Covenant marriage

From RationalWiki

Covenant marriage is an old a new idea propounded by certain groups of socially and religiously conservative Americans to combat the rising tide of divorce in states without same-sex marriage.

The concept is basically to add a clause to the marriage ball and chain contract to nullify the now-legal availability of "no fault" divorce, forcing unhappy couples to either assault one another or engage in adultery in order to obtain a divorce.

Seen as the perfection of human interaction, this contract is part of a predictable lifestyle:

• Being homeschooled in order to absorb the "right" values
• Practicing anal sex abstinence only
• Those weird father-daughter dances
• Seeking to marry a conservative
• Finding one and blushingly deciding that the abstinence thing needs to be cured
• Having clumsy, awkward sex (like it usually is the first time)
• Realizing that a wedding needs to happen soon
• Getting one of those new-fangled "covenant marriages" to make sure it lasts
• Being blessed with a miracle, typically about two months premature
• Putting a down payment on a used double-wide in a nice park
• Getting killed by a tornado

Fortunately, right now there are only three states that allow "covenant" marriage. Those are Louisiana, Arkansas, and Arizona. However, most covenant marriage advocates don't consider Arizona's to really be covenant marriage, because it still allows for mutual dissolution of the marriage. In none of these states is covenant marriage mandatory, though Mike Huckabee did everything he could to promote it in Arkansas, even getting his own marriage "upgraded". It's been proposed in almost every other state though, without passing or (usually) even getting to a vote.