Alan Keyes

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Alan Keyes is a conservative speaker, political activist, and candidate.

He ran for US Senate from Maryland in 1988 and 1992; President in 1996, 2000, and 2008; and US Senate from Illinois in 2004. He lost every goddamn time.

Contents

[edit] 2004 Illinois Senate race

The 2004 campaign was notable for a variety of reasons:

  • Keyes was a replacement candidate; the original Republican nominee, Jack Ryan, dropped out in the midst of a sex scandal in which the only participants were Jack Ryan and his (then) wife, well-known actress Jeri Ryan, and in which no sex occurred.
  • Keyes entered the race, despite the fact that Republican then-Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was from Illinois and very well known statewide with a very conservative voting record, and therefore a stronger challenger to Obama than Keyes
  • Contrary to Keyes' claims, he was never the party favorite, and he was never drafted[1].
  • Keyes' 11th-hour entry prompted infighting among the Illinois Republican Party, and many state Republicans refused to support him [2].
  • Prior to jumping in to the race as Ryan's replacement, Keyes had no ties to Illinois. Discussing Hillary Clinton's 2000 run for the US Senate from New York, he had said "I deeply resent the destruction of Federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there, so I certainly wouldn't imitate it[3]."
  • Keyes was defeated by Barack Obama, 70%-27%, the largest margin in state history. Obama has since come into national prominence[4].

[edit] Views on homosexuality

Keyes has been outspoken in his opposition to homosexuality in general and same-sex marriage in particular. In a 2004 interview with gay activist Michelangelo Signorile, the following exchange took place:

KEYES: And they are adopting the paradigm of family life. But the essence of that family life remains procreation. If we embrace homosexuality as a proper basis for marriage, we are saying that it is possible to have a marriage state that in principle excludes procreation and is based simply on the premise of selfish hedonism. This is unacceptable.

SIGNORILE: So Mary Cheney is a selfish hedonist, is that it?

KEYES: Of course she is. That goes by definition. Of course she is.

SIGNORILE: I don't think Dick Cheney would like to hear that about his daughter.

KEYES: He may or may not like to hear the truth, but it can be spoken.

[UNIDENTIFIED VOICE]: Do you really believe that, that Mary Cheney . . .

KEYES: By definition, a homosexual engages in the exchange of mutual pleasure. I actually object to the notion that we call it sexual relations because it's nothing of the kind.

[UNIDENTIFIED VOICE]: What is it?

KEYES: It is the mutual pursuit of pleasure through the stimulation of the organs intended for procreation, but it has nothing to do with sexuality because they are of the same sex. And with respect to them, the sexual difference does not exist. They are therefore not having sexual relations.

[edit] Family Values, Keyes-style

Keyes' daughter Maya has come out as queer; she says that due to this, her parents "threw her out of their house, refused to pay her college tuition and stopped speaking to her"[5].

[edit] Keyes on guns and abortion

"... at a Gun Owners of New Hampshire meeting ... He received a raucous standing ovation when he stated that gun owners are pro life and their guns are to defend the lives of the unborn[6]." This apparently aligns his position on abortion with that of Randall Terry — the "right" solution to the "problem" is to shoot the doctors.

[edit] Keyes on religion

Keyes has expressed his support for the teaching of Biblical creationism in public schools and overtly Christian prayers by state government[7].

He has also argued that faith-based initiatives, when provided by Jews, promote enmity, whereas those provided by Christians do not[7].

He has argued that America was founded as a Christian nation and remains such[8], despite the 18th-century Treaty of Tripoli declaring the United States was not founded, in any sense, on the Christian religion [9], and the Constitutional stipulation that treaties be the supreme law of the land[10].

[edit] Keyes in film

Alan Keyes is featured in the documentary film FUCK as one of the "conservative" commentators decrying the use of the word.

[edit] The AWESOMENESS of Keyes

While everything above is well and true, it also ignores one inescapable fact: Alan Keyes is the only presidential candidate to have ever gone crowdsurfing. That alone won him some utterly uselessVITALLY IMPORTANT endorsements back in 2000.[11]

[edit] See also

  • Wiley Drake, Keyes' equally nutty running mate when he ran for president in 2008 as an independent.

[edit] Footnotes

  1. ↑ Wills, Christopher. "In Illinois, Obama defeats Keyes in race called 1 of the strangest in state's history". Indianapolis Star. IndyStar.com. November 3, 2004. http://www2.indystar.com/articles/4/191586-7434-168.html
  2. ↑ Lannan, Maura Kelly. "Alan Keyes enters U.S. Senate race in Illinois against rising Democratic star". San Diego Union-Tribune. SignOnSanDiego.com. August 9, 2004. http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/politics/20040809-0849-illinoissenate.html.
  3. ↑ "Alan Keyes". NNDB. 2008. http://www.nndb.com/people/092/000025017/.
  4. ↑ He is the President of the United States after all.
  5. ↑ Fisher, Marc. "When Sexuality Undercuts A Family's Ties". Washington Post. The Point Foundation. February 13, 2005. http://www.thepointfoundation.org/press/mayakeyes.html.
  6. ↑ "The Conservanazis". Rackjite.com. http://rackjite.com/web/conservanazis.htm. (Scroll down to the bottom of the second paragraph on Keyes.)
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 "Alan Keyes on the Issues". OnTheIssues. http://ontheissues.org/Alan_Keyes.htm.
  8. ↑ "God fires a shot across the bow of America". America's Christian Heritage. Whatever Is True. http://www.whateveristrue.com/heritage/.
  9. ↑ Allison, Jim. "Treaty of Tripoli, 1796, 1806". The Constitutional Principle: Separation of Church and State. http://members.tripod.com/~candst/tripoli1.htm.
  10. ↑ "The United States Constitution - Article 6". U.S. Constitution Online. February 6, 2009. http://www.usconstitution.net/const.html.
  11. ↑ YouTube vid showing the original show on which it happened
United States 2008 Presidential election articles on RationalWiki
Topics: 2008 U.S. Presidential Election - Democratic Party - Debate:Religious beliefs and public office - Republican Party - Same-sex marriage - United States Electoral College
Candidates: Hillary Rodham Clinton - Rudolph Giuliani - Mike Huckabee - John McCain - Alan Keyes - Dennis Kucinich - Ron Paul - Mitt Romney Winner: Barack Obama
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