End times
From RationalWiki
In teh End Times teh rapture will hapin and Ceiling Cat will tak all teh gud lil' kittehs up to teh heaven, but teh bad lil' kittehs He wil leave on teh Urf. Teh Antichrist wil come and make evreone has teh 666 on their forhedz, and they will say "I can has cheezburger" but they can has no cheezburger becuz they has no 666. For seven yearz will ther be grate Tribulashunz an' stuff. Walruses shal not has bucketz and poor starving kittehz shall be in ur frigde eating ur fud. Antichrist can haz war with Ceiling Cat, and then will Basement Cat come out of teh deptz of hell to mak war on Ceiling Cat at teh battle of Armeowgeddon. Fighting besyd Ceiling Cat at this grate catfight shal be all teh poor lil' kittehs what was kild becuz sum wretched sinnur masterbatd. In teh end Ceiling Cat shall say W00T! and shal uterly and compleetly pwn Basement Cat. Can then has new Heaven and new fresh litterbox and losta cheezburgerz, and teh big maneykitty shall lie down with teh lamb.
[edit] End times Q & A
Fundie: But isn't Jerusalem becoming of interest to the entire world?
Jerusalem is a holy city for three Abrahamic religions. It has always been of interest.
Fundie: But isn't the US Currency falling?
This is more of a sign that Americans like to buy imported oil and finished goods. Since we pay for them in dollars, we are shipping a lot of dollars overseas. There is more supply for greenbacks than demand.
Fundie: But isn't the European Union gaining strength?
Sure. So what was the economic objection to "socialized medicine" again?
Fundie: But isn't Russia becoming defiant and returning to a Cold War stance?
Why must a sovereign nation be compliant to the United States? The world didn't end during the Cold War.
Fundie: But isn't Apostate Christianity running rampant?
One person's apostasy is another person's orthodoxy.
Fundie: What about the One World religious movements gaining momentum?
Christ said he would have one flock and one shepherd.
Fundie: What about the natural disasters increasing in record numbers?
Please provide evidence that the frequency of natural disasters are spiking.
Fundie: What about the apathy in the Church?
There is no apathy in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or the Jehovah's Witnesses.
Fundie: What about the Gay Rights movement worldwide?
Next thing you know, they'll want to ride in the front of the bus or drink from our water fountains.
Fundie: What about all the Celestial signs increasing?
Name one recent celestial sign.
Fundie: What about crime rising in record numbers?
If crime is a constant percentage by population, and if population rises, then crime rises too. A rising tide of sewage lifts all chunks.
Fundie: What about China’s immense military power (200,000,000, as called out in Revelation)?
China only has 2,250,000 active troops.
Fundie: What about the fact that love for others is growing colder?
And meanwhile we try to pass amendments to the Constitution to make sure same-sex couples who do have warm love for each other can't get married.
