Colorado
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Colorado is a midwestern state in the United States. It was founded in 1984 by Ted Haggard and James Dobson in 1861 as a U.S. territory, and became a state in 1876.
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[edit] Origin
The word "Colorado" is a corruption of the Native American Tribal langauge meaning "White man come here to snowboard on weekend." It was founded on 50-50 land. [1] It was granted statehood in 1876, giving the state its nickname "The Centennial State", which won out over the "Goddamn, those mountains are high"[2] state.
[edit] Claims to fame
The state is mostly a wasteland of gold prospectors, New Agers, mountains, and Radio Station WWV which rocks harder than Metal Machine Music and will give you the bends if you listen to it for more than 30 minutes. Colorado has long been in running competition with West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Montana, and Nevada for the state with the highest ratio of tommyknockers to humans.
Colorado Springs is home to the United States Air Force Academy, and the headquarters of Focus of the Family and The Navigators. In an attempt to piss off Focus on the Family,[3] Colorado Democrats from Boulder (hippy nation) nominated a gay man to run for Congress in 2008. [4]
The Colorado beetle is a serious pest of potatoes.
[edit] Sports
Colorado is represented by many sports teams, but only four really count for anything:
The Colorado Rockies, in baseball, made it all the way to the World Series in 2007, before being swept by the Boston Red Sox. Both they and their host city, much like St. Louis and the Cardinals three years previously, were gracious and sportsmanlike hosts. This sort of behavior is typical of the Midwest, while quite rare in East Coast cities like Boston or New York.
In football (soccer), they are represented by the Colorado Rapids. This is a group that has never had a decent season and probably never will.
In football (football) the team is the Denver Broncos, a team known for many years as one to choke in the big game. That all changed when the Patron Saint of Denver, John Elway, led the team to back to back championships in the 90's. In accordance to the sacred reverence due his name, blaspheming the name Elway is punishable by mob justice and instant crucifixion on the 16th Street Mall (a walking mall in the area)[5]
The state basketball team is known as the Denver Nuggets, in honor of the huge amounts of bite sized chicken eaten by residents in any calendar year. Despite the much hyped arrival of Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson, they still suck.
The newest team to Colorado (not counting the AFL's Crush, but who the hell actually watches arena football?) is the Colorado Avalanche hockey team. They have proven to be Denver's most successful team to date, winning the Stanley Cup on several occasions and giving the fair weather fans of Denver a team that can be counted on.
[edit] Geometry
When viewed from above, Colorado is a simple rectangle. However, when viewed from the side, one half is dead flat and the other is really bumpy.
[edit] Famous people not from Colorado
- John Denver was not from Colorado. although he wanted you to believe he was. See also West Virginia for another example of this liberal deceit on the part of John Denver.
- C.W. McCall also pretended to be from Colorado but was actually from Iowa. He did later relocate and get himself elected mayor of Ouray, Colorado.
