Chickenhawk/NHG/Where's Clinton?
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Originally published on the New Hampshire Gazette website. Used with the express permission and encouragement of Steven Fowle, editorius. Formatting has been altered in the transition to the wiki.
Note to well-meaning copyeditors: The text below is a faithful reproduction of previously published material. Any misteaks, tyops, and other errors are from the original document, and should be left unchanged.
By Clayton Emery, Webmaster, NHGazette.com
Way too many reactionaries have asked, "Where's Clinton? Why isn't he in the Chickenhawk Database? He's the most hated man in history, a scumbag and traitor and liar and adulterer, and we hate hate hate hate hate him, so why isn't he in the database? You liberal commie pissants etc. etc. etc."
To which we reply, "Yes, Clinton is a scumbag, but no, he's not a chickenhawk."
Here's why. Read all the way to the end, and you'll even find a place where you can contribute to the CHDB.
Contents |
[edit] What Exactly is a Chickenhawk?
A "chickenhawk" is a very particular creature. The name comes from combining the word "chicken" (coward) with "hawk" (war hawk). To be a chickenhawk, you need to meet three criteria:
A chickenhawk is A) a famous person who B) supports the CURRENT wars but C) never served in the military.
In other words, a hypocrite who advocates sending children to die in a war, but who refused to go themself when given the chance.
Note you have to meet ALL THREE conditions - A, B, and C - to qualify.
[edit] Where's Clinton?
Bill Clinton is not a chickenhawk. He is A) famous but B) does NOT support the current wars and C) never served in the military. Yes, Bill Clinton sent troops into dangerous missions. PEACE-keeping missions: hideous muddles started by other people. U.S. intervention in Somalia was a failure. Intervention in Haiti and Bosnia were successes. Not intervening in Rwanda is also a failure.
Furthermore, Clinton isn't a member of the CURRENT administration running the CURRENT wars. This is modern politics, not ancient history. If we did include past presidents, the first chickenhawk on the list would probably be FDR, who presided over WWII without any personal military background (he had polio) but not Harry Truman, who served in the Army in WWI.
If we did delve into ancient history, prominent chickenhawks would include John Wayne - who loved wars but never served - and Ronald Reagan - who also loved wars but also made movies during WWII (uniform notwithstanding). Ditto Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis.
Richard Nixon would not be a chickenhawk, because he served in the Navy in WWII, as did JFK. Jimmy Carter served in Navy submarines. General Eisenhower earned his war chops. Lyndon Johnson barely squeezed into WWII. Abraham Lincoln plunged into America's bloodiest war, but (we recently were corrected) served in the Illinois Militia during the Blackhawk War, so is not a chickenhawk.
[edit] Famous Chickenhawks and Non-Chickenhawks
Returning to the present with more examples:
George W. Bush is a chickenhawk. He is A) famous and B) supports the war efforts but C) did not really serve in the military. He was shoehorned into the Texas Air National Guard to dodge the draft. He served only three years of a six-year commitment, then went AWOL, essentially deserting. Now he's sent thousands of troops overseas to die for Big Oil, which is likely the greatest sin this country has ever produced.
George Bush Sr. is NOT a chickenhawk. He is A) famous and B) supports the war efforts but C) served admirably as a Navy flyer in WWII. George Sr. can advocate for wars, because he fought in one.
Colin Powell is NOT a chickenhawk. He's A) famous and B) supports the current wars but C) fought in Vietnam.
John Kerry is NOT a chickenhawk. Yes, he's A) famous and B) voted for the current wars but C) served his country in Vietnam.
[edit] Questions and Answers
[edit] Why Are Only Conservatives Listed?
It's true, the CHDB is slanted toward reactionaries, but only because they're running the country and started two wars. Trust us, if a Democrat were in office and sending our children overseas to die, we'd squawk. You can too...
[edit] How Can I Contribute to the CHDB?
Simply identify any prominent politician, newshound, celebrity or other famous person - regardless of their political leanings - who supports the war but did not serve in the military. We'll be glad to list them in our Hall of Shame. Did Hillary Clinton vote for the war but not serve? Ted Kennedy? Joe Lieberman? Do the research and let us know. Send email to editors@nhgazette.com and we'll review the case.
[edit] Can I Be a Chickenhawk Too?
You sure can! If you never served in the military, but you go around mouthing off, supporting the war, beating the drum, and advocating that we send Democratic kids off to kill Iraqi kids so that Republican kids can become billionaires, you're a junior chickenhawk!
[edit] Where's Clinton?
If you're read this far and still ask that question, send email to Where's Clinton@nhgazette.com and we'll be glad to explain why you're a moron.
