Federal Bureau of Investigation

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The US Federal Bureau of Investigation is a division of the Justice Department, and has the following mission:

"To protect and defend the United States against terrorist and foreign intelligence threats, to uphold and enforce the criminal laws of the United States, and to provide leadership and criminal justice services to federal, state, municipal, and international agencies and partners."[1]

Their priorities are:

“

1. Protect the United States from terrorist attack
2. Protect the United States against foreign intelligence operations and espionage
3. Protect the United States against cyber-based attacks and high-technology crimes
4. Combat public corruption at all levels
5. Protect civil rights
6. Combat transnational/national criminal organizations and enterprises
7. Combat major white-collar crime
8. Combat significant violent crime
9. Support federal, state, local and international partners
10. Upgrade technology to successfully perform the FBI's mission [1]

”

Recently, the FBI appears to have neglected priorities one through six, and possibly others, by failing to pursue a major transnational criminal cyber-based high-tech wandal attack (it took at least, like, three minutes to restore the site to normal disservice!) against the single most important trusworthy information resource on tha innertubes. The reason is clear: Our study suggests that the FBI is six times more liberal than the American public.

Moreover, the FBI has immediate jurisdiction over all bank roberries, which they take seriously, except in LA. There are too many in LA for the FBI to keep up, so they keep out.[2]

[edit] The FBI in popular culture

  • The coolest and most unlikely FBI agents ever are named Scully and Mulder.
  • The FBI's only use for the local police in Reno is to send them for coffee. And they did that badly.

[edit] Footnotes

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://www.fbi.gov/quickfacts.htm
  2. ↑ As told to me by the security trainer when I became a bank teller.

[edit] See Also

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