User:Javascap/Why I am voting Republican
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- Because I like stabbing my eyes out with a pin
- Because chunks of corn in my crap tastes awesome
- Because pigs CAN fly, and Hell readily freezes over
- Because I love having our constitution shredded into pieces and burned away
- Because I love going out on pointless, abyssal crusades while our REAL enemy runs free and unchecked
- Because I love having all our jobs outsourced
- Because I love running a record deficit in our time of greatest need
- Because I love watching schools suffer funding cuts while we pour millions into space exploration
- Because Bush was handpicked by GOD (*vomits*)
- Because paying $32,000 a year to go to college and live off food stamps is my idea of fun
- Because having my front door kicked down by police for writing this is perfectly fine with me.
- Because my non-existant girlfriend needs to be told what she can and can't do with her body.
- Because I am perfectly fine with secret prisons holding prisoners indefinetly.
- Because billionaires have feelings too, you know.
- Because if God had wanted us to vote Democratic He would not have created Diebold voting machines!
I hope by now, you have gathered that I am dripping sarcasm out of my computer. Feel free to contribute with reasons to vote Republican.