Fundies Say the Darndest Things

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Fundies Say the Darndest Things (FSTDT) is a website dedicated to logging the sheer inanity of statements made by fundamentalists of all types. Perpetrators also include secular proponents of stupidity, demonstrating that Bible-thumpers don't have an outright monopoly on the crazy and outlandish. The most commonly recurring topics of submitted quotes include evolution, homosexuality, feminism, and the Establishment Clause.

While many of the quotes come from random internet forum users and bloggers, sometimes actual news sites make it in, though usually bottom-tier news like WND. These are worth submitting to WIGO Clogs (and vice versa). Furthermore, some quotes come from legitimate news articles reporting on insane things that fundies have done or said.

In relation to Poe's Law

In the clamour to get ever more insane speeches and quotes, the site invariably suffers at the hands of Poe's Law. A few quotes do come from what can be considered "legitimate" sources such as various Christian forums, so they can be taken as genuine. However, there have been examples of very deep cover parodists on some websites throwing out quotes insane enough to be featured. Often, the comments that have been posted for each quote will enlighten readers as to whether some quotes are obvious hoaxes, but ambiguity more often than not remains and the only conclusion is that at least some of these people are, in fact, for real.

Spin-offs

The site has since spawned three spin-offs, concentrating on the quotes of racists, conspiracy theorists, and sexists. The third spin-off, Sexists Say the Darndest Things, is a relative newcomer, and was long requested in the comments section before its creation. Usually, these are just as, if not more so, batshit crazy than their fundie counterparts. It features quotes by men's rights activists, incels, and radfems. In all seriousness, avoid going and reading the racism one if you want to retain any faith in humanity (ditto for any of the really sexist/homophobic posts). With FSTDT and CSTDT, you can assume Poe's Law or have a chuckle or perhaps think that these people will eventually see sense, although CSTDT applies little reason and most members have an agenda to make the term "conspiracy" synonymous with "delusion". The following is one of the tame ones — others include, to the best of anyone's knowledge, a very sincere post about actually lynching a man.^{[citation needed]}

“”I'm not racist but I believe black people are closer to gorillas than to white people... that´s why we shouldn´t get mixed with black people, we are different species and they should stay at Africa? or to the zoo, somewere far away from us, as I said I'm not racist and I don´t pretend to insult anybody, but black people is a threat to our race

—Prettyshandra8, YouTube

“”The Sexual Revolution of the 60s was worse than the Holocaust. Sure, in the Holocaust, a lot of people died and it was pretty uncomfortable. But it was over in a couple of years and ever since then J-words have been living with unparalleled special treatment that only women exceed. The Sexual Revolution was far worse. It undone centuries of social progress. Every achievement we'd made since the 1780s just disappeared. It condemned literally millions upon millions of men throughout the ages to a life of inceldom. It destroyed standards and morals by normalising shit music, drugs and the "club and casual sex" degenerate lifestyle. It was the progenitor of feminism which is and always has been an anti-male/anti-ugly male hate movement. In short, the Sexual Revolution was our very own Holocaust but we're unlucky enough that it never ends, and we must live in the concentration camp of the degenerate modern day for our whole lives with the knowledge that things will only get worse. Already polyamory is being normalised and considered by sluts to be a valid form of relationship. Serial monogamy (basically the same thing) was normalised a while ago. We're absolutely fucked, incels. Chad has won. We are hated because we're ugly, and that's the top and bottom of it. Personality means nothing if a slut can go to a club and have sex with a different alpha male every night.

—IAmWhatYouMadeMe9, r/incels

Classic quotes

Without wanting to recreate the entire list, these are a selection of some of the shorter, yet still quoteworthy entries submitted to FSTDT.

“”If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol.

—Gods soldier, Myspace

“”I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie.

—JohnR7, Christian forums

“”You call it circular reasoning, we Christians call it faith.

— James2ko, Religious forums'

“”The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English. It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.

—leyenda, KJB only

“”Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has.

—Beryl Baptist Church, Pharyngula (quoting Martin Luther)

“”[Re: King James Bible. Shadow Girl: "I can barely read that version. Plus my grandmother told me that it was written by King James because he wanted a divorce from his wife but the Pope wouldn't grant it."] You're thinking about the NKJV. This is the one that was commissioned by the king that wanted a divorce I believe. I think it was one of the King Henry's. Crazy kook either got the divorces he wanted or arranged the death and/or imprisonment of his wives so he could re-marry at will. The KJV is the original copy written and translated by Shakespeare, from the ancient greek and hebrew manuscripts. If not this, he may have translated it from an even earlier english translation (which was then translated from the original greek and hebrew) when english barely resembled what it is today. It's one of these two events. This is why it's considered the most accurate, a direct english translation from the originals and the standard for today despite being a relic from the 1300-1500's where fancy poetic language was the common english of those times.

—TimothyK, rr-bb.com

“” [As of April 2024, the quote with the highest "Fundie Index":] Leviathon is a spirit I have battled as well. It was a hard battle but was won. It was about four months or more ago. My wife and I were in McDonalds and were having a conversation with an angel and Leviathon had come up. I told the angel that i wanted to fight this demon and he said I could. On the way back to the hotel I asked the angel if he could bring the demon to a predestinated place and he said yes. I figured that since Leviathon was from the depths of the sea he would be used to the cold water so I filled the tub up with scalding hot water and blessed the water. The angels (there were two now) brought Leviathon bound to the tub and fought with me. We all pulled our swords from our hips and began running this demon through with all my strength and everything I had. I would say it took atleast half an hour or more. We were all spent but the battle was won.

— nautical999, Ministering Deliverance

Words of wisdom by Andrew Schlafly was added to the site in November 2009 following one of his more...erm...interesting insights. In the context of FSTDT and Poe's Law, this quote is interesting since — to the best of anyone's knowledge — Schlafly is 100% for real:

“”There's a broader point here. Why the big push for black holes by liberals, and big protests against any objection to them? If it turned out empirically that promoting black holes tends to cause people to read the Bible less, would you still push this so much?

—Andrew Schlafly

More of Schlafly's quotes have frequently been featured on FSTDT. Due to the infamy gained from his Conservative Bible Project, he was voted "2009 Fundie of the Year" in the FSTDT board with 94.8% of the vote. In addition to the CBP, which gave him his fifteen minutes of fame in late 2009, this could be attributed to the large volume of material Schlafly generates through editing Conservapedia, and that because we know he's a real person and not just some faceless internet user, we can be (pretty) sure he's real and not faking it.

Quotes by RationalWiki users Men's Rights EXTREMIST and Kingdamian1 amongst others have also been featured.

And then there's this. (Warning: May cause headaches.) What?

See also

• Rapture Ready, whose quotes are frequently featured on FSTDT. More than one poster on the FSTDT forums came there after being banned from Rapture Ready.
• Free Republic — also a frequent target for FSTDT due to coverage of political extremism in addition to religious fundamentalism
• Moonbattery — another frequent target, arguably even more extreme right-wing than Free Republic in that it frequently contains overt racism
• f ∫ t dt