New Mexico
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Is that a Satanic cross?
| “ | "There's a New Mexico?!?!?!?!" | ” |
| —Homer Simpson | ||
New Mexico is one of several states in the southwestern United States that are in territory that was taken from Mexico after the US won a war [1], which Mexico started in response to the US's annexation of the Republic of Texas. Smaller parts of New Mexico were purchased from Mexico later, when the US really wanted the land for one reason or another.[2]
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[edit] Warning to fundamentalist Christians
Since New Mexico claims to be "The Land of Enchantment", you are advised to stay away, far away, from this obvious den of Satanism and baby's blood drinking rituals. Also, New Mexico is pretty much full of a bunch of Mexicans, who insist that they're American citizens even though they speak Spanish. This notion is largely the result of the little known and less understood phenomena of them not actually crossing the border into the United States, but having the border cross them, as it were. However, U.S. Highway 666 was changed in 2003 to Highway 491 so at least some of this Satanic influence is finally being undone.
[edit] Notable New Mexican stuff
- New Mexico is a haven for lady homosexuals, who use earth-toned native ceramicware to decorate their adobe cottages.
- Roswell.
- Bill Richardson.
- More nukes than anybody else. They're old and not all that great, but we've got tons of the things.
- The New Mexican state question is "red or green?" (it's about chili) and the state answer is "Both, or "Christmas"." Many New Mexicans are sick to death of hearing this.
- The New Mexico state fossil is the Celeophysis and the state insect is the Tarantula Hawk wasp. However, neither of these gets anywhere near as much play as the damned "red or green?" thing.
- Although many New Mexicans speak Spanish, enough of them do not that it's better not to make any assumptions, as any non-Spanish speaker tends to get peeved if you ask him to translate something for you.
- Despite being a desert, New Mexico features many fine ski resorts.
- New Mexico is home to Sandia National Labs and Los Alamos National Labs, home of the nefarious Manhattan Project..
- New Mexico also features the crystal-worshipping, adobe-loving, reincarnation-believing-in, fossil-selling, New Agey theme park known as Santa Fe.
- Arizona was the better less-Hispanic part of New Mexico that separated to get its own statehood sooner than the rest of New Mexico.
- There is a small city in New Mexico called Las Vegas, which isn't nearly as interesting as the real City of Sin, and is so unnoteworthy as to not need an article as everything can be said about it here. New Mexicans are the only people in the US that respond to "I went on vacation to Las Vegas" with "in Nevada?"
- The home of political cartoonist Bill Mauldin whose Willie and Joe characters presented America with a view of the then happening World War II from the trenches. His post-war work is similarly, but differently outstanding.
[edit] New Mexico and Texas: a case study in neighborly rivalry
New Mexicans tend to hate Texans. Nobody is quite sure why. However it is likely related to the fact that the Republic of Texas (Remember the Alamo and all that) invaded New Mexico. Eventually the US Congress paid Texas $10,000,000 to back off,[3] starting a long history of giving Texans massive amounts of money for doing nothing.
During the US Civil War Confederate troops (Texans to a man) invaded New Mexico. The WPA Guide to New Mexico picks the story up at this point.
- When the conflict began, numerous resignations and desertions from the Union Army in New Mexico took place, the men joining the Southern forces. However, when the first Southern advance came from Texas into New Mexico popular feeling went to the Union as the long standing controversy with Texas had bred much ill feeling and Texans were extremely unpopular with the average New Mexican........ (NM) Governor Connelly issued a proclamation September 9 calling for volunteers to resist invasion, 'From the armed forces of the State of Texas,' the Confederacy not being mentioned."'[4]
Statehood for New Mexico did not end the Texan invasion, and the advent of the Giant SUV era brought yet another wave of Texans who seemed to feel that the overabundance of oil and blood soaked dollars they the possess means that everything in New Mexico is for sale. Certainly respect, being liked, and frequently the so-called "common courtesy", are not. Frankly, their accents do not help.
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ No surprises there. USA! USA!
- ↑ To build railways, and highways, but mostly the former since the latter had not been invented yet.
- ↑ New Mexico, A Guide to the Colorful State, Compiled by Workers of the Writers' Program of the Works Projects Administration in the State of New Mexico, University of New Mexico Press, Albuquerque, NM, 1945 p. 74
- ↑ New Mexico, A Guide to the Colorful State, Compiled by Workers of the Writers' Program of the Works Projects Administration in the State of New Mexico, University of New Mexico Press, Albuquerque, NM, 1945 p. 75
