Fun:Chicago

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Chicago is widely regarded as the greatest city in the world, largely due to its flavor industry.

Contents 1 Flavor 2 Skyline 3 Other notable examples of architecture 4 Olympic Bid 5 Government 6 Footnotes

[edit] Flavor

Nearly 94% of the Midwestern flavor industry is supported by Chicago-flavored foods, such as deep-dish pizza, hot dogs (real hot dogs), Old Style beer, and cheesecake.

[edit] Skyline

Chicago is the birthplace of the first skyscraper, which stood a less-than-thrilling-today height of five stories.

It is also the home of the Sears Willis Sears Willis Sears Tower, which, from ground level to highest point, is still the tallest completed building in the world, no matter what Taipei thinks featured in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

[edit] Other notable examples of architecture

Frank Lloyd Wright built many houses in Chicago. Really cool houses (if you're into Frank Lloyd Wright, that is).

There is also this pre-World-War-One-era outdoor insane asylum at the corner of Clark and Addison where up to 39,000 nutcases shell out their hard-earned money to watch their team tank choke compete against 29 other teams^[1]. The fans are usually too drunk to care^[2] are loyal to the point of delusion^[3] LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Besides, where else can you see apartment houses with roofs that have been reshingled as billboards? Or hear Ozzy Osborne butcher "the anthem of baseball"?^[4]

[edit] Olympic Bid

Chicago's 2016 Olympic bid has a 100% chance of succeding, unless Mayor Daley manages to screw it up (there is a 95% chance of this happening). Examine the following other cities with a bid and why they will not get it -

Madrid - Spain hasn't exactly been a major presence in the world since the 1600's. Also, they will not pick a European city immediately after the upcoming 2012 London Olympics. Besides, Barcelona hosted the 1992 Olympics.

Tokyo - Too soon after another Asian Olympics, the 2008 Beijing event.

Rio de Janeiro - Too many caipirinha's/ poor coverage of buttock flesh on beaches.

Obama, Daley, Oprah. First round losers. ^[5] Although it's possible that lingering paranoia from the previous administration may have harmed Chicago's chances with the IOC.^[6]

[edit] Government

The government has a one-branch government. All decisions must be made by and approved by the Daley family. In extraordinary circumstances, a legislature, named Oprah Winfrey, may be convened.

[edit] Footnotes

1. ↑ Of those 29 other teams, 27 have won at least one league pennant since the Cubbies won their last pennant in 1945. Even the freakin' Tampa Bay Devil Rays won one, ferchristsake! Thank god the Flying Spaghetti Monster for the Rangers and the Expos/Nationals.
2. ↑ Need proof? Watch this video.
3. ↑ See the Wikipedia article on Curse of the Billy Goat. Because tanking choking the longest current "wait 'til next year" string of mediocrity in major-league-level American sports -- a distinction that the Chicago/St. Louis/Arizona Cardinals gladly handed off to the Cubs on 18 January 2009 -- isn't due to poor play or lack of depth. No! It's because some guy couldn't bring his pet goat into Wrigley Field!
4. ↑ Click here. Don't say you weren't warned.
5. ↑ Olympic-sized loss of political face for Obama and Daley, Chicago Tribune News Blogs, retrieved Oct. 2, 2009
6. ↑ Think Progress website: "Bush Administration’s Tourist Visa Policy May Have Cost America The 2016 Olympics", retrieved 3 October 2009.