Classroom prayer

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"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in school."--old words of wisdom

Classroom prayer is a phenomenon that is most common just before an important test, especially among students who spent their "study time" IMing their 300 bffs ^[1] and editing RationalWiki^[2].

Contents 1 Pro-prayer 2 The reality 3 Suggestions as to what Christian conservatives can do if they really want classroom prayer 4 See also 5 Footnotes

[edit] Pro-prayer

Some people seem to think that prayer in a classroom is only effective if led by the teachers, at the beginning of every class, every day, but only if said prayer is directed to their god. And if you are not "for" this procedure, there is a 95% chance that you are a liberal in deceitful clothing.

Students are also known to engage in cafeteria prayer, usually to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, when confronted with entrées known as "mystery meat".

[edit] The reality

Of course, students in public schools are free to pray at any time, to the deity, automobile, or pasta dish of their choice. As you can pray silently, nobody can stop you from praying at any time. However, evangelicals claim that silent prayer is ineffective and that prayer must be done out loud ^[3]. In the United States, prayers cannot be organized by public school officials as this would be a violation of the establishment clause. However, if a group of students want to, they can form a club to meet before or after school and hold a prayer.

[edit] Suggestions as to what Christian conservatives can do if they really want classroom prayer

1. Promote school officials trained in most^[4] religions to lead prayers in several religions.
2. Such training would have to account for the beliefs of atheists and agnostics. Make up stuff for them to pray with, just in case the teachers have a different worldview than the child in question.
3. Invent devices^[5] that will allow schoolchildren to pray aloud without interfering with each other, while still being able to listen to what the teacher actually is trying to teach outside the prayer time.

Once all of these are achieved, present the case to the Supreme Court for review. Now that secular people are included, the policy has a secular purpose^[6].

Once the Supreme Court approves, of course, the policy no longer needs to be implemented as written anyway.^[7]

[edit] See also

• Mike Huckabee
• Public school
• Separation of church and state

[edit] Footnotes

1. ↑ This is nowhere near as cool as it may seem
2. ↑ Neither is this.
3. ↑ Omnipresent and omnipotent deities can read your thoughts when they're naughty but not when you actually want them to hear your thoughts.
4. ↑ Who knows when the next made-up religion will come by, given that even Scientology has been granted tax-exempt status in the United States?
5. ↑ Like this one, perhaps: [1]. In case mobility is a concern (like gym class), maybe a design more resembling the wireless device as some sort of mandatory surgical implant.
6. ↑ To burn time for the schoolchildren so that they spend less time watching Internet porn/having premarital sex spend more time disciplining themselves by having less time to do anything useful.
7. ↑ Well, until the ACLU finds out and sues your backend.