Alcohol
From RationalWiki
Alcohol is a substance found in many of the drinks that many editors of RationalWiki imbibe in order to stimulate their creativity. It must, however, be used with care as overindulgence may well result in "overstimulation". Such intemperance may also create unpleasant consequences.
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[edit] Chemistry (geek section warning)
Alcohol is just a generic term for any chemical compound featuring the functional group -OH. Specifically, only ethanol (CH3CH2OH) is drunk by sane people. Methanol (CH3OH) will make you blind and is usually a product found in cheap, and very, very, illegal booze.[1] Unlike ethanol, methanol can be absorbed through the skin and is just plain dangerous. Another related compound, ethan-diol ((HO-CH2CH2-OH) is found in antifreeze, and is also delightfully poisonous. Ethanol is made either by the hydrolysis of ethane in large chemical plants, slowly fermented from yeast (this is the stuff you drink), other biomass processes (fuel ethanol is produced from corn, for example), or it can be homologated from methanol in an interesting reaction that means you can produce it entirely from syngas (carbon monoxide and hydrogen).[2] Other alcohols can get someone drunk, often even more so, ingesting propanol, isopropanol and butanol will intoxicate someone very readily. But they are also several times more lethal, so this isn't recommended.[3]
Fruit flavorings are mostly made of compounds called esters, which form alcohols (sometimes ethanol) when broken down by acids. Therefore it is possible (just) to fail a breathalyzer test by eating too many pear drops.[4]
Because the chemistry of ethanol is probably boring to most people, the rest of this article will concentrate on the stuff you drink.
[edit] Types of Alcohol
There are three major methods of producing alcoholic beverages: straight fermentation, brewing, and distillation. Fermented beverages tend to be made from fruit juices or things with high sugar contents, and are typically known as wines. Brewed beverages are also fermented, but because they are typically derived from grains the starches need to be broken down into simpler sugars to allow the yeast a chance to go to work. These beverages are typically called beers. Finally, there is distillation, which can be any number of processes that remove alcohol from stuff that is mainly water. This is based on the principle that alcohol and water have different boiling (and for some processes freezing) points. It should be noted that distilled beverages intended for human consumption have enough water in them to make them safe. Of the above, fermentation and brewing are legal to perform at home (in the US at least). Distillation requires that you pay special taxes or the revenuers will come and take your stills. Distillation is the reason NASCAR exists.
[edit] Beer
- See main article: Beer, or the funspace article on beer.
There is naturally some debate about where the best beer in the world comes from.
A British Perspective: Unsurprisingly, and like their claims about forms of government, legal systems, welfare systems, health systems, weapons, armies, accents, footballers (not), cars (not), motorbikes (not), the British claim their beer is the best in the world.[5][6] British drinkers would maintain that the only true beer is made in the United Kingdom where it is known as real ale. It has both body and flavour and it is not necessary to kill the flavour by excessive chilling.
In the rest of Europe and the US a chemical substitute for beer called Lager is often drunk. (Like some of the people.) This chemical substitute is so lacking in flavour (or has such a bad flavor) that the only way to make it drinkable is to supercharge it with carbon dioxide and then chill it in order to kill whatever taste it has - it being utterly undrinkable at room temperature.
An Irish Perspective
The Irish, of course, do not appreciate the typical arrogance of the British about their beer and calmly reiterate that Guinness is best. Sadly for them, as it has caused nothing but trouble, the Irish are unfortunately correct, as Guinness is incontrovertibly the greatest beer the world has ever seen drunk. Rich, dark, mysterious, intelligent, poetic, brooding, inestimable, indefatigable, in my belly, hallowed, spiritual, mighty, creamy, brilliant, feck, arse and bollocks are all words used in the eulogy of Guinness.
A Continental Perspective: Others would claim that the best beer in the world is brewed in Belgium,[7] which is famous for its long tradition and immense diversity, with more than 1000 different brands. Many Belgian beers are designated "real ale" by CAMRA, being brewed from natural ingredients and served from the vessel in which they are conditioned. A number of "Trappist" beers are brewed in Belgium by, or under the supervision, of Trappist monks. These monks dedicate their lives to the service of the Lord and the brewing of beer, which is near enough the same thing.
Czech beer comes in at a very close second.
Meanwhile, most continentals find the British practice of serving their beer at room temperature positively barbaric, and point out that good beer has always required chilling, with some breweries in pre-electricity times going so far as to store ice year-round for the purpose.
Another clear point of demerit for British beer is its general lack of carbon dioxide. "Why the British choose not to carbonize their beer" is a mystery to most Continentals. It is likely to remain a mystery until they realise that British beer is carbonated as much any fizzy lager. Carbonation is a natural effect of the conditioning (secondary fermentation) process. The lack of resemblance to fizzy soft drinks is not due to a refusal to put carbon dioxide in but the cellarman's skill and dedication in removing it before sale. Why they would go to such trouble only to practically ruin perfectly good beer is unfathomable... as is the case with so many other things the British do.
A Canadian Perspective: Beer from pretty much anywhere but the US is a good bet, although La Fin Du Monde from Quebec is probably the best high-alcohol beer out there, bordering on barley wine. In recent years, smaller breweries and microbrews have become very popular in smaller cities and the home craft brewing industry has done very well.
An American Perspective: As long as you avoid the big companies, American beer is JUST FINE, THANK YOU. Yes, we mass produce swill, but with the exorbitant taxes on all forms of alcohol, most of our people have to make do with what they can. The rest of us can then drink either one of our (multitudinous!) microbrews or one of your fancy (admittedly, AMAZING) Euro/Canadian beers. But of course the final verdict comes from the ultimate authority on almost everything: American beer is like making love in a canoe - fucking close to water.
A Russian Perspective: What is beer doing on this page? Beer doesn't have any alcohol in it. (Yes, I know of at least one Russian who has claimed this.)
A Chinese Perspective: Chinese beers are fairly light, but cheap tasty!
An Australian Perspective: In Australia beer is called XXXX because it's easier to spell, and Fosters is a creature of legend passed down from parent to child to keep them in line.
An Egyptian Perspective: We invented the stuff, sure it was very low alcohol content, but that wasn't the point. Those slaves need carbs to build our pyramids (and be drunk enough NOT to rebel).
[edit] Wine
Wine is drunk by effete southern Europeans. It comes in various varieties (white, red, rose, sparkling, etc.) and is frequently served in a glass appropriate to the wine.
The antioxidants in red wine are claimed to do a body good. This, however, is mostly conjecture and utter bollocks which is rehashed by the media whenever it suits them, as Ben Goldacre likes to bring up whenever you're in the pub with him and order red wine "because it's good for you".
[edit] Spirits
(Not the spooky kind, the libatable kind!)
There are many kinds of spirits, such as whisky, whiskey, gin, rum, baijiu, vodka, tequila, et cetera. Overconsumption is dangerous, and can cause RationalWiki editors to produce mildly abbreviated posts like the one below:..
Gloag's gin.
Nuff said!
| “ | Take a bottle of dry London Gin & a bowl of blackthorn berries (sloes); add the former to the latter and stir; pour into two bottles & cap; leave for two to four weeks; filter and decant liquor; (make trifle with berry mush?) drink liquor; sleep. | ” |
| —Susan Garlick | ||
Overindulgence followed by editing binges can also result in the necessity of profuse apologies to other editors, whether one likes them or not, for the swill left on their talk pages and pet articles.
- Ardbeg Ten (Islay) single malt whisky is announced World Whisky of the Year on October 30 2007.[8]
[edit] Mead
See main article: mead.
Mead is made from honey or, if you're lucky you can get it from the goat Heidrun. Alternatively you can make your own following RationalWiki's instructions.
[edit] Cider
See main article: Cider.
Cider is made from apples and is popular with teenagers. Somewhat surprisingly, "cider" in the USA contains no alcohol, and in order to convert it into what the rest of the world calls "cyder", you need to follow these instructions.
Scrumpy is a stronger, rougher variant of cider.
[edit] Quotes
| “ | Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. | ” |
| —Homer Simpson | ||
| “ | I have found that alcohol, when taken in sufficient quantities, can produce all the effects of drunkenness | ” |
| — - Oscar Wilde [9] | ||
| “ | I'm not as think as you drunk I am | ” |
| —a random drunk | ||
| “ | One evening in October, when I was one-third sober, An' taking home a ‘load' with manly pride; | ” |
| —"The Pig Got Up and Slowly Walked Away", 1933 song by Benjamin Hapgood Burt | ||
| “ | You can't seriously want to ban alcohol, it tastes great, makes woman appear more attractive and makes a person virtually impervious to criticism. | ” |
| —Mayor Diamond Joe Quimby. | ||
[edit] See also
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ MSDS - Methanol
- ↑ At least one RationalWikian's PhD project is pretty much about making ethanol.
- ↑ See here for other ways to kill yourself with drink.
- ↑ No, it doesn't work as an excuse for DUI.
- ↑ British Beer Best
- ↑ Co Down ale named among 50 best beers in the world
- ↑ http://news.independent.co.uk/europe/article304886.ece
- ↑ http://blog.islayinfo.com/article.php/ardbeg_ten_world_whisky_2007
- ↑ This may just be a close paraphrasing, feel free to fix and delete this ref
