Hawaii
From RationalWiki
("Aloha", you mean!)
Hawaii (also spelled "Hawai'i") was the fiftieth state to join the United States. It was once an independent country, but during the age of colonialism became a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Dole fruit empire. Subsequently, due to its proximate location, it became what made the most sense - an American state.
Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is IN the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here. You can SEE the Pacific from Hawaii.
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[edit] Land and People of the islands of Hawaii
Historically, the original name of the Hawaiian islands was the Cook Islands, named for the sailor, Captain Cook (distant relative of Popeye). Upon arrival, Captain Cook met King Kamehameha I (pronounced Ka'may-ha'may-ha). That night, the locals and the sailors had a luau where all the sailors got leid by the local women. In appreciation for the locals' hospitality, Captain Cook brought more white people, allowed the King to take a permanent leave of absense, impregnate the women, introduce a new religion, and homeschooling.
There are eight (8, ocho, acht, осем) main islands within the chain:
[edit] Hawai’i (The Big Island)
Hawai’i (hereinafter known as the the Big Island or BI) is the largest of the all the islands in the chain. It is largest enough to contain all the other islands combined and still have room for Andy's ego. The BI is also the youngest of the islands. At 20 years old, the BI will be old enough to drink next August. The BI also contains the only active volcano in the chain, Kilauea, which vomits acres of new, useless land into the pacific every month.[1]
[edit] Maui
Maui is BI's older brother. At 22 years old, Maui has perfected the herb, "Maui Wowi." Maui also contains a dormant volcano called, "Hale Akala" (House of the Sun). Maui was also jipped out of having one of the cool little apostrophe thingys in its name (an "’okina" for those of you unedumacated folks!).
[edit] Lana’i
Lanai (pronounced Lah na' ee or simply, "La-nai") is a boring island off of Maui. There's a golf course, a dead volcano, and not much more. Unless you have money to blow, skip it on yer tour of the Islands.
[edit] Kaho’olawe
Kahoolawe (pronounced Kah-hoe' oh-lah-vey) is the red-headed step child of the islands. It was overran by the United States Navy and is a no-man's-land because of the unexploded ordinance.
[edit] Moloka’i
Molokai (pronounced Mo-lo-kah' ee or simply Molo-kai) is known as the slipper of the islands and the most "Hawaiian" of the islands. It has the highest percentage of ethnic Hawaiians that haven't been inbred with the haoles (or Japanese or Samoans or Tongans or Philipinos). The whole island shuts down after 7:00 pm.
[edit] O’ahu
Oahu (pronounced Oh' ah-hoo) is known as "the gathering place" and contains all the touristy goodies such as: Pearl Harbor, Waikiki, Diamond Head, and the famous North Shore. Waikiki good for tourists. Waianae (and everything west of Waimea) not so good.
[edit] Kaua’i
Kauai (pronounced Cow-ah' ee or simply Ka-wai) is north west of Oahu. It is the wettest spot on earth, receiving more rainfall annually than any other place.
[edit] Ni’ihau
Niihau (pronounced Nee' ee-how or simply Neehow) is known as the "Forbidden Isle" and is privately pwned. There is a small contingent of natives that live on the island. All others must get permission or risk having their heads shrunk and eaten.
[edit] Hawaii in Hawaiian, or, Hawaiians on Hawaii
Ua mau (mau), Ke ea o ka, 'Āina i ka pono!
(awaiting a fluent editor) (Literal translation: "The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness." Spoken translation: "Run, haole, run")
[edit] Hawaiian words
- ALOHA - "Hello", "Good-bye", and "Don't forget to go home" (when used in reference to a haole -see below)
- BRUDDA - dude, man, homie; slim, young (when used in reference with AAVE)
- DA KINE - Hawaiian for I-don't-know-what-to-call-it-because-I'm-too-busy-hating-haoles
- HAOLE (pronounced "How-Lee")- when used sarcastically, it is the Hawaiian version of the "N-word" for white people
- PAU - finished; done
- POI - Hawaiian for bland oatmeal
- PUKA - a small hole or pocket
- UF (pronounced "oof") - to have sex
- WIKI-WIKI - "Quick" or "Hurry up"
[edit] Hawaii in modern culture
- Most notably in this context, "wiki" comes from "wiki wiki", Hawaiian for "quickly".
- Hawaii Five-O had awesome surf-style theme music, and atrociously wooden "acting".
[edit] Notable Hawaiians
- Don Ho
- Mauna Loa (not a person, it's a damn volcano!)
- Mauna Kea (not her sister, it's another damn volcano!)
- Hale akala (not the auntie, it's yet another damn volcano!)
- Stitch
- Barack Obama
