List of mistakes made by God
From RationalWiki
Below is a list of slip-ups that the so-called "perfect" God of Catholic, Jewish, and Islamic faith has made.
Contents |
[edit] God's mistakes in roughly chronological order
- Didn't use His all-encompassing power to prevent Lucifer (the original identity of Satan) from being born with hideous, bat-like wings instead of the beautiful, dove-like wings all other angels have. Result: the resulting discrimination and being called names like "bat-boy" is the most likely cause for Satan's rebellion and fall from grace, making God to blame for the creation of all evil today.
- Created female counterparts for all the males of each species, yet forgot to make a female human until (at the least) a day later. Result: Because Adam was sent around to every animal God had created and told to name them, and clearly noticed that his was the only race without a female, he may have been tempted towards acts of bestiality.
- Proceeding to create Eve out of Adam's rib, rather than out of thin air like his omnipotent self. Result: several. First, the poor guy's missing a rib for the rest of his life, Second, Eve was then made out of Adam, so all love from then on out was reduced to narcissism, and all human sex and procreation reduced to masturbation[1].
- God couldn't find Adam in the Garden of Eden.
- He also had to ask Cain where Abel was. Omniscient, indeed.
- Letting things on Earth get so out of hand that he had to wipe the slate and start over.
- While He's wiping the slate, He simply refuse to wipe the slate totally clean that He has to save Noah and family for the next round of inbreeding, instead of re-creating the humanity from scratch. This leads to the next round of wiping the slate known as the tribulation.
- Due to that aforementioned wiping of the slate, the unleashing of an ecological holocaust unlike anything the earth will ever see again.
- Going nuts because of the Tower of Babel, but doing nothing about this tower, topping at 2,684 ft.
- The inability to tell the first-born Hebrew kids from the first-born Egyptian kids, requesting a slap of blood on the doors as a friendly reminder.
- Fathered a son through an engaged virgin (secretly, and without any prior notice to her fiancé), and expected her to be honored. Result: the most painful childbirth in history, where the hymen was broken not by being pushed in, but by being pulled apart by the expansion of the uterus[2].
- Wrote the Old Testament and then had to send his Only Begotten Son down to revise it, leaving everyone thoroughly confused.
- After his Only Begotten Son had come and gone God still hadn't got his message across properly[3] and a few hundred years later had to dictate Version 3.0[4] to some bloke called Mohammed.
[edit] Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating humans[5]
- Placement of the male external genitalia in a rather easy to attack position (unless it was deliberate to allow women an easy retaliation).
- Not being able to correctly calculate the number of teeth necessary to fill the average adult human mouth.
- Use of a particularly inefficient system when making the vertebrate eye.
- Error in testosterone management system which consequently makes many men go bald.
- Giving humans appendixes, which are literally worse than useless.
- The provision of a really bad, sometimes lethal, system of giving birth. (Though it may not have been so bad at first - He deliberately made it more painful to cruelly punish all women for the original sin thing.)
- Failure to provide a system to synthesize vitamin C.
- Male nipples.
- (Although this rolls out from an economical unisex design for embryos which requires only minimal changes to create sexual differentiation).
- Human back - seems to cause a disproportionate number of problems which is usually followed by Vicodin addiction.
- Reaction to cold virus: stop up the nose so a person cannot breath. Brilliant design that!
- Auto-immune disorders, cause we all know we are our own worst enemy.
- Hangnails
- Cancer
- Memory -- or, why can you remember exactly where you were on 9/11, but you can't remember where you laid down your keys five minutes ago?
- The ulnar nerve -- aka, "funny bone" -- is located on the outside of the elbow joint. Thanks to this placement, if you bang your elbow against a hard surface, you will feel like you were stabbed in the elbow. Bang this nerve hard enough and you may lose the use of your fingers.
- Dogs and cats can lick their backs, feet, legs, bellies, butts and crotches. So why can't we? What makes them so special?
- And while we're at it, why can't we rotate our heads more than 180 degrees? An owl can twist its head almost 360 degrees! It's not like an owl needs to back up a car or keep track of high-spirited children!
- Other primates have nostrils that face forward, making it impossible for them swim face down. Human nostrils point down, so we can swim. So why aren't we born already knowing how to swim? Or at least tread water? Does God like to see His children drown?[6]
- Intoxicants: Pleasurable (good); addictive, DTs, can diminish your inhibitions to the point you might harm yourself and/or others, potentially harmful to your health, possibly lethal (bad). So, (a) why create them in the first place; and (b) why make them so pleasurable and addictive?
- And why are so many other things -- food, sex, shopping, etc. -- addictive?
- And what the hell is up with OCD, autism and Asperger's syndrome, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dyslexia, aphasia, etc.?
- Homosexuality (if you view it from a fundamentalist viewpoint). If it's so wrong, why does the almighty allow it to exist[7]?
- Paris Hilton
[edit] Failure to use intelligent design protocols when creating other animals
- Not giving whales or dolphins gills, so they have to surface in order to breathe.
- The emu's wing is a spectacularly unnecessary appendage. Ditto the ostrich and kiwi.
- One word: platypus
- OK, a few more words: The platypus, which looks like a beaver with a duck's bill, is questionable but acceptable. But why do the males -- and only the males -- have venomous spurs on their heels? Now that's just freaky!
- Giving koalas backward facing pouches.
- Giving bats solid bones, which are difficult to fly with, and giving emus hollow bones, which are easier to fly with, which is opposite of what is required.
- Giving mammals a nerve that runs from the brain to the larynx via the aortic arch.
[edit] See also
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ To be fair, it can be argued that any method of creating Eve sequentially after Adam will suffer similar problems: creating Eve out of thin air → human sex is sex with air (similar to masturbation); Creating Eve from dirt just like Adam → Human sex is then self pleasuring with sex toys, with the catch that the sex toys themselves can become pregnant.
- ↑ That, or it is not painful at all since she is not tainted with the original sin. However, it is not clear why the omnipotent God did not do that (immaculate conception) to other people to stop them from being tainted with the original sin as well.
- ↑ Despite the attempt to lock the discussion with Revelation 22:18-19
- ↑ Or Version 5.0, since Psalms and the Book of Prophets are considered separate from the Torah (according to the view on the Holy Books from Islam).
- ↑ Which all the creationists refers to as punishment resulting from the original sin
- ↑ Judging from the Great Flood story and the Exodus, the answer to this last question is a definite "yes."
- ↑ Unless of course, homosexual acts are independent from homosexuality, as suggested by Larry Craig and Ted Haggard
