Goat

Were you looking for sex?

The domestic goat (Capra hircus) was one of the earliest domesticated animals. The species is believed to have been first domesticated around 10-12,000 years ago in both the Zagros Mountains of modern-day Iran and in Anatolia along the Euphrates River.

Goats are believed to have been domesticated in this exceptionally peaceful area of the world. Or the Garden of Eden.

Goat Uses

Domestic goat (Capra hircus). The brown one is Stacey

Conservative Christians often buy goats for Malawi orphans whereas liberals like Madonna prefer to keep Malawi orphans as household pets . Goats also have pretty eyes and some have beautiful eyelashes.

Santa Claus was alleged to have once ridden a Yule Goat but this was later disproven as a revisionist myth created by neopagans who hate Christmas.

Eating

There's good eating on a goat. Goats' milk is good for making cheese. But see also: polar bear

Poetry

Goat rhymes with many words: boat, coat, creosote, d'oh (t), eukaryote, litote (s), moat, note, rote, symbiote, tote, prokaryote, scrote and vote. See, for example, Kipling's "By the Hoof of the Wild Goat" which uses none of the above words. "Tom Murphy's Goat", by Oliver Thomas, rhymes it with "throat"...twice. But it's Australian.

Marriage

There has been much debate about what term to use for the union of goat and (usually) man. Some have opposed "marriage" as diluting the traditionally non-bestial nature of the institution. Also, many oppose granting spousal rights to goats. Others have proposed "covenant" unions, in which the relationship cannot be broken (except in times of famine).

Sometimes it has been necessary to use the law to help men "do the right thing". After being caught having relations with a goat named Rose, a Sudanese man was obliged to marry her. Unfortunately the BBC has recently been reported that the goat has died after choking on a plastic bag. The goat was apparently female so, to the relief of many, there is no suggestion that the relationship may have been homosexual.

It should be noted that as of yet there has been no debate over marriage between goats. Uwiha Ch'uyay, a December 27th family tradition, is the sheep and goat wedding ceremony of Bolivia. The ritual often includes lighting candles, dabbing the animal's faces with blood, adorning them with flowers and coraling them into male and female pairs of either goats or sheep for a wedding. Throughout the ceremony folk songs are sung to the couples. They are then force fed cocoa.

Creationist Views on Goats

Goats are very important to creationists the bible mentions them over 170 times! God made goats out of leftover cow parts on the sixth day of Creation, similar to the process still used for making hot dogs. Goats are specifically mentioned in the Bible, therefore we know them to exist. God regularly calls for goats to be sacrificed on altars by having their throats cut and blood drained. It is still a mystery as to what goats did to become the object of God's loving wrath. Noah brought two goats onto the Ark, but unfortunately, the male goat was gay. Noah implemented a program of reparative therapy. The goats were able to live an appropriate lie and were fruitful and multiplied. Creationists believe that goats co-existed with dinosaurs, since goats appear in historic hieroglyphs.

Goatman

Jann reported seeing a goatman in Texas under his pecan tree in January 2002. Jann reports that this is unusal since there are no goats in this region of Texas.

Chupacabra

We shall not speak of it.

Goats in Popular Culture

Goats, goat parts and goat-like creatures were shown or mentioned in all 1,328 episodes of The X-Files.

The three billy goats Gruff, apparently brothers, starred in a popular pro-goat story by Hans Christian Andersen. The goats in this story were notable for their intelligence, at least as contrasted to the common troll.

One version of the truth about goats is allegedly available at this blog.

A goat briefly appears in the movie version of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Famous Quotes about Goats

"If she fails us, we better get used to hearding goats." Kirk, Who Mourns for Adonis

Sixteen! Goats in Popular Culture

This video clip appeared on the August 3, 2007 edition of Countdown with Keith Olberman

Notable Goats

Frank the Goat is mascot, casual programmer and occasional help desk employee at the popular journal site LiveJournal. Some versions of his history recount his many adventures and his role in founding LJ.

Rose, a goat living in South Sudan, attained fame due to her marriage to a human, Charles Tombe. This of course was below her station, and occured due to an unfortunate scandal involving pre-marital sex, which underlines some of the dangers of the practice. Mr. Tombe is now a widower after his lovely bride's untimely death in 2007.