thee the blessing of Abraham, to thee, and to thy seed with thee; that thou mayest inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave unto Abraham.	Genesis 28:4 Notes
Genesis 28:5 And Isaac sent away Jacob: and he went to Padanaram unto Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian, the brother of Rebekah, Jacob's and Esau's mother.	Genesis 28:5 Notes
Genesis 28:6 When Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padanaram, to take him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him a charge, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughers of Canaan;	Genesis 28:6 Notes
Genesis 28:7 And that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padanaram;	Genesis 28:7 Notes
Genesis 28:8 And Esau seeing that the daughters of Canaan pleased not Isaac his father;	Genesis 28:8 Notes
Genesis 28:9 Then went Esau unto Ishmael, and took unto the wives which he had Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael Abraham's son, the sister of Nebajoth, to be his wife.	Genesis 28:9 Notes
Genesis 28:10 And Jacob went out from Beersheba, and went toward Haran.	Genesis 28:10 Notes
Genesis 28:11 And he lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took of the stones of that place, and put them for his pillows, and lay down in that place to sleep.	Genesis 28:11 Notes
Genesis 28:12 And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.	Genesis 28:12 Notes "Jacob's Dream" by William Blake (1805)
Genesis 28:13 And, behold, the LORD stood above it, and said, I am the LORD God of Abraham thy father, and the God of Isaac: the land whereon thou liest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed;	Genesis 28:13 Notes
Genesis 28:14 And thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth, and thou shalt spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the north, and to the south: and in thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed.	Genesis 28:14 Notes
Genesis 28:15 And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.	Genesis 28:15 Notes
Genesis 28:16 And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the LORD is in this place; and I knew it not.	Genesis 28:16 Notes
Genesis 28:17 And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! this is none other but the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.	Genesis 28:17 Notes
Genesis 28:18 And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put for his pillows, and set it up for a pillar, and poured oil upon the top of it.	Genesis 28:18 Notes
Genesis 28:19 And he called the name of that place Bethel: but the name of that city was called Luz at the first.	Genesis 28:19 Notes
Genesis 28:20 And Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on,	Genesis 28:20 Notes
Genesis 28:21 So that I come again to my father's house in peace; then shall the LORD be my God:	Genesis 28:21 Notes
Genesis 28:22 And this stone, which I have set for a pillar, shall be God's house: and of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee.	Genesis 28:22 Notes This is how tithing enters into religion. For those that pay attention, those tithes are given to the church instead of God directly.

Genesis Chapter 29

Genesis 29:1 Then Jacob went on his journey, and came into the land of the people of the east.	Genesis 29:1 Notes
Genesis 29:2 And he looked, and behold a well in the field, and, lo, there were three flocks of sheep lying by it; for out of that well they watered the flocks: and a great stone was upon the well's mouth.	Genesis 29:2 Notes
Genesis 29:3 And thither were all the flocks gathered: and they rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the sheep, and put the stone again upon the well's mouth in his place.	Genesis 29:3 Notes
Genesis 29:4 And Jacob said unto them, My brethren, whence be ye? And they said, Of Haran are we.	Genesis 29:4 Notes
Genesis 29:5 And he said unto them, Know ye Laban the son of Nahor? And they said, We know him.	Genesis 29:5 Notes
Genesis 29:6 And he said unto them, Is he well? And they said, He is well: and, behold, Rachel his daughter cometh with the sheep.	Genesis 29:6 Notes
Genesis 29:7 And he said, Lo, it is yet high day, neither is it time that the cattle should be gathered together: water ye the sheep, and go and feed them.	Genesis 29:7 Notes
Genesis 29:8 And they said, We cannot, until all the flocks be gathered together, and till they roll the stone from the well's mouth; then we water the sheep.	Genesis 29:8 Notes
Genesis 29:9 And while he yet spake with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep; for she kept them.	Genesis 29:9 Notes
Genesis 29:10 And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob went near, and rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother.	Genesis 29:10 Notes
Genesis 29:11 And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.	Genesis 29:11 Notes
Genesis 29:12 And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's brother, and that he was Rebekah's son: and she ran and told her father.	Genesis 29:12 Notes
Genesis 29:13 And it came to pass, when Laban heard the tidings of Jacob his sister's son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, and brought him to his house. And he told Laban all these things.	Genesis 29:13 Notes
Genesis 29:14 And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month.	Genesis 29:14 Notes
Genesis 29:15 And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be?	Genesis 29:15 Notes
Genesis 29:16 And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.	Genesis 29:16 Notes
Genesis 29:17 Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.	Genesis 29:17 Notes
Genesis 29:18 And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.	Genesis 29:18 Notes
Genesis 29:19 And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me.	Genesis 29:19 Notes
Genesis 29:20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.	Genesis 29:20 Notes
Genesis 29:21 And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.	Genesis 29:21 Notes
Genesis 29:22 And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.	Genesis 29:22 Notes
Genesis 29:23 And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.	Genesis 29:23 Notes
Genesis 29:24 And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid.	Genesis 29:24 Notes
Genesis 29:25 And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?	Genesis 29:25 Notes
Genesis 29:26 And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.	Genesis 29:26 Notes
Genesis 29:27 Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.	Genesis 29:27 Notes
Genesis 29:28 And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.	Genesis 29:28 Notes
Genesis 29:29 And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid.	Genesis 29:29 Notes
Genesis 29:30 And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years.	Genesis 29:30 Notes
Genesis 29:31 And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.	Genesis 29:31 Notes
Genesis 29:32 And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.	Genesis 29:32 Notes
Genesis 29:33 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon.	Genesis 29:33 Notes
Genesis 29:34 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi.	Genesis 29:34 Notes
Genesis 29:35 And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing.	Genesis 29:35 Notes

Genesis Chapter 30

Genesis 30:1 And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.	Genesis 30:1 Notes
Genesis 30:2 And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?	Genesis 30:2 Notes
Genesis 30:3 And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.	Genesis 30:3 Notes
Genesis 30:4 And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her.	Genesis 30:4 Notes
Genesis 30:5 And Bilhah conceived, and bare Jacob a son.	Genesis 30:5 Notes
Genesis 30:6 And Rachel said, God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice, and hath given me a son: therefore called she his name Dan.	Genesis 30:6 Notes
Genesis 30:7 And Bilhah Rachel's maid conceived again, and bare Jacob a second son.	Genesis 30:7 Notes
Genesis 30:8 And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali.	Genesis 30:8 Notes
Genesis 30:9 When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife.	Genesis 30:9 Notes
Genesis 30:10 And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a son.	Genesis 30:10 Notes
Genesis 30:11 And Leah said, A troop cometh: and she called his name Gad.	Genesis 30:11 Notes
Genesis 30:12 And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a second son.	Genesis 30:12 Notes
Genesis 30:13 And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed: and she called his name Asher.	Genesis 30:13 Notes
Genesis 30:14 And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son's mandrakes.	Genesis 30:14 Notes
Genesis 30:15 And she said unto her, Is it a small matter that thou hast taken my husband? and wouldest thou take away my son's mandrakes also? And Rachel said, Therefore he shall lie with thee to night for thy son's mandrakes.	Genesis 30:15 Notes
Genesis 30:16 And Jacob came out of the field in the evening, and Leah went out to meet him, and said, Thou must come in unto me; for surely I have hired thee with my son's mandrakes. And he lay with her that night.	Genesis 30:16 Notes
Genesis 30:17 And God hearkened unto Leah, and she conceived, and bare Jacob the fifth son.	Genesis 30:17 Notes
Genesis 30:18 And Leah said, God hath given me my hire, because I have given my maiden to my husband: and she called his name Issachar.	Genesis 30:18 Notes
Genesis 30:19 And Leah conceived again, and bare Jacob the sixth son.	Genesis 30:19 Notes
Genesis 30:20 And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun.	Genesis 30:20 Notes
Genesis 30:21 And afterwards she bare a daughter, and called her name Dinah.	Genesis 30:21 Notes
Genesis 30:22 And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.	Genesis 30:22 Notes
Genesis 30:23 And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach:	Genesis 30:23 Notes
Genesis 30:24 And she called his name Joseph; and said, The LORD shall add to me another son.	Genesis 30:24 Notes
Genesis 30:25 And it came to pass, when Rachel had born Joseph, that Jacob said unto Laban, Send me away, that I may go unto mine own place, and to my country.	Genesis 30:25 Notes
Genesis 30:26 Give me my wives and my children, for whom I have served thee, and let me go: for thou knowest my service which I have done thee.	Genesis 30:26 Notes
Genesis 30:27 And Laban said unto him, I pray thee, if I have found favour in thine eyes, tarry: for I have learned by experience that the LORD hath blessed me for thy sake.	Genesis 30:27 Notes
Genesis 30:28 And he said, Appoint me thy wages, and I will give it.	Genesis 30:28 Notes
Genesis 30:29 And he said unto him, Thou knowest how I have served thee, and how thy cattle was with me.	Genesis 30:29 Notes
Genesis 30:30 For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the LORD hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also?	Genesis 30:30 Notes
Genesis 30:31 And he said, What shall I give thee? And Jacob said, Thou shalt not give me any thing: if thou wilt do this thing for me, I will again feed and keep thy flock.	Genesis 30:31 Notes
Genesis 30:32 I will pass through all thy flock to day, removing from thence all the speckled and spotted cattle, and all the brown cattle among the sheep, and the spotted and speckled among the goats: and of such shall be my hire.	Genesis 30:32 Notes
Genesis 30:33 So shall my righteousness answer for me in time to come, when it shall come for my hire before thy face: every one that is not speckled and spotted among the goats, and brown among the sheep, that shall be counted stolen with me.	Genesis 30:33 Notes
Genesis 30:34 And Laban said, Behold, I would it might be according to thy word.	Genesis 30:34 Notes
Genesis 30:35 And he removed that day the he goats that were ringstraked and spotted, and all the she goats that were speckled and spotted, and every one that had some white in it, and all the brown among the sheep, and gave them into the hand of his sons.	Genesis 30:35 Notes
Genesis 30:36 And he set three days' journey betwixt himself and Jacob: and Jacob fed the rest of Laban's flocks.	Genesis 30:36 Notes
Genesis 30:37 And Jacob took him rods of green poplar, and of the hazel and chesnut tree; and pilled white strakes in them, and made the white appear which was in the rods.	Genesis 30:37 Notes
Genesis 30:38 And he set the rods which he had pilled before the flocks in the gutters in the watering troughs when the flocks came to drink, that they should conceive when they came to drink.	Genesis 30:38 Notes
Genesis 30:39 And the flocks conceived before the rods, and brought forth cattle ringstraked, speckled, and spotted.	Genesis 30:39 Notes Ladies and gentlemen, Biblical genetics! Or a pagan sympathetic magic ritual that snuck in here somehow, one or the other.
Genesis 30:40 And Jacob did separate the lambs, and set the faces of the flocks toward the ringstraked, and all the brown in the flock of Laban; and he put his own flocks by themselves, and put them not unto Laban's cattle.	Genesis 30:40 Notes
Genesis 30:41 And it came to pass, whensoever the stronger cattle did conceive, that Jacob laid the rods before the eyes of the cattle in the gutters, that they might conceive among the rods.	Genesis 30:41 Notes
Genesis 30:42 But when the cattle were feeble, he put them not in: so the feebler were Laban's, and the stronger Jacob's.	Genesis 30:42 Notes
Genesis 30:43 And the man increased exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels, and asses.	Genesis 30:43 Notes

Genesis Chapter 31

Genesis 31:1 And he heard the words of Laban's sons, saying, Jacob hath taken away all that was our father's; and of that which was our father's hath he gotten all this glory.	Genesis 31:1 Notes
Genesis 31:2 And Jacob beheld the countenance of Laban, and, behold, it was not toward him as before.	Genesis 31:2 Notes
Genesis 31:3 And the LORD said unto Jacob, Return unto the land of thy fathers, and to thy kindred; and I will be with thee.	Genesis 31:3 Notes
Genesis 31:4 And Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah to the field unto his flock,	Genesis 31:4 Notes
Genesis 31:5 And said unto them, I see your father's countenance, that it is not toward me as before; but the God of my father hath been with me.	Genesis 31:5 Notes
Genesis 31:6 And ye know that with all my power I have served your father.	Genesis 31:6 Notes
Genesis 31:7 And your father hath deceived me, and changed my wages ten times; but God suffered him not to hurt me.	Genesis 31:7 Notes
Genesis 31:8 If he said thus, The speckled shall be thy wages; then all the cattle bare speckled: and if he said thus, The ringstraked shall be thy hire; then bare all the cattle ringstraked.	Genesis 31:8 Notes
Genesis 31:9 Thus God hath taken away the cattle of your father, and given them to me.	Genesis 31:9 Notes
Genesis 31:10 And it came to pass at the time that the cattle conceived, that I lifted up mine eyes, and saw in a dream, and, behold, the rams which leaped upon the cattle were ringstraked, speckled, and grisled.	Genesis 31:10 Notes
Genesis 31:11 And the angel of God spake unto me in a dream, saying, Jacob: And I said, Here am I.	Genesis 31:11 Notes
Genesis 31:12 And he said, Lift up now thine eyes, and see, all the rams which leap upon the cattle are ringstraked, speckled, and grisled: for I have seen all that Laban doeth unto thee.	Genesis 31:12 Notes
Genesis 31:13 I am the God of Bethel, where thou anointedst the pillar, and where thou vowedst a vow unto me: now arise, get thee out from this land, and return unto the land of thy kindred.	Genesis 31:13 Notes
Genesis 31:14 And Rachel and Leah answered and said unto him, Is there yet any portion or inheritance for us in our father's house?	Genesis 31:14 Notes
Genesis 31:15 Are we not counted of him strangers? for he hath sold us, and hath quite devoured also our money.	Genesis 31:15 Notes
Genesis 31:16 For all the riches which God hath taken from our father, that is ours, and our children's: now then, whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do.	Genesis 31:16 Notes
Genesis 31:17 Then Jacob rose up, and set his sons and his wives upon camels;	Genesis 31:17 Notes
Genesis 31:18 And he carried away all his cattle, and all his goods which he had gotten, the cattle of his getting, which he had gotten in Padanaram, for to go to Isaac his father in the land of Canaan.	Genesis 31:18 Notes
Genesis 31:19 And Laban went to shear his sheep: and Rachel had stolen the images that were her father's.	Genesis 31:19 Notes
Genesis 31:20 And Jacob stole away unawares to Laban the Syrian, in that he told him not that he fled.	Genesis 31:20 Notes
Genesis 31:21 So he fled with all that he had; and he rose up, and passed over the river, and set his face toward the mount Gilead.	Genesis 31:21 Notes
Genesis 31:22 And it was told Laban on the third day that Jacob was fled.	Genesis 31:22 Notes
Genesis 31:23 And he took his brethren with him, and pursued after him seven days' journey; and they overtook him in the mount Gilead.	Genesis 31:23 Notes
Genesis 31:24 And God came to Laban the Syrian in a dream by night, and said unto him, Take heed that thou speak not to Jacob either good or bad.	Genesis 31:24 Notes
Genesis 31:25 Then Laban overtook Jacob. Now Jacob had pitched his tent in the mount: and Laban with his brethren pitched in the mount of Gilead.	Genesis 31:25 Notes
Genesis 31:26 And Laban said to Jacob, What hast thou done, that thou hast stolen away unawares to me, and carried away my daughters, as captives taken with the sword?	Genesis 31:26 Notes
Genesis 31:27 Wherefore didst thou flee away secretly, and steal away from me; and didst not tell me, that I might have sent thee away with mirth, and with songs, with tabret, and with harp?	Genesis 31:27 Notes
Genesis 31:28 And hast not suffered me to kiss my sons and my daughters? thou hast now done foolishly in so doing.	Genesis 31:28 Notes
Genesis 31:29 It is in the power of my hand to do you hurt: but the God of your father spake unto me yesternight, saying, Take thou heed that thou speak not to Jacob either good or bad.	Genesis 31:29 Notes
Genesis 31:30 And now, though thou wouldest needs be gone, because thou sore longedst after thy father's house, yet wherefore hast thou stolen my gods?	Genesis 31:30 Notes
Genesis 31:31 And Jacob answered and said to Laban, Because I was afraid: for I said, Peradventure thou wouldest take by force thy daughters from me.	Genesis 31:31 Notes
Genesis 31:32 With whomsoever thou findest thy gods, let him not live: before our brethren discern thou what is thine with me, and take it to thee. For Jacob knew not that Rachel had stolen them.	Genesis 31:32 Notes
Genesis 31:33 And Laban went into Jacob's tent, and into Leah's tent, and into the two maidservants' tents; but he found them not. Then went he out of Leah's tent, and entered into Rachel's tent.	Genesis 31:33 Notes
Genesis 31:34 Now Rachel had taken the images, and put them in the camel's furniture, and sat upon them. And Laban searched all the tent, but found them not.	Genesis 31:34 Notes
Genesis 31:35 And she said to her father, Let it not displease my lord that I cannot rise up before thee; for the custom of women is upon me. And he searched but found not the images.	Genesis 31:35 Notes
Genesis 31:36 And Jacob was wroth, and chode with Laban: and Jacob answered and said to Laban, What is my trespass? what is my sin, that thou hast so hotly pursued after me?	Genesis 31:36 Notes
Genesis 31:37 Whereas thou hast searched all my stuff, what hast thou found of all thy household stuff? set it here before my brethren and thy brethren, that they may judge betwixt us both.	Genesis 31:37 Notes
Genesis 31:38 This twenty years have I been with thee; thy ewes and thy she goats have not cast their young, and the rams of thy flock have I not eaten.	Genesis 31:38 Notes
Genesis 31:39 That which was torn of beasts I brought not unto thee; I bare the loss of it; of my hand didst thou require it, whether stolen by day, or stolen by night.	Genesis 31:39 Notes
Genesis 31:40 Thus I was; in the day the drought consumed me, and the frost by night; and my sleep departed from mine eyes.	Genesis 31:40 Notes
Genesis 31:41 Thus have I been twenty years in thy house; I served thee fourteen years for thy two daughters, and six years for thy cattle: and thou hast changed my wages ten times.	Genesis 31:41 Notes
Genesis 31:42 Except the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely thou hadst sent me away now empty. God hath seen mine affliction and the labour of my hands, and rebuked thee yesternight.	Genesis 31:42 Notes
Genesis 31:43 And Laban answered and said unto Jacob, These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and these cattle are my cattle, and all that thou seest is mine: and what can I do this day unto these my daughters, or unto their children which they have born?	Genesis 31:43 Notes
Genesis 31:44 Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou; and let it be for a witness between me and thee.	Genesis 31:44 Notes
Genesis 31:45 And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar.	Genesis 31:45 Notes
Genesis 31:46 And Jacob said unto his brethren, Gather stones; and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap.	Genesis 31:46 Notes
Genesis 31:47 And Laban called it Jegarsahadutha: but Jacob called it Galeed.	Genesis 31:47 Notes
Genesis 31:48 And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day. Therefore was the name of it called Galeed;	Genesis 31:48 Notes
Genesis 31:49 And Mizpah; for he said, The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.	Genesis 31:49 Notes
Genesis 31:50 If thou shalt afflict my daughters, or if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters, no man is with us; see, God is witness betwixt me and thee.	Genesis 31:50 Notes
Genesis 31:51 And Laban said to Jacob, Behold this heap, and behold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee:	Genesis 31:51 Notes
Genesis 31:52 This heap be witness, and this pillar be witness, that I will not pass over this heap to thee, and that thou shalt not pass over this heap and this pillar unto me, for harm.	Genesis 31:52 Notes
Genesis 31:53 The God of Abraham, and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge betwixt us. And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac.	Genesis 31:53 Notes
Genesis 31:54 Then Jacob offered sacrifice upon the mount, and called his brethren to eat bread: and they did eat bread, and tarried all night in the mount.	Genesis 31:54 Notes
Genesis 31:55 And early in the morning Laban rose up, and kissed his sons and his daughters, and blessed them: and Laban departed, and returned unto his place.	Genesis 31:55 Notes

Genesis Chapter 32

Genesis 32:1 And Jacob went on his way, and the angels of God met him.	Genesis 32:1 Notes
Genesis 32:2 And when Jacob saw them, he said, This is God's host: and he called the name of that place Mahanaim.	Genesis 32:2 Notes
Genesis 32:3 And Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother unto the land of Seir, the country of Edom.	Genesis 32:3 Notes
Genesis 32:4 And he commanded them, saying, Thus shall ye speak unto my lord Esau; Thy servant Jacob saith thus, I have sojourned with Laban, and stayed there until now:	Genesis 32:4 Notes
Genesis 32:5 And I have oxen, and asses, flocks, and menservants, and womenservants: and I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find grace in thy sight.	Genesis 32:5 Notes
Genesis 32:6 And the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, We came to thy brother Esau, and also he cometh to meet thee, and four hundred men with him.	Genesis 32:6 Notes
Genesis 32:7 Then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed: and he divided the people that was with him, and the flocks, and herds, and the camels, into two bands;	Genesis 32:7 Notes
Genesis 32:8 And said, If Esau come to the one company, and smite it, then the other company which is left shall escape.	Genesis 32:8 Notes
Genesis 32:9 And Jacob said, O God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the LORD which saidst unto me, Return unto thy country, and to thy kindred, and I will deal well with thee:	Genesis 32:9 Notes
Genesis 32:10 I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shewed unto thy servant; for with my staff I passed over this Jordan; and now I am become two bands.	Genesis 32:10 Notes
Genesis 32:11 Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau: for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me, and the mother with the children.	Genesis 32:11 Notes
Genesis 32:12 And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good, and make thy seed as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.	Genesis 32:12 Notes
Genesis 32:13 And he lodged there that same night; and took of that which came to his hand a present for Esau his brother;	Genesis 32:13 Notes
Genesis 32:14 Two hundred she goats, and twenty he goats, two hundred ewes, and twenty rams,	Genesis 32:14 Notes
Genesis 32:15 Thirty milch camels with their colts, forty kine, and ten bulls, twenty she asses, and ten foals.	Genesis 32:15 Notes
Genesis 32:16 And he delivered them into the hand of his servants, every drove by themselves; and said unto his servants, Pass over before me, and put a space betwixt drove and drove.	Genesis 32:16 Notes
Genesis 32:17 And he commanded the foremost, saying, When Esau my brother meeteth thee, and asketh thee, saying, Whose art thou? and whither goest thou? and whose are these before thee?	Genesis 32:17 Notes
Genesis 32:18 Then thou shalt say, They be thy servant Jacob's; it is a present sent unto my lord Esau: and, behold, also he is behind us.	Genesis 32:18 Notes
Genesis 32:19 And so commanded he the second, and the third, and all that followed the droves, saying, On this manner shall ye speak unto Esau, when ye find him.	Genesis 32:19 Notes
Genesis 32:20 And say ye moreover, Behold, thy servant Jacob is behind us. For he said, I will appease him with the present that goeth before me, and afterward I will see his face; peradventure he will accept of me.	Genesis 32:20 Notes
Genesis 32:21 So went the present over before him: and himself lodged that night in the company.	Genesis 32:21 Notes
Genesis 32:22 And he rose up that night, and took his two wives, and his two womenservants, and his eleven sons, and passed over the ford Jabbok.	Genesis 32:22 Notes
Genesis 32:23 And he took them, and sent them over the brook, and sent over that he had.	Genesis 32:23 Notes
Genesis 32:24 And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.	Genesis 32:24 Notes As you will read from the next verses, this man is actually God.
Genesis 32:25 And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.	Genesis 32:25 Notes
Genesis 32:26 And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.	Genesis 32:26 Notes
Genesis 32:27 And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.	Genesis 32:27 Notes Some people may claim that God isn't omniscient in this verse. However, the next verse can imply that the question was to increase the drama of changing his name.
Genesis 32:28 And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed.	Genesis 32:28 Notes Despite the name change to Israel, the old name still gets used from time to time.
Genesis 32:29 And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there.	Genesis 32:29 Notes This being the first example of the older name.
Genesis 32:30 And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.	Genesis 32:30 Notes Jacob has wrestled against God, and was victorious. This is similar to Moses arguing with God and winning in Exodus 32:10-14. Both passages tend to be rationalised with the excuse that God intended the end result, even though neither actually says this directly. Oh, and Jacob Israel has seen the face of God and survived.
Genesis 32:31 And as he passed over Penuel the sun rose upon him, and he halted upon his thigh.	Genesis 32:31 Notes
Genesis 32:32 Therefore the children of Israel eat not of the sinew which shrank, which is upon the hollow of the thigh, unto this day: because he touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh in the sinew that shrank.	Genesis 32:32 Notes Excellent reason, even though it's not necessary to eat other humans. This passage is also the origin of the mandate to remove the sciatic nerve (Gid hanasheh) of animals during kosher butchering.
Genesis 33:1 And Jacob lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, Esau came, and with him four hundred men. And he divided the children unto Leah, and unto Rachel, and unto the two handmaids.

Genesis Chapter 33

Genesis 33:1 Notes
Genesis 33:2 And he put the handmaids and their children foremost, and Leah and her children after, and Rachel and Joseph hindermost.	Genesis 33:2 Notes
Genesis 33:3 And he passed over before them, and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.	Genesis 33:3 Notes
Genesis 33:4 And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.	Genesis 33:4 Notes Easily forgiven, for tricking out of a birthright and a blessing.
Genesis 33:5 And he lifted up his eyes, and saw the women and the children; and said, Who are those with thee? And he said, The children which God hath graciously given thy servant.	Genesis 33:5 Notes
Genesis 33:6 Then the handmaidens came near, they and their children, and they bowed themselves.	Genesis 33:6 Notes
Genesis 33:7 And Leah also with her children came near, and bowed themselves: and after came Joseph near and Rachel, and they bowed themselves.	Genesis 33:7 Notes
Genesis 33:8 And he said, What meanest thou by all this drove which I met? And he said, These are to find grace in the sight of my lord.	Genesis 33:8 Notes
Genesis 33:9 And Esau said, I have enough, my brother; keep that thou hast unto thyself.	Genesis 33:9 Notes
Genesis 33:10 And Jacob said, Nay, I pray thee, if now I have found grace in thy sight, then receive my present at my hand: for therefore I have seen thy face, as though I had seen the face of God, and thou wast pleased with me.	Genesis 33:10 Notes
Genesis 33:11 Take, I pray thee, my blessing that is brought to thee; because God hath dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough. And he urged him, and he took it.	Genesis 33:11 Notes
Genesis 33:12 And he said, Let us take our journey, and let us go, and I will go before thee.	Genesis 33:12 Notes
Genesis 33:13 And he said unto him, My lord knoweth that the children are tender, and the flocks and herds with young are with me: and if men should overdrive them one day, all the flock will die.	Genesis 33:13 Notes
Genesis 33:14 Let my lord, I pray thee, pass over before his servant: and I will lead on softly, according as the cattle that goeth before me and the children be able to endure, until I come unto my lord unto Seir.	Genesis 33:14 Notes
Genesis 33:15 And Esau said, Let me now leave with thee some of the folk that are with me. And he said, What needeth it? let me find grace in the sight of my lord.	Genesis 33:15 Notes
Genesis 33:16 So Esau returned that day on his way unto Seir.	Genesis 33:16 Notes
Genesis 33:17 And Jacob journeyed to Succoth, and built him an house, and made booths for his cattle: therefore the name of the place is called Succoth.	Genesis 33:17 Notes
Genesis 33:18 And Jacob came to Shalem, a city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, when he came from Padanaram; and pitched his tent before the city.	Genesis 33:18 Notes
Genesis 33:19 And he bought a parcel of a field, where he had spread his tent, at the hand of the children of Hamor, Shechem's father, for an hundred pieces of money.	Genesis 33:19 Notes
Genesis 33:20 And he erected there an altar, and called it EleloheIsrael.	Genesis 33:20 Notes

Genesis Chapter 34

Genesis 34:1 And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.	Genesis 34:1 Notes A truly touching story follows...
Genesis 34:2 And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.	Genesis 34:2 Notes
Genesis 34:3 And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.	Genesis 34:3 Notes Ahhh...sweet young love springs from the rape!
Genesis 34:4 And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife.	Genesis 34:4 Notes
Genesis 34:5 And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.	Genesis 34:5 Notes
Genesis 34:6 And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him.	Genesis 34:6 Notes
Genesis 34:7 And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done.	Genesis 34:7 Notes
Genesis 34:8 And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.	Genesis 34:8 Notes A request to convert the incident to an actual marriage.
Genesis 34:9 And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.	Genesis 34:9 Notes
Genesis 34:10 And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.	Genesis 34:10 Notes
Genesis 34:11 And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give.	Genesis 34:11 Notes
Genesis 34:12 Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife.	Genesis 34:12 Notes
Genesis 34:13 And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:	Genesis 34:13 Notes
Genesis 34:14 And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:	Genesis 34:14 Notes
Genesis 34:15 But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;	Genesis 34:15 Notes The counter offer...
Genesis 34:16 Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.	Genesis 34:16 Notes
Genesis 34:17 But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.	Genesis 34:17 Notes
Genesis 34:18 And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son.	Genesis 34:18 Notes
Genesis 34:19 And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father.	Genesis 34:19 Notes
Genesis 34:20 And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,	Genesis 34:20 Notes
Genesis 34:21 These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.	Genesis 34:21 Notes
Genesis 34:22 Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised.	Genesis 34:22 Notes
Genesis 34:23 Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their's be our's? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.	Genesis 34:23 Notes
Genesis 34:24 And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.	Genesis 34:24 Notes
Genesis 34:25 And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.	Genesis 34:25 Notes In response to the rape, the Israelites massacre the city.
Genesis 34:26 And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.	Genesis 34:26 Notes
Genesis 34:27 The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.	Genesis 34:27 Notes
Genesis 34:28 They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,	Genesis 34:28 Notes
Genesis 34:29 And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.	Genesis 34:29 Notes That's right, on top of the mass slaughter, our heroes kidnap a bunch of women and children. This whole thing started with rape and now it's ending with mass sex slavery, because it's okay when the good guys do it.
Genesis 34:30 And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house.	Genesis 34:30 Notes
Genesis 34:31 And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?	Genesis 34:31 Notes In case you felt anything resembling sympathy for these mass murdering slavers, they slut shame their sister even though the narrative implies she was raped.

Genesis Chapter 35

Genesis 35:1 And God said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and make there an altar unto God, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother.	Genesis 35:1 Notes
Genesis 35:2 Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments:	Genesis 35:2 Notes
Genesis 35:3 And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went.	Genesis 35:3 Notes
Genesis 35:4 And they gave unto Jacob all the strange gods which were in their hand, and all their earrings which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem.	Genesis 35:4 Notes
Genesis 35:5 And they journeyed: and the terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them, and they did not pursue after the sons of Jacob.	Genesis 35:5 Notes
Genesis 35:6 So Jacob came to Luz, which is in the land of Canaan, that is, Bethel, he and all the people that were with him.	Genesis 35:6 Notes
Genesis 35:7 And he built there an altar, and called the place Elbethel: because there God appeared unto him, when he fled from the face of his brother.	Genesis 35:7 Notes
Genesis 35:8 But Deborah Rebekah's nurse died, and she was buried beneath Bethel under an oak: and the name of it was called Allonbachuth.	Genesis 35:8 Notes
Genesis 35:9 And God appeared unto Jacob again, when he came out of Padanaram, and blessed him.	Genesis 35:9 Notes
Genesis 35:10 And God said unto him, Thy name is Jacob: thy name shall not be called any more Jacob, but Israel shall be thy name: and he called his name Israel.	Genesis 35:10 Notes Name changed to Israel once again.
Genesis 35:11 And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;	Genesis 35:11 Notes
Genesis 35:12 And the land which I gave Abraham and Isaac, to thee I will give it, and to thy seed after thee will I give the land.	Genesis 35:12 Notes
Genesis 35:13 And God went up from him in the place where he talked with him.	Genesis 35:13 Notes
Genesis 35:14 And Jacob set up a pillar in the place where he talked with him, even a pillar of stone: and he poured a drink offering thereon, and he poured oil thereon.	Genesis 35:14 Notes
Genesis 35:15 And Jacob called the name of the place where God spake with him, Bethel.	Genesis 35:15 Notes
Genesis 35:16 And they journeyed from Bethel; and there was but a little way to come to Ephrath: and Rachel travailed, and she had hard labour.	Genesis 35:16 Notes
Genesis 35:17 And it came to pass, when she was in hard labour, that the midwife said unto her, Fear not; thou shalt have this son also.	Genesis 35:17 Notes
Genesis 35:18 And it came to pass, as her soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin.	Genesis 35:18 Notes
Genesis 35:19 And Rachel died, and was buried in the way to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem.	Genesis 35:19 Notes
Genesis 35:20 And Jacob set a pillar upon her grave: that is the pillar of Rachel's grave unto this day.	Genesis 35:20 Notes
Genesis 35:21 And Israel journeyed, and spread his tent beyond the tower of Edar.	Genesis 35:21 Notes
Genesis 35:22 And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father's concubine: and Israel heard it. Now the sons of Jacob were twelve:	Genesis 35:22 Notes And back to Jacob.
Genesis 35:23 The sons of Leah; Reuben, Jacob's firstborn, and Simeon, and Levi, and Judah, and Issachar, and Zebulun:	Genesis 35:23 Notes
Genesis 35:24 The sons of Rachel; Joseph, and Benjamin:	Genesis 35:24 Notes
Genesis 35:25 And the sons of Bilhah, Rachel's handmaid; Dan, and Naphtali:	Genesis 35:25 Notes
Genesis 35:26 And the sons of Zilpah, Leah's handmaid: Gad, and Asher: these are the sons of Jacob, which were born to him in Padanaram.	Genesis 35:26 Notes
Genesis 35:27 And Jacob came unto Isaac his father unto Mamre, unto the city of Arbah, which is Hebron, where Abraham and Isaac sojourned.	Genesis 35:27 Notes
Genesis 35:28 And the days of Isaac were an hundred and fourscore years.	Genesis 35:28 Notes
Genesis 35:29 And Isaac gave up the ghost, and died, and was gathered unto his people, being old and full of days: and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.	Genesis 35:29 Notes Yet again contrary to Genesis 6:3, which caps the human lifespan at 120.

Genesis Chapter 36

Genesis 36:1 Now these are the generations of Esau, who is Edom.	Genesis 36:1 Notes
Genesis 36:2 Esau took his wives of the daughters of Canaan; Adah the daughter of Elon the Hittite, and Aholibamah the daughter of Anah the daughter of Zibeon the Hivite;	Genesis 36:2 Notes
Genesis 36:3 And Bashemath Ishmael's daughter, sister of Nebajoth.	Genesis 36:3 Notes
Genesis 36:4 And Adah bare to Esau Eliphaz; and Bashemath bare Reuel;	Genesis 36:4 Notes
Genesis 36:5 And Aholibamah bare Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah: these are the sons of Esau, which were born unto him in the land of Canaan.	Genesis 36:5 Notes
Genesis 36:6 And Esau took his wives, and his sons, and his daughters, and all the persons of his house, and his cattle, and all his beasts, and all his substance, which he had got in the land of Canaan; and went into the country from the face of his brother Jacob.	Genesis 36:6 Notes
Genesis 36:7 For their riches were more than that they might dwell together; and the land wherein they were strangers could not bear them because of their cattle.	Genesis 36:7 Notes
Genesis 36:8 Thus dwelt Esau in mount Seir: Esau is Edom.	Genesis 36:8 Notes
Genesis 36:9 And these are the generations of Esau the father of the Edomites in mount Seir:	Genesis 36:9 Notes
Genesis 36:10 These are the names of Esau's sons; Eliphaz the son of Adah the wife of Esau, Reuel the son of Bashemath the wife of Esau.	Genesis 36:10 Notes
Genesis 36:11 And the sons of Eliphaz were Teman, Omar, Zepho, and Gatam, and Kenaz.	Genesis 36:11 Notes
Genesis 36:12 And Timna was concubine to Eliphaz Esau's son; and she bare to Eliphaz Amalek: these were the sons of Adah Esau's wife.	Genesis 36:12 Notes
Genesis 36:13 And these are the sons of Reuel; Nahath, and Zerah, Shammah, and Mizzah: these were the sons of Bashemath Esau's wife.	Genesis 36:13 Notes
Genesis 36:14 And these were the sons of Aholibamah, the daughter of Anah the daughter of Zibeon, Esau's wife: and she bare to Esau Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah.	Genesis 36:14 Notes
Genesis 36:15 These were dukes of the sons of Esau: the sons of Eliphaz the firstborn son of Esau; duke Teman, duke Omar, duke Zepho, duke Kenaz,	Genesis 36:15 Notes
Genesis 36:16 Duke Korah, duke Gatam, and duke Amalek: these are the dukes that came of Eliphaz in the land of Edom; these were the sons of Adah.	Genesis 36:16 Notes
Genesis 36:17 And these are the sons of Reuel Esau's son; duke Nahath, duke Zerah, duke Shammah, duke Mizzah: these are the dukes that came of Reuel in the land of Edom; these are the sons of Bashemath Esau's wife.	Genesis 36:17 Notes
Genesis 36:18 And these are the sons of Aholibamah Esau's wife; duke Jeush, duke Jaalam, duke Korah: these were the dukes that came of Aholibamah the daughter of Anah, Esau's wife.	Genesis 36:18 Notes
Genesis 36:19 These are the sons of Esau, who is Edom, and these are their dukes.	Genesis 36:19 Notes
Genesis 36:20 These are the sons of Seir the Horite, who inhabited the land; Lotan, and Shobal, and Zibeon, and Anah,	Genesis 36:20 Notes
Genesis 36:21 And Dishon, and Ezer, and Dishan: these are the dukes of the Horites, the children of Seir in the land of Edom.	Genesis 36:21 Notes
Genesis 36:22 And the children of Lotan were Hori and Hemam; and Lotan's sister was Timna.	Genesis 36:22 Notes
Genesis 36:23 And the children of Shobal were these; Alvan, and Manahath, and Ebal, Shepho, and Onam.	Genesis 36:23 Notes
Genesis 36:24 And these are the children of Zibeon; both Ajah, and Anah: this was that Anah that found the mules in the wilderness, as he fed the asses of Zibeon his father.	Genesis 36:24 Notes
Genesis 36:25 And the children of Anah were these; Dishon, and Aholibamah the daughter of Anah.	Genesis 36:25 Notes
Genesis 36:26 And these are the children of Dishon; Hemdan, and Eshban, and Ithran, and Cheran.	Genesis 36:26 Notes
Genesis 36:27 The children of Ezer are these; Bilhan, and Zaavan, and Akan.	Genesis 36:27 Notes
Genesis 36:28 The children of Dishan are these; Uz, and Aran.	Genesis 36:28 Notes
Genesis 36:29 These are the dukes that came of the Horites; duke Lotan, duke Shobal, duke Zibeon, duke Anah,	Genesis 36:29 Notes
Genesis 36:30 Duke Dishon, duke Ezer, duke Dishan: these are the dukes that came of Hori, among their dukes in the land of Seir.	Genesis 36:30 Notes
Genesis 36:31 And these are the kings that reigned in the land of Edom, before there reigned any king over the children of Israel.	Genesis 36:31 Notes
Genesis 36:32 And Bela the son of Beor reigned in Edom: and the name of his city was Dinhabah.	Genesis 36:32 Notes
Genesis 36:33 And Bela died, and Jobab the son of Zerah of Bozrah reigned in his stead.	Genesis 36:33 Notes
Genesis 36:34 And Jobab died, and Husham of the land of Temani reigned in his stead.	Genesis 36:34 Notes
Genesis 36:35 And Husham died, and Hadad the son of Bedad, who smote Midian in the field of Moab, reigned in his stead: and the name of his city was Avith.	Genesis 36:35 Notes
Genesis 36:36 And Hadad died, and Samlah of Masrekah reigned in his stead.	Genesis 36:36 Notes
Genesis 36:37 And Samlah died, and Saul of Rehoboth by the river reigned in his stead.	Genesis 36:37 Notes
Genesis 36:38 And Saul died, and Baalhanan the son of Achbor reigned in his stead.	Genesis 36:38 Notes
Genesis 36:39 And Baalhanan the son of Achbor died, and Hadar reigned in his stead: and the name of his city was Pau; and his wife's name was Mehetabel, the daughter of Matred, the daughter of Mezahab.	Genesis 36:39 Notes
Genesis 36:40 And these are the names of the dukes that came of Esau, according to their families, after their places, by their names; duke Timnah, duke Alvah, duke Jetheth,	Genesis 36:40 Notes
Genesis 36:41 Duke Aholibamah, duke Elah, duke Pinon,	Genesis 36:41 Notes
Genesis 36:42 Duke Kenaz, duke Teman, duke Mibzar,	Genesis 36:42 Notes
Genesis 36:43 Duke Magdiel, duke Iram: these be the dukes of Edom, according to their habitations in the land of their possession: he is Esau the father of the Edomites.	Genesis 36:43 Notes

Genesis Chapter 37 (a certain musical begins)

Genesis 37:1 And Jacob dwelt in the land wherein his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan.	Genesis 37:1 Notes
Genesis 37:2 These are the generations of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brethren; and the lad was with the sons of Bilhah, and with the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives: and Joseph brought unto his father their evil report.	Genesis 37:2 Notes
Genesis 37:3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours.	Genesis 37:3 Notes This starts a nice story about brotherly love.
Genesis 37:4 And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.	Genesis 37:4 Notes
Genesis 37:5 And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more.	Genesis 37:5 Notes
Genesis 37:6 And he said unto them, Hear, I pray you, this dream which I have dreamed:	Genesis 37:6 Notes
Genesis 37:7 For, behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and, lo, my sheaf arose, and also stood upright; and, behold, your sheaves stood round about, and made obeisance to my sheaf.	Genesis 37:7 Notes
Genesis 37:8 And his brethren said to him, Shalt thou indeed reign over us? or shalt thou indeed have dominion over us? And they hated him yet the more for his dreams, and for his words.	Genesis 37:8 Notes
Genesis 37:9 And he dreamed yet another dream, and told it his brethren, and said, Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and, behold, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me.	Genesis 37:9 Notes
Genesis 37:10 And he told it to his father, and to his brethren: and his father rebuked him, and said unto him, What is this dream that thou hast dreamed? Shall I and thy mother and thy brethren indeed come to bow down ourselves to thee to the earth?	Genesis 37:10 Notes
Genesis 37:11 And his brethren envied him; but his father observed the saying.	Genesis 37:11 Notes
Genesis 37:12 And his brethren went to feed their father's flock in Shechem.	Genesis 37:12 Notes
Genesis 37:13 And Israel said unto Joseph, Do not thy brethren feed the flock in Shechem? come, and I will send thee unto them. And he said to him, Here am I.	Genesis 37:13 Notes
Genesis 37:14 And he said to him, Go, I pray thee, see whether it be well with thy brethren, and well with the flocks; and bring me word again. So he sent him out of the vale of Hebron, and he came to Shechem.	Genesis 37:14 Notes
Genesis 37:15 And a certain man found him, and, behold, he was wandering in the field: and the man asked him, saying, What seekest thou?	Genesis 37:15 Notes
Genesis 37:16 And he said, I seek my brethren: tell me, I pray thee, where they feed their flocks.	Genesis 37:16 Notes
Genesis 37:17 And the man said, They are departed hence; for I heard them say, Let us go to Dothan. And Joseph went after his brethren, and found them in Dothan.	Genesis 37:17 Notes
Genesis 37:18 And when they saw him afar off, even before he came near unto them, they conspired against him to slay him.	Genesis 37:18 Notes
Genesis 37:19 And they said one to another, Behold, this dreamer cometh.	Genesis 37:19 Notes This verse and the next are quoted in the epitaph to Martin Luther King, Jr., on his memorial plaque at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, where he was assassinated: “Behold, here cometh the Dreamer: Come, let us slay him, and then we shall see what will become of his dreams.”
Genesis 37:20 Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into some pit, and we will say, Some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what will become of his dreams.	Genesis 37:20 Notes
Genesis 37:21 And Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands; and said, Let us not kill him.	Genesis 37:21 Notes
Genesis 37:22 And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.	Genesis 37:22 Notes
Genesis 37:23 And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stript Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colours that was on him;	Genesis 37:23 Notes
Genesis 37:24 And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it.	Genesis 37:24 Notes
Genesis 37:25 And they sat down to eat bread: and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and, behold, a company of Ishmeelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry it down to Egypt.	Genesis 37:25 Notes
Genesis 37:26 And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood?	Genesis 37:26 Notes
Genesis 37:27 Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.	Genesis 37:27 Notes
Genesis 37:28 Then there passed by Midianites merchantmen; and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit, and sold Joseph to the Ishmeelites for twenty pieces of silver: and they brought Joseph into Egypt.	Genesis 37:28 Notes This is not even thirty pieces of silver.
Genesis 37:29 And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit; and he rent his clothes.	Genesis 37:29 Notes
Genesis 37:30 And he returned unto his brethren, and said, The child is not; and I, whither shall I go?	Genesis 37:30 Notes
Genesis 37:31 And they took Joseph's coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;	Genesis 37:31 Notes
Genesis 37:32 And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son's coat or no.	Genesis 37:32 Notes
Genesis 37:33 And he knew it, and said, It is my son's coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.	Genesis 37:33 Notes
Genesis 37:34 And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.	Genesis 37:34 Notes
Genesis 37:35 And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.	Genesis 37:35 Notes
Genesis 37:36 And the Midianites sold him into Egypt unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh's, and captain of the guard.	Genesis 37:36 Notes

Genesis Chapter 38

Genesis 38:1 And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah.	Genesis 38:1 Notes
Genesis 38:2 And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her.	Genesis 38:2 Notes
Genesis 38:3 And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er.	Genesis 38:3 Notes
Genesis 38:4 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan.	Genesis 38:4 Notes
Genesis 38:5 And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him.	Genesis 38:5 Notes
Genesis 38:6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar.	Genesis 38:6 Notes
Genesis 38:7 And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him.	Genesis 38:7 Notes See Examples of God personally killing people It is not particularly clear what Er even did to deserve this.
Genesis 38:8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.	Genesis 38:8 Notes This was common at the time, for a man to marry his brother's wife, as women were basically helpless without a husband. Widows had very few rights.
Genesis 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.	Genesis 38:9 Notes This "family friendly" scene is the origin of the term onanism. It is often cited as a Biblical condemnation of both contraception and masturbation since both involve "spilling on the ground," even though Onan was doing neither and was killed for disobeying a direct order from God. Potentially taking it to its most extreme conclusion would involve all seed being used for reproduction as it would either dissolve into the body, nocturnally emit, or be peed out when unused.
Genesis 38:10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.	Genesis 38:10 Notes See Examples of God personally killing people
Genesis 38:11 Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house.	Genesis 38:11 Notes
Genesis 38:12 And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah's wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheepshearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite.	Genesis 38:12 Notes
Genesis 38:13 And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep.	Genesis 38:13 Notes
Genesis 38:14 And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife.	Genesis 38:14 Notes
Genesis 38:15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face.	Genesis 38:15 Notes
Genesis 38:16 And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?	Genesis 38:16 Notes
Genesis 38:17 And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it?	Genesis 38:17 Notes
Genesis 38:18 And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him.	Genesis 38:18 Notes
Genesis 38:19 And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood.	Genesis 38:19 Notes
Genesis 38:20 And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman's hand: but he found her not.	Genesis 38:20 Notes
Genesis 38:21 Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place.	Genesis 38:21 Notes
Genesis 38:22 And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place.	Genesis 38:22 Notes
Genesis 38:23 And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her.	Genesis 38:23 Notes
Genesis 38:24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.	Genesis 38:24 Notes
Genesis 38:25 When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff.	Genesis 38:25 Notes
Genesis 38:26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.	Genesis 38:26 Notes
Genesis 38:27 And it came to pass in the time of her travail, that, behold, twins were in her womb.	Genesis 38:27 Notes
Genesis 38:28 And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the midwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, This came out first.	Genesis 38:28 Notes
Genesis 38:29 And it came to pass, as he drew back his hand, that, behold, his brother came out: and she said, How hast thou broken forth? this breach be upon thee: therefore his name was called Pharez.	Genesis 38:29 Notes
Genesis 38:30 And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah.	Genesis 38:30 Notes

Genesis Chapter 39

Genesis 39:1 And Joseph was brought down to Egypt; and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, captain of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him of the hands of the Ishmeelites, which had brought him down thither.	Genesis 39:1 Notes
Genesis 39:2 And the LORD was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian.	Genesis 39:2 Notes
Genesis 39:3 And his master saw that the LORD was with him, and that the LORD made all that he did to prosper in his hand.	Genesis 39:3 Notes
Genesis 39:4 And Joseph found grace in his sight, and he served him: and he made him overseer over his house, and all that he had he put into his hand.	Genesis 39:4 Notes
Genesis 39:5 And it came to pass from the time that he had made him overseer in his house, and over all that he had, that the LORD blessed the Egyptian's house for Joseph's sake; and the blessing of the LORD was upon all that he had in the house, and in the field.	Genesis 39:5 Notes "José y la Mujer de Putifar" by Antonio María Esquivel (1854): When only men wrote history, women got screwed. Genesis 39:5-20 is the story of Potiphar's wife. It is perhaps the oldest case of men writing about false rape accusations by a woman. Much more recently, the story was secretly used by leaders of the Southern Baptist Convention in an attempt to excuse or coverup the SBC's sexual assault scandals.
Genesis 39:6 And he left all that he had in Joseph's hand; and he knew not ought he had, save the bread which he did eat. And Joseph was a goodly person, and well favoured.	Genesis 39:6 Notes
Genesis 39:7 And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.	Genesis 39:7 Notes
Genesis 39:8 But he refused, and said unto his master's wife, Behold, my master wotteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand;	Genesis 39:8 Notes
Genesis 39:9 There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?	Genesis 39:9 Notes
Genesis 39:10 And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her.	Genesis 39:10 Notes
Genesis 39:11 And it came to pass about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business; and there was none of the men of the house there within.	Genesis 39:11 Notes
Genesis 39:12 And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.	Genesis 39:12 Notes
Genesis 39:13 And it came to pass, when she saw that he had left his garment in her hand, and was fled forth,	Genesis 39:13 Notes
Genesis 39:14 That she called unto the men of her house, and spake unto them, saying, See, he hath brought in an Hebrew unto us to mock us; he came in unto me to lie with me, and I cried with a loud voice:	Genesis 39:14 Notes The first false rape accusation in the Bible. Usually done by powerful women, who have easy ways to punish those that refuse advances.
Genesis 39:15 And it came to pass, when he heard that I lifted up my voice and cried, that he left his garment with me, and fled, and got him out.	Genesis 39:15 Notes
Genesis 39:16 And she laid up his garment by her, until his lord came home.	Genesis 39:16 Notes
Genesis 39:17 And she spake unto him according to these words, saying, The Hebrew servant, which thou hast brought unto us, came in unto me to mock me:	Genesis 39:17 Notes
Genesis 39:18 And it came to pass, as I lifted up my voice and cried, that he left his garment with me, and fled out.	Genesis 39:18 Notes
Genesis 39:19 And it came to pass, when his master heard the words of his wife, which she spake unto him, saying, After this manner did thy servant to me; that his wrath was kindled.	Genesis 39:19 Notes
Genesis 39:20 And Joseph's master took him, and put him into the prison, a place where the king's prisoners were bound: and he was there in the prison.	Genesis 39:20 Notes
Genesis 39:21 But the LORD was with Joseph, and shewed him mercy, and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison.	Genesis 39:21 Notes
Genesis 39:22 And the keeper of the prison committed to Joseph's hand all the prisoners that were in the prison; and whatsoever they did there, he was the doer of it.	Genesis 39:22 Notes
Genesis 39:23 The keeper of the prison looked not to any thing that was under his hand; because the LORD was with him, and that which he did, the LORD made it to prosper.	Genesis 39:23 Notes

Genesis Chapter 40

Genesis 40:1 And it came to pass after these things, that the butler of the king of Egypt and his baker had offended their lord the king of Egypt.	Genesis 40:1 Notes
Genesis 40:2 And Pharaoh was wroth against two of his officers, against the chief of the butlers, and against the chief of the bakers.	Genesis 40:2 Notes
Genesis 40:3 And he put them in ward in the house of the captain of the guard, into the prison, the place where Joseph was bound.	Genesis 40:3 Notes
Genesis 40:4 And the captain of the guard charged Joseph with them, and he served them: and they continued a season in ward.	Genesis 40:4 Notes
Genesis 40:5 And they dreamed a dream both of them, each man his dream in one night, each man according to the interpretation of his dream, the butler and the baker of the king of Egypt, which were bound in the prison.	Genesis 40:5 Notes
Genesis 40:6 And Joseph came in unto them in the morning, and looked upon them, and, behold, they were sad.	Genesis 40:6 Notes
Genesis 40:7 And he asked Pharaoh's officers that were with him in the ward of his lord's house, saying, Wherefore look ye so sadly to day?	Genesis 40:7 Notes
Genesis 40:8 And they said unto him, We have dreamed a dream, and there is no interpreter of it. And Joseph said unto them, Do not interpretations belong to God? tell me them, I pray you.	Genesis 40:8 Notes
Genesis 40:9 And the chief butler told his dream to Joseph, and said to him, In my dream, behold, a vine was before me;	Genesis 40:9 Notes
Genesis 40:10 And in the vine were three branches: and it was as though it budded, and her blossoms shot forth; and the clusters thereof brought forth ripe grapes:	Genesis 40:10 Notes
Genesis 40:11 And Pharaoh's cup was in my hand: and I took the grapes, and pressed them into Pharaoh's cup, and I gave the cup into Pharaoh's hand.	Genesis 40:11 Notes
Genesis 40:12 And Joseph said unto him, This is the interpretation of it: The three branches are three days:	Genesis 40:12 Notes
Genesis 40:13 Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thine head, and restore thee unto thy place: and thou shalt deliver Pharaoh's cup into his hand, after the former manner when thou wast his butler.	Genesis 40:13 Notes
Genesis 40:14 But think on me when it shall be well with thee, and shew kindness, I pray thee, unto me, and make mention of me unto Pharaoh, and bring me out of this house:	Genesis 40:14 Notes
Genesis 40:15 For indeed I was stolen away out of the land of the Hebrews: and here also have I done nothing that they should put me into the dungeon.	Genesis 40:15 Notes
Genesis 40:16 When the chief baker saw that the interpretation was good, he said unto Joseph, I also was in my dream, and, behold, I had three white baskets on my head:	Genesis 40:16 Notes
Genesis 40:17 And in the uppermost basket there was of all manner of bakemeats for Pharaoh; and the birds did eat them out of the basket upon my head.	Genesis 40:17 Notes
Genesis 40:18 And Joseph answered and said, This is the interpretation thereof: The three baskets are three days:	Genesis 40:18 Notes
Genesis 40:19 Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and shall hang thee on a tree; and the birds shall eat thy flesh from off thee.	Genesis 40:19 Notes
Genesis 40:20 And it came to pass the third day, which was Pharaoh's birthday, that he made a feast unto all his servants: and he lifted up the head of the chief butler and of the chief baker among his servants.	Genesis 40:20 Notes
Genesis 40:21 And he restored the chief butler unto his butlership again; and he gave the cup into Pharaoh's hand:	Genesis 40:21 Notes
Genesis 40:22 But he hanged the chief baker: as Joseph had interpreted to them.	Genesis 40:22 Notes
Genesis 40:23 Yet did not the chief butler remember Joseph, but forgat him.	Genesis 40:23 Notes

Genesis Chapter 41

Genesis 41:1 And it came to pass at the end of two full years, that Pharaoh dreamed: and, behold, he stood by the river.	Genesis 41:1 Notes
Genesis 41:2 And, behold, there came up out of the river seven well favoured kine and fatfleshed; and they fed in a meadow.	Genesis 41:2 Notes
Genesis 41:3 And, behold, seven other kine came up after them out of the river, ill favoured and leanfleshed; and stood by the other kine upon the brink of the river.	Genesis 41:3 Notes
Genesis 41:4 And the ill favoured and leanfleshed kine did eat up the seven well favoured and fat kine. So Pharaoh awoke.	Genesis 41:4 Notes
Genesis 41:5 And he slept and dreamed the second time: and, behold, seven ears of corn came up upon one stalk, rank and good.	Genesis 41:5 Notes The usage of the word "corn" here reflects an archaic usage of the word, referring chiefly to wheat and/or barley, and not to maize, the plant that Americans typically call "corn." Maize was unknown to the writers of the Bible, as it was a New World crop. One would figure an omniscient, omnipresent deity would know about this, but nope.
Genesis 41:6 And, behold, seven thin ears and blasted with the east wind sprung up after them.	Genesis 41:6 Notes
Genesis 41:7 And the seven thin ears devoured the seven rank and full ears. And Pharaoh awoke, and, behold, it was a dream.	Genesis 41:7 Notes
Genesis 41:8 And it came to pass in the morning that his spirit was troubled; and he sent and called for all the magicians of Egypt, and all the wise men thereof: and Pharaoh told them his dream; but there was none that could interpret them unto Pharaoh.	Genesis 41:8 Notes
Genesis 41:9 Then spake the chief butler unto Pharaoh, saying, I do remember my faults this day:	Genesis 41:9 Notes
Genesis 41:10 Pharaoh was wroth with his servants, and put me in ward in the captain of the guard's house, both me and the chief baker:	Genesis 41:10 Notes
Genesis 41:11 And we dreamed a dream in one night, I and he; we dreamed each man according to the interpretation of his dream.	Genesis 41:11 Notes
Genesis 41:12 And there was there with us a young man, an Hebrew, servant to the captain of the guard; and we told him, and he interpreted to us our dreams; to each man according to his dream he did interpret.	Genesis 41:12 Notes
Genesis 41:13 And it came to pass, as he interpreted to us, so it was; me he restored unto mine office, and him he hanged.	Genesis 41:13 Notes
Genesis 41:14 Then Pharaoh sent and called Joseph, and they brought him hastily out of the dungeon: and he shaved himself, and changed his raiment, and came in unto Pharaoh.	Genesis 41:14 Notes
Genesis 41:15 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, I have dreamed a dream, and there is none that can interpret it: and I have heard say of thee, that thou canst understand a dream to interpret it.	Genesis 41:15 Notes
Genesis 41:16 And Joseph answered Pharaoh, saying, It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace.	Genesis 41:16 Notes
Genesis 41:17 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, In my dream, behold, I stood upon the bank of the river:	Genesis 41:17 Notes
Genesis 41:18 And, behold, there came up out of the river seven kine, fatfleshed and well favoured; and they fed in a meadow:	Genesis 41:18 Notes "Kine" is an archaic plural of cow.
Genesis 41:19 And, behold, seven other kine came up after them, poor and very ill favoured and leanfleshed, such as I never saw in all the land of Egypt for badness:	Genesis 41:19 Notes
Genesis 41:20 And the lean and the ill favoured kine did eat up the first seven fat kine:	Genesis 41:20 Notes
Genesis 41:21 And when they had eaten them up, it could not be known that they had eaten them; but they were still ill favoured, as at the beginning. So I awoke.	Genesis 41:21 Notes
Genesis 41:22 And I saw in my dream, and, behold, seven ears came up in one stalk, full and good:	Genesis 41:22 Notes
Genesis 41:23 And, behold, seven ears, withered, thin, and blasted with the east wind, sprung up after them:	Genesis 41:23 Notes
Genesis 41:24 And the thin ears devoured the seven good ears: and I told this unto the magicians; but there was none that could declare it to me.	Genesis 41:24 Notes
Genesis 41:25 And Joseph said unto Pharaoh, The dream of Pharaoh is one: God hath shewed Pharaoh what he is about to do.	Genesis 41:25 Notes
Genesis 41:26 The seven good kine are seven years; and the seven good ears are seven years: the dream is one.	Genesis 41:26 Notes
Genesis 41:27 And the seven thin and ill favoured kine that came up after them are seven years; and the seven empty ears blasted with the east wind shall be seven years of famine.	Genesis 41:27 Notes
Genesis 41:28 This is the thing which I have spoken unto Pharaoh: What God is about to do he sheweth unto Pharaoh.	Genesis 41:28 Notes
Genesis 41:29 Behold, there come seven years of great plenty throughout all the land of Egypt:	Genesis 41:29 Notes
Genesis 41:30 And there shall arise after them seven years of famine; and all the plenty shall be forgotten in the land of Egypt; and the famine shall consume the land;	Genesis 41:30 Notes
Genesis 41:31 And the plenty shall not be known in the land by reason of that famine following; for it shall be very grievous.	Genesis 41:31 Notes
Genesis 41:32 And for that the dream was doubled unto Pharaoh twice; it is because the thing is established by God, and God will shortly bring it to pass.	Genesis 41:32 Notes
Genesis 41:33 Now therefore let Pharaoh look out a man discreet and wise, and set him over the land of Egypt.	Genesis 41:33 Notes
Genesis 41:34 Let Pharaoh do this, and let him appoint officers over the land, and take up the fifth part of the land of Egypt in the seven plenteous years.	Genesis 41:34 Notes
Genesis 41:35 And let them gather all the food of those good years that come, and lay up corn under the hand of Pharaoh, and let them keep food in the cities.	Genesis 41:35 Notes
Genesis 41:36 And that food shall be for store to the land against the seven years of famine, which shall be in the land of Egypt; that the land perish not through the famine.	Genesis 41:36 Notes
Genesis 41:37 And the thing was good in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of all his servants.	Genesis 41:37 Notes
Genesis 41:38 And Pharaoh said unto his servants, Can we find such a one as this is, a man in whom the Spirit of God is?	Genesis 41:38 Notes
Genesis 41:39 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, Forasmuch as God hath shewed thee all this, there is none so discreet and wise as thou art:	Genesis 41:39 Notes
Genesis 41:40 Thou shalt be over my house, and according unto thy word shall all my people be ruled: only in the throne will I be greater than thou.	Genesis 41:40 Notes
Genesis 41:41 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, See, I have set thee over all the land of Egypt.	Genesis 41:41 Notes
Genesis 41:42 And Pharaoh took off his ring from his hand, and put it upon Joseph's hand, and arrayed him in vestures of fine linen, and put a gold chain about his neck;	Genesis 41:42 Notes
Genesis 41:43 And he made him to ride in the second chariot which he had; and they cried before him, Bow the knee: and he made him ruler over all the land of Egypt.	Genesis 41:43 Notes
Genesis 41:44 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, I am Pharaoh, and without thee shall no man lift up his hand or foot in all the land of Egypt.	Genesis 41:44 Notes
Genesis 41:45 And Pharaoh called Joseph's name Zaphnathpaaneah; and he gave him to wife Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On. And Joseph went out over all the land of Egypt.	Genesis 41:45 Notes
Genesis 41:46 And Joseph was thirty years old when he stood before Pharaoh king of Egypt. And Joseph went out from the presence of Pharaoh, and went throughout all the land of Egypt.	Genesis 41:46 Notes
Genesis 41:47 And in the seven plenteous years the earth brought forth by handfuls.	Genesis 41:47 Notes
Genesis 41:48 And he gathered up all the food of the seven years, which were in the land of Egypt, and laid up the food in the cities: the food of the field, which was round about every city, laid he up in the same.	Genesis 41:48 Notes
Genesis 41:49 And Joseph gathered corn as the sand of the sea, very much, until he left numbering; for it was without number.	Genesis 41:49 Notes
Genesis 41:50 And unto Joseph were born two sons before the years of famine came, which Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On bare unto him.	Genesis 41:50 Notes
Genesis 41:51 And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house.	Genesis 41:51 Notes
Genesis 41:52 And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.	Genesis 41:52 Notes
Genesis 41:53 And the seven years of plenteousness, that was in the land of Egypt, were ended.	Genesis 41:53 Notes
Genesis 41:54 And the seven years of dearth began to come, according as Joseph had said: and the dearth was in all lands; but in all the land of Egypt there was bread.	Genesis 41:54 Notes If this was truly worldwide, this would require all civilizations to purchase food from Egypt if they didn't stock up as well. In reality, the famine is only regional and doesn't make Egypt the center of the world.
Genesis 41:55 And when all the land of Egypt was famished, the people cried to Pharaoh for bread: and Pharaoh said unto all the Egyptians, Go unto Joseph; what he saith to you, do.	Genesis 41:55 Notes
Genesis 41:56 And the famine was over all the face of the earth: and Joseph opened all the storehouses, and sold unto the Egyptians; and the famine waxed sore in the land of Egypt.	Genesis 41:56 Notes
Genesis 41:57 And all countries came into Egypt to Joseph for to buy corn; because that the famine was so sore in all lands.	Genesis 41:57 Notes A monopoly on food. Good for the ones who have food, but bad if the price gets increased, or if the owner of the food wants to taunt the buyers.

Genesis Chapter 42

Genesis 42:1 Now when Jacob saw that there was corn in Egypt, Jacob said unto his sons, Why do ye look one upon another?	Genesis 42:1 Notes
Genesis 42:2 And he said, Behold, I have heard that there is corn in Egypt: get you down thither, and buy for us from thence; that we may live, and not die.	Genesis 42:2 Notes
Genesis 42:3 And Joseph's ten brethren went down to buy corn in Egypt.	Genesis 42:3 Notes
Genesis 42:4 But Benjamin, Joseph's brother, Jacob sent not with his brethren; for he said, Lest peradventure mischief befall him.	Genesis 42:4 Notes
Genesis 42:5 And the sons of Israel came to buy corn among those that came: for the famine was in the land of Canaan.	Genesis 42:5 Notes
Genesis 42:6 And Joseph was the governor over the land, and he it was that sold to all the people of the land: and Joseph's brethren came, and bowed down themselves before him with their faces to the earth.	Genesis 42:6 Notes
Genesis 42:7 And Joseph saw his brethren, and he knew them, but made himself strange unto them, and spake roughly unto them; and he said unto them, Whence come ye? And they said, From the land of Canaan to buy food.	Genesis 42:7 Notes
Genesis 42:8 And Joseph knew his brethren, but they knew not him.	Genesis 42:8 Notes So, instead of revealing himself to his brothers, Joseph decides to send them on a tedious runaround. So much for Biblical forgiveness.
Genesis 42:9 And Joseph remembered the dreams which he dreamed of them, and said unto them, Ye are spies; to see the nakedness of the land ye are come.	Genesis 42:9 Notes
Genesis 42:10 And they said unto him, Nay, my lord, but to buy food are thy servants come.	Genesis 42:10 Notes
Genesis 42:11 We are all one man's sons; we are true men, thy servants are no spies.	Genesis 42:11 Notes
Genesis 42:12 And he said unto them, Nay, but to see the nakedness of the land ye are come.	Genesis 42:12 Notes
Genesis 42:13 And they said, Thy servants are twelve brethren, the sons of one man in the land of Canaan; and, behold, the youngest is this day with our father, and one is not.	Genesis 42:13 Notes
Genesis 42:14 And Joseph said unto them, That is it that I spake unto you, saying, Ye are spies:	Genesis 42:14 Notes
Genesis 42:15 Hereby ye shall be proved: By the life of Pharaoh ye shall not go forth hence, except your youngest brother come hither.	Genesis 42:15 Notes
Genesis 42:16 Send one of you, and let him fetch your brother, and ye shall be kept in prison, that your words may be proved, whether there be any truth in you: or else by the life of Pharaoh surely ye are spies.	Genesis 42:16 Notes
Genesis 42:17 And he put them all together into ward three days.	Genesis 42:17 Notes
Genesis 42:18 And Joseph said unto them the third day, This do, and live; for I fear God:	Genesis 42:18 Notes
Genesis 42:19 If ye be true men, let one of your brethren be bound in the house of your prison: go ye, carry corn for the famine of your houses:	Genesis 42:19 Notes
Genesis 42:20 But bring your youngest brother unto me; so shall your words be verified, and ye shall not die. And they did so.	Genesis 42:20 Notes
Genesis 42:21 And they said one to another, We are verily guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the anguish of his soul, when he besought us, and we would not hear; therefore is this distress come upon us.	Genesis 42:21 Notes
Genesis 42:22 And Reuben answered them, saying, Spake I not unto you, saying, Do not sin against the child; and ye would not hear? therefore, behold, also his blood is required.	Genesis 42:22 Notes
Genesis 42:23 And they knew not that Joseph understood them; for he spake unto them by an interpreter.	Genesis 42:23 Notes
Genesis 42:24 And he turned himself about from them, and wept; and returned to them again, and communed with them, and took from them Simeon, and bound him before their eyes.	Genesis 42:24 Notes
Genesis 42:25 Then Joseph commanded to fill their sacks with corn, and to restore every man's money into his sack, and to give them provision for the way: and thus did he unto them.	Genesis 42:25 Notes
Genesis 42:26 And they laded their asses with the corn, and departed thence.	Genesis 42:26 Notes Their asses were "laded" with corn. That's a pleasant mental image....
Genesis 42:27 And as one of them opened his sack to give his ass provender in the inn, he espied his money; for, behold, it was in his sack's mouth.	Genesis 42:27 Notes
Genesis 42:28 And he said unto his brethren, My money is restored; and, lo, it is even in my sack: and their heart failed them, and they were afraid, saying one to another, What is this that God hath done unto us?	Genesis 42:28 Notes
Genesis 42:29 And they came unto Jacob their father unto the land of Canaan, and told him all that befell unto them; saying,	Genesis 42:29 Notes
Genesis 42:30 The man, who is the lord of the land, spake roughly to us, and took us for spies of the country.	Genesis 42:30 Notes
Genesis 42:31 And we said unto him, We are true men; we are no spies:	Genesis 42:31 Notes
Genesis 42:32 We be twelve brethren, sons of our father; one is not, and the youngest is this day with our father in the land of Canaan.	Genesis 42:32 Notes
Genesis 42:33 And the man, the lord of the country, said unto us, Hereby shall I know that ye are true men; leave one of your brethren here with me, and take food for the famine of your households, and be gone:	Genesis 42:33 Notes
Genesis 42:34 And bring your youngest brother unto me: then shall I know that ye are no spies, but that ye are true men: so will I deliver you your brother, and ye shall traffick in the land.	Genesis 42:34 Notes
Genesis 42:35 And it came to pass as they emptied their sacks, that, behold, every man's bundle of money was in his sack: and when both they and their father saw the bundles of money, they were afraid.	Genesis 42:35 Notes
Genesis 42:36 And Jacob their father said unto them, Me have ye bereaved of my children: Joseph is not, and Simeon is not, and ye will take Benjamin away: all these things are against me.	Genesis 42:36 Notes
Genesis 42:37 And Reuben spake unto his father, saying, Slay my two sons, if I bring him not to thee: deliver him into my hand, and I will bring him to thee again.	Genesis 42:37 Notes
Genesis 42:38 And he said, My son shall not go down with you; for his brother is dead, and he is left alone: if mischief befall him by the way in the which ye go, then shall ye bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to the grave.	Genesis 42:38 Notes

Genesis Chapter 43

Genesis 43:1 And the famine was sore in the land.	Genesis 43:1 Notes
Genesis 43:2 And it came to pass, when they had eaten up the corn which they had brought out of Egypt, their father said unto them, Go again, buy us a little food.	Genesis 43:2 Notes
Genesis 43:3 And Judah spake unto him, saying, The man did solemnly protest unto us, saying, Ye shall not see my face, except your brother be with you.	Genesis 43:3 Notes
Genesis 43:4 If thou wilt send our brother with us, we will go down and buy thee food:	Genesis 43:4 Notes
Genesis 43:5 But if thou wilt not send him, we will not go down: for the man said unto us, Ye shall not see my face, except your brother be with you.	Genesis 43:5 Notes
Genesis 43:6 And Israel said, Wherefore dealt ye so ill with me, as to tell the man whether ye had yet a brother?	Genesis 43:6 Notes
Genesis 43:7 And they said, The man asked us straitly of our state, and of our kindred, saying, Is your father yet alive? have ye another brother? and we told him according to the tenor of these words: could we certainly know that he would say, Bring your brother down?	Genesis 43:7 Notes
Genesis 43:8 And Judah said unto Israel his father, Send the lad with me, and we will arise and go; that we may live, and not die, both we, and thou, and also our little ones.	Genesis 43:8 Notes
Genesis 43:9 I will be surety for him; of my hand shalt thou require him: if I bring him not unto thee, and set him before thee, then let me bear the blame for ever:	Genesis 43:9 Notes
Genesis 43:10 For except we had lingered, surely now we had returned this second time.	Genesis 43:10 Notes
Genesis 43:11 And their father Israel said unto them, If it must be so now, do this; take of the best fruits in the land in your vessels, and carry down the man a present, a little balm, and a little honey, spices, and myrrh, nuts, and almonds:	Genesis 43:11 Notes
Genesis 43:12 And take double money in your hand; and the money that was brought again in the mouth of your sacks, carry it again in your hand; peradventure it was an oversight:	Genesis 43:12 Notes
Genesis 43:13 Take also your brother, and arise, go again unto the man:	Genesis 43:13 Notes
Genesis 43:14 And God Almighty give you mercy before the man, that he may send away your other brother, and Benjamin. If I be bereaved of my children, I am bereaved.	Genesis 43:14 Notes
Genesis 43:15 And the men took that present, and they took double money in their hand and Benjamin; and rose up, and went down to Egypt, and stood before Joseph.	Genesis 43:15 Notes
Genesis 43:16 And when Joseph saw Benjamin with them, he said to the ruler of his house, Bring these men home, and slay, and make ready; for these men shall dine with me at noon.	Genesis 43:16 Notes
Genesis 43:17 And the man did as Joseph bade; and the man brought the men into Joseph's house.	Genesis 43:17 Notes
Genesis 43:18 And the men were afraid, because they were brought into Joseph's house; and they said, Because of the money that was returned in our sacks at the first time are we brought in; that he may seek occasion against us, and fall upon us, and take us for bondmen, and our asses.	Genesis 43:18 Notes
Genesis 43:19 And they came near to the steward of Joseph's house, and they communed with him at the door of the house,	Genesis 43:19 Notes
Genesis 43:20 And said, O sir, we came indeed down at the first time to buy food:	Genesis 43:20 Notes
Genesis 43:21 And it came to pass, when we came to the inn, that we opened our sacks, and, behold, every man's money was in the mouth of his sack, our money in full weight: and we have brought it again in our hand.	Genesis 43:21 Notes
Genesis 43:22 And other money have we brought down in our hands to buy food: we cannot tell who put our money in our sacks.	Genesis 43:22 Notes
Genesis 43:23 And he said, Peace be to you, fear not: your God, and the God of your father, hath given you treasure in your sacks: I had your money. And he brought Simeon out unto them.	Genesis 43:23 Notes
Genesis 43:24 And the man brought the men into Joseph's house, and gave them water, and they washed their feet; and he gave their asses provender.	Genesis 43:24 Notes
Genesis 43:25 And they made ready the present against Joseph came at noon: for they heard that they should eat bread there.	Genesis 43:25 Notes
Genesis 43:26 And when Joseph came home, they brought him the present which was in their hand into the house, and bowed themselves to him to the earth.	Genesis 43:26 Notes
Genesis 43:27 And he asked them of their welfare, and said, Is your father well, the old man of whom ye spake? Is he yet alive?	Genesis 43:27 Notes
Genesis 43:28 And they answered, Thy servant our father is in good health, he is yet alive. And they bowed down their heads, and made obeisance.	Genesis 43:28 Notes
Genesis 43:29 And he lifted up his eyes, and saw his brother Benjamin, his mother's son, and said, Is this your younger brother, of whom ye spake unto me? And he said, God be gracious unto thee, my son.	Genesis 43:29 Notes
Genesis 43:30 And Joseph made haste; for his bowels did yearn upon his brother: and he sought where to weep; and he entered into his chamber, and wept there.	Genesis 43:30 Notes
Genesis 43:31 And he washed his face, and went out, and refrained himself, and said, Set on bread.	Genesis 43:31 Notes
Genesis 43:32 And they set on for him by himself, and for them by themselves, and for the Egyptians, which did eat with him, by themselves: because the Egyptians might not eat bread with the Hebrews; for that is an abomination unto the Egyptians.	Genesis 43:32 Notes
Genesis 43:33 And they sat before him, the firstborn according to his birthright, and the youngest according to his youth: and the men marvelled one at another.	Genesis 43:33 Notes
Genesis 43:34 And he took and sent messes unto them from before him: but Benjamin's mess was five times so much as any of their's. And they drank, and were merry with him.	Genesis 43:34 Notes

Genesis Chapter 44

Genesis 44:1 And he commanded the steward of his house, saying, Fill the men's sacks with food, as much as they can carry, and put every man's money in his sack's mouth.	Genesis 44:1 Notes
Genesis 44:2 And put my cup, the silver cup, in the sack's mouth of the youngest, and his corn money. And he did according to the word that Joseph had spoken.	Genesis 44:2 Notes
Genesis 44:3 As soon as the morning was light, the men were sent away, they and their asses.	Genesis 44:3 Notes
Genesis 44:4 And when they were gone out of the city, and not yet far off, Joseph said unto his steward, Up, follow after the men; and when thou dost overtake them, say unto them, Wherefore have ye rewarded evil for good?	Genesis 44:4 Notes
Genesis 44:5 Is not this it in which my lord drinketh, and whereby indeed he divineth? ye have done evil in so doing.	Genesis 44:5 Notes
Genesis 44:6 And he overtook them, and he spake unto them these same words.	Genesis 44:6 Notes
Genesis 44:7 And they said unto him, Wherefore saith my lord these words? God forbid that thy servants should do according to this thing:	Genesis 44:7 Notes
Genesis 44:8 Behold, the money, which we found in our sacks' mouths, we brought again unto thee out of the land of Canaan: how then should we steal out of thy lord's house silver or gold?	Genesis 44:8 Notes
Genesis 44:9 With whomsoever of thy servants it be found, both let him die, and we also will be my lord's bondmen.	Genesis 44:9 Notes
Genesis 44:10 And he said, Now also let it be according unto your words: he with whom it is found shall be my servant; and ye shall be blameless.	Genesis 44:10 Notes
Genesis 44:11 Then they speedily took down every man his sack to the ground, and opened every man his sack.	Genesis 44:11 Notes
Genesis 44:12 And he searched, and began at the eldest, and left at the youngest: and the cup was found in Benjamin's sack.	Genesis 44:12 Notes Such is a reminder to always pack your own bags - or otherwise check to make sure there's no surprise contents.
Genesis 44:13 Then they rent their clothes, and laded every man his ass, and returned to the city.	Genesis 44:13 Notes Given the modern meaning of "ass" this could be parsed as the first frat party in history.
Genesis 44:14 And Judah and his brethren came to Joseph's house; for he was yet there: and they fell before him on the ground.	Genesis 44:14 Notes
Genesis 44:15 And Joseph said unto them, What deed is this that ye have done? wot ye not that such a man as I can certainly divine?	Genesis 44:15 Notes
Genesis 44:16 And Judah said, What shall we say unto my lord? what shall we speak? or how shall we clear ourselves? God hath found out the iniquity of thy servants: behold, we are my lord's servants, both we, and he also with whom the cup is found.	Genesis 44:16 Notes
Genesis 44:17 And he said, God forbid that I should do so: but the man in whose hand the cup is found, he shall be my servant; and as for you, get you up in peace unto your father.	Genesis 44:17 Notes
Genesis 44:18 Then Judah came near unto him, and said, Oh my lord, let thy servant, I pray thee, speak a word in my lord's ears, and let not thine anger burn against thy servant: for thou art even as Pharaoh.	Genesis 44:18 Notes
Genesis 44:19 My lord asked his servants, saying, Have ye a father, or a brother?	Genesis 44:19 Notes
Genesis 44:20 And we said unto my lord, We have a father, an old man, and a child of his old age, a little one; and his brother is dead, and he alone is left of his mother, and his father loveth him.	Genesis 44:20 Notes
Genesis 44:21 And thou saidst unto thy servants, Bring him down unto me, that I may set mine eyes upon him.	Genesis 44:21 Notes
Genesis 44:22 And we said unto my lord, The lad cannot leave his father: for if he should leave his father, his father would die.	Genesis 44:22 Notes
Genesis 44:23 And thou saidst unto thy servants, Except your youngest brother come down with you, ye shall see my face no more.	Genesis 44:23 Notes
Genesis 44:24 And it came to pass when we came up unto thy servant my father, we told him the words of my lord.	Genesis 44:24 Notes
Genesis 44:25 And our father said, Go again, and buy us a little food.	Genesis 44:25 Notes
Genesis 44:26 And we said, We cannot go down: if our youngest brother be with us, then will we go down: for we may not see the man's face, except our youngest brother be with us.	Genesis 44:26 Notes
Genesis 44:27 And thy servant my father said unto us, Ye know that my wife bare me two sons:	Genesis 44:27 Notes
Genesis 44:28 And the one went out from me, and I said, Surely he is torn in pieces; and I saw him not since:	Genesis 44:28 Notes
Genesis 44:29 And if ye take this also from me, and mischief befall him, ye shall bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to the grave.	Genesis 44:29 Notes
Genesis 44:30 Now therefore when I come to thy servant my father, and the lad be not with us; seeing that his life is bound up in the lad's life;	Genesis 44:30 Notes
Genesis 44:31 It shall come to pass, when he seeth that the lad is not with us, that he will die: and thy servants shall bring down the gray hairs of thy servant our father with sorrow to the grave.	Genesis 44:31 Notes
Genesis 44:32 For thy servant became surety for the lad unto my father, saying, If I bring him not unto thee, then I shall bear the blame to my father for ever.	Genesis 44:32 Notes
Genesis 44:33 Now therefore, I pray thee, let thy servant abide instead of the lad a bondman to my lord; and let the lad go up with his brethren.	Genesis 44:33 Notes
Genesis 44:34 For how shall I go up to my father, and the lad be not with me? lest peradventure I see the evil that shall come on my father.	Genesis 44:34 Notes

Genesis Chapter 45

Genesis 45:1 Then Joseph could not refrain himself before all them that stood by him; and he cried, Cause every man to go out from me. And there stood no man with him, while Joseph made himself known unto his brethren.	Genesis 45:1 Notes
Genesis 45:2 And he wept aloud: and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard.	Genesis 45:2 Notes
Genesis 45:3 And Joseph said unto his brethren, I am Joseph; doth my father yet live? And his brethren could not answer him; for they were troubled at his presence.	Genesis 45:3 Notes
Genesis 45:4 And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And he said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt.	Genesis 45:4 Notes
Genesis 45:5 Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.	Genesis 45:5 Notes
Genesis 45:6 For these two years hath the famine been in the land: and yet there are five years, in the which there shall neither be earing nor harvest.	Genesis 45:6 Notes
Genesis 45:7 And God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance.	Genesis 45:7 Notes
Genesis 45:8 So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God: and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.	Genesis 45:8 Notes
Genesis 45:9 Haste ye, and go up to my father, and say unto him, Thus saith thy son Joseph, God hath made me lord of all Egypt: come down unto me, tarry not:	Genesis 45:9 Notes And thus starts the common belief that rags can turn into a ruler.
Genesis 45:10 And thou shalt dwell in the land of Goshen, and thou shalt be near unto me, thou, and thy children, and thy children's children, and thy flocks, and thy herds, and all that thou hast:	Genesis 45:10 Notes
Genesis 45:11 And there will I nourish thee; for yet there are five years of famine; lest thou, and thy household, and all that thou hast, come to poverty.	Genesis 45:11 Notes
Genesis 45:12 And, behold, your eyes see, and the eyes of my brother Benjamin, that it is my mouth that speaketh unto you.	Genesis 45:12 Notes
Genesis 45:13 And ye shall tell my father of all my glory in Egypt, and of all that ye have seen; and ye shall haste and bring down my father hither.	Genesis 45:13 Notes
Genesis 45:14 And he fell upon his brother Benjamin's neck, and wept; and Benjamin wept upon his neck.	Genesis 45:14 Notes
Genesis 45:15 Moreover he kissed all his brethren, and wept upon them: and after that his brethren talked with him.	Genesis 45:15 Notes
Genesis 45:16 And the fame thereof was heard in Pharaoh's house, saying, Joseph's brethren are come: and it pleased Pharaoh well, and his servants.	Genesis 45:16 Notes
Genesis 45:17 And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, Say unto thy brethren, This do ye; lade your beasts, and go, get you unto the land of Canaan;	Genesis 45:17 Notes
Genesis 45:18 And take your father and your households, and come unto me: and I will give you the good of the land of Egypt, and ye shall eat the fat of the land.	Genesis 45:18 Notes
Genesis 45:19 Now thou art commanded, this do ye; take you wagons out of the land of Egypt for your little ones, and for your wives, and bring your father, and come.	Genesis 45:19 Notes
Genesis 45:20 Also regard not your stuff; for the good of all the land of Egypt is yours.	Genesis 45:20 Notes
Genesis 45:21 And the children of Israel did so: and Joseph gave them wagons, according to the commandment of Pharaoh, and gave them provision for the way.	Genesis 45:21 Notes
Genesis 45:22 To all of them he gave each man changes of raiment; but to Benjamin he gave three hundred pieces of silver, and five changes of raiment.	Genesis 45:22 Notes
Genesis 45:23 And to his father he sent after this manner; ten asses laden with the good things of Egypt, and ten she asses laden with corn and bread and meat for his father by the way.	Genesis 45:23 Notes
Genesis 45:24 So he sent his brethren away, and they departed: and he said unto them, See that ye fall not out by the way.	Genesis 45:24 Notes
Genesis 45:25 And they went up out of Egypt, and came into the land of Canaan unto Jacob their father,	Genesis 45:25 Notes
Genesis 45:26 And told him, saying, Joseph is yet alive, and he is governor over all the land of Egypt. And Jacob's heart fainted, for he believed them not.	Genesis 45:26 Notes
Genesis 45:27 And they told him all the words of Joseph, which he had said unto them: and when he saw the wagons which Joseph had sent to carry him, the spirit of Jacob their father revived:	Genesis 45:27 Notes
Genesis 45:28 And Israel said, It is enough; Joseph my son is yet alive: I will go and see him before I die.	Genesis 45:28 Notes

Genesis Chapter 46

Genesis 46:1 And Israel took his journey with all that he had, and came to Beersheba, and offered sacrifices unto the God of his father Isaac.	Genesis 46:1 Notes
Genesis 46:2 And God spake unto Israel in the visions of the night, and said, Jacob, Jacob. And he said, Here am I.	Genesis 46:2 Notes
Genesis 46:3 And he said, I am God, the God of thy father: fear not to go down into Egypt; for I will there make of thee a great nation:	Genesis 46:3 Notes
Genesis 46:4 I will go down with thee into Egypt; and I will also surely bring thee up again: and Joseph shall put his hand upon thine eyes.	Genesis 46:4 Notes Unless this is a metaphorical prophesy, Jacob dies in Genesis 48:21 while in Egypt.
Genesis 46:5 And Jacob rose up from Beersheba: and the sons of Israel carried Jacob their father, and their little ones, and their wives, in the wagons which Pharaoh had sent to carry him.	Genesis 46:5 Notes
Genesis 46:6 And they took their cattle, and their goods, which they had gotten in the land of Canaan, and came into Egypt, Jacob, and all his seed with him:	Genesis 46:6 Notes
Genesis 46:7 His sons, and his sons' sons with him, his daughters, and his sons' daughters, and all his seed brought he with him into Egypt.	Genesis 46:7 Notes
Genesis 46:8 And these are the names of the children of Israel, which came into Egypt, Jacob and his sons: Reuben, Jacob's firstborn.	Genesis 46:8 Notes
Genesis 46:9 And the sons of Reuben; Hanoch, and Phallu, and Hezron, and Carmi.	Genesis 46:9 Notes
Genesis 46:10 And the sons of Simeon; Jemuel, and Jamin, and Ohad, and Jachin, and Zohar, and Shaul the son of a Canaanitish woman.	Genesis 46:10 Notes
Genesis 46:11 And the sons of Levi; Gershon, Kohath, and Merari.	Genesis 46:11 Notes
Genesis 46:12 And the sons of Judah; Er, and Onan, and Shelah, and Pharez, and Zarah: but Er and Onan died in the land of Canaan. And the sons of Pharez were Hezron and Hamul.	Genesis 46:12 Notes
Genesis 46:13 And the sons of Issachar; Tola, and Phuvah, and Job, and Shimron.	Genesis 46:13 Notes
Genesis 46:14 And the sons of Zebulun; Sered, and Elon, and Jahleel.	Genesis 46:14 Notes
Genesis 46:15 These be the sons of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob in Padanaram, with his daughter Dinah: all the souls of his sons and his daughters were thirty and three.	Genesis 46:15 Notes
Genesis 46:16 And the sons of Gad; Ziphion, and Haggi, Shuni, and Ezbon, Eri, and Arodi, and Areli.	Genesis 46:16 Notes
Genesis 46:17 And the sons of Asher; Jimnah, and Ishuah, and Isui, and Beriah, and Serah their sister: and the sons of Beriah; Heber, and Malchiel.	Genesis 46:17 Notes
Genesis 46:18 These are the sons of Zilpah, whom Laban gave to Leah his daughter, and these she bare unto Jacob, even sixteen souls.	Genesis 46:18 Notes
Genesis 46:19 The sons of Rachel Jacob's wife; Joseph, and Benjamin.	Genesis 46:19 Notes
Genesis 46:20 And unto Joseph in the land of Egypt were born Manasseh and Ephraim, which Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On bare unto him.	Genesis 46:20 Notes
Genesis 46:21 And the sons of Benjamin were Belah, and Becher, and Ashbel, Gera, and Naaman, Ehi, and Rosh, Muppim, and Huppim, and Ard.	Genesis 46:21 Notes
Genesis 46:22 These are the sons of Rachel, which were born to Jacob: all the souls were fourteen.	Genesis 46:22 Notes
Genesis 46:23 And the sons of Dan; Hushim.	Genesis 46:23 Notes
Genesis 46:24 And the sons of Naphtali; Jahzeel, and Guni, and Jezer, and Shillem.	Genesis 46:24 Notes
Genesis 46:25 These are the sons of Bilhah, which Laban gave unto Rachel his daughter, and she bare these unto Jacob: all the souls were seven.	Genesis 46:25 Notes
Genesis 46:26 All the souls that came with Jacob into Egypt, which came out of his loins, besides Jacob's sons' wives, all the souls were threescore and six;	Genesis 46:26 Notes
Genesis 46:27 And the sons of Joseph, which were born him in Egypt, were two souls: all the souls of the house of Jacob, which came into Egypt, were threescore and ten.	Genesis 46:27 Notes
Genesis 46:28 And he sent Judah before him unto Joseph, to direct his face unto Goshen; and they came into the land of Goshen.	Genesis 46:28 Notes
Genesis 46:29 And Joseph made ready his chariot, and went up to meet Israel his father, to Goshen, and presented himself unto him; and he fell on his neck, and wept on his neck a good while.	Genesis 46:29 Notes
Genesis 46:30 And Israel said unto Joseph, Now let me die, since I have seen thy face, because thou art yet alive.	Genesis 46:30 Notes
Genesis 46:31 And Joseph said unto his brethren, and unto his father's house, I will go up, and shew Pharaoh, and say unto him, My brethren, and my father's house, which were in the land of Canaan, are come unto me;	Genesis 46:31 Notes
Genesis 46:32 And the men are shepherds, for their trade hath been to feed cattle; and they have brought their flocks, and their herds, and all that they have.	Genesis 46:32 Notes
Genesis 46:33 And it shall come to pass, when Pharaoh shall call you, and shall say, What is your occupation?	Genesis 46:33 Notes
Genesis 46:34 That ye shall say, Thy servants' trade hath been about cattle from our youth even until now, both we, and also our fathers: that ye may dwell in the land of Goshen; for every shepherd is an abomination unto the Egyptians.	Genesis 46:34 Notes

Genesis Chapter 47

Genesis 47:1 Then Joseph came and told Pharaoh, and said, My father and my brethren, and their flocks, and their herds, and all that they have, are come out of the land of Canaan; and, behold, they are in the land of Goshen.	Genesis 47:1 Notes
Genesis 47:2 And he took some of his brethren, even five men, and presented them unto Pharaoh.	Genesis 47:2 Notes
Genesis 47:3 And Pharaoh said unto his brethren, What is your occupation? And they said unto Pharaoh, Thy servants are shepherds, both we, and also our fathers.	Genesis 47:3 Notes
Genesis 47:4 They said morever unto Pharaoh, For to sojourn in the land are we come; for thy servants have no pasture for their flocks; for the famine is sore in the land of Canaan: now therefore, we pray thee, let thy servants dwell in the land of Goshen.	Genesis 47:4 Notes
Genesis 47:5 And Pharaoh spake unto Joseph, saying, Thy father and thy brethren are come unto thee:	Genesis 47:5 Notes
Genesis 47:6 The land of Egypt is before thee; in the best of the land make thy father and brethren to dwell; in the land of Goshen let them dwell: and if thou knowest any men of activity among them, then make them rulers over my cattle.	Genesis 47:6 Notes
Genesis 47:7 And Joseph brought in Jacob his father, and set him before Pharaoh: and Jacob blessed Pharaoh.	Genesis 47:7 Notes
Genesis 47:8 And Pharaoh said unto Jacob, How old art thou?	Genesis 47:8 Notes
Genesis 47:9 And Jacob said unto Pharaoh, The days of the years of my pilgrimage are an hundred and thirty years: few and evil have the days of the years of my life been, and have not attained unto the days of the years of the life of my fathers in the days of their pilgrimage.	Genesis 47:9 Notes
Genesis 47:10 And Jacob blessed Pharaoh, and went out from before Pharaoh.	Genesis 47:10 Notes
Genesis 47:11 And Joseph placed his father and his brethren, and gave them a possession in the land of Egypt, in the best of the land, in the land of Rameses, as Pharaoh had commanded.	Genesis 47:11 Notes
Genesis 47:12 And Joseph nourished his father, and his brethren, and all his father's household, with bread, according to their families.	Genesis 47:12 Notes
Genesis 47:13 And there was no bread in all the land; for the famine was very sore, so that the land of Egypt and all the land of Canaan fainted by reason of the famine.	Genesis 47:13 Notes
Genesis 47:14 And Joseph gathered up all the money that was found in the land of Egypt, and in the land of Canaan, for the corn which they bought: and Joseph brought the money into Pharaoh's house.	Genesis 47:14 Notes
Genesis 47:15 And when money failed in the land of Egypt, and in the land of Canaan, all the Egyptians came unto Joseph, and said, Give us bread: for why should we die in thy presence? for the money faileth.	Genesis 47:15 Notes
Genesis 47:16 And Joseph said, Give your cattle; and I will give you for your cattle, if money fail.	Genesis 47:16 Notes
Genesis 47:17 And they brought their cattle unto Joseph: and Joseph gave them bread in exchange for horses, and for the flocks, and for the cattle of the herds, and for the asses: and he fed them with bread for all their cattle for that year.	Genesis 47:17 Notes
Genesis 47:18 When that year was ended, they came unto him the second year, and said unto him, We will not hide it from my lord, how that our money is spent; my lord also hath our herds of cattle; there is not ought left in the sight of my lord, but our bodies, and our lands:	Genesis 47:18 Notes
Genesis 47:19 Wherefore shall we die before thine eyes, both we and our land? buy us and our land for bread, and we and our land will be servants unto Pharaoh: and give us seed, that we may live, and not die, that the land be not desolate.	Genesis 47:19 Notes
Genesis 47:20 And Joseph bought all the land of Egypt for Pharaoh; for the Egyptians sold every man his field, because the famine prevailed over them: so the land became Pharaoh's.	Genesis 47:20 Notes
Genesis 47:21 And as for the people, he removed them to cities from one end of the borders of Egypt even to the other end thereof.	Genesis 47:21 Notes
Genesis 47:22 Only the land of the priests bought he not; for the priests had a portion assigned them of Pharaoh, and did eat their portion which Pharaoh gave them: wherefore they sold not their lands.	Genesis 47:22 Notes
Genesis 47:23 Then Joseph said unto the people, Behold, I have bought you this day and your land for Pharaoh: lo, here is seed for you, and ye shall sow the land.	Genesis 47:23 Notes
Genesis 47:24 And it shall come to pass in the increase, that ye shall give the fifth part unto Pharaoh, and four parts shall be your own, for seed of the field, and for your food, and for them of your households, and for food for your little ones.	Genesis 47:24 Notes
Genesis 47:25 And they said, Thou hast saved our lives: let us find grace in the sight of my lord, and we will be Pharaoh's servants.	Genesis 47:25 Notes
Genesis 47:26 And Joseph made it a law over the land of Egypt unto this day, that Pharaoh should have the fifth part, except the land of the priests only, which became not Pharaoh's.	Genesis 47:26 Notes
Genesis 47:27 And Israel dwelt in the land of Egypt, in the country of Goshen; and they had possessions therein, and grew, and multiplied exceedingly.	Genesis 47:27 Notes
Genesis 47:28 And Jacob lived in the land of Egypt seventeen years: so the whole age of Jacob was an hundred forty and seven years.	Genesis 47:28 Notes
Genesis 47:29 And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt:	Genesis 47:29 Notes
Genesis 47:30 But I will lie with my fathers, and thou shalt carry me out of Egypt, and bury me in their buryingplace. And he said, I will do as thou hast said.	Genesis 47:30 Notes
Genesis 47:31 And he said, Swear unto me. And he sware unto him. And Israel bowed himself upon the bed's head.	Genesis 47:31 Notes

Genesis Chapter 48

Genesis 48:1 And it came to pass after these things, that one told Joseph, Behold, thy father is sick: and he took with him his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim.	Genesis 48:1 Notes
Genesis 48:2 And one told Jacob, and said, Behold, thy son Joseph cometh unto thee: and Israel strengthened himself, and sat upon the bed.	Genesis 48:2 Notes
Genesis 48:3 And Jacob said unto Joseph, God Almighty appeared unto me at Luz in the land of Canaan, and blessed me,	Genesis 48:3 Notes
Genesis 48:4 And said unto me, Behold, I will make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, and I will make of thee a multitude of people; and will give this land to thy seed after thee for an everlasting possession.	Genesis 48:4 Notes
Genesis 48:5 And now thy two sons, Ephraim and Manasseh, which were born unto thee in the land of Egypt before I came unto thee into Egypt, are mine; as Reuben and Simeon, they shall be mine.	Genesis 48:5 Notes
Genesis 48:6 And thy issue, which thou begettest after them, shall be thine, and shall be called after the name of their brethren in their inheritance.	Genesis 48:6 Notes
Genesis 48:7 And as for me, when I came from Padan, Rachel died by me in the land of Canaan in the way, when yet there was but a little way to come unto Ephrath: and I buried her there in the way of Ephrath; the same is Bethlehem.	Genesis 48:7 Notes
Genesis 48:8 And Israel beheld Joseph's sons, and said, Who are these?	Genesis 48:8 Notes
Genesis 48:9 And Joseph said unto his father, They are my sons, whom God hath given me in this place. And he said, Bring them, I pray thee, unto me, and I will bless them.	Genesis 48:9 Notes
Genesis 48:10 Now the eyes of Israel were dim for age, so that he could not see. And he brought them near unto him; and he kissed them, and embraced them.	Genesis 48:10 Notes
Genesis 48:11 And Israel said unto Joseph, I had not thought to see thy face: and, lo, God hath shewed me also thy seed.	Genesis 48:11 Notes
Genesis 48:12 And Joseph brought them out from between his knees, and he bowed himself with his face to the earth.	Genesis 48:12 Notes
Genesis 48:13 And Joseph took them both, Ephraim in his right hand toward Israel's left hand, and Manasseh in his left hand toward Israel's right hand, and brought them near unto him.	Genesis 48:13 Notes
Genesis 48:14 And Israel stretched out his right hand, and laid it upon Ephraim's head, who was the younger, and his left hand upon Manasseh's head, guiding his hands wittingly; for Manasseh was the firstborn.	Genesis 48:14 Notes
Genesis 48:15 And he blessed Joseph, and said, God, before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac did walk, the God which fed me all my life long unto this day,	Genesis 48:15 Notes
Genesis 48:16 The Angel which redeemed me from all evil, bless the lads; and let my name be named on them, and the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and let them grow into a multitude in the midst of the earth.	Genesis 48:16 Notes
Genesis 48:17 And when Joseph saw that his father laid his right hand upon the head of Ephraim, it displeased him: and he held up his father's hand, to remove it from Ephraim's head unto Manasseh's head.	Genesis 48:17 Notes
Genesis 48:18 And Joseph said unto his father, Not so, my father: for this is the firstborn; put thy right hand upon his head.	Genesis 48:18 Notes
Genesis 48:19 And his father refused, and said, I know it, my son, I know it: he also shall become a people, and he also shall be great: but truly his younger brother shall be greater than he, and his seed shall become a multitude of nations.	Genesis 48:19 Notes As always, the firstborn advantage gets yanked. With what happened with Esau and Jacob, it seems that the firstborn get gets all the attention.
Genesis 48:20 And he blessed them that day, saying, In thee shall Israel bless, saying, God make thee as Ephraim and as Manasseh: and he set Ephraim before Manasseh.	Genesis 48:20 Notes
Genesis 48:21 And Israel said unto Joseph, Behold, I die: but God shall be with you, and bring you again unto the land of your fathers.	Genesis 48:21 Notes
Genesis 48:22 Moreover I have given to thee one portion above thy brethren, which I took out of the hand of the Amorite with my sword and with my bow.	Genesis 48:22 Notes

Genesis Chapter 49

Genesis 49:1 And Jacob called unto his sons, and said, Gather yourselves together, that I may tell you that which shall befall you in the last days.	Genesis 49:1 Notes
Genesis 49:2 Gather yourselves together, and hear, ye sons of Jacob; and hearken unto Israel your father.	Genesis 49:2 Notes
Genesis 49:3 Reuben, thou art my firstborn, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power:	Genesis 49:3 Notes
Genesis 49:4 Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel; because thou wentest up to thy father's bed; then defiledst thou it: he went up to my couch.	Genesis 49:4 Notes Refers to relationship between Reuben and Belhah, which Reuben denies according to other sources.
Genesis 49:5 Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations.	Genesis 49:5 Notes
Genesis 49:6 O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall.	Genesis 49:6 Notes
Genesis 49:7 Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel.	Genesis 49:7 Notes
Genesis 49:8 Judah, thou art he whom thy brethren shall praise: thy hand shall be in the neck of thine enemies; thy father's children shall bow down before thee.	Genesis 49:8 Notes
Genesis 49:9 Judah is a lion's whelp: from the prey, my son, thou art gone up: he stooped down, he couched as a lion, and as an old lion; who shall rouse him up?	Genesis 49:9 Notes
Genesis 49:10 The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh come; and unto him shall the gathering of the people be.	Genesis 49:10 Notes
Genesis 49:11 Binding his foal unto the vine, and his ass's colt unto the choice vine; he washed his garments in wine, and his clothes in the blood of grapes:	Genesis 49:11 Notes
Genesis 49:12 His eyes shall be red with wine, and his teeth white with milk.	Genesis 49:12 Notes
Genesis 49:13 Zebulun shall dwell at the haven of the sea; and he shall be for an haven of ships; and his border shall be unto Zidon.	Genesis 49:13 Notes Other translations refer this as Sidon, of the Canaanites. KJV switches between Zidon and Sidon for the same place. However, the WP:Book of Joshua shows that Sidon is located in the tribe of Asher. Also, Zebulun didn't settle at the sea and is completely land-locked.
Genesis 49:14 Issachar is a strong ass couching down between two burdens:	Genesis 49:14 Notes
Genesis 49:15 And he saw that rest was good, and the land that it was pleasant; and bowed his shoulder to bear, and became a servant unto tribute.	Genesis 49:15 Notes
Genesis 49:16 Dan shall judge his people, as one of the tribes of Israel.	Genesis 49:16 Notes
Genesis 49:17 Dan shall be a serpent by the way, an adder in the path, that biteth the horse heels, so that his rider shall fall backward.	Genesis 49:17 Notes
Genesis 49:18 I have waited for thy salvation, O LORD.	Genesis 49:18 Notes
Genesis 49:19 Gad, a troop shall overcome him: but he shall overcome at the last.	Genesis 49:19 Notes
Genesis 49:20 Out of Asher his bread shall be fat, and he shall yield royal dainties.	Genesis 49:20 Notes
Genesis 49:21 Naphtali is a hind let loose: he giveth goodly words.	Genesis 49:21 Notes
Genesis 49:22 Joseph is a fruitful bough, even a fruitful bough by a well; whose branches run over the wall:	Genesis 49:22 Notes
Genesis 49:23 The archers have sorely grieved him, and shot at him, and hated him:	Genesis 49:23 Notes
Genesis 49:24 But his bow abode in strength, and the arms of his hands were made strong by the hands of the mighty God of Jacob; (from thence is the shepherd, the stone of Israel:)	Genesis 49:24 Notes
Genesis 49:25 Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:	Genesis 49:25 Notes
Genesis 49:26 The blessings of thy father have prevailed above the blessings of my progenitors unto the utmost bound of the everlasting hills: they shall be on the head of Joseph, and on the crown of the head of him that was separate from his brethren.	Genesis 49:26 Notes
Genesis 49:27 Benjamin shall ravin as a wolf: in the morning he shall devour the prey, and at night he shall divide the spoil.	Genesis 49:27 Notes
Genesis 49:28 All these are the twelve tribes of Israel: and this is it that their father spake unto them, and blessed them; every one according to his blessing he blessed them.	Genesis 49:28 Notes
Genesis 49:29 And he charged them, and said unto them, I am to be gathered unto my people: bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite,	Genesis 49:29 Notes
Genesis 49:30 In the cave that is in the field of Machpelah, which is before Mamre, in the land of Canaan, which Abraham bought with the field of Ephron the Hittite for a possession of a buryingplace.	Genesis 49:30 Notes
Genesis 49:31 There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife; there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife; and there I buried Leah.	Genesis 49:31 Notes
Genesis 49:32 The purchase of the field and of the cave that is therein was from the children of Heth.	Genesis 49:32 Notes
Genesis 49:33 And when Jacob had made an end of commanding his sons, he gathered up his feet into the bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people.	Genesis 49:33 Notes

Genesis Chapter 50

Genesis 50:1 And Joseph fell upon his father's face, and wept upon him, and kissed him.	Genesis 50:1 Notes
Genesis 50:2 And Joseph commanded his servants the physicians to embalm his father: and the physicians embalmed Israel.	Genesis 50:2 Notes
Genesis 50:3 And forty days were fulfilled for him; for so are fulfilled the days of those which are embalmed: and the Egyptians mourned for him threescore and ten days.	Genesis 50:3 Notes
Genesis 50:4 And when the days of his mourning were past, Joseph spake unto the house of Pharaoh, saying, If now I have found grace in your eyes, speak, I pray you, in the ears of Pharaoh, saying,	Genesis 50:4 Notes
Genesis 50:5 My father made me swear, saying, Lo, I die: in my grave which I have digged for me in the land of Canaan, there shalt thou bury me. Now therefore let me go up, I pray thee, and bury my father, and I will come again.	Genesis 50:5 Notes
Genesis 50:6 And Pharaoh said, Go up, and bury thy father, according as he made thee swear.	Genesis 50:6 Notes
Genesis 50:7 And Joseph went up to bury his father: and with him went up all the servants of Pharaoh, the elders of his house, and all the elders of the land of Egypt,	Genesis 50:7 Notes
Genesis 50:8 And all the house of Joseph, and his brethren, and his father's house: only their little ones, and their flocks, and their herds, they left in the land of Goshen.	Genesis 50:8 Notes
Genesis 50:9 And there went up with him both chariots and horsemen: and it was a very great company.	Genesis 50:9 Notes
Genesis 50:10 And they came to the threshingfloor of Atad, which is beyond Jordan, and there they mourned with a great and very sore lamentation: and he made a mourning for his father seven days.	Genesis 50:10 Notes
Genesis 50:11 And when the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites, saw the mourning in the floor of Atad, they said, This is a grievous mourning to the Egyptians: wherefore the name of it was called Abelmizraim, which is beyond Jordan.	Genesis 50:11 Notes
Genesis 50:12 And his sons did unto him according as he commanded them:	Genesis 50:12 Notes
Genesis 50:13 For his sons carried him into the land of Canaan, and buried him in the cave of the field of Machpelah, which Abraham bought with the field for a possession of a buryingplace of Ephron the Hittite, before Mamre.	Genesis 50:13 Notes
Genesis 50:14 And Joseph returned into Egypt, he, and his brethren, and all that went up with him to bury his father, after he had buried his father.	Genesis 50:14 Notes
Genesis 50:15 And when Joseph's brethren saw that their father was dead, they said, Joseph will peradventure hate us, and will certainly requite us all the evil which we did unto him.	Genesis 50:15 Notes
Genesis 50:16 And they sent a messenger unto Joseph, saying, Thy father did command before he died, saying,	Genesis 50:16 Notes
Genesis 50:17 So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil: and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father. And Joseph wept when they spake unto him.	Genesis 50:17 Notes
Genesis 50:18 And his brethren also went and fell down before his face; and they said, Behold, we be thy servants.	Genesis 50:18 Notes
Genesis 50:19 And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God?	Genesis 50:19 Notes
Genesis 50:20 But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.	Genesis 50:20 Notes
Genesis 50:21 Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them.	Genesis 50:21 Notes
Genesis 50:22 And Joseph dwelt in Egypt, he, and his father's house: and Joseph lived an hundred and ten years.	Genesis 50:22 Notes
Genesis 50:23 And Joseph saw Ephraim's children of the third generation: the children also of Machir the son of Manasseh were brought up upon Joseph's knees.	Genesis 50:23 Notes
Genesis 50:24 And Joseph said unto his brethren, I die: and God will surely visit you, and bring you out of this land unto the land which he sware to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.	Genesis 50:24 Notes Joseph neglects to mention that the journey to the promised land will be preceded by God playing strange and manipulative games before having the Hebrews wander forty years in order to ensure that a sufficient number of Hebrews had been killed prior to reaching their destination. This was God's promise in Deuteronomy 1:35 that "not one of these men of this evil generation see the good land". Those issues aside it'll be breeze.
Genesis 50:25 And Joseph took an oath of the children of Israel, saying, God will surely visit you, and ye shall carry up my bones from hence.	Genesis 50:25 Notes
Genesis 50:26 So Joseph died, being an hundred and ten years old: and they embalmed him, and he was put in a coffin in Egypt.	Genesis 50:26 Notes