Satan

From RationalWiki

(Redirected from Satanic)

Satan (Lou C. Fer) is a bogeyman for grown-ups and children both. After being kicked out of heaven for telling YHWH to lighten up a little, he became God's prosecuting attorney and the Bible's foremost advocate for humanity's right to know and understand what's going on around them. Some people think that makes Satan the first humanist.

Somewhat unfortunately Satan doesn't really have a big part in the Bible - only a handful of walk-on roles - such as cameos selling fruit, tormenting Job and tempting Jesus. He has, however, had parts in many other prominent works, such as Milton's Paradise Lost, Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov and the Faust story by (in turn) Christopher Marlowe, Goethe and Thomas Mann.

In an odd parallel to the book Wicked, Satan (then called Lucifer) was born with bat-like wings, rather than the traditional dove-like ones most angels have. Despite this huge defect, which made him the object of ridicule and discrimination, he persevered, and through sheer hard work and born talent, he rose to the highest court in the world, only to come to the shocking realization that God believed that a lifetime of sinning deserved an eternity of punishment. He then rebelled against God, and eventually was exiled. (little known fact: he is one of the ONLY characters in the Bible to stand up to God and live.)

He is also the Prince of Darkness, has horns, a widow's peak and a long tail. Some Christians believed that he hasn’t got a bottom. Where that should be he has a second face. In place of an anus he has a second mouth. Defecation is a torment. His favorite color is red, as he is a commie, and his favorite number is 666, because it looks pretty as a birthmark. He is claimed by some at RationalWiki to be a pretty good hockey player - but what do they know?^{[citation needed]} He is also a metalhead.

1 A bum rap
2 Other famous Satans
3 See also
4 References

[edit] A bum rap

Satan is called the "Father of lies" but there is no biblical evidence (other than hearsay) that Satan ever did lie. In fact, in the Garden of Eden, when Satan tells Eve that she won't die "in the day thereof" when she eats the fruit, Satan is telling the truth, because Eve did not die until much later. Fundamentalists cover this by saying that Eve spiritually died the instant she ate the fruit. This is very much like when you sent $30 to a TV preacher for him to pray that you win the lottery. You didn't really win the lottery, but you won the lottery spiritually.