Penis
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| A baker's dozen on Human Sexuality |
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This article is a stub - please enlarge it. (Without using Viagra.)
The penis is part of the male reproductive apparatus in animals that practice sexual reproduction. It also serves to keep men's feet dry when they pee, unless, for whatever reason, they don't want their feet to stay dry.. The average human penis, when erect in potential service for sexual activity, is about 5.5 inches (14 cm) long and 4.5-5 inches (11-13 cm) around.
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[edit] Magic tricks
According to the Bible, a penis (with intact testicles) is an essential body part in order to become a priest. From this, we can conclude that the penis acts as a spiritual antenna, picking up messages from God. The foreskin of the penis can interfere with these signals, so God instructed Abraham to perform circumcision on all males. Presumably, the often-embarrassing sexual antics of preachers such as Ted Haggard and Jimmy Swaggart was due to them accidentally getting messages from Satan, instead.
[edit] Baby cream applicator
When not being used to receive supernatural instructions, the penis can be used to introduce male reproductive material ("sperm") into the female reproductive tract, where, if it combines with female reproductive material ("eggs"), it can develop into a fetus, and even perhaps an especially unfortunate disease known as children (not the penis, the lucky and sacred sperm).
[edit] Intelligent design
In many animals (particularly mammals), the penis shows awkward evidence of unintelligent design, in that it also serves as a conduit for fluid excretion ("pee").
Also, the main plumbing is routed through a gland prone to swelling due to infection, which shuts off the flow.
[edit] A joke
- Q: How do you know God was a civil engineer?
- A: Because only a civil engineer would route a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area!
[edit] Size
The curious thing about the human penis is that sexual selection seems to have favored an unusually large penis (perhaps a result of obligate bipedalism?); the human penis is, in proportion to the size of the body, one of the largest of all mammals, and certainly the largest among primates. Nevertheless, a perception in modern times (not necessarily echoed by ancient fashion) is that bigger is better, and as a general rule human males are never really satisfied with what they have. Therefore a large industry in sham "male enhancement" products has sprung up. While the ads for products such as Enzyte (one of the most visible and lucrative of such products) tend to imply that they increase penis size, such mainstream ads are usually quite vague about what they're actually supposed to do, also hinting at increased stamina or staying power. (Email spam ads are rather less subtle.) Mechanical techniques, including subcutaneous fat injection by a surgeon or jelqing (essentially attempting to slowly stretch the penis) are used as well, but are considered of dubious efficacy. Those who fear they suffer from small penis endowments are generally encouraged to practice their oral sex skills. So is everyone else.
[edit] Another joke
A fertile genitalia being linked to a fertile creative imagination, it is speculated that J. S. Bach had 23 children because his organ had no stops.
[edit] More on size
Some men tend to compensate for feelings of inadequacy regarding the size of their member by carrying largely defensive weapons of gun, or buying very "large", powerful vehicles, like Hummers.
