Ann Coulter

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For those living in an alternate reality, Conservapedia has an "article" about Ann Coulter

Stunning, petite, debonaire Horse-faced blonde (cluster) bombshell and cryptofascist Ann "Coultergeist" has built a career as a political "pundit" of sorts by writing and saying extreme, inflammatory versions of the so-called "acceptable" right wing talking points, even going so far to say that the USA should invade Canada.[1] The "acceptable" versions use code words and skilled rhetoric to make them sound reasonable. Ms. Coulter says what their proponents are "really thinking". On this basis, it is hard to tell whether she serves the right wing in a useful way, or just creates red meat for liberal commentators to seize upon and chew, as a lightning rod.

Ann Coulter is very unpopular in some quarters (such as William Shatner's). She is also said by some to be a self publicist, however she disagrees with that weekly in her television and press appearances.

Sadly, there are those who think she is a 'petite', reasonable, intelligent person with much to offer the marketplace of political discourse.

There are also, sadly, RW editors who think she is "hot".

Contents

[edit] Legal career

Ann Coulter was trained as a lawyer, which may account for many of her unpleasant traits, as with other off-the-edge right-wing commentators like Neil Boortz. Coulter became a political ambulance chaser, running after such fringe notables as Anita Hill and Paula Jones.

Coulter has a habit of turning upon potential clients who don't toe her line, including Jones[2] and Hill.[3]

[edit] Coulter blows Clinton

Coulter was unmasked as the source who leaked word of Clinton's alleged penile "distinguishing characteristic", which leads one to speculate precisely how intimate Coulter was with said characteristic.[4]

[edit] Historical revisionism

Ann Coulter, circa 1995.

The "petite", vicious Coulter has been accused as a perpetrator of historical revisionism -- basically an Orwellian crime that wipes out the truth from history. Coulter distorts historical records by minimizing, denying, perverting, bending or simply ignoring the facts. Writer John McNally comments "My new novel, America's Report Card, is dedicated to Ann Coulter, but it's not a warm and loving dedication. It reads, "To America's Iago, Ann Coulter, for rewriting history to suit her own nefarious purposes." [2]

However, the "petite" Coulter's most dangerous attempt at revisionism is her view on McCarthyism. In an incredibly titled chapter "THE INDISPENSABLE JOE MCCARTHY" of her book "TREASON: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism", Coulter goes to the extreme of comparing the mad witch-hunter with a martyr. "The myth of ‘McCarthyism’ is the greatest Orwellian fraud of our times," Coulter pounds. "Liberals are fanatical liars, then as now. Everything you think you know about McCarthy is a hegemonic lie." [3]

[edit] Coulter on Coulter

Coulter remarked in her book Slander,
Books that become publishing scandals by virtue of phony research, invented facts, or apocryphal stories invariably grind political axes for the left… but it’s hard to think of a single hoax book written by a conservative.
Apparently Coulter felt a need to rectify this oversight.[5]

[edit] In Defense of a Lovely Lady (with a lovely and unused mind)

Ann Coulter, "the petite embodiment of women's aspirations for equality in the marketplace of ideas" is most certainly not a "she-devil". That is just liberal hate speech[6], and clearly directed at all women, of whom Ann Coulter represents the vast majority. Actually, no, she doesn't, we aren't supposed to be anti-female any more, remember?

She is (in)famous for the massive amount of unbiased truth present in her commentaries. She makes use of many intelligent arguments to persuade others to accept freedom. Ann Coulter is a perfectly sane Christian who believes in equal rights, female equality and religious freedom. Her one bad characteristic is her unsettling tendency to brutally rape words so that they no longer mean anything.

In 2001 Coulter was named one of the top 100 Public Intellectuals by federal judge Richard A. Posner. Posner, an appointee of Republican president Ronald Reagan, provoked outrage in the legal community in 1999 when, in an article in Raritan magazine, he contended that "the Rule of law is an accidental and dispensable element of legal ideology", and caused another stir in an article that put forth the argument that buying and selling babies on the free market would lead to better outcomes than the present situation of government-regulated adoption. Of course, the Top 100 Public Intellectuals is a bit of an interesting idea. 'She agrees with me and makes loads of propaganda for me to win! She's so SMART!' Uh huh.

[edit] Ipecac challenge

In conservative circles, the ipecac challenge is a popular pastime. She is the reigning champion of the challenge. Though her beginnings with the challenge are humble (she used it to maintain her petite figure) she is, in fact, considered the greatest ipecac challenger of all time, as she has gone through over three-hundred challenges without a defeat. Only Karl Rove has been able to even remotely hang with Ann.

[edit] April Fools Prank

On April 1, 2009, Ann Coulter published in her Human Events article the following passage:[7]

“ If Obama can tell GM and Chrysler that their participation in NASCAR is an "unnecessary expenditure," isn't having public schools force students to follow Muslim rituals, recite Islamic prayers and plan "jihads" also an "unnecessary expenditure"? Are all those school condom purchases considered "necessary expenditures"? ”

Coulter got such a bizarre notion from an April Fools prank from the magazine Car and Driver.[8] According to ThinkProgress,[9] Rush Limbaugh said "If you really want to pull something off, don't do it on a day where people are going to immediately doubt it. It's absolutely silly. Car and Driver has a phony page on the website saying Obama has banned Ford, Chevy, and a bunch of others from NASCAR. Well, now, who's going to believe this?" Someone so clouded by hate she didn't bother to check out the story, obviously.

[edit] On Conservapedia

For reasons best known to themselves, Conservapedia put Ann on their list of the "Conservatives of the Decade." Since the stated reason (she made the list for "taking it right to the liberals with courage and wit") cannot possibly be about Coulter, this whole thing is quite mysterious.

[edit] Publications

She is responsible for many crimes against humanity in book form, including[10]:

  • High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton In which Ann tried to get in good with Clinton by playing hard to get. She really wanted to be Monica, but she was too skinny.
  • Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right argued that good old G.W. was treated badly by the media [except Fox News, who won him the election (them and the Supreme Court)] It was on The New York Times Best Seller list for seven weeks, proving that Conservatives can read (Although it has been argued by atheist evolutionist scientists that conservatives may have only bought it partly to get it on the bestseller list and partly because they may have actually felt smart buying a book, before going home to stare at the pretty and colorful pictures on the cover, upside down).
    • Slander should not be confused with her college dissertations Slender (1979), Skinny (1980), and Anorexic (1981).
  • Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism This book argues something, but as most readers with a brain stem vomited violently after eight or nine pages, the argument is still lost. This book also spent time on the Best Seller list (13 weeks) It is believed that sales of the Bible fell dramatically as a result.
  • How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must): The World According to Ann Coulter This wasn't actually a book, but a collection of columns penned by Coulter. It is assumed that Ann was having liposuction to remove the 3 ounces of fat found at a recent physical.[11]
  • Godless: The Church of Liberalism In this tome, Coulter argues that the Librulz reject God and hate those who don't. She also argues that Liberalism is a religion in itself, a connection which made sense in her mind. Godless debuted at number one on The New York Times Best Seller list. Shortly thereafter the Hudson River turned to blood.
  • If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans was published in October, 2007, but Stephen Colbert's Book I Am America (And So Can You!) came out at the same time, so no one gave a damn.

Despite the many books, Coulter is best known as the woman who ran shrieking when confronted by a pie (not to be confused with pi) in Arizona. This was not from fear of the assault, as usually assumed, but because the sight of the fat-filled desert utterly terrified her.

[edit] Criticism from the right

Although most of Coulter's detractors, obviously, hold a less extreme point of view than she does, there are a lone few whom she cannot answer simply by yelling "LIBERAL!" at the top of her lungs.

John Lofton, a less-than-notable crank and latter-day Puritan associated with the U.S. Anti-Constitution Party, really let her have it on his blog:

“ I wish Ann Coulter would shut up. I know, I know – she won’t, as long as she breathes. But, this is my wish – that she shut up immediately. Utterly lacking in discretion and thus standing out as a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout – and always wearing the attire of a harlot – this disgusting female, who says she is a Christian... ”

—"Dear Ann Coulter: Please Shut Up"[12]

[edit] Quotes

Petite Lady Talking
  • "Everyone says liberals love America, too. No they don't. Whenever the nation is under attack, from within or without, liberals side with the enemy. This is their essence. The left's obsession with the crimes of the West and their Rousseauian respect for Third World savages all flow from this subversive goal. If anyone has the gaucherie to point out the left's nearly unblemished record of rooting against America, liberals turn around and scream 'McCarthyism!'"[13]
  • "If Hitler hadn't turned against their beloved Stalin, liberals would have stuck by him, too."
  • "Liberals used to tell us they were teaching fisting to fourth graders."
  • "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
  • "It would be a much better country (the United States) if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."
  • "I think [women] should be armed but should not vote. No, they all have to give up their vote, not just, you know, the lady clapping and me. The problem with women voting -- and your Communists will back me up on this -- is that, you know, women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend it. And when they take these polls, it's always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care."
  • "Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment." University of Florida speech; October 20, 2005 [14]
  • "Throw in enough words like imagine, perhaps, and might have -- and you've got yourself a scientific theory! How about this: Imagine a giant raccoon passed gas and perhaps the resulting gas might have created the vast variety of life we see on Earth. And if you don't accept the giant raccoon flatulence theory for the origin of life, you must be a fundamentalist Christian nut who believes the Earth is flat. That's basically how the argument for evolution goes [emphasis in original]."[15]
  • "And I'm a girl"
  • "Actually, there was one small item I think Falwell got wrong regarding his statement after 9/11 that 'the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians — who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle — the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.'First of all, I disagreed with that statement because Falwell neglected to specifically include Teddy Kennedy and "the Reverend" Barry Lynn. Second, Falwell later stressed that he blamed the terrorists most of all, but I think that clarification was unnecessary."[16]
  • "I'm a Christian first and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it."[17]

[edit] Anagrams

See here for more.
  • No Real Cunt
  • Unclean Rot
  • Rectal Noun
  • A Loner Cunt

[edit] See also

[edit] External links

[edit] Sources

  • Coulter, Ann (2003), Treason: Liberal Treachery From the Cold War to the War on Terrorism, Crown Forum, ISBN 1-4000-5030-8

[edit] Footnotes

  1. ↑ Yup!
  2. ↑ Coulter badmouths Paula Jones
  3. ↑ Coulter badmouths Anita Hill
  4. ↑ Clinton's distinguishing characteristics
  5. ↑ Slander by Ann Coulter (2003)
  6. ↑ CP:Liberal Hate Speech
  7. ↑ "Why Is Rick Wagoner Fired and Nancy Pelosi Still Working?" http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=31317
  8. ↑ "Magazine's Obama-NASCAR hoax creates April Fool's stir" http://www.usatoday.com/sports/motor/nascar/2009-04-01-obama-carmaker-hoax_N.htm
  9. ↑ "Coulter Falls For Fake Obama NASCAR Story That Limbaugh Said No One Would Believe" http://thinkprogress.org/2009/04/02/coulter-limbaugh-nascar/
  10. ↑ The following list was ripped and modified from Wikipedia
  11. ↑ I so made that up
  12. ↑ http://www.theamericanview.com/index.php?id=936
  13. ↑ Coulter, 2003 p.1
  14. ↑ http://www.alligator.org/pt2/051021coulter.php
  15. ↑ [1]
  16. ↑ http://www.anncoulter.com/cgi-local/printer_friendly.cgi?article=183
  17. ↑ http://www.allbusiness.com/services/business-services-miscellaneous-business/4699951-1.html
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