Fun:Andy's Evening

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Andy's Evening

Andy nodded smugly as a fine heterosexual conservative breeze blew through the open window. The weather, however, was the last thing on Andy Schlafly's mind. The events of that day had been strangely arousing, not least of all because of Conservapedia Day. The stress of the long day seemed to evaporate as Andy lowered himself into his chair, the burdens of the day had finally lifted.

With a gleam in his eye and a spring in his step, Andy's thoughts turned to the recent insight he had; that no Conservapedians anywhere had any mental problems. As he demanded his wife make him a ham and swiss cheese sandwich, to fulfill her duty as his 'helpmeet', Andy felt himself grow tired. The long day had taken its toll, it was finally time to sleep. Woken by a sudden sound, Andy sat immediately upright, throwing out his back as he did so. With the speed of a man half his age, Andy took flight as he bolted toward his study to answer his phone. Having reached his study, Andy picked up the phone and muttered his salutation. The colour drained quickly from Andy's face as some unwelcome news was relayed to him. Dropping the receiver, he leapt across the room to his computer. The liberal vandals were at it again, adding facts to Conservapedia's prized articles. " Fateless udder!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, startling the neighbors.

His eyes watering from the brightness of the screen, Andy quickly redirected his browser away from an intriguing e-mail from a Nigerian prince offering some financial assistance to Conservapedia, and toward Conservapedia's contaminated article. As the article loaded, Andy's pupils shrank to specks, his glasses started to fog up as pure rage shows on his face. After immediately reverting the changes, Andy opened the talk page and prepared to make a strong case against the alterations.

After much thought and careful wording, Andy posted his response to the previous editor of his article:

' "Anonymous User", why do you care so much about defending relativity? I've analyzed your unconcise replies and if you were a true agnostic you would have 50% Bible edits and 50% non-Bible edits, so whether you admit it or not, I can tell you're not a church goer. Open your mind and admit that capital punishment prevents crime. Observation and logic dictate that if you're not open-minded about prayer in the classroom, then it's futile to expect you to be open-minded about these other issues. I'm interested in going outside of the narrow sphere of funded studies and looking at real-world data to draw important conclusions that no one is willing to fund and advertise. Contribute in an educational way to substantive entries here, or go elsewhere to rant about your view of the world. Please.--Aschlafly 10:05, 10 May 2024 (UTC)'

Still not satisfied, Andy decided to ban the user for their insubordination. Cackling to himself, he clicked the Ban button and smiled widely as the log showed:

Aschlafly (Talk|Contribs) blocked AmesG with an expiry time of Infinite (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) (Using reality's liberal bias)

With the liberal vandal defeated, Andy breathed a deep sigh. After carefully undressing he slumped in the corner and softly sobbed himself back to sleep.

The End