Ronald Reagan
From RationalWiki
Ronald Wilson Reagan, aka: Grandpa Caligula, (February 6, 1911 – June 5, 2004) was a B-movie actor with a long career.
His most famous roles include violating the "never play across from an animal" dictum in Bedtime for Bonzo, acting in Army promotional films during World War II (which he remembered as if it was real), his part as "The Gipper" in some dumb football movie, and playing President of the United States for eight years in the 1980s.
In 1981, John Hinckley shot Reagan in an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to impress Jodie Foster. Attempting to kill a President is a crime in the U.S.[1][2], even when that President is a grinning vegetable[3], and Hinckley has spent his time since then in the booby hatch. Jodie Foster has not visited him.
He also played the President of the Screen Actor's Guild, and did a stint appearing as the Governor of the state of California (but who hasn't?). Oddly enough, despite being SAG president, he was a zealous union buster, who de-fanged American Unions, cast them as lazy pinko thugs and sent them into a downward spiral that continues to this day. Apparently, the noble and hard working actor needs a union, whereas the miner, factory worker and air traffic controller do not.
Upon his death, a weeklong period of worldwide mourning occurred. All non-essential activities were curtailed so The People could weep for their fallen idol. In addition, any taxes due on income earned (or unearned) during that period were waived. The processions as his open casket was brought around the countryside would often stretch for tens of miles as well-wishers offered St. Reagan one final "Godspeed".
He was canonized upon the instant of his death, by popular acclamation.
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[edit] WWRD
Many conservatives have a massive hard on for Reagan and his policies. Since Reagan was the neo-Conservative savior, anything he did was infallible, and his supporters ought to mimic his every move (a similar attitude these people have towards this guy). As a result every Republican politician will always claim that they are Reagan's successor. They always attempt to claim that Reagan would either endorse or support their positions. There's only one minor flaw with this strategy: Reagan won the presidency 28 years ago. Although he would agree with some issues that modern conservatives have taken a stance on (e.g. abortion or gay rights), the fact remains that the world in 1980 was not the same as it is in 2008 (like the Soviet Union not existing). Nonetheless, this minor temporal detail has not stopped various Republicans from claiming the mantle of being the second coming of Reagan.[4]
Ironically, the one person who could claim the title of "heir to Reagan" is his son Ronald Prescott Reagan - a liberal and an atheist who has had a radio show on Air America radio.
[edit] Guilt and shame
Reagan arguably indirectly caused the deaths of tens of thousands of American citizens, and tens — if not hundreds — of millions of people worldwide, by ignoring the growth of a new epidemic that occurred during his time in office: AIDS. He also saw it perfectly acceptable to support bloodthirsty, murdering dictators and death squads, so long as they were fighting against those evil commies. He authorized billions in cash and weapons to a fellow named Bin Laden, all to further his childish vendetta against the Soviets. Murder — it has many faces, and is most ugly when its face is power.
[edit] Reagan and astrology
Reagan's wife Nancy was obsessed with astrology, and this brand of woo played a large role in the Reagan White House, even affecting the scheduling of the Reykjavik summit between Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev.[5] Strangely enough, this doesn't seem to have affected his support from the fundie base one jot or tittle.
[edit] Quotes
"Facts are stupid things."
"All great change in America begins at the dinner table."
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans."
"My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
"Don't be afraid to see what you see."
"What would this country be without this great land of ours?"
"You don't bury someone for five days...I thought that maybe they were burying him with spoons."--Lewis Black on Reagan's funeral procession.
[edit] See also
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ But it's legal in Canada, right?
- ↑ Be aware that attempting to kill anyone is a crime.
- ↑ http://www.davebarry.com/gg/boldfaced.html
- ↑ Click here for a good example of crap like this (pay careful attention to Mitt Romney).
- ↑ Barrett Seaman,Good Heavens!, Time, May 16, 1988.
