Conservapedia:2009 - A year in review

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2009 was a year of celebrity deaths, scandals and oddities. The United States inaugurated its first non-100%-white president and first Democratic president in eight years. And it was a year of hilarity on Conservapedia. Here's your year in review for 2009.

[edit] January

Bugler committed suicide on the first, opening the lulz for the year. Fretfulporpentine outed himself with a parthian shot that was quickly removed. Andy would be more paranoid about letting people get close to him.

2009 was also the year of mass exodus. Fox, SamHB and ElizabethK all met untimely bans. RonAbdul traded in his ability to post due to disagreements with how CP portrayed Muslims. HelpJazz found the door swiftly. TimS even helped invent new reasons for blocks. DinsdaleP drank the poison by disagreeing with Andy.

Conservapedia had plenty of science issues to resolve. NASA was an unreliable source about astrophysics. Ed Poor denied HIV's existence. Andy uncovers a profit motive for liberals pushing black holes. Hermaphrodites disproved evolution. Humans did not exist before 3500 BCE.

With Obama's inauguration, political frothing was assured. Gun control leads to genocide. Appointing Burris to the Senate to replace Obama was racist, but rejecting him was racist. Obama was "allegedly" born in the US. Obama and Blagojevich conspired together. Andy declares Obama's inaugural speech to be "meaningless." Obama wants to kill foreign babies. Conservapedia institutes a Democratic Senator hitlist. Andy bussed in people to DC for a protest.

January also saw the temporary downtime of CP, with a server hardware loss. Only some minor complications arose. Due to lax backup procedures, a week's worth of updates were lost forever.

Andy held his American History Final Exam, then challenged people to get 100% on it. He also pulled random words to be part of his "Best New Conservative Words" that he abandoned later in the year. His brother Roger had to keep reminding Andy that he knows jack shit about science and education.

Andy regards The Daily Show as crap only stupid public school students would watch, and that The Colbert Report as a "dim-witted liberal program." Andy would be a guest on TCR in December.

[edit] February

Andy began the month calling liberals illogical, incoherent, self-centered and long-winded. His "encyclopedia" should read like newspaper articles. Obama speaks like a foreigner for using "America." Even more unhinged came the birther nonsense.

Andy proposed that humor did not exist before Christianity. Any references to humor pre-Christianity must be funny to Andy or they do not count. Andy also saw fit to rewrite Chinese history. Feudalism worked because people did not have to commute and would homeschool their children.

Drive-by user corrected errors from Andy's homeschool lectures.

Andy attempts to be an SES Provider.

[edit] March

Andy challenges Lenski.

Gun control would have been impossible under feudalism, not because guns didn't exist, but because there was no centralized government. Only anti-Christians dress in black. You must first pass Andy's exam in order to tell Andy that his exam is wrong.

MikeSalter burned down the house. FredFerguson departs in friendlier terms. PJR starts his own Wiki. YouTube creationist VenomFangX lasts only a few minutes.

Andy argues that conservatism beats liberalism because he makes up more new conservative terms than liberal ones.

No one at Conservapedia has any mental problems. TK celebrates Earth Hour the Conservapedia way.

[edit] April

Andy demands there be a ban on Catholic prime ministers in the UK, because one does not exist but no Catholic has been a prime minister. Non-German composers are obscure. Some languages are superior to other languages. No two buildings have the same height.

ṬK blocks Jinx _{hi Jinx!}. AlanE wakes up.

When conservatives and liberals disagree, conservatives are correct. Darwin caused the Columbine massacre. Conservapedia's server never goes down.

Wheaton College is a liberal cesspool. One of Andy's homeschool students is accepted to Wheaton College, one of the smartest student body schools around.

QUOTE THE BIBLE! Conservapedia gets about as many monthly visitors as Wikipedia.

[edit] May

ṬK, with powers he earned again just a few short months before, bans NicholasT, GaryMecks and even manages to get JessicaT's privileges yanked. ṬK pushes the IP blocks to over 16,000,000 points of entry and exposes his tool.

Andy presented more of his Greatest Mysteries meme with gems like "Did Hitler have a pact with the devil?" and "Who really invented Teflon?" He also begins his journey declaring relativity to be wrong and major fossil finds to be "hoaxes."

Uncle Ed needs a restraining order. Andy goes for geometric growth. ṬK deletes the page on The Colbert Report claiming, "at CP we are not slavish in attention to pop culture."

Parodists don't exist on CP. ♥ K e n D o l l ♥ and ṬK have a lovers' quarrel. Why libel when you can accuse others of making libelous statements? Conservapedia is "not just an encyclopedia."

In math, Andy uncovers a pattern to show that people will be much more conservative in the future. In religion, he declares he knows better than the pope, because liberals make the pope do bad things.

[edit] June

Conservapedia editor DeanS's wife Patricia passed away. RW's condolences were sent with over 200 positive clicks on WIGO.

Andy uses the Little Rock military recruiting center shooting as a reason to complain about liberals, proposes Conservapedia's Law and apologizes for flying off the handle at a user. Conservapedia isn't biased.

RJJensen fits into CP with bad law arguments. Even if you have credentials, publications, and work at a very prestigious university, you're not a physicist unless Andy says you are.

Andy the teacher gets schooled. Books are no longer valid sources to cite. It was "unattended video game playing" that led an eleven-year-old to grab a shotgun in his home and kill his nine-year-old brother.

You do not talk about aSK. Screen captures of Conservapedia for burned pages is fraud. Andy uncovers a "BOMBSHELL" when Google displays rainbow colors for Gay and Lesbian Pride Month.

Liberal deceit started during the Bronze Age with the Trojan Horse. Liberal politics poses perhaps the single greatest impediment to the future of Christianity! Uranium-238 is a figment of liberals' minds.

[edit] July

Andy praises homeschoolers for avoiding vices, but ignores their lack of spell checker. No one listens to Andy about the Lenski affair. Measuring faith like you measure bench-presses improves it, and only the devil would say otherwise! This is how you teach history! Liberals in public schools grade inflate by making the lowest score possible 40%, whereas Conservative homeschool teachers never give less than 80%! Conservapedia has no "stubs" like Wikipedia.

To dismiss claims that sea levels rise, Conservapedia links to an article which has 24,000 years of data. It got cold at Andy's house, so Al Gore should return his Nobel Prize. The dictionary is full of deceit for not labeling liberals properly. Andy pushes hyperbaric oxygen therapy. Andy loses points in taxonomy and cliches by murdering both in one quick sentence.

If you need the hard-core stuff, Uncle Ed shows you the way. If you want to know about theoretical physics, he can help you there, too. ṬK burns a page likely placed on CP by Human.

Cronkite died? Karajou will burn him for that!

DanH is erased.

No one got blocked on July 31.

[edit] August

Andy continues his quest of mysteries with "Did eternity originate with Christianity?" Only one of these is true. Wormholes aren't well known because they have a silly name.

Birther nonsense continues.

Wikipedia is dying with over 100,000 active users, while Conservapedia thrives with fewer than 200 users. Wikipedia hides Riemann's attempt to prove Genesis mathematically, by stating, "he even tried to prove mathematically the correctness of the Book of Genesis."

Jews will not be categorized because of their religion, but Muslims are on their own.

LARGEST ECONOMICS CLASS FOR TEENAGERS IN THE WORLD!!one!!11! A typical economics question to ask. After five months of dormancy, Andy obsesses about "great achievements by teenagers."

Conservative. Bible. Project.

[edit] September

Andy makes a fine teacher. Lydia gets derision for a misspelling. An atheist scores high on Andy's quiz-atheists-can't-answer, therefore he's not an atheist.

BMcP explains how Andy is wrong, Andy declares "last wordism!" BMcP says he's moving on, Andy declares victory because evolutionists refuse to debate him.

Jpatt overstates a crowd by thirty times its real size.

You typed "Obama." Did you mean Osama bin Laden?

[edit] October

Why won't the UK follow the US's Constitutional amendments? Norway? Sweden? Same place! Freedom of Speech, only in America.

Andy pushes anti-vaccine hysteria. Physics has nothing to do with math. Relativity helps no one!

Cheers for Chicago losing the Olympics bid!

Andy uses a bot to detect liberals better than he can. Andy has the Holy Spirit! Liberals use words like "damsel," but conservatives use "bimbo" instead. Agnostics are just 50% Christians. Andy declares that no one can disprove the Bible, therefore it must be true!

The media begins reporting on the Conservative. Bible. Project. The WorldNetDaily is wrong!^{because they condemn the CBP} For extra credit in economics, praise Andy on the CBP. Even though Mark was a great achiever as a kid, his writings can't be trusted. Stephen Colbert wants some action.