Alcohol

From RationalWiki

Alcohol in a delightful solution.

Alcohol is a substance found in many of the drinks that many editors of RationalWiki imbibe in order to stimulate their creativity. It must, however, be used with care as overindulgence may well result in "overstimulation". Such intemperance may also create unpleasant consequences.

1 Types of Alcohol
- 1.1 Beer
- 1.2 Wine
- 1.3 Spirits
- 1.4 Mead
- 1.5 Cider
2 Quotes
3 See also
4 Notes and references

[edit] Types of Alcohol

[edit] Beer

See main article: beer.

Trappístes Rochefort 8, the best beer in the world.

There is naturally some debate about where the best beer in the world comes from.

A British Perspective: Unsurprisingly, and like their claims about forms of government, legal systems, welfare systems, health systems, weapons, armies, accents, footballers (not), cars (not), motorbikes (not), the British claim their beer is the best in the world. ^[1] ^[2] British drinkers would maintain that the only true beer is made in the United Kingdom where it is known as Real Ale. It has both body and flavour and it is not necessary to kill the flavour by excessive chilling. In the rest of Europe and the US a chemical substitute for beer called Lager is often drunk. (Like some of the people.)

Velkopopovický Kozel, the second best beer in the world. Fun fact: Kozel means goat!

This chemical substitute is so lacking in flavour (or has such a bad flavor) that the only way to make it drinkable is to charge it with carbon dioxide and then then chill it so as kill whatever taste it has - it being utterly undrinkable at room temperature.

An Irish Perspective The Irish, of course, do not appreciate the typical arrogance of the British about their beer and calmly reiterate that Guinness is best. Sadly for them, as it has caused nothing but trouble, the Irish are unfortunately correct, as Guinness is incontrovertibly the greatest beer the world has ever ~~seen~~ drunk. Rich, dark, mysterious, intelligent, poetic, brooding, inestimable, indefatigable, in my belly, hallowed, spiritual, mighty, creamy, brilliant, feck, arse and bollocks are all words used in the eulogy of Guinness.

A Continental Perspective: Others would claim that the best beer in the world is brewed in Belgium,^[3] which is famous for its long tradition and immense diversity, with more than 1000 different brands. Many Belgian beers are designated "real ale" by CAMRA, being brewed from natural ingredients and served from the vessel in which they are conditioned. A number of "Trappist" beers are brewed in Belgium by, or under the supervision, of Trappist monks. These monks dedicate their lives to the service of the Lord and the brewing of beer, which is near enough the same thing.

Czech beer comes in at a very close second.

Meanwhile, most continentals find the British practice of serving their beer at room temperature positively barbaric, and point out that good beer has always required chilling, with some breweries in pre-electricity times going so far as to store ice year-round for the purpose.

Another clear point of demerit for British beer is its general lack of carbon dioxide. "Why the British choose not to carbonize their beer" is a mystery to most Continentals. It is likely to remain a mystery until they realise that British beer is carbonated as much any fizzy lager. Carbonation is a natural effect of the conditioning (secondary fermentation) process. The lack of resemblance to fizzy soft drinks is not due to a refusal to put carbon dioxide in but the cellarman's skill and dedication in removing it before sale. Why they would go to such trouble only to practically ruin perfectly good beer is unfathomable... as is the case with so many other things the British do.

A Canadian Perspective: Beer from pretty much anywhere but the US is a good bet, although La Fin Du Monde from Quebec is probably the best high-alcohol beer out there, bordering on barley wine. In recent years, smaller breweries and microbrews have become very popular in smaller cities and the home craft brewing industry has done very well.

An American Perspective: As long as you avoid the big companies, American beer is JUST FINE, THANK YOU. Yes, we mass produce swill, but with the exorbitant taxes on all forms of alcohol, most of our people have to make do with what they can. The rest of us can then drink either one of our (multitudinous!) microbrews or one of your fancy (admittedly, AMAZING) Euro/Canadian beers.

A Russian Perspective: What is beer doing on this page? Beer doesn't have any alcohol in it. (Yes, I know of at least one Russian who has claimed this.)

A Chinese Perspective: Chinese beers are fairly light, but ~~cheap~~ tasty!

[edit] Wine

Wine is drunk by effete southern Europeans. It comes in various varieties (white, red, rose, sparkling, etc.) and is frequently served in a glass appropriate to the wine.

The antioxidants in red wine are claimed to do a body good.

[edit] Spirits

"Mother's milk"

(Not the spooky kind, the libatable kind!)

There are many kinds of spirits, such as whisky, whiskey, gin, rum, baijiu, vodka, tequila, et cetera. Overconsumption is dangerous, and can cause RationalWiki editors to produce mildly abbreviated posts like the one below:..

Gloag's gin.

Nuff said!

“	Take a bottle of dry London Gin & a bowl of blackthorn berries (sloes); add the former to the latter and stir; pour into two bottles & cap; leave for two to four weeks; filter and decant liquor; (make trifle with berry mush?) drink liquor; sleep.	”
—Susan Garlick

Overindulgence followed by editing binges can also result in the necessity of profuse apologies to other editors, whether one likes them or not, for the swill left on their talk pages and pet articles.

Ardbeg Ten (Islay) single malt whisky is announced World Whisky of the Year on October 30 2007.^[4]

[edit] Mead

See main article: mead.

Mead is made from honey or, if you're lucky you can get it from the goat Heidrun. Alternatively you can make your own following RationalWiki's instructions

[edit] Cider

See main article: Cider.

Cider is made from apples and is popular with teenagers. Somewhat surprisingly, "cider" in the USA contains no alcohol, and in order to convert it into what the rest of the world calls "cyder", you need to follow these instructions.

Scrumpy is a stronger, rougher variant of cider.

[edit] Quotes

An ethanol molecule

"Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson
"I have found that alcohol, when taken in sufficient quantities, can produce all the effects of drunkenness" - Oscar Wilde ^[5]
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am" - a random drunk

“	One evening in October, when I was one-third sober, An' taking home a ‘load' with manly pride; My poor feet began to stutter, so I lay down in the gutter, And a pig came up an' lay down by my side; Then we sang ‘It's all fair weather when good fellows get together,' Till a lady passing by was heard to say: ‘You can tell a man who "boozes" by the company he chooses' And the pig got up and slowly walked away.	”
—"The Pig Got Up and Slowly Walked Away", 1933 song by Benjamin Hapgood Burt