User:Human/Hot l Baltimore

Hotel Baltimore

Music
“”Waiter, there's soup on my fly! —Slutty Roux

This is a fucking dump that just happens to have a bar. Weapons, fistfights, and strippers are encouraged. Especially the strippers.

damage

MENU

• Appetizers:
  • Stuffed Arthropleura
  • Popcorn, peanuts, and pretzels
  • Microwave nachos with velveeta
  • Super Snot
• Entrees
  • Goatse stew
  • Microwaved frozen pizza, plain or pepperoni
  • Microwaved frozen fish'n'chips
• Liquor
  • Vodka
  • Scotch
  • Rum
  • Bourbon
  • Tequila
• Beer
  • Bass Ale
  • Budweiser
  • Guiness
  • Old Milwaukee
• Wine cellar
  • A bottle of red, a bottle of white
• The Harem
  • Dirty Sluts
  • More Dirty Sluts
  • Filthy Sluts
  • Weeping Vaginas
• Cigarette machine
  • Lucky Strike (short)
  • Camel (short)
  • Chesterfield (kings)
  • Pall Mall (kings)

Table 1

Current occupants (4)

• Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 22:22, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
• dirty blonde slut with big knockers
• dirty Asian slut with short skirt
• dirty brunette slut with pig-tails
• SJ ^Debaser 22:47, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
• dirty hipster slut with no bra in a worn out Iggy and the Stooges shirt
• User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 23:25, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
• Bad hoomin.
• -- -PalMD ^{--It hurts when I do "this"} 00:35, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Table chatter (17)

Ace, Arthur isn't gonna like this. SJ ^Debaser 22:35, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Dont worry about that Josh. Dirty blonde slut with big knockers will make him forget all his woes. Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 22:37, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

In that case, at the risk of being barred, I humbly join your table. SJ ^Debaser 22:47, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

This place could look like home if we break a few things. Arthur's always putting on his posh pretensions, we we know he's no better than where he came from. Same crappy menu as that place he forgot to pay the rent on, too, I notice. ħuman 22:53, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

What happened to that old place? Is it up for lease? Weaseloid^{Methinks it is a Weasel} 22:56, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

I think it has to be fumigated first. ħuman 23:42, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

You may now order sluts from the menu. Sluts for all.

Excellent. The menu still needs more improovmints though. ħuman 23:24, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Nice work. ħuman 23:42, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

Seriously, the food menu is confusing and exotic for a dive bar, as is the drink menu. Please no campari or milk. Bourbon, Scotch, Canadian, Gin, Vodka, and coffee. And peanuts. User:Nutty Roux/sigtalk 23:50, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

I slobbered it up a bit. I also fixed the damn sign. Well, all but one letter is working now, anyway. ħuman 00:32, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Orders (1)

CUR, 3 Vodka, 2 Budweisers, and something for my bro and hoes. SJ ^Debaser 22:47, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

A keg of Bass and a hose with a firkin of single malt chaser please centipede. ħuman 23:46, 4 June 2009 (UTC)

I want a goddamned cheddar sandwich with Branston pickle. Now.-- -PalMD ^{--It hurts when I do "this"} 00:36, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

You might have to send out for it, Doc, most of the menu here involves the words "frozen" and "microwave". Bleagh. The leftover spotted dick in the fridge ain't half bad, though. ħuman 02:00, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

Table 2

• 

  Hello CUR. I will follow you wherever you go.

• CheetahMan.jpg

  Barkeep, one spotted dick for my ladyfriend!

• 

  A dirty slut wearing a wooden shoe filled with Pimm's please, Arthur

Currant occupants (2)

• Dirty cat slut
• Dirty slut cat's date, Cheetah man
• Tiger man, Cheetah man's bottom

Table chatter (2)

Just one look at this user's pussy drives CUR wild.

Table 3

Table 3 has been broken up for firewood and casual weaponry.

Bar

• Lawyers only.

Slut Fiesta

Thanks for the slut fiesta CUR! In honour of this momentous occasion I have written a poem -
Vagina, Vagina,
swollen and obscene
steamy machine
Vagina
Ace McWicked^{Disco Jesus} 01:32, 5 June 2009 (UTC)

He's going to just adore what we have done with this place! Hey, when are the hookers due back, by the way? I was going to send one out to get Doc a sammich... ħuman 02:02, 5 June 2009 (UTC)