Irony meter

From RationalWiki

Preliminary setup for calibrating an RW IM 3.14

The irony meter is a device used to detect irony, hypocrisy, and bovine scatology in a discussion. They are quite often used online, and are notorious for poor build quality, as they are constantly breaking -- or even exploding.

Well!

The RationalWiki Irony Meter v. 3.0 is now available to the intrepid DIYer. (And soon, at your local Best Buy! We'll give you a run for your garage rent, Mssr. Jobs!)

It features a double-log scale to allow measurement of even the most egregious levels of conventional meter-busting irony, special protection circuits, and pre-processing protection against overloads. Yet, it can still clearly register over an amazing level of the simpler 1-10 irony points encountered on silly blogs, to the 10-1000 level encountered at intelligent design screeds - and yet still accurately report, and not break, at the 10,000 - 1,000,000 level when some people claim to be against censorship.

[edit] Schematics

A sample schematic for a typical irony meter

Also available are ready modifications to most commercially available, but rather compromised, irony meters.

[edit] Rebuilding a second-hand e-meter for the purpose

Obtain a medium-size sledgehammer. Break everything on the e-meter except the dial thingie.
Using the specifications on the back of the dial thingie, and the schematics above (!), build the appropriately buffered and voltage-controlled circuitry.
Attach circuitry to dial thingie.
Perform "smoke test".
Test the combined equipment, using a small 0.2 A fuse, on lightweight fare, such a typical Colbert Report.
Install the 5 A fuse and start to enjoy the internet with a fully functional, and cheaply-obtained, irony meter.

[edit] Measurable quantities

A homemade irony meter overloading during exposure to conservapedia.

The irony meter can measure all of these quantities:

Poes, the base unit of fundamentalism and parody thereof. Usually expressed as the kPoe, equal to a thousand Poes.

Godwins, the base unit of ludicrous comparisons to Adolf Hitler. Measured on a logarithmic scale from zero approaching 1.

Gene Rays (abbr. GRay), the base unit of FuckedUpInTheHeadedNess. Usually expressed in the micro- to milliGRay range, with, of course, the Time Cube site being the standard at one GRay.