Essay:A Parodist's Guide to Villainy

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This essay is an original work by several editors. Although it is retained here as an essay, it does not reflect the official position of RationalWiki concerning online vandalism and parody. Please comment only on the talk page.

"QVOD VOLVMVS FACILE CREDIMVS" ^[1]

So, you want to be a parodist, and follow in the footsteps of the great Richard, noble Samwell, righteous MexMax, and evil Bugler? Good to have you. Cloak and dagger isn't as fun as it looks, though, at least the first few months aren't. This page will compile the suggestions of those who have walked the lonely path, so that you may learn from our mistakes.

NOTA BENE: because Conservapedia's sysops have no doubt read this article a million times already, open conformity with these guidelines is discouraged. These guidelines only work to the extent that they play to biases, prejudices, and character flaws inherent in Andy Schlafly and therefore Conservapedia. Exploit them at your peril, and be sure to mix your own personality up a bit to avoid discovery.

Contents 1 Opening Gambit 2 Playing the Game 3 Things to do 4 Endgame 5 Advanced tactics for deep cover parodists 6 See Also 7 Notes

[edit] Opening Gambit

Get a static IP: you can't rely on TOR or proxy servers if you're to be a permanent presence on Conservapedia. You need to have a "clean" IP, preferably not in a Forbidden City. If your IP isn't clean, you can always wait: CP's checkuser log wipes after two weeks, so any edits from your IP address made more than two weeks ago won't show up. Or, you can take more proactive steps. If you use a DSL modem, use ipconfig/all from MS-DOS to figure out when your IP "lease" is up, and then make sure that your DSL modem is unplugged for a twelve-hour period that includes the lease expiry date.

Or, get an excuse: Deborah manages to get away with using TOR, because CP has blocked her university. If you can invent a similar sob-story, you can get away with TOR for a little while. Be prepared to justify your persona based on where your IP grounds you. The previous approach is recommended, if it all possible. Even a legit sounding excuse will make you a more suspicious character, and therefore start you off at a disadvantage.

Understanding checkuser: based on personal experience, it is not standard CP procedure to use checkuser on every new editor. But you should act as if it is, and if you have to use a proxy for some reason, for some amount of time, be prepared to justify it or place yourself at the proxy site's IP address (MexMax's first few days were "from Mexico," because the proxy server was there...). While checkuser is usually not used on all new accounts, there are some admins who seem to run it regularly on newbies, most notably Karajou and TK, so if checkuser might betray you, try to create an account when they are not active (Andy, strangely, never seems to use this feature). If you really want to climb the ranks, rather than just be a short-term parodist, you will need a clean IP address which will not be betrayed by checkuser. UPDATE Since the return of TK as sysop it is more than likely that any new account will have a checkuser run on their IP. Always assume the worst.

Be wary when choosing a name: If you do anything other than a first name and last initial, you may find yourself blocked right away, and, depending on who's doing the blocking, your IP address along with it, which could end your career before it starts. On the other hand, if you choose first name and last initial, you run the risk of establishing yourself as familiar with CP policy, which may contradict your backstory. If you go with the first name last initial approach, you can perhaps save yourself some time by picking a usable one on our unusable names matrix, which would also help us fill it in. Though a really astute admin might notice, which could raise suspicions. Otherwise, you can use this website, and select from one of thousands of names.

Have a story ready: personal stories not only make you seem legit, but they give other editors something to connect with you on, thus building "street cred." If you can connect yourself with homeschooling, that can be a path straight to Andy's heart. But be wary that if you're 40, trying to pass yourself off as and maintain the persona of a 15 year old homeschooled student can be tricky. Better to be the conservative parent of a homeschooled child. Also... it might be a little too obvious.

Don't be too wiki-wise: don't jump to putting user boxes on your page. That's a WP/CP/RW thing, and while it can be explained away by time at Wikipedia, it indicates that you have some wiki-experience, and may not jive with the story you've built for yourself. If you feel inclined, you may even take the opposite approach and act utterly wiki-ignorant. This can include leaving everything unformatted, not signing your posts (or signing them by writing out your username, instead of using the customary tildes), screwing up the format of external links, and committing a number of other wiki faux-pas. You can run the risk of overdoing this, however.

Resist the urge to immediately turn your username blue: some parodists like to immediately make an insignificant edit to their userpage in order to make their signature blue, and thus less likely to stand out. This doesn't work. There are few enough new accounts that an admin notices every one, so you won't be able to blend in and pass yourself off as an established user. Making your first edit one to your userpage, adding "hi" or "I am a conservative Christian" makes it obvious what you're trying to do. Wait until you've edited for a few hours or a few days, then create an actual userpage, with at least a few sentences about yourself, or something relevant (though per above, don't immediately pile userboxes into it).

Establish a gmail address: you'll need to have a "real name" - and an e-mail address to back it up. It may not be necessary early on, but if you're ever up for a promotion, or pushed on your credentials, you'll need to have an e-mail address that corresponds with your pseudonym. Gmail is useful, because it doesn't include the sender's IP address in the header information.

Establish yourself as a conservative Christian, early on: the "how I found CP" story is common user page fodder. Including your Christian identity in that information is step one towards building a "trusworthy" CP-personality.

[edit] Playing the Game

Goal #1 - Earn Andy's Trust: Andy's trust is an invulnerability shield against practically any criticism: it's also the fast-track to block rights & the sysop's path. Your IMMEDIATE goal should be to attract Andy's attention, in a positive way. There are a couple schools of thought on how to do this. While writing "wanted pages" will increase your credibility with other sysops, the only way to Andy's heart is to either build a fundamentalism-related page, or defend him in the trenches. "Parodist sensors" are maxed out in talkpage battles with Andy: if you successfully defend him, you'll earn his trust forever, but if you lay it on too thick you may be shown the door pretty early on (this is what happened to AlexanderM). Choose that option at your peril. Figuring out what Andy's liberal institution du jour is and adding your own examples is a useful way of getting his attention. Building fundamentalism-related pages worked for MexMax, but requires that you know what you're talking about. So... choose your poison.

Goal #2 - Grab Your Mop & Bucket: a primary criterion for sysopship, or for receiving any higher "rights," is proving that you need them. Make yourself an invaluable part of the site's primary business - fighting vandals. If you can be the first on the scene, it proves you're a go-getter who toes the party line when it counts. And, don't worry: while you'll be working against people you actually support, you'll probably only shaving one second or two off the lifetime of any serious vandalism. In other words, no harm, long-term gain: that's the name of the game here. You can even use a proxy to create obvious vandalism just so you can make sure you're on hand to revert it, though this is generally not necessary.

Goal #3 - Let user rights come to you (don't ask!): Andy and co. are perennially suspicious of people who write on their talk pages, asking to be given block rights. Asking for power is a sure sign that you're looking forward to having "moar power," and which could suggest that you're looking forward to misusing it. So, be thrust into power, don't seek it out. If you've appropriately sucked up to Andy, you'll be promoted in no time: if, after a month or so, you're still a lowly editor while others are being promoted, it might be time to acknowledge that you're not going anywhere.

Proceed slowly- making your first ever edit a reply to a liberal on the Obama talk page, berating the editor to open his mind, telling him he's clueless, asserting you're 95% certain he favors censorship of prayer in public school, and warning of a block if no substantive edits or forthcoming can be good for some quick lulz and mockery, but isn't terribly convincing that you are a new editor, editing in good faith. In fact, it's best to avoid Schlaflyisms altogether, using your own language to get the same basic points across. While riding roughshod over newbies for small infractions is the raison d'etre for many parodists, one must build up to it. Eventually, you can maybe even emulate TK and go full Martin Bormann, answering Andy's talk page questions for him, in a threatening and insulting manner, of course.

Stick to your new personality at all times: The best way to get support from Andy is to be an unreasonable sycophant no matter what. If you have an account there you've been using for basic editing or whatnot, but have recently decided to go full-Bugler, start over with a new account, don't suddenly alter your personality. If you ever have the urge to call Andy on some batshit craziness that will involve questioning or contradicting him, even on a pretty obvious point (eg "when you say most achievements have been made by teens, are you perhaps overstating the case even a little bit?"), and you can't bite your tongue, get a sock from a different IP to ask the question. Inconsistencies can be very noticeable. While it is true that on some very rare occasions, a sensible statement has been known to emerge from the minds of Andy, Ed, and even Ken, you can't risk doing likewise. 100% agreement with Andy at all times should be a red flag, but in reality Andy thrives on it.

Avoid Ed Poor: 99% of the time, Ed's a combative know-it-all who'll block you for disagreeing with him... ever. The other 1% of the time, he's reasonable and practically allergic to controversy. For example, he was the one admin to stand up to Bugler. But neither of Ed's two "speeds" are good for parodists. Avoid stepping into his math articles, accept any revisions he does to your work graciously, and, if you must talk to him, try to appeal to his humongous ego. But do so at your peril. Note that if Ed ever gives you a writing assignment (and he might if you write anything he doesn't understand, which is just about everything) you will have to bite the bullet and at least write something. He is less likely to care about what you actually write than the fact that you obey his orders.

Avoid Karajou: the man's a ticking time-bomb. His temper is lightning-fast, and his paranoia unmatched since RobS left. Since TK's return, he's not on a whole lot, so avoiding him shouldn't be a problem.

Avoid TK: TK is unstable, in so many ways. You'll know you're playing a good parodist if you have him on your side, but keep your e-mail contact with him to a minimum to avoid being dragged into his latest scheme. As he's something of a controversial figure, it's best to fly under his radar. Recently, TK has developed a habit of finding a pretext to be rude and intimidating to any new user he sees doing productive work. If they reply, he then pretends to take offence at something they say, does the same for all further protestations and eventually accuses them of being disruptive and blocks them. If he initiates this cat-and-mouse game with you, the best thing to do is to stop editing immediately and wait for a few days for him to lose interest. In other words, don't feed the troll.

Until you have established trust, beware 90/10: even if you use talk exclusively to back up Andy, too much talk page activity can be problematical. While they seldom block for 90/10 when talk posts adhere to the party line, Andy still likes to see contributions made to his project. Likewise other admins who see a new account being overly sycophantic but with no apparent interest in improving CP might smell a parodist. Making actual, tangible improvements to CP may be necessary, which may include more than adding some links and categories. If you have qualms about making CP more credible, you don't have to add Wikipedia-level content. Keep in mind Ed Poor stubs that earn him accolades from Andy.

Be careful not to make any careless mistakes: this should be pretty obvious, but remember that Bugler was largely done in by trying to sell his real name as "Brian Ugler", which was both unconvincing and unnecessary, as well as contradicting previous comments. Andy clearly did not hold him to the first name and last initial (or vice versa) arbitrary standard; trying to convince him that the name "Bugler" fit it was unwise. Likewise, once you have your clean IP address, don't compromise it by using it for other accounts. If you use the same IP address to edit here, make sure you do not ever make an edit to RW while you are logged out. Don't tell anyone your sock name or even that you have one. They are not likely to be as careful with that information as you would be.

Don't believe Rationalwiki posters if they refer to you as 'untouchable' See: Be careful not to make any careless mistakes.

DO NOT CREATE A CORRESPONDING RATIONALWIKI ACCOUNT: remember, RationalWiki doesn't have checkuser, so we won't find out your little secret. But Andy frowns on anyone but his most trusted admins even talking about us. Bugler frequently referred to RW obtusely; frankly, that was pushing the line. By creating an account over here, you might as well be playing Russian roulette with your account. Even with an untraceable RW account, it is advisable to absent yourself from any discussions of your CP activities to avoid any chance of giving yourself away.

NEVER EVER EDIT RATIONALWIKI WITHOUT LOGGING IN FIRST: A reverse checkuser on your IP will consign you to the dustbin of history PDQ.

[edit] Things to do

Cause discord. Do not fight with 'dangerous' sysops, but lean on editors who you notice are deviating from the party line. Gradually, Andy will notice and issue praise. You can gradually raise your game, receiving more and more plaudits and, hopefully, promotion. As a Sysop-lite the potential for troublemaking is vastly increased. Now you can block a proportion of your victims (to gain 'Great Blocks!' praise from Andy). Even better, you can now unblock yourself, should you wish, so it is safer to start picking fights with other sysops. Be very cautious in this. Avoid those listed above, or their proteges. Instead, notice who is in disfavour with Andy, and start to agree with his criticisms. Find and point out new evidence of their Liberal deviationism. Chide them for disagreeing with the Schlafmeister. Accuse them of belonging to a subversive, Communist-inspired Liberal clique aiming at the downfall of Conservapedia.

Starve CP of talent. This is boring, but has long-term (if invisible) benefits. First, gain sysop-lite powers. Then use them with a will on new editors. Ban them for minor deviations from the naming and 90/10 'rules'. Adopt a hectoring and demanding tone with the many. However, be pleasant and helpful to a random few to provide yourself with 'nice guy' evidence if necessary. Block obvious parodists - they will get blocked anyway, so you might as well gain kudos and further your objectives by doing the deed. If you don't have block rights, revert them. Although Andy cares more about blocking vandals than actually undoing the damage they've done, it will still bolster your status as a useful contributor.

Encourage Andy in his flights of lunacy. However insane his ideas and plans might seem, it's his wiki and our job to support him in whatever he wishes to do.

Corrupt popular articles. As conservapedia's sysops have a very limited range of knowledge, you can add patently false and absurd information to fairly popular, but not necessarily hot-button articles. If there's a danger of being challenged, references give almost any assertion the veneer of truth, and sysops will never actually follow them to check up on the information, especially if they are not simple web-links. Claim Edgar Allen Poe was a rabid atheist and antisemite, that Darwin's letters show he couldn't account for the evolution of the GI-tract of sperm whales, and cite a study proving that Democrats are 70% more likely to contract AIDS than Republicans; the world is your oyster.

[edit] Endgame

Going out with a bang: how you want to terminate your career is up to you. Bugler obviously was playing the long game; MexMax & JJacobs the short. Consider what long-term effects you want to generate. Long-term near-sysop moles like Bugler obliterate CP's trust in itself; MexMax's brief flame-out probably made Andy cry, but that's about it. For the best parodist, the damage done is in the career, not the flameout.

Spend some time: If you want your parodist account to be a sysop, you'll have to set aside several months of getting ready for, and then waiting for, the next sysop announcements, so be prepared to spend some serious time. CP has never placed one of us in the sysop ranks (as far as most people know at least), so we don't know what damage could be done. You're on your own for that. Bear in mind that full sysop powers are unlikely to ever be attained. Andy, while quite liberal (if we may use that word) in granting block rights, rarely promotes anyone to full admin. Having recently made 6 new promotions, he is likely done for the rest of the year. Fortunately, there isn't much to being a full sysop that isn't gradually granted to those on the rise.

[edit] Advanced tactics for deep cover parodists

Should you decide you want to be the first RW parodist to achieve full-blown sysop status, you might have to go full Donnie Brasco. This will involve a realistic background, a non-suspicious IP address and email account, no traceable links to this site, and playing the part just right.

Know the conservative line, and know it well: if you can speak the language and familiarize yourself with conservative principles, thinkers, and philosophies, it can help. Though CP is generally a simplistic, warped reflection of mainstream conservatism, knowing the important names and terms can make you blend in. If you read RW reguarly, you have undoubtedly picked up on much of this. If you know your Bible well, that's a big plus. General familiarity with its stories and books is a must. May we recommend God's Harvard?

Create a backstory:To establish some cred, you may want to start editing Wikipedia as a die-hard conservative. Make a few edits, but mostly get involved and irate on talk pages about how they're not being fair to conservatives in the political articles, creationists in the science articles, and America in the history articles. Since they have no 90/10 rule, and in fact encourage you to get involved in discussions before making serious edits, you can do this for quite some time. Leave in disgust after a few weeks, leaving your IP address spread across WP with conservative rants attributed to it, then join CP. Make it clear from the beginning that you joined because you are fed up with liberal bias at WP; that will immediately endear you to Andy. This will also explain any wiki-savyness you may display. Chances are you will never have to reference this, but should it become necessary, it is a history that will add to your credibility. Alternately, create a super-conservative ranty blog on Wordpress, and maintain it a few weeks before, and concurrently with, your CP account. Jinxmchue always looked like a parodist, but his long-running blog was always proof-positive that he was the real deal.

Specialize: there are numerous types of conservatives out there, and while there is a great deal of overlap among them, you will notice most of the big wheels at CP have interests in specific areas (while Andy sort of embraces all of them enthusiastically). Making one of them "your thing" can help you carve your niche, and will give you less conservative wingnuttery to have to take on.

Be truthful in various areas: the truth is easiest to remember, and there are certain things they can check up on. For example, it is generally best to be honest about your location, as it can be easily verified. A certain degree of honestly about your occupation may behoove you as well, for if you ever display lack of knowledge in what you allegedly do for a living, it could raise suspicions.

Pick the right last name: if you plan on making sysop, they will eventually want to know what that last name initial stands for. Don't choose anything too generic (if your handle is BillS, don't say "S" is for "Smith"), but don't choose anything too different either (remember the Brian Ugler mistake). If they try to do a google search, the name you chose should thwart any attempts to pin you down by virtue of there being too many people with that name. Just as "Smith" should be avoided, so should "Svigismundia". "Sanders" should do nicely. Avoid suspicious and clever initials, especially RW, and PZ.

Break various rules above: but not too many. 100% agreement with Andy can lead to suspicions.^[2] Andy is a unique blend of stupid and insane; no one agrees with him about everything. Differ slightly with him on some minor issues after you're reasonably well-established, but do so respectfully and loyally. Tread very lightly here. Remember, this is only for advanced parodists. That being said, choose your battlegrounds carefully--avoid abortion, gun control, school prayer, and other third rail issues: even stalwarts such as PJR have been branded as "liberals" by Andy for not toeing the line on these sorts of core issues. The most we would recommend trying to do is to courteously express mild skepticism at one of his "Mysteries" or Sunday morning insights.^[3]

[edit] See Also

• Conservapedia:Parodist
• MexMax's Career
• Bugler's Dossier
• Samwell's career
• SSchultz's career
• JJacobs' career and explosion

• The brief but obnoxious career of TonyT

[edit] Notes