Conservapedia:Godspeed

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For those living in an alternate reality, Conservapedia has an "article" about Godspeed
“ Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God ... If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him Godspeed: For he that biddeth him Godspeed is partaker of his evil deeds. ”

—2 John 1:9-11

Godspeed is a form of salutation, typically meaning "Good Luck" or "Safe Journey". However, when a conservative says Godspeed to a liberal, it is generally believed to translate, roughly, as "Go Fuck Yourself". In some cases, the transmitted meaning seems to be more along the lines of "I acknowledge your existence, peon. Now go contribute more." There is a 98.7459964% chance that the above statements are true, 3.14% chance of falsehood and a 1.8859964% surplus that will be contributed to the national debt.

Contents

[edit] Examples

Andy Schlafly - Official Master of Godspeed

Example of the "good luck" meaning

Example of the "neutral" meaning

  • Aschlafly to Crocoite: "Crocoite, can you post this on the main page also? Thanks and Godspeed."[2]

Example of the "Go fuck youself" meaning

  • Aschlafy to JohnSmith: "Thanks, but I'll be debating others here who don't embrace falsehoods. Godspeed in your efforts to find someone else to debate you."[3]
  • Aschlafly to RSchlafly (!!): "Would any mathematician embrace a flawed proof because it is better than other flawed attempts to prove the same theorem? I don't think so. Godspeed."[4]
  • TK to Baruch: "That won't be necessary. Godspeed, Baruch, Godspeed!" [5]
  • TK to ClementB: "As the owner of this site that is indeed his right, his prerogative, and we have indeed differed before, and will undoubtedly do so again. In the meantime, I wish you Godspeed." [6]

[edit] Origins

The term derives from an ancient Icelandic saga explaining the source of rain and rivers. It was originally titled "When the Gods Peed".

[edit] As an actual speed

Since the emergence of theory of relativity, the term may be referring to one of the ways[7] God used to dilate time. The purpose of this usage includes delaying the Second Coming, and fitting the age of the universe into a 6000 years timeframe.

Depending the assumptions used it gives 299792457.998875 m/s to 299792457.999987 m/s, compared to the speed of light at exactly 299792458 m/s. See the more detailed calculations here.

Currently, only one thing is known to move at Godspeed, and that's bullshit.

[edit] Other uses

Andy enjoys a good Godspeed in any medium

The term Godspeed appears in the name of the band Godspeed You! Black Emperor. However, the band's name is from the Japanese documentary of the same name.

Godspeed is a graphic novelisation of the life of Kurt Cobain.

Godspeed also refers to the rush one gets when, instead of simply snorting one's communion powder, one melts it and shoots... it... into... one's... Aaaaaaaaah... v e  i   n    s

The less said about God's Speedotm, the better.

[edit] See also

[edit] Footnotes

  1. ↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?oldid=159641&diff=prev&title=Talk%3ADeceit
  2. ↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/Talk:Main_Page/archive10#Colleges_veer_left_for_.2707_speakers
  3. ↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?oldid=178681&diff=prev&title=Talk%3AMain_Page
  4. ↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk%3ATheory_of_relativity&diff=257912&oldid=257804
  5. ↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=Talk:Liberal_Hate_Speech&oldid=380713
  6. ↑ http://www.conservapedia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:ClementB&curid=85573&diff=658355&oldid=658283
  7. ↑ The other way which involved relativity is white hole cosmology.
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